


Formal Complaint

by dontbecooler



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Artist Steve Rogers, Asthma, Awkward Boners, Awkward Sexual Situations, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Filmed Sex, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Jealousy, Language Kink, M/M, Miscommunication, Orgy, Overstimulation, POV Alternating, Past Abuse, Porn Video, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Riding, Texting, Virgin Steve, fucking steve is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:58:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 114,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4519293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbecooler/pseuds/dontbecooler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Steve wanted was to get this guy to be quiet, so he may have offered up a tiny little threat. It wasn't... really going to plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> me and friend have been doing this sucker for ages and believe it is time for it to be posted! We hope you like it this is how our friendship blossomed and yeah  
> It's pretty much directly copied from RP so please if you don't like that i would just not read any works from me oops hahaha
> 
> ENJOY XX

Look, you don’t know me, but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard your name enough to last me a lifetime. Either get quieter people to have sex with or pay for thicker walls. I’m sick of trying to study with you in the background. SR

 **Try music. B**  
**Ear plugs. B**  
  
I need silence, earplugs are irritating. Can't you just be a considerate human being? SR  
  
**Look, I really can't do anything about how this place is built, and I can't help that they're loud. B**  
**Why don't you pay for thicker walls? I don't mind my thin walls. B**  
  
Okay, you're a student too, and I'd expect you to be polite enough to change your sex habits until midterms are done. SR  
  
**It takes the stress off. B**  
  
Go to their dorms instead. SR  
  
**Can't. They’re not on campus. B**  
  
Oh my god. Drive to them. You don't seem to be the kinda guy who wouldn't give a shit about that. SR  
  
**Don’t have a car. B**  
  
Can't you choose people that go to our uni? Then you can leave me alone. SR  
  
**You don't know anything about me. B**  
**Would you prefer I bring home men exclusively men? Would it be any less distracting, I mean? B**  
 **Because I don't invite myself to strangers' places. B**  
  
Don't being anyone home! Let them invite you to theirs. SR  
  
**They have roommates, anyway. B**  
  
Besides, it would be more distracting. Maybe the roommates will join in. SR  
  
**Why would it be more distracting? B**  
**Not all that into threesomes. B**  
  
None of your business. Surely you can take one for the team and have a threesome. SR  
  
**Are you interested in men? B**  
**But for this whole week until midterms? Pass. B**  
  
I said none of your business. Maybe... You know just an idea, you focus on midterms the whole week before midterms instead fucking your way around the city. SR  
  
**If you are, you could come over. B**  
**Loosen up. B**  
  
I'm not interested. SR  
  
**I'm not going to ask you to have sex. B**  
**But I give a mean massage. B**  
 **I could make you a drink. B**  
 **Cook you dinner. B**  
 **Quiz you on whatever it is you're studying for. B**  
  
[Delay] Why are you offering this? SR  
  
**So you quit assuming I'm some kind of whore. B**  
  
I'm not assuming really. SR  
  
**And to apologize a little. B**  
**You are assuming. B**  
  
I could be a murderer. SR  
  
**Considering how much of a control freak you are, I wouldn't be incredibly shocked. B**  
  
It would be awkward. SR  
  
**What, you coming over? B**  
  
In general. SR  
  
**I don't think it would be. B**  
  
Probably. You don't know a single thing about me, and I technically just called you a whore. SR  
  
**I'm used to it. B**  
**How's 7? B**  
  
That's in thirty minutes. SR  
  
**Yeah. B**  
  
...you sure? SR  
  
**Yeah. You like pasta? B**  
  
Uh... Sure. SR  
  
**I'll see you then. Door's unlocked. B**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay second chapter, it ended up being very long and I did find a place to split it up I hope it isn't a weird place or anything :P right, let's do this!
> 
> ENJOYXX

All in all, Steve was pretty sure he'd just been asked on a date even though all he'd been trying to do was get some peace and quiet. He sat staring at his piece he had to submit for midterms for a good ten minutes before standing and putting on some better pants. He was quite dazed, but... In all honesty, a massage sounded good. He'd gone to the gym and hadn't had a massage in a long time. This would be fine. He'd convince his neighbor to keep it down until his art was done, he'd reach some sort of ultimatum, and then he could leave and never worry about it again. He settled on some simple skinny jeans Sam had bought for him, and decided that yes, he'd wear his huge stupid glasses. Might make him look less intimidating, make him look more in need of a passing grade, even though he knew he was going to pass anyway. He wanted top marks in reality. But anything to convince his Casanova neighbor.

At seven, he debated changing out of his singlet, but this was just casual, so he pocketed the inhaler he didn't need much since the procedure, but just in case, and left his room, still in a daze. This wasn't really happening right? He knocked lightly, and tried the handle. It was unlocked. He pushed it open, brow furrowed. "Hi?" He asked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.   
  
Bucky heard the door open and came out from the kitchen. He knew the guy was good looking- he'd seen his neighbor come out of his apartment a couple times, and might have taken the elevator with him once or twice, but up close he was even more attractive. If he didn't end up making their disagreement a hundred times worse, he might try to invite the man over again in the future. He found the whole argument kind of funny, honestly, because both of them were just trying to get by. His neighbor was trying to get a good grade, and Bucky was just working on paying for college. Not smart enough to get any huge scholarship, most of Bucky's money came from pretty unsavory things- from selling his furniture to signing up for medical experiments and donating plasma to making amateur porn, which was the most recent and the cause of all this guy’s distress. "Hey. Nice to see you." Bucky greeted him, grinning. He was slightly nervous, but not nervous enough to lose his ability to flirt. "I'm Bucky Barnes, by the way, but I'm pretty sure you said you knew that."  
  
Steve froze, and nothing had even happened yet and he was blushing like a school girl. "Uh... Yeah. I kinda know you more as Sarge, and like... Daddy, but..." He gave a small smile, still holding the doorknob and not actually coming in. "Yeah, I know your name. I'm kidding by the way." He swallowed, adjusting his glasses needlessly. "Don't mind me. I'm Steve, by the way. Though some people call me Cap, so I guess we both like the army." Steve was actually awful at cracking jokes, and maybe it would just be best if he closed the door and went back to his room. He took a step back, not fleeing _just_ yet, but fully prepared to.

Dates weren't his thing. School was his thing. Getting this scholarship, keeping his grades up so he kept getting money from the government, keeping himself fit so they would keep paying for his medication, that was what he was good at. He barely managed to keep Sam as a friend with all his working, but dating? That wasn't on the list. "You can call me Steve." He said quickly. Jesus, he sucked at this...  
  
Bucky shrugged. "Can't blame them for what they like. I'll stick to Steve for now. Some names are better left for different occasions, don't you think?" Bucky smiled politely. "Come on in. Don't be shy. I'll take a bite of your pasta before I make you eat it, by the way, if you think _I'm_ some kind of murderer." Bucky told him, gesturing for Steve to come inside before heading back to the kitchen. He had chicken baking and three different pastas boiling- he hadn't finished all the boxes entirely, so he just put whatever was left. His Alfredo sauce was coming along nicely, as well, and he was feeling overall pretty good about it. Hopefully Steve wasn't overly obsessed with his health, even if his physique screamed 'in love with protein shakes.' "Are you okay with Alfredo? If not, I can put some marinara on instead. You look like you take pretty good care of yourself." he paused, remembering hostly duties. "Can I get you something to drink? Wine? Water? Soda?"  
  
Steve stayed in the doorway for a moment longer until he finally stepped in, shutting the door slowly behind him. "I'm okay with Alfredo, I like to indulge," he said slowly, walking forward and flicking his eyes around. Not as tidy as his own room, but not too bad. Steve's hands twitched as he ached to do the dishes in the sink, but he stood in the middle of the room a little awkwardly, tongue darting out to touch his bottom lip. "Water please, I can't drink," he said, because he didn't want to seem rude. He looked at the small kitchen and went to shove his hands in his pockets, except the jeans were too tight and he could only get his fingertips in. "You're putting on a three course meal for me? That's a bit much for a first date don't you think?" He asked, before blushing, eyes wide. "I mean for a massage- I mean apology?" He said quickly, ducking his head and gaping at himself as the blush crawled down his neck. God, he was absolutely _awful_ at this.  
  
Bucky grinned to himself when he heard Steve stumble. So he made Steve nervous. Was it a good nervous or a bad nervous? "It's not really three-course. Just one course with a lot of stuff going on." Bucky scooped some ice into a glass and filled it with bottled water, figuring that Steve was the kind of guy who was afraid of tap or something. "And besides, massages don't have a lot of strict rules around them. They have those ones for prostitutes... Rub and tugs. Right? Yeah. So there are massages like that, where they really get- well- everything- but there are also massages where they offer you wine and cook you dinner. You get me?" Bucky was rambling too, but it sounded more like a story than a manifestation of his nerves. "And the apology- it's not without strings. I'm kind of hoping you'll invest in earplugs or headphones or something. I don't have a lot of options on my end."  
  
Steve continued to try and shove his hands in his pockets, but he walked forward carefully to take the glass of water, smiling slightly with a small 'thank you', but the blush spread even further when their fingers touched. It wasn't a date, it wasn't a date. "You're not a prostitute, I mean, like... I don't have the kinda money to pay you for this," he said, and his voice cracked and his eyes were very wide and yes running away was probably a very good idea. "I kinda came to convince you to wear a chastity belt or something. I can rustle up something to pay you to stay abstinent for a week if that's what you want... I just really need to have quiet while I work, sorry, shit— yeah," he finished lamely, looking at the closest chair and pulling it and perching on the edge, still ready to make a break for it. "Like I really need to pass." He pushed his glasses up again, biting his bottom lip and adopting a pleading expression.  
  
Bucky almost laughed aloud at the prostitute thing. Not _yet_ he wasn't. "Hey, I get it, but I'm sure that you're going to pass no matter what. You've already studied more this week than I have in my entire life, I'm pretty sure." Bucky told him, shrugging. "I really want to be able to keep quiet, but I don't have a ton of options right now, like I said. I'm just- uh- trying to work around some obstacles. If you'd said something sooner, I'd be able to work things out, but right now isn't optimal." Bucky told him, turning off the stove underneath the pasta. He carried it to the sink and strained it, then removed the chicken from the oven.

"Do you want the chicken on top or on the side? Or underneath, whatever floats your boat?" Bucky asked him, glancing over. He would have to warn Steve about Thursday night. He was having guys over, shooting his another one. It would probably be his last, too, after all the complaints from Steve, but he needed to make a little more before he could stop completely. He'd try to get another job between semesters.  
  
Steve sipped from his glass, and a small crease formed between his brows. 'Working around some obstacles', that was code for, 'I don't have any other options'. It made Steve feel a little guilty. Did that mean Bucky had been–? No, he couldn't be. Not in his university dorm. He couldn't be, right? "I'll take it however you want me to," he said, not intentionally making the innuendo, but going with it now that he'd said it. He drew slowly in the fog on his glass, still looking concerned. He hadn't wanted to attack anyone without premise... Maybe he should ask if Bucky needed help with anything. "And hey, maybe I could help you with studying. Then you wouldn't have as many obstacles to get around."  
  
"It's not really my grades. I'm doing just fine. Not straight A's or anything, but I don't really have a lot on the line there. Pretty average." Bucky said, shrugging at him. "I should warn you. Thursday's gonna be- uh- a little rough for you. I'd cancel, but it's really late and short notice. Should only be a few hours, though." Bucky told him. He cut the chicken breast up so that Steve wouldn't have to deal with the giant hunk of meat sitting on the top of his pasta. It looked bad. He ladled some of the Alfredo sauce on top, then did the same for himself. He carried salt and pepper to the table and brought the bottle of wine to the table. He'd probably end up finishing it off on his own whether Steve was there or not, so he thought it was fine to drink in front of him. He asked anyway, after a few seconds. "You mind if I drink?"  
  
Steve watched Bucky critically, wondering what kind of thing he had planned. So he had friends coming over? He'd actually made a sex date? Was that a thing people did? He looked at the meal Bucky had put together and actually smiled rather genuinely. It was a lot better than a smoothie or stewed vegetables. "You have literally created food of the god's, I'm not gonna bitch that you can drink and I can't." He took a fork from the middle of the table and started mixing it together more, wanting more salt but knowing he couldn't. He'd have to spend half the day in the gym tomorrow to use up the calories. God, it would be worth it though. "Just don't drown yourself in it. I'm here for a massage, not a pat," he said, smiling a little lopsidedly. He swallowed, waiting for Bucky to start before beginning himself. He didn't want to be rude. The flush was receding though, which was a good sign.  
  
Bucky chuckled. "Don't worry about it. I might even give better massages when I'm drunk, who knows?" Bucky said, putting pepper all over his pasta. Pepper was his favorite food, if it qualified as food. "Let me know if you need something else to drink, or if you're not a fan of the food. I can do something else." Bucky told him. He needed Steve to be lenient. One week. One week, and he'd be able to pay off the semester and get a real job. He poured himself a glass of his cheap, but relatively okay, wine and sipped, looking down at his dinner for a few moments before actually taking a bite. He chewed and swallowed before speaking up. "So, what are you majoring in?"  
  
"I haven't had anything this unhealthy since I started Uni, I'm not going to say this isn't any good," Steve replied, choosing to ignore the comment on better massages. He didn't want to encourage the brunet. He started eating though, and had to cover his mouth to stop anything inhuman sneaking out. He was pretty sure his eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head. "Oh, uh..." He finished chewing, tongue swiping and catching some of the sauce that had stuck to his lip, and smiled, embarrassed. "I'm majoring in the Fine Arts, which is basically looking up stuff and copying others. At the moment I'm having to paint my own piece based on the techniques of Van Gogh, which is a lot harder than it sounds." He smiled, and took another mouthful. "What about you?" He asked around it, hand coming up to make his talking with his mouth full slightly more polite.  
  
Bucky didn't really care how Steve ate. He thought it was kind of cute, really, how he'd made that face and had to cover his mouth and everything. "That's cool. I'm just about the worst artist on the planet. I won't grace you with my stick figures." Bucky told him, smiling. "Um, I'm actually a political science major, but I might switch to public relations at some point. Or double major, if I can find a way to afford an extra semester or two." Bucky said. He was pretty sure he'd exhausted all his options but selling drugs, and he wasn't sure he could do anything so explicitly illegal when he lived semi on campus and could have absolutely everything taken away from him. As far as he knew, though, there was nothing wrong with having other people in his apartment and filming sex with them. They were all consenting adults and pornography was perfectly legal.  
  
Steve nodded, actually quite interested in learning what Bucky did. He smiled at the fact Bucky couldn't draw, because that was amusing, and maybe he wasn't as bad a guy as Steve made him out to be in the first place. The fact that he couldn't afford it was not surprising at all, because what students could afford an education? No one. "I know a guy right, and you won't believe what he'll pay to experiment on you. He made me from a runt to–" he gestured to himself, "and he's promised to keep paying me as long as I follow his rules and keep myself healthy. So... Alfredo is not usually on the menu." He scoffed. "You may have heard of him, Tony Stark? He told me he's looking for someone to try a new kind of prosthetic on, and he seriously paid my entire schooling off, I don't even need a job. I got a scholarship so it pays for food but yeah..." He trailed off slightly, taking another mouthful. "So if you lose an arm and want to double major, I'll get you in touch. That guy is _loaded_."  
  
Bucky laughed aloud. "If I lose an arm? Wow. I never thought my prospects would be _better_ without an arm." Bucky said, taking a drink of his wine. "And what'd he give you? Testosterone pills or something?" Bucky asked him, raising his eyebrows. "I can't imagine you ever being 'a runt.'" Bucky honestly would consider doing one of those insane experiments- it probably wouldn't be the worst thing he'd done for cash, and it was practically free money if the guy was _improving_ him. He took a few bites of pasta, looking across the table at Steve. "You should definitely get me in touch, though..." He paused. "How'd you meet him?"  
  
Steve watched Bucky carefully. Hopefully he wasn't considering losing an arm for it. "I met him at the hospital. It was winter and I had an asthma attack on the street, and someone called an ambulance. He was at my bedside when I woke up." He dipped some chicken in the sauce as he pulled his inhaler from his pocket and set it in front of him, a relic from the old days. "He put through a course of hormones, white blood cells and a few procedures to stop my lungs filling up with water, gave me a hearing aid-" he turned his head to point at his, "Glasses-" he tapped them, "then made me do a whole month of working out, eating well, living in the hospital, and this happened." He gestured to himself. "It was hard work I tell you." He went to take another bite of his food when he remembered something. "Shit and all the stuff he could do and he couldn't fix my liver, meaning no drinking." He rolled his eyes.   
  
"Couldn't fix your eyes, either?" Bucky asked. "The glasses seem like such a hassle. But they do bring out those pretty blue eyes of yours." Bucky said with a little grin. With the arm thing, he wasn't really big on the idea of losing it, but he was sure there was something else he could test out for the guy. An extra hundred bucks or so would be appreciated, even. "I'd like to see pictures of you as a small guy. I really can't believe it. By runt do you mean like, normal sized? A lot of gym rats say that kind of thing." Bucky said, looking him over again before taking another bite. He chewed quickly and swallowed, another question popping into his head. "Would you be able to have like one glass? Or none at all?"  
  
Steve chuckled, his cheeks tinting pink at the compliment. He got out his phone from his back pocket (mind you it barely just fit) and started scrolling through some pictures. It was a common question, so he had the before and after photos lined up to answer the questions. "I mean, I could probably have one, but I don't know how my body would go around it and you know... I don't want to– like... _Die_ so..." He turned his phone around, half the screen showing him before the treatment, scrawny, little, pale and sickly, his chest a little blue due to the cold, only able to stand because of a cane, and then next to it, him grinning, looking flushed and happier than he'd ever been, having just been told the treatment was done and he could go to his first day of uni. He'd been so proud of his figure, so proud of all the work he'd put in. "When I say runt, I mean runt."  
  
"Holy _shit_. You look like you're six years old." Bucky said, taking the phone and zooming in. He shook his head. "You don't even look like the same person, Steve. I'm impressed." Bucky told him, looking it over. "You should give me this guy's number. I wouldn't mind bulking up to look more like you." Bucky said, handing the phone back to him. "I'm happy for you though. You look a lot happier and all now. And I won't try to talk you into having a drink." Bucky said, eating some more of his pasta while he gave Steve room to reply. He was getting more and more attracted to the guy, which honestly wasn't how he'd planned on spending his night.  
  
Steve snorted softly, and took his phone back, locking the screen and setting his phone on the table. "You don't need to bulk up any more. Me getting fit was life or death, and you seem to be doing fine." He grinned, and... Well, just because he was feeling impulsive, stretched a hand out to take Bucky's glass of wine and have a sip. He didn't smell it first, and he nearly choked, eyes popping out of his skull as he set the glass back down. He coughed, setting down his fork and covering his mouth. "That's disgusting, holy shit," he spluttered, wiping his mouth slightly. "Why would anyone drink that voluntarily?" He asked, sounding very shocked and very appalled. He took a huge bite of his pasta to rid himself of the horrid taste, but it wasn't really going away. "You actually drink that for the taste? Because you have to be lying to me."  
  
Bucky laughed aloud when Steve choked. "Look, it's not like I have a ton of cash for the fancy stuff or I wouldn't be bitching about paying off my loans. I like the taste, really. But I love alcohol." Bucky told him, shrugging. He took another sip. "You probably don't like it because you haven't had a drink in forever. Because it ain't that bad." Bucky said, putting his glass back down. "And sure. I'm not looking bad. But it'd be nice to be absolutely ripped like you are." He twirled his pasta around his fork. "You do a lot of working out to keep the body?" Bucky asked.  
  
Steve nearly coughed up his mouthful with the laugh that he barked up. "A lot of working out? Oh nah, just... About four hours a day, you know. Just a casual amount of time." He shrugged, suddenly feeling a little self conscious of his bare arms and low hanging top. "You should come join me one time. I can waste my friend on the rowing machine, but you might actually be a challenge." He grinned, looking at the wine glass sceptically. "If you win you might be able to double-dog-dare me to drink a full glass. You seemed to think me dying was quite funny, which frankly is a little rude." He smirked lopsidedly, stretching out his legs slightly and leaning back as the put more pasta on his fork.  
  
"No, I'm not gonna do that, especially not if it might kill you to have a whole glass." Bucky said, waving him away. "And I'm not gonna try and beat you in anything physical. It's not like I'm blind or an idiot- I see your biceps and triceps." Bucky told him, grinning. "I can see why Alfredo isn't usually on the menu. I'm sure it'd _really_ hurt your physique at this point." Bucky said sarcastically. For chrissakes, Steve looked like a god, and not even the scrawnier Greek kind that Bucky always got compared to. He felt weirdly inclined to touch Steve's arms, see if they felt as muscular as they looked, but he didn't, because that'd be a little weird.  
  
"Well, I don't know if it'd kill me," Steve muttered, dropping one hand modestly under the table so his arm wasn't as visible. "Look, I'm sure you'd actually be fun to try and beat. If you're so sure you'd lose, you're going to with that attitude." He grinned, meeting Bucky's gaze and feeling like his physique was being picked apart. "Alfredo isn't on the menu because Stark would kill me if he saw I was attacking his masterpiece." He ducked his head down, taking another bite of the meal and blushing. Because this wasn't his body, not really. He would have been dead by now if it wasn't for Stark’s medicine and intervention. And he had to take care of it, or that would be disrespecting all of Tony's work. This wasn't _his_ physique, not at all. It was Stark Industries.  
  
Bucky smiled, but he knew better than to pretend he could beat Steve in anything like that. "So. You're telling me that I would be fun to play with until you sneak up and kick my ass? No way. I'm not gonna _prove_ to you that you can beat me, Steve. Good try, though." Bucky finished the last bite of his pasta and downed the rest of his wine. He cleared his plate but returned to the table afterward. "Tell me more about you. You're a fine arts major. You draw nudes a lot? You need a model?" Bucky asked, propping his chin on his hand, elbow on the table. "Because I think I know a guy."  
  
Steve watched Bucky carefully, still eating at a steady pace, and in all honesty he may have checked him out while his back was turned. The not-so-good part of Steve's mind suggested that there was more than one thing to do with Bucky's ass, but luckily he managed to get that and the surprised blush away by the time Bucky was addressing him again. "I do need models, but mostly for portraits. You can sit naked if you want, but I'd only need your face." As soon as art was brought up, Steve's artistic eye was calculating which lighting would be best to play on Bucky's angles, which side would be best, and Steve broke out into a grin. "You should model for me. I have to pay you too, so..." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Does that sound like something you'd be interested in?"  
  
"What are you paying me in?" Bucky asked suggestively, drinking his second glass more quickly without the food in the way. He refilled his glass to the top while he spoke again. "And I'm great for human form, if you want to get interesting." He pointed to himself. " _Specimen_ , you see?" Bucky said, chuckling a little. "I'm just teasing. You wouldn't have to pay me for that. I'm basically just standing there looking cute while you draw me." Bucky told him, waving it away. He definitely wanted the money, but it didn't seem right, and he really did need to be on Steve's good side if he wanted to be able to finish out the week like planned. "But I'm free most of the time. I don't do much." He drank a good third of his glass, feeling a little bit tense at the prospect of posing naked. He guessed it wasn't too unlike what he did for his porn films, but it was different simply because Steve was the one watching him.  
  
Steve shook his head, blushing slightly. "You are a specimen, and if we use a model we have to provide proof of paying them. It's like... They're kinda teaching us that artists run on a loss and the about the price of creativity or some shit." He shrugged, looking at Bucky's glass. "Don't drink that too fast, it's not good for you," he warned carefully, looking at the bottle. "Aren't you supposed to have half that in your glass?" He asked. He may not have been a drinker, but drinking etiquette didn't get lost on him.  
  
Bucky shrugged. "Don't usually measure how much is in the glass." Bucky said, looking down at it. "Does it bother you? I can cut it out." Bucky said, but finished the rest of the glass after asking. He was thinking about the possibility- if he did pose for Steve and Steve did think he was worth more of his time, Steve might start finding things out. Then where would they be? Bucky could easily go from Steve's annoying neighbor to Steve's boyfriend or fuck buddy to a really, really desperate amateur porn star in just a few weeks.  
  
"I'm thinking more about you than myself," Steve said rather earnestly, concern gracing his features. He took his glasses off, blinking quickly to look at Bucky, and the brunet was just as attractive slightly blurry as he was in HD. "Seriously though, I'll hire you. Get some money in your pocket, get me a higher grade too if I enjoy working with you," he said, finally finishing his meal and setting his cutlery properly. "A win-win if you're worried about that," he smiled, cleaning his glasses with the hem of his singlet before standing to put his plate away.  
  
"Don't mind me. I'm more polite when I'm drunk. I think." Bucky stood. "Don't clear your plate, I got it. What kind of host do you think I am?" Bucky asked rhetorically, taking the dish from Steve and taking it to the sink himself. He returned again and looked at Steve across the table. "You wanted a massage, right?" Bucky asked, finishing off his wine. "Because I should probably do that before I get too drunk." Bucky said, filling his glass yet again with a little chuckle. It hadn't set in yet, but when it did, he'd probably be a complete mess. He should probably get Steve out of there before he got to that point.  
  
Steve watched as Bucky cleared his plate, once again his eyes roamed what he saw, and he ducked his head. "I'm alright just being in your company. Someone obviously needs to make sure you don't yourself to death." He smiled, fiddling with his shirt. "I don't want to be a hassle, or... You know," he murmured, suddenly timid around the situation.   
  
"You're not a hassle. Don't be silly. I'd kick you out if you were." Bucky said. He wouldn't, actually, but he had to act like there was some amount of sanity left in him- like Steve hadn't sapped half his dignity the second he walked through the door, and the other half when he started with the compliments.  
"C'mon, let's go to my room. I was gonna have you lay on the couch, but you're definitely too tall for it. Again, I'm not inviting you to have sex, so don't freak out." Bucky said, taking his glass and the bottle of wine with him as he led Steve to his bedroom.  
  
Steve scoffed and stood, following Bucky... Not _eagerly_ , but not slowly either. He brought his glass of water, filling it up as he passed the tap, and he paused in the doorway of Bucky's room, smiling slightly. "Look, if you're going to drink yourself under a table and massage me while on the road to it, the least you can do is drink this glass of water," he said, holding it up as he leaned on the doorframe. "It will give me some piece of mind."  
  
Bucky laughed. "What, you think the water's gonna make a difference? I'll drink it, but don't expect it to keep me sober." Bucky put his glass and bottle down on the bedside table and took the water from Steve, drinking it in just a few sips. "Now, uh, if you could undress. Take off whatever you're comfortable with." Bucky said, reaching for his glass again as he said so. Christ. He was about to see the actual image of perfection undress. God knows you can't see something like that without a couple drinks. Nobody could judge him.  
  
Steve bit his bottom lip, and fiddled with his shirt. "Okay, but... What kinda massage do you plan? Like... Full body or what?" He asked, rubbing his hands on the front of his jeans. He offered a small smile, prepared to go into the kitchen to get another glass for Bucky. "It's not to keep you sober. It stops you from getting such a bad hangover. Wouldn't want any of your charms being hindered by a headache would we?" He asked, still wondering what he was going to take off for this guy.  
  
"Depends where you carry the most tension. I can do your neck, shoulders, back, hips, legs, feet." Bucky listed off. "Or I can do them all." Bucky said, wetting his lips. "It's up to you. You're the client." Bucky added, trying to be subtle when he looked Steve over again. It'd be tough, rubbing any part of Steve and not having his mind wander at least a little bit. He wasn't sure how masseuses did that with their lives- Bucky was overwhelmed by the options and the mere prospect of touching or being touched by his neighbor. "So yeah. You take off what works for you. If we're strictly upper body, I only need your shirt off. If you're strictly lower body, take your pants and shoes off." Bucky's heart pounded, and he did his best to stay relaxed. He probably looked like a dork, getting all hot and bothered before Steve even undressed.  
  
Steve swallowed thickly, and because they were keeping it purely professional, hooked his hands under his singlet and pulled it off, careful not to catch his glasses, and keeping Bucky's gaze with a barely suppressed smirk. He knew he looked good. He _knew_. He didn't work to the bone for a month not to know, and he quirked an eyebrow (his cocky demeanor a little smudged by the flush inching down his chest) as he hooked his fingers in his pants and unzipped the front, undoing the button too. "I think I might as well go for the full body don't you?" He asked, pleased that his voice didn't shake, even though he felt like his heart was going to thud out of his chest. Sure, this wasn't sexual, but there was a fine line when it came to full body massages.  
  
"Yeah. Go big or go home, I always say." Bucky said, taking another drink. He was downing it like shots, so he was pretty lucky that the wine was nowhere _near_ as strong as shots. He'd be off his head anyway pretty soon, he was already starting to feel it in his fingers and face. His cheeks were red and his speech was a little thicker, but those both could have been from the anticipation and the mild (ha) sexual frustration. He wet his lips, then spoke up again. "Let me get some lotion while you strip." Bucky said, and almost slapped himself at the absurdity of his voice. He went to his bathroom and got the lotion, returning momentarily. He felt nervous because Steve was definitely flirting with him, there was no question about it, but he wasn't sure what that entailed. Was he a casual flirter? Was he interested? Was he as attracted to Bucky as Bucky was to him?  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY XX

When Bucky went to the bathroom Steve immediately tried to get out of the pants. If everything, choosing skinny jeans was probably the most awful idea he'd ever had in his life. He tried to pull them down hurriedly, and he got them down to his knees when he overbalanced, stumbling. With a jerk of his hands, he got them down to his ankles, but that just made it worse, seeing as he hadn't taken off his shoes and all that happened was jeans got caught. He swore loudly, and by the time Bucky had reentered Steve was on his way to the ground. Instead of fumbling to get up, he covered his face. He was lucky he hadn’t smashed his glasses or anything stupid in the process. He hadn't heard the thickness in Bucky's voice, he'd just been worried about escaping the denim traps he'd put himself in. Always the clutz though, he'd landed on the floor in a heap.

"Don't mind me, I'm just... Lying... here," he mumbled, looking like he was trying to suffocate himself and seemingly giving up on _everything_. There he was, on Bucky's floor, almost naked, flushed and just simply wanting to melt into the floor. "Just... Go back into the bathroom and we can pretend this never happened once I get these off."  
  
Bucky laughed. He couldn't help himself. It was the alcohol combined with nerves and relief- Steve looked dumber than he did for a few moments. "You need some help?" He asked, gasping for air between fits of laughter. Steve was still gorgeous and sexy and pretty much everything Bucky could possibly consider appealing, but he also was a complete goofball lying on the floor with his pants only halfway over his quadriceps. He offered his hand to Steve. "I'll take them off you, okay?"  
  
Steve shook his head, peeking up at the brunet with flaming cheeks. "I'm actually going to go home and change my name, move to Mexico, and you know... Just escape," he mumbled, and then took Bucky's hand, pulling himself awkwardly to his feet, and he overbalanced again, except this time he fell into Bucky and the blond rolled his eyes and groaned at himself as he held onto the brunet's shoulders to stop himself landing on his face. "I'm so fucking sorry," he said, kicking his ankles, still trying half assed to get the jeans off, while also trying to straighten his glasses properly, which made the whole thing a lot harder to do.  
  
"Seriously, sit down, I can take them off you." Bucky said, nudging him toward the bed. He had to get the cuffs from around his ankles and they'd come right off. Bucky was still laughing a little, and the lack of oxygen combined with the alcohol made him more than a little bit woozy, but he felt good. He was in high spirits and he could handle a pair of jeans. He crouched down to get them off, pulling them from the cuffs like he'd planned.  
  
Steve did as he was told, still bright red, and he looked at Bucky slowly. "Okay," he huffed, but shook his head at himself, covering his face again. "Don't buy skinny jeans, and _never_ wear them if you plan to take them off in a hurry." He sighed, leaning backwards on the bed. It was actually quite comfortable, and it had a nice smell to it. Not that Steve would ever admit anything like that. "Take my shoes off first, learn from the master Bucky," he said, grinning into his hands. He was practically getting his jeans ripped off him on the first date, and it wasn't even for anything sexual. How typical.  
  
"Hmmmm. Shoes." Bucky seemed to have completely forgotten them, and he kind of had. He pulled Steve's shoes off. He'd kind of assumed that Steve would start that way, pulling his shoes off, but clearly both of them were too thick to think of it until it was too late. Bucky helped him, anyway, then got the jeans off. "Maybe buy a pair that fit you and it won't be a problem, Steve." Bucky said, chuckling a little as he looked at the size in the waistband. "What are these, women's sizes? No wonder you couldn't get them off, they're way too tiny." Bucky stood up. "Alrighty. Now." He reached and sipped his new, fifth glass of wine. "Lie down on your stomach."  
  
Steve rolled his eyes, and it was unusual for his legs to actually breathe, after having them constricted for so long. "I didn't buy these, Sam did, an he must've wanted me to never have children, it was compressing _everything_." He chuckled, and rolled quickly onto his stomach, now hiding his flush in Bucky's pillow only after setting his glasses on the bedside. The pillow smelt quite nice, and Steve found himself relaxing as he was enveloped in it. It wasn't creepy, it was just a comforting smell is all. He wasn't being creepy! "And they did fit," he said rather indignantly, rolling his head to the side. He tried not to think about he was pretty much laid out for Bucky to do whatever he wanted with him. "I managed to get them on didn't I?"  
  
"I'm sure that was an easy feat." Bucky drawled, sitting down on the bed beside Steve and grabbing the lotion off his bedside table, squirting it into his palms and warming it up in his hands. "You ready?" It was kind of hard for him to forget their positions, too. Both of them were on the bed. There was lotion. There was alcohol. There was one gorgeous, God-of-a-man lying before him. Bucky felt inclined to strip just to get rid of anything in the way, just in case Steve decided he _did_ want to have sex. Bucky kept that to himself.  
  
Steve nodded, smirking to himself and making a noise of affirmation. "I mean, sure, but one question first." He turned to face Bucky entirely, trying not to be self conscious. He was attractive, he worked hard for this... "Where'd you get massage lotion?" He asked, grinning slightly and holding his hand out for the bottle.

  
"The store. Like everyone else." Bucky said, a cheeky little grin on his face. "Why? You think I went to some special triple X store?" Bucky asked him. "Put your head back down. We can talk without you ruining my massage." He said, sticking out his tongue at Steve. "But you should be as still as you can. Talking is fine as long as you're not stressed."  
  
Steve put his face back into the pillow, tucking his arms under his chin. "You're the kind of guy to go to a triple X store," he grumbled, cheeks tinted pink. "Who goes into a store and thinks, 'Hey, I'm gonna get some lotion to massage people'?" He asked, shifting slightly and taking slow breaths to keep still. He wiggled his feet though, unsure how Bucky was going to go about starting. He tensed his back absently, waiting. "Unless of course... You know— you bought it for yourself."  
  
Bucky wet his lips. "Well. I have a lot of friends." Bucky replied, putting his hands on Steve's back and starting up high, toward his shoulders. He rubbed the lotion on first, strictly aiming to coat Steve's back in the stuff. "A lot of friends that tend to get tense sometimes. I like giving massages. And it's definitely not for me- it's really hard to massage yourself and usually I just end up hurting myself more trying to reach certain parts of me." Bucky said, stumbling a little over his words as the alcohol started going to his brain.  
  
Steve chuckled low, shaking his head and suddenly hissing at the cool lotion. "Don't think you're getting the drift, but that's okay." He arched his back slightly, letting out a breath. "You're a nice guy then, giving out massages left and right. I feel like I should be paying you for the experience," he tacked on, trying again to offer a hand. He didn't like to see people struggling to pay for things. He knew what it was like, and it wasn't fun. "Not for the pasta, just for the massage."   
  
"What was the drift?" Bucky asked, ignoring Steve's suggestion of payment. Bucky was pretty distracted, anyway- nobody could really blame him for having a selective memory with the gorgeous expanse of back muscles laid out in front of him. God, Steve would have absolutely no trouble lifting or carrying or _throwing_ Bucky. Christ, maybe Steve could use those muscles to pin Bucky down on the bed and... Bucky internally kicked himself, forcing himself to keep his mind out of the gutter.  
  
Steve cleared his throat, shifting his shoulders slightly to remind Bucky of the task at hand. "You know... Lotion," he said quietly, flush forming on his neck. "Lotion for _yourself_." He snorted to himself, shaking his head into the pillow. "Doesn't matter, I was just kidding. It smells good though, the stuff you're using." He turned his head to smile brightly, diverting the conversation topic. "What is the type?"  
  
"Oh! Oh. Well. It can be for that. But I think lube is more suitable, because it's made for that kind of stuff. It keeps condoms from breaking." Bucky said, over explaining. "It's, uh, a sweet almond oil lotion. It's good for like, aromatherapy or something like that. And rejuvenating skin. I don't know. Whatever." Bucky said, glancing back at the bottle. He rubbed Steve's shoulders, thumbs pressing hard into the thick muscles. Bucky probably could have passed out.  
  
Steve cleared his throat again. Always good trivia to know he supposed. He chuckled at the actual lotion information, amused. "You always this clued up on the lotions you buy?" He asked, grinning into the pillow but cutting his next sentence off with an involuntary noise of pleasure in his throat. "Oh uh... Sorry. That felt good. It's... Tight in there." He explained, stretching his neck out so it would be easier for Bucky to reach. "And down my spine too."   
  
"Honestly, I kinda stuck to this one." Bucky said, voice shaking a little. Steve literally fucking _moaned_ under Bucky's hands. "So- so I know some things about it. Read a lot of reviews." He rubbed Steve's neck where Steve indicated. He'd move down the spine as he went. Christ, he might pass out before he got past Steve's back. He felt lightheaded, probably because all the blood in his body had rushed to his crotch before Bucky even realized. He'd blame it on the alcohol if Steve asked. "S'kinda funny. Everyone seems to like this lotion."  
  
Steve chuckled lowly, still managing to stretch himself out to help Bucky reach it. "Maybe people like the lotion because of the person who uses it," he teased, smirking softly and wriggling his toes lightly. He didn't notice a change in Bucky's voice, too busy enjoying the pressures on knots he hadn't had worked before. He didn't get massages, this was new and it felt _very_ good.  
  
"Or maybe they like it because it smells good and rejuvenates skin." Bucky replied, watching Steve's back muscles move when he stretched and honest to god wondering if he could possibly kiss the skin without being a creep. Nah, it'd be creepy- even his half-drunk mind could figure that out. Bucky pressed his thumbs into the knots on Steve's lower back, feeling them loosen slowly. God almighty. He wondered if Steve knew he had that kind of effect on people.  
  
Steve made a noise of affirmation, shifting on the bed and working on getting more comfortable. "Probably that. You're not that impressive at all really," Steve teased, arching his back and moaning softly again. "Did you know that these muscles have never been massaged before? It's like I'm losing one of my virginities to you," he chuckled, before falling quiet. Maybe it wasn't really something to bring up while being oiled up....  
  
Bucky was honest to god feeling kind of faint. "Yeah, virginities." He let out a weird little laugh. "One second. I gotta..." He didn't complete his sentence, just reached for his wine glass and finished it off. He decided to screw the glass and drink straight from the bottle. It was about half gone, he could easily finish it. He took a swig and clumsily put it back on the bedside table, nearly cracking it down on Steve’s glasses but luckily missing. He pumped more lotion into his hand and decided to work on Steve's legs next. "You have... Great legs, Steve." Bucky couldn't really find a more clever way to say it.  
  
Steve made a small face, thinking that something was wrong, and watching Bucky sway as he put the bottle down was concerning. Steve felt obligated to interfere soon. He propped himself up on his elbows, looking over his shoulder to Bucky and huffing a laugh. "Thanks. You're so eloquent when you're drunk," he teased, and reached over, stretching out to take the bottle and put it closer to him so he could stop Bucky if he tried to take another swig. "I'm sure your legs are pretty good too." Bucky was still managing to make Steve feel pretty good, so he didn't put stop on the whole thing _just_ yet, but he was ready to, before Bucky did something he'd regret.   
  
Bucky shook his head at Steve. "You don't gotta take it. I can handle myself." Bucky said, but he didn't try to take it because he had lotion all over his hands. Instead, he rubbed the lotion all over Steve's legs. He had to get extra, since the first amount barely even covered Steve's thighs. "My legs are... Just fine, thank you." Bucky said, chuckling a little.  
  
Steve found himself suppressing a laugh, and once Bucky was finished talking, he let it out, chuckling low in his throat as he tensed his legs momentarily before relaxing. "'You don't... Gotta take it. I can handle myself'," he mimicked, adopting a slur and swaying slightly as he let his eyelids droop. "'My legs are... Just fine, thank you'," he added on, wobbling his head like somehow he couldn't make it get still. "Buck, you're off your nut, no more wine for you."  
  
"Hey, shut it. I'm doing fine." Bucky replied, rubbing at the thick muscles on Steve's thighs first, then working down on his calves. He could honestly make out with Steve's leg or something disgusting and embarrassing like that. How the hell did he get his pants on to begin with? "Yeah, I could... Get paid as a masseuse, huh? S'better than what 'm doing now." He laughed, kind of bitter, but mostly cheerful, brushing the wistfulness under the rug so he didn't sound like such a downer.  
  
Steve raised an eyebrow, still trying to watch the brunet. "Why, what're you getting paid for now?" He asked, sounding a little guarded as he said it. He had seen the flash of something bitter in Bucky's eyes. He stretched his legs out, honestly, it felt like heaven, getting massaged like this.  
  
"Um... just some odd jobs. It'd be nice to have something steady." Bucky wasn't lying, just dancing around the truth. It was hard to come right out and say that he did porn.  
  
Steve still wasn't entirely convinced, but he somewhat was hurting his neck to look at Bucky, so he pulled his legs away for a moment, rolled so he was sitting on his ass, and put his legs out again, looking a little concerned. Hopefully the lotion had dried enough and wouldn't ruin Bucky's bed. Now that he was looking at him straight on it would be harder for him to lie. "What kinda odd jobs? Taking out people's trash for them? What?" He smiled pleasantly, hoping Bucky was alright rubbing the fronts of his legs now, or had enough reasoning left to realize that was something he could do. Steve didn't exactly want this to end just yet...  
  
Bucky had extra sheets. He didn't seem to mind Steve getting lotion on them. "Nah. Right now... I... I'm doing some cheap films. Cool, huh?" Bucky said, cracking a half smile. He wondered if it was obvious that he was faking it. "Stretch your legs for me." Bucky said, deciding to change the subject.  
  
Steve leaned forward, but did exactly as Bucky asked, stretching out then contemplating covering his stomach because it was a little in your face. "I didn't know you were an actor! That's so cool! What kinda film is it?" He asked, sounding extremely interested. He smiled, eyebrows raised in curiosity.  
  
Bucky couldn't keep his laughter contained anymore. "Oh, I'm not. It's porn, Steve." His words slurred together, and even though he was drunk, he felt ashamed. Christ, he'd be lucky if Steve didn't ditch the second he spoke up. "I'm in porn." Bucky repeated, and it sounded like he was a little surprised too. He hadn’t meant to admit it so quickly, but his impulse control was kind of disappearing.  
  
Steve blinked, and looked at Bucky. He really looked at him, and it was a few moments before it actually hit home. Bucky was a porn star. Okay. Okay. That was fine. So... That's what all the noise was then... He smiled then, and gave a bright nod. "Don't know why you look so down about it. If that's what you like and it's getting you paid, having sex for money seems like a brilliant idea," he said brightly, but concern was gracing his features as he looked at Bucky's expression. "But you don't like it do you...?" He asked quietly, prepared to pull his legs into himself and sit closer to the brunet, comfort him at least and make that suffering expression disappear.  
  
Bucky felt relieved when Steve said it was fine. He couldn't very eloquently elaborate on why the job wasn't ideal, not while he was drunk, but that didn't stop him trying. "It's... Hard. Lot of risks. Lot of concerns. Lot of shame." Bucky shrugged. "'M a little scared someone'll find the videos online and blackmail me or somethin'. S'public property, but y'know." Bucky explained. He shook his head a little. "Whatever."  
  
And that was when Steve pulled his legs up, twisting himself around so he could sit next to Bucky. He took his lotion-y hands and rubbed them, smiling softly. "Hey, don't be stupid Buck. You're needing the money right? Everyone does risky things in their life time." He squeezed Bucky's hands, leaning down to try and get the brunet to look at him. "Maybe I can help you get a different job, if you don't like the one you've got. I could pay you for the massage, use you as a model, uhhh, I've got a friend who owns a cafe I could get in touch with, he's always needing someone to wash dishes."  
  
Bucky waved him away. "S'my last recording this week... we have break, 'm getting a job then, and setting up to work in the summer." Bucky explained, blinking a few times to keep his eyes open. "Don't worry about me. I've lasted this long." Bucky said. "Lemme finish the massage, which is _free_."  
  
Steve shook his head slightly, huffing a laugh. "Don't be stupid, you're falling asleep." He stood, going over to his singlet and picking it up. "I'm going to get you another glass of water and then I'm going to put you to bed," he said firmly, tugging the shirt on. But first he had to get a towel to wipe Bucky's hands and his legs down.   
  
"What? I'm wide awake." Bucky replied indignantly. "Why are you mean?" Bucky asked him, narrowing his eyes in annoyance. "Meanie." Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, looking like a four year old that had just been told it was bed time.  
  
Steve rolled his eyes, going into the bathroom and getting a wash cloth, wiping his own legs down and then his hands, going into the bedroom and looking over Bucky with an almost pitiful gaze, except he quashed it quickly. "You are a child," he teased, coming forward and taking Bucky's hands in the cloth and wiping them carefully. "You want to go to bed or want to stay up?" He asked, adopting a careful tone that one would use with a kid.  
  
"I'm staying up. Don't need your permission." Bucky told him, stifling a yawn. "'M not even a little tired." Bucky said, but that was obviously a lie. Steve wasn't the boss of him, though. He could stay up if he wanted.  
  
Steve shook his head, chuckling as he pulled on his singlet properly, and he tilted his head. "Not even a little?" He asked, taking the hem of Bucky's shirt slightly, and fiddling with it just a little before pulling away. "I suppose I won't help you get into your pyjamas then," he said, folding down the corner of the blanket now, and shrugging. "Dang."  
  
"I don't _want_ to put my pyjamas on. I'm not _sleepy_." Bucky insisted, looking pretty annoyed with Steve at that point. Like Steve clearly wasn't understanding that Bucky was able to decide his own damn bedtime and didn't need anybody to help him. His eyes drooped a little, but damned if he'd say anything about it.  
  
Steve quirked an eyebrow. So Bucky became stubborn and irritable, and emotional when he was drunk. That was cool. "Maybe I just try taking _off_ your clothes then," he tried, taking an angle he thought Bucky might like more. "It's only fair seeing as I'm only in my singlet."   
  
Bucky hesitated, clearly more interested in the prospect of being naked. "I don't know." Bucky replied, looking like he knew something was up, but also pretty eager. "But then what? I just... Sit here naked?" Bucky asked him sceptically, shaking his head.  
  
Steve was pretty sure this kind of coercion was illegal, but as Bucky's mood changed Steve found himself not minding as much. He felt his cheeks go pink, and he cleared his throat. "Maybe not naked, just to your underwear, but I'm here, and you're here..." He shrugged. "Maybe... While I take off your clothes something could happen?"  
  
"Maybe." Bucky said, visibly perking up. "What kind of thing could happen? Huh?" Bucky was pretty obvious about needing a tiny bit more detail to be on board with this whole undressing thing.   
  
Steve had to swallow his pride. He really had to for this. Every single cell in his body was trying to tell him that hooking up with someone on a not-so-first-date was a bad mood, but as he looked at Bucky and felt his cheeks heat even more, he told himself three things.  
-Bucky was cute.  
-Bucky was interested.  
But mostly:  
-Bucky needed to be put to bed.  
So Steve came forward, and he took hold of Bucky's shirt again, but this time came in close, close enough that Bucky would have been able to feel his breath on his lips. "Why don't you tell me?" He murmured, looking from Bucky's eyes to his lips, hoping to hell Bucky was too drunk to even notice his nerves and just get on with it.  
  
The effect on Bucky was pretty clear. He stared at Steve's mouth, heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't think of anything to say, so he leaned forward instead, pressing his lips against Steve's. It was a tiny bit sloppy, but he couldn't be blamed considering the amount of alcohol in his system. In fact, he deserved applause since it wasn't near as bad as it could have been.  
  
Steve found himself smiling into the kiss as he pressed back. Most certainly it wasn't his first kiss, but this one was sending butterflies into his stomach and making him giddy already. He tried to slow it down, make it slightly tidier, and he pulled away quickly to peel Bucky's shirt off him, chuckling slightly. "Lift your arms up Mr. Tipsy," he teased, swallowing the taste of the disgusting wine and trying not to make a face. Leaning onto the bed at the angle he was, was kind of awkward, but worth it, as the color in his cheeks showed.  
  
Bucky liked the kiss probably more than Steve did, since Steve's mouth didn't taste bad to Bucky like Bucky's did to Steve. Plus he was obviously pretty drunk and everything felt relatively good. He let Steve help him take off his shirt, grinning like a fool.  
  
Steve had to take a moment to appraise Bucky's form, which he did by lightly touching it and licking his lips. "See, with a body like that it's okay if you make films," he murmured, before coming forward again and pressing a kiss to Bucky's lips. He smiled against it, working at Bucky's fly and zipper now.   
  
Bucky wasn't really in control of all parts of his body, so he shied away from Steve when he went for Bucky's zipper. If his pants came off, it'd be pretty apparent how he was feeling right then and the rational, partially sober piece of him wasn't sure he'd be able to take it in the morning. He kissed back, though- that was one thing he _could_ control, for the most part.  
  
Steve tried even harder, grinning, and he chuckled low in his throat. "You're alright Buck," he murmured, and he even bit lightly at Bucky's bottom lip, and he tugged at the hem now, looking amused as he got them off Bucky's hip. He didn't look down, not wanting to see anything or make Bucky uncomfortable, so he just kept tugging at them, grinning.  
  
That made it almost worse for that little sober piece of him. Steve knew Bucky was hard, Steve knew Bucky was trying to hide it, and Steve's low voice had made it abundantly clear that it wasn't just alcohol leaving him a little hard or emphasising how he felt- it was purely Steve. He let Steve pull them off anyway, because by that point, he already knew and Bucky had pretty much nothing else to lose.  
  
Steve had to pull away to get the pants fully off, but Bucky didn't have shoes on so it wasn't much of a problem. Now that he was only in his underwear Steve looked him up and down, his cheeks pink as he came forward and pushed Bucky backwards so he was flat on the bed. "You have just a nice-a body as me Buck," he murmured, leaning back down to kiss him and slow but surely rotating them both so Steve was on the bed too, straddling Bucky's hips with his own semi-hard on.  
  
Bucky was going to fall asleep, probably, all horizontal with his head on the pillow and the warm sensation over him. It'd be a prime opportunity, anyway- he was pretty tired. "'M... Not gonna be able to..." He trailed off, clearly not sure where he was going with his sentence. "Don't wanna disappoint, here." He said, clarifying about as clearly as a drunk Bucky could.  
  
Steve pulled away, straightening Bucky up even further, pulling down the sheets enough to get Bucky under them, and he was still straddling him, an intrigued look on his face as he pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. "Disappoint? What do you mean?" He asked, still trying to look half sensual as he tucked Bucky in more.  
  
"Pass out. While you're here." Bucky answered, fighting to keep his eyes open. For fuck's sake, even when Steve was a blurry mess he was beautiful. His tongue was thick in his mouth and he felt his body get more and more exhausted. He still fought to keep them open.  
  
"Oh nooooo," Steve said, drawing it out and pretending he was hard done by. "Oh no," he said quietly again as Bucky fought and fought sleep, but Steve leaned in close, brushing the others hair out of the way. "Good night Bucky," he rumbled, pressing a kiss to the side of the brunet's head and pulling back looking very pleased with himself.  
  
Bucky was out cold in a few seconds, lips slightly parted while he slept. He'd wake up feeling incredibly embarrassed and pissed at himself (not to mention he'd have an awful headache), but that wasn't drunk Bucky's problem.  
  
As soon as Bucky's eyes were shut and his breathing evened out Steve moved off the bed, smiling softly and pressing one more kiss to Bucky's cheek before doing some simple housekeeping things. He went to the kitchen and filled up a big jug of water, found some painkillers and set them on the bedside table, picking up the wine bottle and taking that to the kitchen, then going back to Bucky's bedroom to fold up his clothes and put them neatly on the end of the bed. He wrestled on his jeans too, trying not to make too many angry noises as they got stuck on his hips. He tidied up the dinner dishes a bit more (he actually did them all but he was trying to be modest) and as he glanced over at Bucky one more time he had an epiphany. It was only nine, and because he didn't actually want to do any more of his assignment got his sketchbook, his wallet and his trusty pencil. He set himself up by Bucky's bedside, immediately starting to sketch. He got halfway through Bucky's first expression when he made a small noise and rolled, causing Steve to tut, but then he had another idea. Over top of the original, light piece, he drew the new expression over top, and this process happened a few times more until there was a page of light to dark expressions of Bucky sleeping. Steve looked at it, surprised at how well it actually had turned out. He'd been drawing quickly to capture as much of it as he could, not really concentrating on the whole thing, and it turned out quite nice. Steve bit his bottom lip, taking out a fifty dollar note when he was finished, ripped out the picture(s) he'd just drawn and signed it, on the back writing in elegant script,

  
_Thanks for tea, thanks for being my model, have a nice day xx  
-S_

  
And then he went back to his room, getting ready for bed and ultimately doing more of his assignment before finally forcing himself to bed, and then sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my brother stole the mouse to the computer and now i'm trying to do things using the touch screen mechanism to my computer.... it's difficult
> 
> ENJOY XX

Bucky woke up the next morning with a massive fucking headache. He rolled over, trying to see if he could fall back asleep to ease the pain, and spotted the stuff on his bedside table. Bucky was slammed with the memories of the night before, and he honestly could have strangled himself. "Fuuuuuck." He muttered, reaching over and grabbing the pain killers. He downed them without the water, then saw the picture and note. He sighed, feeling a lot like a charity case. He grabbed the jug and took a long drink, sighing.  
  
Bucky dragged himself out of bed, trying to take it slow so that the pounding in his head wouldn't worsen. He stumbled into the bathroom to rinse off, almost passing out in the shower a couple of times, and brushed his teeth. He cleaned himself up the best he could, but it was hard to get rid of the way he squinted and turned away from the light and how he had to lean on some things for support. He picked up the money, the picture, and the little note Steve had left, and headed next door to return it. He knocked, free hand rubbing his forehead while he waited for Steve to show up. He knocked louder after a few seconds.  
  
Steve was woken abruptly by the knocking at the door, and he sat bolt upright, eyes wide as he took a quick breath in. The moment of alertness was gone however and he looked at the door as if it had offended him, and he swung his legs off the bed, eyelids droopy. He must've slept in later than he'd wanted. Which meant no run, which meant he would have to go later. As in as soon as he'd finished with this person at the door business. He scratched at his eyes as he opened it slowly, blinking quickly at who it was. "Good morning," he said rather brightly for someone who'd _just_ woken up.  
  
Bucky nodded at him. "Morning, neighbor. You left some things at my house last night, and I wanted to make sure you got them all back." He held all the papers out. He knew, obviously, that they were intended for him, but he also wanted to get the point across that he wasn't gonna go around accepting charity. "I also kind of wanted to say sorry for passing out while you were over. I know that doesn't make for the most exciting evening in the world." Bucky said. His head still pounded, and it took a lot of concentration to speak as clearly as he was.  
  
Steve just looked at the papers, not making any move to take them, and he smiled brightly. "I left them on purpose, because I knew you wouldn't take them if you were awake." He leaned on the doorframe. "No need to apologize, the art I got off you was top notch. It was exciting enough. I like pasta." He shrugged, expression slightly amused, still looking at the paper like he wasn't sure what Bucky wanted him to do with it.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm awake now and I don't want them." Bucky said. "Don't get me wrong, your art is beautiful and I really appreciate you trying to do something nice for me, but it'd be pretentious of me to have a drawing of myself on my wall, and I am completely capable of earning my own cash." Bucky explained to Steve. He remembered how they'd made out that night and Bucky had to wonder how much of it was just to humor Bucky and make him go to bed. Bucky felt more and more like a burden as the seconds passed between them. His head hurt. He needed to quit thinking so hard.  
  
Steve bit his bottom lip, and shook his head. "I understand if you don't want the picture," he said, trying not to let any kind of hurt into his tone, "but if you don't I'll submit it as part of my portfolio and I need a signed slip from you saying that I paid you as a model," he said rather stubbornly, and because he felt a tiny bit offended he tacked on, "And yeah, I know you really like making pornos, but a little bit extra can't hurt you." He smiled, not offering his hand for the paper yet, seeing what Bucky was going to settle on.  
  
"No, I just-I don't need any help, okay? I really, really don't want to take your money. Don't take offense, I'm just not comfortable with it." Bucky said stubbornly. "Turn the picture in with your portfolio. I don't mind. I appreciate it." Bucky told him insistently.  
  
Steve nodded, and held his hand out for the picture and only that. "But you keep the money. If I'm submitting it I need to have proof of payment, and I'm not letting you lie." Steve raised one eyebrow. "And stop being stubborn. Everybody needs help sometimes. If you're thinking about going to Stark, you might want to rethink you needing help."  
  
"Look, I really appreciate it, but I don't mind lying about you paying me. I'll keep the picture, you can keep the money." Bucky said, deciding that it'd be less like payment that way. "Stark's different. He's not a kid struggling to pay for college." Bucky told him.  
  
Steve dropped his hand, and his jaw worked slightly. "No." He said flatly. "I've given the money to you, so no give backsies," he said with a small smile, but he was being serious.   
  
"I'm not taking this money, Steve." Bucky insisted. "I don't feel comfortable. Please just take it back." Bucky told him.  
  
Steve narrowed his eyes slightly, and left his eyes firmly on the brunet for a bit, looking conflicted. He wanted to help, more than anything he wanted to help the neighbor who'd he'd had a wrong first impression on, but the other half of him wanted to keep Bucky comfortable. "It's for the massage, and dinner, and... The kiss too. Because all of it was really nice," he said, cheeks tinting pink as he drew the big guns. "Please take it, I'll feel stupid if I take it back."  
  
Cool. So now he was getting paid for a kiss. "Steve, you gotta hear me out. I don't want to be treated like I need it. Okay? There's nothing wrong with needing it, obviously, but I don't want to need it." Bucky tried to explain. "Please just take it."  
  
Steve shook his head. "You pretty much admitting you need it makes me less likely to take it back. I'm sorry, but Buck..." He trailed off for a moment. "If I can't pay you for being my model I'm going to find some other way to help you out. I know all about not having enough money, and I don't want to leave you... In that situation," he said, tongue touching his bottom lip.  
  
"I've been in this situation my whole life, Steve. I'm able to take care of myself. Okay?" Bucky insisted. "Take it back or I'll go give it away." He hesitated. "Buy me breakfast with it. Or something."  
  
Steve raised an eyebrow, but his lips were turned down in a frown. "You wouldn't actually give it away would you?" He asked, tone suggesting that the very idea almost offended him.  
  
"I don't know. Probably not. It isn't my money to give." Bucky said. "The fact that it'd offend you is proof." Bucky went on. "Look, I'm offering to let you buy me breakfast? Ah? Like they do with people on the street." Bucky said, trying to explain why it offended him that Steve was handing him money.  
  
"What's the difference? Fifty bucks and me buying you an expensive breakfast is the same thing, except if I give you the money you can choose what to do with it." Steve was getting slightly exasperated, and he just wanted to go to bed, not have his neighbor worry about getting money. Steve probably would have been doing the same thing in his shoes, but then again Bucky would probably be doing the same thing if he were in Steve's shoes. "It would offend me because I'm trying to help, Buck, so just... Take it and I'll buy you breakfast as well." He tried, adjusting his grip on the door.  
  
"Christ. I'm not keeping this." Bucky told him, taking Steve's hand and putting the bill in it. "Please just- don't help. I really, really don't want any help. Okay? I'm more comfortable not having it." Bucky told him. "I have plenty of money to get by, and by the end of break, I'll be swimming in it. So just keep your cash." Bucky said, stepping back.  
  
Steve tried to pull his hand away. "Don't be fucking stupid," he finally snapped, trying to catch Bucky's hand and give it back. "I'm just going to slide it under your door if you walk away," he said seriously, irritation bubbling in his stomach. "You're only getting money by letting dudes fuck you, and that's no way to get a living." He huffed out a breath, the note crumpling in his tight grip.  
  
Bucky stared at him for a few seconds, embarrassed and angry. It took him some time to form words, probably because he was focused on keeping himself from punching someone in the face. "It isn't your business what I do for money. It isn't your business how much money I have. _I'm_ not your business." Bucky told him. What kind of asshole used a person's profession to make them feel like shit?  
  
"It became my business when it started affecting my life," Steve said, but he gripped the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he said very quickly, and he dropped his hand. "Look, yesterday you told me it isn't something you wanted to do, and you said stuff about struggling to get by, so I'm trying to help. If porn is your calling, okay, I won't judge. But please, take this so... You can be safe, or something." He held the note out again, guilt curling in his stomach.  
  
"It isn't affecting your life. Look, if I'm being too loud or something, I'll ask for a room change or something. Otherwise, there's no reason you should be affected." Bucky insisted. "Whatever I said was probably just an exaggeration. I'm over the top when I'm drunk. Keep your money, for fuck's sake." Bucky said. "Don't contact me again until you promise to stop pitying me."  
  
"I'm not pitying you!" Steve replied quickly. If there was anything Steve tried his best not to do, it was pity someone. Because he was desperate and didn't want Bucky annoyed at him, the words just fell out of his mouth. "I just thought by maybe doing something nice for the cute guy next door might get me on another date with him! I just wanted you to wake up, see what I'd done and feel special, is that a fucking bad thing?" He asked, and his cheeks had gone pink as he looked at Bucky desperately.  
  
"You honestly think it'd be that hard to get a date with me? I invited you over even after you judged my person based on how often I had sex. It isn't hard." Bucky told him, letting out a long breath to calm himself down a little. "It's not a bad thing. But for future reference, don't give me money."  
  
Steve let out another breath, mimicking the one Bucky just took. Guilt curled again, and he licking his teeth, flush of shame covering his cheeks. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, and opened the door more. "Can I make it up to you by making you a classic college coffee? Maybe give you some more painkillers?" He asked hopefully, and he crunched the note tightly in his fist, flush still spreading.  
  
"Yeah. You can make it up to me by making me coffee and giving me painkillers." Bucky agreed. He needed to calm down, quit feeling so angry. Steve hadn't been _trying_ to upset him.  
  
Steve opened the door fully, looking extremely relieved. "I'll make you ten million cups of coffee, come in, come in," he said, beckoning the other inside hurriedly. He felt absolutely awful, being the reason why Bucky expression had dropped like it had, and he looked briefly at the note in his hand, pursing his lips. He'd try and convince him while they had breakfast. Surely he could manage that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol so sorry these are so sporadic hahah xoxox thanks for sticking with, we still have a fair bit of story to get through!
> 
> ENJOYXX

Bucky stepped inside with Steve, rubbing the back of his neck. "Do you have eggs? I'd kill for an egg." Bucky said, trying to change the subject and all.  
  
Steve shut the door softly behind the brunet, and walked over to the bench. He placed the note on the bench, going over to his small kitchen and opening the fridge. "I can make you a small cooked breakfast if you'd like?" He offered, showing the eggs, tomato and sausages he had in the fridge. He was going to have one of his disgusting vegetable shakes, but if Bucky wanted something... "It won't be too hard to throw together." He flicked on the jug and opened the cupboard to get out some Advil, looking over his shoulder at the brunet. "How does that sound?"  
  
"If it's gonna waste a ton of your time, you don't have to worry about it." Bucky said. He never had breakfast foods around- usually he slept past it anyway, or he'd go to the dining hall if he was really that hungry. Dinner was another story.  
  
Steve shrugged with one shoulder. "It won't be too hard. It's the least I can do," he said, and he took out two tablets of painkillers. He shut the fridge door with his foot quickly, and turned, and went over to the table, but he hesitated. "Wait... How long has it been since you last had some painkillers... Isn't it a dose every four hours?" He asked, leaning over the table and smiling softly, but curiously.  
  
"Just before I left. Like ten minutes ago. I really don't think I'm gonna die from an extra dose of painkillers though, Steve." Bucky said, holding his hand out. He'd taken more than that at a time for some of his worst hangovers and he was just fine.  
  
Steve hesitated for another moment but then put the pills in his hand, stepping away. "Hang on I'll just get you a glass of water," he said, getting a glass out of the cabinet and going to the sink. "I won't let you have any more though," he said sternly, smirking slightly quickly after that and flicking off the jug since it had boiled.  
  
Bucky made a face. It wasn't like he didn't have more in his  own cupboard, but this was stupid. "You said you'd give me more painkillers and coffee. That was the deal."  
  
"I’ll just get you a glass to down it with, then give you breakfast and coffee," Steve said indignantly, coming over with the glass and setting it in front of the brunet. "All you have to do for the next ten minutes is sit there and look pretty," he said, winking, before going back into the kitchen and starting on Bucky's meal.  
  
"It's like you're trying to kill me." Bucky said, rubbing his eyes and looking at the glass of water with disdain. Water wasn't gonna help, not when he'd drunk the whole jug that Steve left him. He sighed heavily and took a sip anyway, he kind of hated it.  
  
Steve shook his head at the sigh and flicked on the frying pan, getting out some oil and taking out sausages, bacon, eggs and tomato, rolling his eyes. "The water is so you can take the pills you idiot," Steve said as he turned on the stove top, rather comfortable with his kitchen after spending so much time in it. When you wanted to eat healthy there was a lot more effort involved than when you bought fast food. He knew his way around. "If you don't want the water don't drink it."  
  
They were in Bucky's hand. He was just a fucking idiot. He made a face and took them. It must have just been the hangover and the remnants of alcohol in him, causing him to blank a little. "I gotta drink it now." Bucky said. "I already drank out the glass."  
  
Steve scoffed under his breath, throwing the bacon in the pan and listening to it sizzle for a moment. "It's not like I care about your saliva being on my glasses," he said, cheeks going pink and he cleared his throat. "Unless you're just meaning you've started and now you have to finish, in which I didn't just say that and I completely understand where you're coming from. If you don't want to drink it you don't have to," he repeated, getting out a chopping board while the bacon started to spit at him.  
  
"Don't be stupid." Bucky replied simply, not giving him a definitive response on that note. He took a few more sips of the water and sniffed the air. Christ, the bacon smelled good. He hummed in approval, glancing over to see Steve cooking. He was gorgeous.  
  
"You're the stupid one," Steve retorted childishly, but he was smiling, and he moved and slid in some sausage besides the bacon, letting that sizzle and he got a tomato and sliced it thickly, checking the jug and leaning backwards to get some coffee out and a mug. The action pulled up his sleeping shirt, exposing some of his stomach, and he straightened, setting the coffee stuff up before rolling the frying things over with some tongs. He ran a hand through his sleep messed hair, stifling a yawn before continuing in his cooking mission.  
  
Bucky sighed a little. He still wasn't feeling one hundred percent about himself, probably because he was still so embarrassed and bugged by Steve treating him like charity. Steve didn't even have the decency to sleep with him so Bucky wouldn't have to face how _nice_ Steve was. Could the guy even make mistakes? Everything he'd done so far was in an effort to make Bucky more comfortable.  
  
Watching Steve cook, though, gave Bucky some different ideas about what constituted as comfortable. Was being bent over a counter comfortable? Maybe they could figure that one out.  
  
It took Steve simply ten minutes to get the whole meal made. He plated it up, the bacon still fizzling in it's own fat, the mug of coffee was steaming, and Steve looked up to Bucky with a grin. "Bon apetìte," he said, moving around the counter and setting it in front of the brunet. "Sorry it took so long, but it was made with love, so that's why." He grinned, and turned away to look at the mess he'd made in the kitchen. He would clean that all up and then make his own breakfast.  
  
"Please, it takes more time than that for me to pour myself some cereal." He joked, glancing back at Steve. "And this is probably enough for both of us, honestly. If you want some." Bucky would feel guilty eating all that food by himself. Not to mention sick.  
  
Steve shook his head, tempted to take his shirt off due to the heat in the kitchen now, but he decided to sweat it out, not wanting to make Bucky uncomfortable. "I'll make you a doggy bag if you get full. I'm having gross stuff." He stacked the dishes expertly before turning to the cupboard and getting his blender out.  
  
Bucky made a face. "What do you mean, gross stuff?" He asked, watching Steve take out ingredients to put in the blender. He took a bite of his sausage and he moaned- honest to god moaned. He hadn't had homemade breakfast in forever- he might pop a frozen waffle in the toaster or something on a good day, but he was never any good at breakfast. Dinner was more of his forte.  
  
Steve looked over to Bucky and involuntarily blushed. "Health shake, zucchinis and bloody, lettuce. Rabbit food," he said, a little bit too quickly as he tore his gaze from the brunet, tipping powdered supplements into the blender and continuing with finding every healthy green thing in his kitchen, with carrots and other veggies.  
  
Bucky didn't respond, mouth stuffed with food. It was so fucking good. Instead, he let out an 'mmph' of agreement, chewing and swallowing. It was so satisfying, eating the best breakfast in the history of breakfasts and watching the hottest guy in the history of hot guys move around the kitchen.  
  
Steve finally got it together, poured in some... Bloody disgusting soy milk, and flicked it on, looking at it disdainfully for a while as it whizzed around. He turned away from it, and settled his eyes back on Bucky. He was making good progress. "Is it too early for me to ask if you like it or not?" He asked with an amused tone, propping his chin up on his elbow.  
  
Bucky had just swallowed the food in his mouth, thank goodness, so he replied quickly. "It's _so_ good." Bucky told him, nodding quickly. He'd have to try and restrain himself- he probably looked a lot less attractive shoveling food into his mouth faster than the speed of light.  
  
Steve grinned, and turned to flick the blender off. He twisted the cup off, taking out the blades and screwing on the edge of the cup. Easy, really, this Stark blender. Yes, Tony had created a blender, but it was good. He took a sip and made a face, finally leaving the kitchen, and the dishes, for later. He smoothly picked up the fifty dollar note too, hiding it in his hand as he sat opposite Bucky, taking a gulp of his drink, and pulling another face. "I'm glad," he finally said, licking his teeth.  
  
"Why do you drink that stuff if it's disgusting?" Bucky asked, taking another bite of his breakfast. It was a little smaller, in case Steve decided to ask a question or say something that required a response on Bucky's part.  
  
"Because I signed a contract," Steve replied stoically, taking another gulp. "I wouldn't be healthy, I'd just look it if I didn't eat all these vitamins and crap. Let me tell you, I'd much rather be having a cooked breakfast," he said earnest, and then he took another. It was normally ten gulps and he'd be through it, so... Seven more to go. That wasn't too many. Better than having ten more to go.  
  
"Could you have a bite or two?" Bucky asked, frowning and getting another couple bites down. It was so, so good. He reminded himself not to fantasize too much about it- he couldn't get too used to the whole thing.  
  
Steve took another, six to go, and he shrugged. "If there's some left over, I might." He licked his bottom lip and sniffed disdainfully. "Eat your fill."

  
"I'm not gonna be able to finish all of it." Bucky said. "No matter how much I actually want to." Bucky added.  
  
Steve grinned. "That's fine, I'm happy you like it. I'll make you up a doggy bag and you can have it for dinner or something," he said brightly, before his expression dropped so he could take another gulp of his drink. He took one more before starting up talking again. "Maybe this should be something we do... You know... Like a weekly date," he said almost hesitantly, cheeks growing pink at the very suggestion. They only met yesterday, he didn't want to seem too eager...  
  
"Weekly, huh?" Bucky wet his lips. "Well, I'd be interested. So long as you don't try paying me for it." Bucky told him, raising his eyebrows. He meant it, actually- he didn't want Steve acting like he was an escort or something.  
  
Steve's hand clenched around the note in his hand, and he took a final big gulp of the smoothie, as he put the mug-thing down he put the note down in the middle of the table. He swallowed, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "If fifty dollars pays for all of it, and I get to draw you whenever. You just have to take that," he said, nodding to the money.  
  
"I'm not taking your money. That's all there is to it." Bucky sighed, looking down at it. "I'm not like, a prostitute." Bucky said, rubbing his eyes.  
  
Steve dipped his finger into the mug and licked it clean, wincing at the taste. "This isn't about that. I seriously want to draw you, and to pass I need to have paid you. As a bonus, I get to practice cooking and flirting and maybe more," he said with a small shrug. He nudged the note slightly, not wanting to get riled up and dipping his  finger in again and licking it clean, trying to keep eye contact with Bucky as he did so. He was blushing, but he needed to convince him somehow.  
  
"Then pay me like, a quarter or something. Not fifty bucks." Bucky replied, swallowing while he watched Steve lick his finger clean. It was pretty obvious what Steve was doing. "I- uh- just don't want your money."  
  
"I gathered that much," Steve said, standing now, and his chair scraped along the floor as he pushed it back. "Look, I want you to stand naked for me, I'm not going to pay you less for wasting your time. It's a one time payment."  
  
Bucky smiled wryly at that, watching Steve stand. "You want me to stand _naked_ for you?" Bucky asked him. "Tell you what. You give me forty instead of fifty and I'll let you get started right now."  
  
Steve nearly tripped over himself. "Wait, you're kidding aren't you," he said, continuing on his way to rinse the mug in the sink. He looked up, cheeks pink, but seemed honestly sure that Bucky was just saying that, not being serious.  
  
"I'm serious. Dead serious." Bucky said, getting up out of his seat to (almost) match Steve's height. "Take off ten dollars of what you were gonna give me and I'll get naked right now." It was hardly as though he was uncomfortable being naked- his latest job had been stripping for a camera with up to three or four other people.  
  
Steve swallowed thickly. He didn't want to seem too eager, but he let out a shaky breath. He had wanted to have Bucky's body under his metaphorical knife, and... Well he had nothing else to do apart from go for a run. He knew what he would prefer. "I need to do the dishes. Then I'll get my sketchbook and set up," he said, with a sudden euphoric grin, looking down at his hands and feeling slightly ridiculous.  
  
"Where do you want me?" Bucky asked him, raising an eyebrow at Steve. He thought the shy thing was cute- different and cute. A guy like Steve, who was good looking and sweet, could usually get away with asking weird favors. Steve was the kind of guy who wouldn't ask, even though he totally could. Bucky liked it.  
  
"Can you just bring your plate over quickly? Just chill on the couch for a moment. I need to tidy up and find two twenties in here somewhere." Steve grinned, and started filling up the sink, licked his bottom lip. Was this actually happening? He'd been waiting for a good specimen for a piece for a long time now... This was perfect!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> arty steve is the best steve, if you ask me :P
> 
> ENJOY XX

Bucky did as Steve asked, then went to wait on the couch. He took off his shoes and socks, getting himself mentally prepared. He was flattered- it was one thing to be drawn, but it was another to be drawn naked. To be asked to be drawn naked.  
  
Steve got into cleaning quickly, humming quietly as he swiftly got the bubbles in the sink, while that was filling up he was being efficient and wiping down the benches and putting food away, and he couldn't stop grinning. "I've needed a model for so long," he said excitedly after a while, hands covered in soap suds.  
  
"Well, I've always lived in this building. You should have just asked." Bucky said, smiling a little. He liked hearing Steve get excited- he liked Steve in general.  
  
Steve sniffed and shook his head, stacking the wanted dishes and emptying the sink. "There was no way I would go around to people. What if you were a... Sexo-psycho? You might have had axes behind your door and crap. Nah, I just asked my best friend normally. He's got a good figure on him."  
  
"That's ridiculous. I'm an alright guy." Bucky said, rolling his eyes at Steve. "I hope I don't seem like a psycho." Bucky watched Steve clean and wet his lips. "You need any help?"  
  
Steve snorted. "You are a psycho. But a cute psycho so you can stay." He flicked the water off his hands and wiped down the sink before starting towel off the dishes. "And no, thanks. I'm not making you do manual labor if I need you relaxed and calm so I can put makeup on your body without it being weird. Did I mention I was going to put makeup on your body?"  
  
"No, you didn't mention it. But I don't mind." Bucky said. He was already relaxed, really, but he appreciated the extra effort on Steve's part.  
  
Steve was hurriedly finishing up, he hadn't got his makeup out in so long, and wanted nothing more than to get a whole studio thing set up. As he was planning how he was going to set up, he hesitated. He didn't want to have everything out and then Bucky had to go. "You don't have anything planned today do you? I can go all out with stuff or do I need to reign myself in?"  
  
"Um, I have work at 7." The new video. Ugh. "If you need me to, I can push it back an hour, though." Bucky said, biting his lip.  
  
Steve blinked, all his movements ceasing for a moment. "What if... I just spend a couple of hours photographing you, then I can use them as reference? Then you can wash the makeup off for the video and I can redo with photos to look at and... Yeah  
  
"Will it really take like seven hours?" Bucky asked him. He felt embarrassed- Steve looked uncomfortable, maybe even a little judgmental. He didn't mention it, though- there was no reason to let himself get wound up about it. It was just work, Steve had to know that.  
"If I didn't take photos, I'd have to get you sketched and painted before you left. It takes seven hours inclusive of breaks. But you can leave earlier to... Get ready, so I think photos would be better. You'd be alright with my camera taking photos of everything right?" Steve said, continuing like he wasn't worried for the brunet. Bucky didn't want his pity, he'd made that clear.

  
"Yeah, for sure." Bucky said, rubbing the back of his neck. He still felt like Steve was grossed out or something. "So do I... Do I just like, get naked and leave the rest to you?" Bucky asked.  
  
"I need to set up lighting, then we need to decide on a pose, then I'll contour you and start up. I'll have to choose what lighting suits you best. But yeah, you get naked and then I'm your god pretty much," Steve said, grinning and putting the dish rack away and setting about putting everything away.  
  
Bucky nodded, then stood up off the couch and started undressing while Steve cleaned up the last of the dishes and all. He took off his shirt first, then his pants and his briefs, and at first he did feel kind of exposed.  
  
Steve was putting away the dish rack and when he straightened, Bucky was simply standing bare in his lounge. Steve nearly swallowed his tongue, and he coughed, turning away and hiding a laugh at the shock of it. God Bucky had a nice ass, and his legs, fuck. "Jeez you're eager," he said once he'd composed himself. He threw the dish towel at the brunet for him to use if he felt so inclined. "Sorry, I shoulda said I need to set up first, which will take a little while, you don't need to be naked yet."  
  
Bucky laughed a little uncomfortably. "Oh. Christ. Whoops." Bucky said, and put his briefs back on. "I'll just, uh, let myself get used to the temperature and stuff. You know." Bucky wondered if he looked as awkward as he felt. He decided that he probably looked a lot worse.  
  
Steve grinned, and did once last look over the kitchen before glancing at Bucky's bare form for a bit. "Still a little bit hungover huh?" He asked, walking past Bucky to open his photography cupboard. Proper lights, his nice camera that he saved up for such a long time, makeup for models and a fresh canvas, which was at the front so he pulled it out, setting it to the side. "Could you maybe help me with these lights?" He asked, unfolding one of the stands expertly and then leaning into the cupboard to get the white lamp flares and the bulbs.  
  
"Yep." Bucky said, helping Steve get out some supplies, but not helping set up since he wouldn't know what he was doing. "I'm not that hungover. The breakfast was a big help." Bucky replied honestly.  
  
Steve put the flare on the stand and made sure Bucky was not going to drop it. He set up the other one and got it out, following after Bucky, admiring his back quickly before clearing his throat. "Just where the floor is clear please, be careful. These are not cheap." He grinned, and set his own down, grabbing the power cord and working on getting it to a socket.  
  
"I get it." Bucky said, nodding and finishing getting the last few things out of the cupboard before straightening up and running the back of his head, looking over at Steve. "So what kind of makeup are you putting on me?"  
  
Steve plugged both lights and turned them on, bright and making him blink for a moment, sitting the canvas square in the middle of both of them, taking the little stool Bucky had got out with the case of makeup, and he looked at Bucky, shaking his head. "I need to finish setting up first, choose what looks best on you.” He got out the camera from the cupboard and put it carefully on the couch, and he looked his station over. He wouldn't get out his painting things, or he'd spend too much time on that. "You can get your briefs off now though, if you go stand between the lights."  
  
Bucky nodded in agreement and went to stand under all the lights. It was warmer there, thank goodness, and he took his briefs off to wait on Steve. He tried not to draw attention to his nakedness, even though it was the whole point. He felt weirdly self-conscious.  
  
Steve almost immediately flicked into artist mode, coming over with no hesitation and standing in front of the brunet with crossed arms. He didn't seem at all phased to scan Bucky up and down with his eyes, he had wonderful form and he definitely wasn't lacking. It was quite good that he was in the porn business. You didn't do stuff like that if you weren't gorgeous, in every version of the term. "I reckon you'd look good in black and white," he stated after a moment, eyes not leaving Bucky's form. "Black and white with some deep shadows, what do you feel?" He asked, tongue coming out to touch his lip as he tried to picture it. He brought his hands up, squaring up Bucky's torso with an index finger and thumb, then his shoulders, his crotch, his legs. It seemed like it would work.  
  
"I'm not very artistic." Bucky said, trying not to blush too much when Steve squared his crotch. Yeah, sure, plenty of people had seen it, but people didn't generally stare straight at it so objectively. "But I'm sure that'll look great." Bucky agreed with Steve, even if he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. Was that the makeup he was talking about or the camera settings? Screw it, he was sure Steve would do a great job with whatever it was. He'd seen the drawing Steve did of him in his sleep, and even if it was a small sample size, it was enough for Bucky to tell from a non-artistic standpoint that Steve was pretty skilled.  
  
Steve hummed, and for out his camera, an idea already forming in his head, but he put it down suddenly as he had a realization. "Bucky, you face directly straight forward, drop your head and cover your prick with your hands?" He asked/demanded. He picked up the camera, waiting for Bucky to do as he said as he quickly dropped to his knees, angling the camera up to get photos as soon as he could.  
  
Bucky made a face at Steve's use of 'prick' before doing as Steve said, letting Steve tell him to move or turn and everything. He was the artist, after all. He wondered what it was, exactly, that Steve was trying to capture.  
  
Steve blinked, and the shutter clicked the shuttle a couple of times, but he pulled it away from his face and frowned. He set the camera to the side and crawled forward on his knees, taking hold of Bucky hands and moving them around so they folded over one another over top his crotch. His cheeks only went a little pink at how close he was. This was all professional. "Tuck your chin to your chest too," he said, taking hold of Bucky's hips and turning them slightly at a different angle. "Thanks," he said quickly, scrambling backwards and already more pleased with how Bucky stood. He was so buff, the submissive pose was totally... Yes. That was perfect.  
  
Bucky tucked his chin and kept his eyes down, only looking away when Steve went to adjust his hands. It was just a little bit too intimate for Bucky, seeing Steve down on his knees and everything. Then again, Bucky probably looked pretty obscene, too. "What is it you're trying to capture?" Bucky asked him, not moving anyway.   
  
Steve grinned as he pulled the camera up and started getting the main pose captured. He'd quickly upload them onto his laptop and change the filter, see what shadows would look better. He jumped up, tilting the lamp on one side and taking another quick photo. "You need to not look intimidating."

  
"I'm not all that intimidating." Bucky said, laughing a little. "Looking at the two of us, you're more intimidating, even though you're the nicest guy in the world." Bucky commented, thinking a little absently about the two of them in switched positions. Christ, Steve naked. He shifted his hands a little to accommodate for an uncomfortable rush of blood to his groin.  
  
"Don't smile!" Steve said suddenly. Bucky had shifted his hands, and it was perfect. "Don't move, don't breathe you are in the perfect position and—" he trailed off, coming forward with the camera and taking a shot of Bucky's crotch and his hands, then he walked backwards to get the full set. He grinned. "Right. You can put some clothes on, I have to do some digital stuff real quick. Remember how you're standing please," he said, setting down his camera so he could look for his laptop. He didn't seem to be noticing anything else other than his work and his goal. Make up photos he could use for reference.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry for the delay in the updates, I am an awful human being and will take any anger you feel I deserve. I'm just so lazy and I'm not even sure if people like this I'm just ???? Okay anyway enough of self doubt here is the next chapter from our nerds fingers crossed they don't fuck up each other too badly whoopee!!!!
> 
> ENJOY XX

Bucky quit smiling when Steve told him to, and let out a heavy breath when Steve said he could put his clothes back on. "Sorry if I ruined your shot when I started laughing." Bucky told him, still covering himself until he got his boxers on. He put his t-shirt on, too, but didn't bother with pants at all.  
  
Steve shook his head as he came back into the setup, plugging the camera into the laptop. "Nah, right after you laughed you moved your hands and it was perfect." He leaned over the stool with the laptop on it, not even out of his pyjamas, how charming. The fabric hugged his ass a little, not that he was noticing anything other than the files he needed to transfer. "Keep yourself warm and comfy too Bucky, I can make you more coffee, or get you an old sweater for between takes."  
  
Bucky sat down on the couch, holding his jeans in his lap to hide his crotch. "Alright, good. I don't wanna mess it up for you or anything." Bucky chewed the inside of his cheek, hoping to god his half-boner went away before Steve had to take pictures of him again.  
  
Steve was humming lightly to himself as he downloaded the photos, looking up a couple of times and smiling brightly at the brunet. He looked... Really good. Just all the time. He stopped humming when he had to think about filters, but as he'd thought, black and white was the best idea out of the lot. He smiled, and nodded, stepping back to look at the full profile of Bucky and look at how he needed to be contoured up. "So you don't mind about makeup, do you?" He asked, finally acknowledging Bucky again and smiling brightly at him.  
  
"Nope, not at all." Bucky replied. His erection was gone, and he was so glad. That would have been incredibly embarrassing, and he wouldn't really be able to explain it without sounding really, really weird. That just showed the world the will Bucky could have if he tried hard enough... "Do I undress again?" Bucky asked him, gesturing to himself.  
  
Steve nodded, keeping the laptop open as he got the makeup bag out. "I'm going to have to... Accentuate, some of the shadows, which means I'll be getting quite close with the brush. Everywhere kinda thing," he informed, trying to find out which palette to use. Probably greys and whites, to the blacks. "Is that okay?" He asked, taking out a tray and picking up the brush.  
  
"Yeah, that's all good." Bucky said, nodding at him and taking his shirt and boxers off. There was absolutely no way he'd last the whole makeup-application process, not with Steve's hand all close to his crotch, or with a makeup brush all over his body. If Bucky was really lucky, Steve would be too caught up in the art to say anything.  
  
Steve grinned, and came over to Bucky, getting dark grey on his brush and preparing himself to fuck up. "I might not be too quick about this... I uh... I study art and stuff, not make up," he stated, and started by putting the grey underneath Bucky's eyes, dabbing it with the brush lightly and carefully so it didn't hurt. "I'll do all around your eyes, then I'll need you to close them but I'll tell you when."  
  
"Alrighty, you just... Let me know." Bucky said, wetting his lips and watching Steve's expression while he was meant to keep his eyes open. Even Steve's concentration face was attractive- and there was saying something, considering that Bucky looked like a confused alien when he focused on anything.  
  
Steve fell into a comfortable silence, he didn't know if it was comfortable for Bucky, seeing as Steve was right up close to his naked body and it would be deliberately ignorant to ignore the chemistry between them. Maybe Steve should get him a strap.... Steve dropped the brush onto the tray with a little sigh, not wanting to interrupt his flow but knowing in the long term it would save a lot of embarrassment. He stepped away, muttering a– "Be right back," as he balanced the tray on the closest thing and went back to his cupboard. He came out with what looked like the male version of a g-string: nude colored and the only fabric that was there was for the front. He came back over to Bucky and held it out for him. "In case me touching your crotch gets you excited, you should wear this. It's got a little strap thing in the fabric, it's a little tight and feels weird as fuck, but it holds everything to your leg. I've got the photos of the original pose anyway, so the fabric won't be hard not to draw. The stuff up the back goes up your crack though, and that's not a good time. I just thought I'd save some stress," he said, smiling and holding it out with one hand as he turned around with the other to pick the tray back up. "I won't look while you put it on."  
  
Bucky made a face. "No. You know, I'm gonna have to pass on it. I don't want any pictures where I have a Barbie doll crotch." Plus, he wasn't entirely sure whether it'd be much less embarrassing to have his erection pressed against his leg. His position before had been reliant on him getting a little too excited to begin with. That's when Steve had said the position was perfect. He'd deal with the embarrassment- it was part of the picture. "Thank you, though. I think I wore one when I was doing modeling." Bucky said, looking apologetic over the fact that Steve had gone out of his way to get the strap and Bucky had turned it down.   
  
Steve turned and shrugged, flashing a brilliant, euphoric smile that completely opposed the tone of the room. You could say his emotions spiked when he was trying to be creative. That was the dumb-down version. He was like a roller coaster. And he was going to apologize later for it, but at the moment all he did was step right close to Bucky again, dropping his gaze to the palette and silently Bucky's crotch before picking up the brush again. "It's your funeral, doll face." He started up the shadows again, expression quickly dropping to a version of neutral as he tried to go for the smudged look that was just perfect. He even licked his thumb to get it smeared around a little more clotted like.  
  
Bucky actively pretended not to be fazed by all the finger licking and the pet name and the way Steve had (very deliberately) looked at Bucky's dick. Instead, he focused on how radiant Steve was- like sunlight or something else equally poetic (not that Bucky was a really poetic guy, but he was pretty sure that the poetry could write itself when Steve looked like he did). "I asked before what you were trying to capture, but you just told me what you _weren't_ trying to capture. So like, what am I supposed to be in your pictures?" Bucky asked, chewing the inside of his cheek. He could feel Steve's heat even through Steve's clothes, and it was way too arousing.  
  
Steve didn't blink differently as he spoke. "Shut your eyes," he ordered, and when Bucky had done what he asked he started smearing the shadow onto his lids, fingers precise and movements impossibly soft. "Oh, and you're supposed to look submissive," he said almost absently, stepping back and looking at it, and because he was pleased with it, nodded to himself and decided on the next color, this time for Bucky's collarbone and contouring his face. "You can open your eyes."  
  
Bucky did close his eyes. "I can handle submission." He said, being completely honest even though he was laughing a little bit. He opened them when Steve told him to a few seconds later, letting Steve keep contouring his face. He didn't talk anymore, since Steve was working on his cheeks, but he wanted to flirt really badly.  
  
It didn't take long to get shadows under the cheek bones, and because he didn't want any of the face as dark as the eyes it didn't take as long. However, under the chin was a bit more fun and as he got to a dip in the collarbone he almost started blushing. His professional mind somehow overcame that, but Jesus Bucky was gorgeous. "You alright if I do your torso now?" He asked as he was slowly moving down with the brush. He'd go all the way down then move up again to contour the arms, he decided.  
  
"Hardly matters now." Bucky said, laughing just slightly. It was a little forced, but only because he was nervous. "Go for it." Bucky told him, wetting his lips. Maybe it was just the intimacy of it all, maybe that's what was making him feel so weird and jumpy.   
  
Steve grinned again, it came out of nowhere as he chose a light grey to cover on the top of Bucky's pecks, giving highlight. "I'm sorry if this tickles but not really," he said, bringing the brush precariously close to Bucky's nipple but never actually touching it. He just wanted to get this shadowing over so he could get back to what was the most enjoyable: capturing it so he could paint it.  
  
For Bucky, this was definitely the best part of the process- and also the worst. It felt really, really weirdly stimulating, but there was absolutely nothing Bucky could do to, uh, relieve himself. Bucky took his eyes off Steve and started thinking about something gross. It wasn't working out, he was still equally turned on.  
  
Steve bit his bottom lip as he got to Bucky's abdomen, not wanting to shadow them so much that it looked fake, but making them... _more_. He licked his lip where he had worried it, using a light grey between the muscles and a darker one to make the light snail trail under Bucky's naval more prominent. He made sure to go right to the bush of hair by Bucky's cock, not really computing his interest and instead deciding how he would do it. The hair was obviously coarse enough, no shadow needed there, but maybe he could lighten the top or should he just leave it completely. He stopped leaning over Bucky's dick like he was inspecting it for a moment to take in all he had done. Bucky looked like a dark soul, his face shrouded in what could be interpreted as great shame or sadness, and his chest and abdomen looked perfect, like a marble statue. He nearly drew blood from his lip with his teeth as he stared now at Bucky's crotch, having no idea what to do with it. It was perfect, really, but was there anything he could do to add to it?  
  
Bucky was hard as hell, and Steve was staring but apparently wasn't noticing. It was almost more embarrassing that way- why couldn't Steve just move on from there? He'd been staring for what felt like forever- fuck, what should he do? He cleared his throat, trying to pull Steve's attention away from his crotch. He really couldn't stand it, his mind filled with all the things Steve could do to him, especially from down there. "You- uh- lookin' for something?"  
  
When he heard Bucky clear his throat Steve finally looked up, cheeks going a little pink but his mind still whirring. "Your hands will be covering it," he stated, almost as a realization. He slapped his forehead animatedly, and flopped onto his arse, butt shuffling forward so he could start marbling Bucky's legs. The muscles in his thigh needed shading, under his knee, the side of his shins. He started a little nearer the inside of his thigh, finally leaving his lip alone and licking it better with quick, little darts of his tongue.  
  
Bucky put one hand in front of him, catching himself on the stool where Steve had kept his makeup. That was too much. That felt too good. "Shit- Steve, hold on for a second." Bucky said, squeezing his eyes shut and trying again to clear those thoughts out of his head. At that point, Bucky couldn't wait to go film- he needed some kind of release, with or without Steve.  
  
Steve did stop, looking up and frowning for a second until the expression on Bucky's face actually cracked his concentration. Bucky was... Looking really interested in the genital area and leaning over him slightly to support himself, his breathing had picked up and Steve blinked, opening his mouth to say something as the blush hit his face full force. "Oh my god, Bucky, shit, I'm so sorry, I shoulda, I'm sorry." He scooted backwards, putting the brush in his mouth so he could push himself up to standing. When he had, he took the brush out of from his teeth, looking sheepish. "I can... Leave that area for a bit, or... If you're real careful you could use my bathroom, make sure you don't smudge it but..." He trailed off, hoping that Bucky could get the drift.  
  
"No! God, no- I'm not gonna go and jerk off in your bathroom." Bucky said, face incredibly hot. "Just-uh- move on. Move on some. I don't care." Bucky said, so incredibly ashamed. He wouldn't be able to look Steve in the eye after this. He knew he wouldn't.  
  
Steve flushed even more and it disappeared into the pyjamas he was still wearing. "Well... Now that... You know I'm back could you at least—" he cut off and threw the closest dish towel at Bucky and wouldn't look back to him as he said, "Clean it up? It's..." His voice dropped down low, as if the word wouldn't be heard and he could deny noticing or even saying that he'd noticed. "Leaking."  
  
"Oh- Jesus Christ- I'm so sorry. Oh my god." Bucky said, ready to punch himself in the face. "Okay, maybe I should just go, this is terrible. We can hang out some other time." Bucky said, giving the towel back to Steve and hurrying to grab his clothes.  
  
Steve turned and his eyes were wide, heart going to his throat. He stepped in between Bucky and his clothes, hand with the brush in it held up to stop him. "No! No, Bucky you can't go, I've got you perfect. Look, look at you, you look like a fucking god and I'm almost done. I don't mind, seriously, it's totally not weird okay? You can't go." His voice was pleading, desperate, and he held the towel up again, his professional self fighting down the blush as he tried his best to keep his model comfortable. "Please. Just clean up real quick, don't touch the makeup and I'll take barely two more minutes on your legs, then I'll do your arms. That won't be awkward for you, surely..."  
  
"Steve, I got turned on when you started _taking pictures_. I'm not sure any of that's gonna help me." Bucky said, wetting his lips and taking the towel anyway. This was the worst experience of his life.  
  
Steve huffed a breath. "Good, then if you can't help it, use it. Let it show when I take the photos. Make me feel like you need me more than anything else, and do that standing like you don't want to be hit— or something," he finished a little lamely, hoping his pep talk helped maybe a little. He needed Bucky to stay though. This was the first time he'd ever done this makeup crap well, and he couldn't bare it to be ruined. That and... Well maybe he was a little turned on and flattered that Bucky was falling to pieces just by being in the same room naked as him.  
  
Yeah, more than possible for Bucky. He probably deserved to get hit for how awful he was being, and maybe that'd make the boner go away a little bit, and he'd do just about anything to get Steve to touch him to turn him on _on purpose_. "Yeah, okay, got it." He was absolutely never speaking to Steve again after this.  
  
Steve let out a relieved breath, and took a step forward to put the towel in Bucky's hand more firmly. "You... Do what you have to- _don't_ wreck the makeup I swear to god," he said quickly, before setting the tray down. "I'm going to get out of my pj's, I won't be more than five minutes, you'll figure what to do with yourself probably," he said with a bright, calm smile now. Everything was fine. He got to keep his model. Everything was perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg an update after a normal length of time that's crazy!!! 
> 
> ENJOY XX

Bucky was just starting to get angry at himself, and it was a lot easier to cool himself off that way. Self hate didn't generally get him hot and bothered. "Alright, whatever." Bucky muttered to Steve, cleaning himself up. He could have just left while Steve was gone, but that wouldn't have been fair after Steve wasted so much time with him.  
  
Steve started taking off his shirt before he'd even left the room, but thought better of it and waited. He stripped quickly, pulling on a plain black shirt and then some light blue denim shorts. Then if something happened with him he'd be able to hide it easier. He let out a quick breath, already feeling a little tired from being focused for so long, but he had to finish up before Bucky had to go. He grabbed the water bottle from beside his bed, always handy to have them everywhere, and brought it back into the lounge feeling a little refreshed in the change of clothes. "Here," he said, holding out one hand for the dish towel and offering the water bottle with the other. "I'll chuck this in the laundry basket and you get yourself hydrated." He smiled brightly, not even taking into account that the fact that his shirt hugged his torso wasn't probably going to help Bucky too much with his _situation_.  
  
On second thought, maybe Bucky would just never leave the house again. "Maybe we should just keep it nearby in case." Bucky replied uncomfortably, taking the bottle and having a sip. "We should probably just finish up so I can go set up for work." Bucky told him, wetting his lips. He felt rude, but he also felt way too ashamed to hang around much longer. He couldn't take Steve's money.  
  
Steve thought for a second, and flushed just a little bit, but it was a good idea. "Smart move," he said, still smiling, and he snatched the cloth without hesitation and put it over the edge of the couch. It wasn't like Bucky was dirty or anything. "Okay," Steve said, clicking the 'k', "I know this is taking ages, but it's not even close to seven and you promised you would stay and also we're _so_ close so please don't bail," he said, reiterating his need for Bucky to be here. And he took the brush in hand, seeing where he needed to pick back up, and pushed Bucky back slightly with a soft press to his sternum so he was back in the main light. He dropped down again, this time just to his knees, starting with Bucky's knees now instead of his thighs, just to be kinder, but he was already slipping. The artist in him didn't really care if this was stimulation for Bucky, he just wanted it done so photos could be done.   
  
"Look, it's cool if you go over near my crotch, just be quick about it. I know you'll have to eventually." Bucky told him. He shouldn't ever have agreed to this. He hated himself for messing things up- he and Steve could have been a _thing_. Steve had asked for more dates- for regularity, even- and now Bucky was being an over-eager mess, even if it wasn't on purpose or anything.  
  
"I just need to do the inside of your thighs," the blond repeated quite casually, brushing lightly down Bucky's shin bone with a dark grey to emphasize the way they protruded. "I'll do it on the way back up. I may not even paint this far down, but it's good to be thorough," he said, almost absently. He dusted just a little bit of black around the bottom edge of Bucky's feet, making it look like dirt or soot, like he'd been walking through hardship or whatever crap. He tried to make it look realistic, and when he'd decided they looked dirty enough, started making his way back up again, touching up the shins and finally getting to the thighs. He looked up to Bucky, and tried not to grin, but he did and it was impish and playful and entirely cruel and not professional.  
  
Bucky would have been charmed if he wasn't so upset. "Quit making faces at me and keep it moving, Picasso." Bucky said, trying to sound teasing but ending up sounding deflated. It sure would be easy hiding himself from the camera, now that Steve had seen entirely too much of him and Bucky was ready to throw himself out a window.  
  
Steve continued to grin, but it dropped off as he slid the brush where it needed to go. He glanced over the skin, barely touching it but enough to get the powder on it. He got done rather quickly, and pulled away to stand up. He looked at his work and gave a quick nod, but there was more to do, and he stepped in close to Bucky, their hips _nearly_ touching but not because he needed to see the muscles in the light. He put the brush in his mouth and took Bucky's wrist, stepping away slightly so he could look at the arm– the muscular structure, in the light. It was the perfect canvas. "'Ur ar'its 'ic'ish?" Steve asked, brush still between his teeth.  
  
Steve was doing it on purpose. He had to be. Bucky decided he was mad at Steve for stringing him along, for playing with him like this just because he knew he had Bucky wrapped around his finger. "I can't understand you." Bucky said, a little more quietly than he might have before. He thought Steve was a really nice guy at first, but evidently he had a dark side to him or he wouldn't be messing with Bucky's head like this.  
  
Steve used his tongue to turn the brush so it was sitting in his mouth like a cigarette would, the brush end facing Bucky. "Can I ge' da brush by your shoulda?" He asked, blinking innocently. "Will it tickl'?"   
  
"That's fine." Bucky said simply. "I'm not crazy ticklish." Bucky told him, looking away while Steve kept looking him in the eye. He should have left right after breakfast. Returned the money and ditched. He was just a charity case and a good object to boost self esteem, getting all turned on just from having Steve look at him.  
  
Fuck. He sucked. He really sucked.  
  
Steve nodded and pulled the stool over with his foot, dropping the tray onto it and holding Bucky's arm lightly to start getting his muscles defined. He took the brush out of his mouth and wiped the end on his chest. He started up, the color was a light gray, barely anything, but god it did a whole lot of good. "You got nice arms Buck," he mumbled, eyes focused on the sinew, the skin, causing him to blush just slightly.  
  
"Yeah." Bucky replied dully. He might have been flattered if he couldn't see through Steve. Bucky hated getting into these moods, especially when he was naked in a good looking guy's apartment and he had work soon. He hated getting so negative and down on himself. "You think it'll be much longer?" He needed some alone time before his work started.  
  
Steve felt his stomach drop slightly at Bucky's tone, and his hand paused. He may have been trying to focus, but he was now thinking a quarter about how Bucky felt. And it didn't seem good. He looked at the brunet, brush paused on his skin. "You want to go," he stated a little bluntly, getting it out in the air. "I can be charged hourly, I'll put it up to $80, it'll be worth it, Bucky please, I just need to do both your arms," he said a rush, grip on his brush tightening slightly.  
  
"No, I really don't want your money. But I'm not going anywhere, don't worry about it." He _really_ didn't want Steve's money at that point, not when it felt a little like prostitution or something equally ridiculous, even if it wasn't completely unlike Bucky. He was probably close to that point.  
  
Steve relaxed slightly, but as he started up again, he found himself saying softly. "I told you it would take a while, and I offered the thong-thing." If Bucky was bored and uncomfortable it wasn't like Steve hadn't tried to help. "I owe you."  
  
"No, I know." He didn't need Steve to rub it in. "You don't owe me anything. I'm just being dumb right now." Bucky said. He was being so _whiny_. He had or cut that out, or Steve might actually start hating him and wouldn't even bother with trying to cheer Bucky up with the flirting.  
  
Steve flashed a relieved grin, turning Bucky's hand over to get some more grey on top of his arm, hoping he wasn't irritating the small layer of brown hair all over his arm. He continued to smile, and tilted his head. He probably didn't need to go under Bucky's arm, but more on the top where it would be seen. "You're dumb all the time, Buck, I hope you're not shocked with this information." He looked up briefly, eyes light.  
  
"Where'd the nickname come from?" Bucky asked him, bothered by how nice and familiar Steve kept acting. He didn't act that way, though. He kept his tone strictly curious and urged himself not to strangle himself over how beautiful Steve was, or the fact that he was still hard and there was absolutely nothing to be done about it until Steve let Bucky fuck off.  
  
Steve raised an eyebrow. "Huh? Oh..." He trailed off, shrugging with the one shoulder that wasn't doing anything. "It's easier to say?" He tried, tongue touching his bottom lip. "Do you not want me to call you that? I don't-" he cut off, feeling stupid. He must have looked like such an idiot. A nerdy artist with no regard for personal space who was entirely overbearing. "Sorry."  
  
"Nah, I was just curious, it just sort of happened, and I was wondering how.” Bucky covered quickly. He shouldn't upset Steve, not if he wanted to remain comfortable silence instead of uncomfortable silence. "I don't mind you calling me that, a lot of people do." He added.  
  
Steve swallowed, and took a step backwards and moved Bucky's arm around to see it. He put a little bit up on his shoulders, and he muttered, "Sorry," and stepped to the left to start doing the second arm. He turned around and got more color on his brush, not wanting Bucky to be waiting much longer. He had been calm before, but now knowing that Bucky was not too happy... Each second seemed twice that.  
  
Way to go. Guy gives you the time of day you don't deserve, and you complain and make him feel bad. Typical Bucky Barnes. "It's really okay, I don't went you to feel bad about it." Bucky said, chewing the inside of his cheek. He didn't deserve this. It was painful, but it was still too much to give him.  
  
Steve fell silent and nodded, but he didn't have anything more to say. He worked quickly, probably not as much as he wanted or as nicely, but then again that would take so much longer. After a slightly awkward silence, he let out a breath. "Almost done, then you can have a rest and a drink and I'll do your lips."  
  
"Great. Whenever." Bucky said, and he meant it. He was pretty sure he was being rude, but he had a right at that point. Steve was playing him like a goddamn violin.  
  
And Steve did as he said. Despite rushing, he managed to get the marbled effect quite good on Bucky's arms, (must've been the muscles), and when he stepped away be ducked his head slightly, like an apology. He turned and got the cloth and the water bottle, holding them both out for Bucky without a word but with pink cheeks and he kinda wanted to bury himself in a hole. Bucky was going to hate him after this...  
  
"What?" Bucky asked him, eyebrows furrowing together. He took the water bottle and drank, then held the cloth over his crotch. He couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there, honestly. And he was so close.  
  
Steve shrugged with one shoulder, deciding not to bother with shading Bucky's lips and packing up all the make up. He wanted to make them grey, but he could change the lip color when he painted it if he wanted. He didn't say anything, but his expression was a little dark as he brushed past Bucky to put the makeup away.   
  
"What's wrong?" Bucky asked him, frowning. "What's the matter?" Bucky asked. He'd probably upset Steve with all his whining. God, he was such a pain.  
  
Steve turned, and forced a bright smile on his face. He didn't want Bucky worried about him and thinking he was even more pathetic than he was. "Nothing's wrong. I just need to get photos of everything, and then you can go, so... Don't worry." He closed the cupboard and brushed past Bucky again, not wanting to smudge anything. He picked up the camera. "Get into the pose, please," he said, voice a little more firm with the order.  
  
"You can tell me, y'know." Bucky said, but he got into position, covering himself and working the submissive thing. It was easy to look kinda hurt and extremely needy.  
  
Steve shook his head slightly, the shutter clicking as he lined up Bucky's full pose. He looked so fucking good. Aka, out of Steve's league. "Don't worry. Just need to take photos." He lined up for every little bit, using zoom now instead of going up close to the brunet. He managed to limit the closeness to his torso and his arms, he zoomed in on the crotch to get the detail, even though it wasn't as good a reference.  
  
Bucky turned away from Steve a little, but just with his torso, so his muscles tightened under his skin and he gave off more of an image of hiding himself, but teasing by showing Steve his ass. It would be a shock to hear that Steve thought Bucky was out of his league, considering that he was a jobless guy that made money filming himself getting fucked.  
  
Steve was pleased about this, how this was looking, and he stood for a simple ten minutes, he didn't try to make conversation, feeling stupid and clingy. But he was done soon, and he set down the camera, smiling brightly. "And you're free to go. I can give you my make up wipes if you want," he said, plugging the camera in and starting the download process. "Thanks, too, by the way."  
  
"It's all good, I gotta shower anyway." Bucky said, putting his clothes on. "Thanks for breakfast and all. I'm sorry for being a pain during the shoot." Bucky added, frowning a little. "I was trying not to be but it didn't work out."  
  
Steve looked a little shocked, and he shrugged again. "You're totally fine, it's okay." He smiled, going over to him and handing him his clothes, and tucked in the pocket was the forty dollars. "Money's there," he said softly, stopping simply in front of the brunet and looking at him, tongue touching his bottom lip for a moment. He met Bucky's gaze, then dropped it down to the floor, but Bucky's crotch was in the direction of the floor and he looked to the side. "Sorry, thanks... Yeah."  
  
"Really don't want any money, but thank you." Bucky said, fishing for it in his pants pocket and putting it on the coffee table while he pulled on his boxers and jeans. He felt absolutely horrible, and he'd probably end up ruining the whole video.  
  
Steve gaped at him, and he shook his head. "You made a deal," he said flatly, mouth open slightly in disbelief. "You're joking. Bucky, you said this was the deal. Ten dollars less so I could draw you."   
  
"I'll honestly feel a lot better if I walk out of here without getting paid, Steve. I already get paid for being an object in videos, it's really not any better to get paid for being an object in some art."  
  
Steve scoffed. He took another small step forward, bristling again. The brunet was just making excuses for Steve not to help him now. "I won't pass if you don't take it."  
  
Bucky didn't want to get pushed around, but he didn't want to make Steve fail. "No, it's..." He looked really upset. "Okay. Alright. Have a good day." Bucky said, taking it and putting in his pocket. He put his shirt on and headed for the door.  
  
Steve took a step after him, and caught his hand, turning him around. God, he was being impulsive, awful, and Bucky wouldn't want to even look at him after this. Bucky's shirt was going to be covered in make up and he was hard in his pants and Steve felt terrible so as he pressed a rather chaste kiss to the others lips he hoped it was apology enough. Because Bucky deserved at least a kiss. He pulled back, blushing furiously. "Sorry, hey, um. Thanks. So much for doing this and I hopeyouhaveagoodrestofyourday," he said extremely quickly, words running together as he caught the back of his neck. "You don't need to come back if you don't want to, I know I was being an awful employer."  
  
Bucky felt sick. He was getting actual pity kisses, and he was honest to god getting treated like a prostitute. "Yeah, no, I just think... If I model again... Clothes. Some clothes. Something covering my crotch." Bucky forced out. "I better go."  
  
Steve blinked. "I'm sorry," he said again, sounding a little sick. "I didn't– if you don't..." His words weren't working. Bucky had just been drunk. He didn't like him like that. Of course not. "We don't have to. If you don't want me— to be around me."  
  
"That's not really the case. Problem is that I _do_ want to be around you, but I don't want you paying for my company- especially not when I'm naked. It makes me feel like a prostitute." Bucky told him. "Especially considering that I was practically coming even though you were only _looking_ at me." Bucky said, shaking his head again. "I really do gotta go, though. Have a good one."  
  
Steve couldn't say anything in time. Bucky had gone and left before Steve could get a word in, which wasn't fair in the slightest. So... Bucky did want to be– fancied him? The blond frowned, but went back to doing his art. He could think about this whole Bucky business later. "Have a good one," he murmured to himself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please very much note the change in tags as well as the rating. PLEASE NOTE THE CHANGE IN TAGS AS WELL AS THE RATING.
> 
> Shit's about to go down  
> ENJOY XX

Bucky rinsed off and set up for filming, putting his valuables away in his sock drawer. He hadn't really met any unsavory people in his time as a porn star, but he knew that there was a first time for everything and he couldn't always have so much faith in people. He wasn't entirely sure where they'd want or film- his bedroom, his couch, whatever- so he made sure that the whole place was cleaned up. He could order pizza later for the lot of them- he did that when he was with just one person, so he didn't see why it wouldn't apply to a group of people. The guys showed up a little later, and he gave them all condoms. They all agreed to change condoms every once in awhile, and showed that they were all clean. They were desperate, not stupid.  
  
Bucky'd kept a plug in for a while, since it was all pretty new to him. He didn't want to be in agony or anything.  
  
Steve went straight to work after the photo stuff was packed up. He went to adding all the photos onto his computer, he got out a new canvas, and he was very ready to settle into the calmness of painting. He had wanted to do the background first, but he had no idea what he would do after he'd painted Bucky. So he wanted to do Bucky's colors and stuff first. He accidentally used up all his printing money getting as many of things printed on paper so he didn't have to look at a screen, and he stuck them up around where he was working. He was surrounded by pictures of Bucky naked, and while he really would've enjoyed that any other day, it was just helpful now. He worked for hours on end, and the only thing that snapped him out of his working stupor was the alarm he set for him to take his antibiotics and hormone things. He felt gross and groggy, but he'd got Bucky's outline perfect, and his features were coming together in pencil amazingly. So Steve threw the sheet over the canvas to protect it, and worked on making sure he kept himself well. He had a shower, had a chicken salad thing for lunch/dinner, and was filling out a work diary that needed to be completed every piece he submitted. He left out the bit about the awkwardness, the kinda weird situation, but he did say that money was paid, and he needed to sign it. He wouldn't deny him that, surely. Because his mind was a little slow, he didn't bother putting a shirt on, and with a pen an the entry for the diary, he went to Bucky's door. He knocked loudly, but he didn't get a response. Thing was... Steve really needed it signed, so he tried the handle, pushing it open slowly, and calling out. "Bucky? I just have something for you to sign and then I'll be out of your hair."  
  
Bucky was a little busy, to say the least.   
  
He was on his back in bed, legs over one guy's shoulders and a cock shoved in his ass. He deep throated another, the man hovering over him on all fours with his knees on either side of Bucky's head. Beside him, the other man had his mouth around Bucky's cock. They'd already all come at least once, but they hadn't been going long enough to make decent money. They needed more shots, so the camera guy was playing with angles. It was way too much stimulation, but he wasn't exactly concerned about the earlier events of the day anymore. The distraction was a good thing.  
  
Steve could hear noises coming from the bedroom, so he guessed that Bucky must've been studying or something, so he wandered over, and it was open a crack. He pushed it open, about to apologize for just barging in when he froze. He couldn't even differentiate who was who, it was a tangle of limbs and a mash of forced groans, it was rather shocking to see. He gaped for a second, then it clicked. Bucky had said he'd be working this evening, and Steve had entirely forgot. He stepped back slowly, trying not to draw attention to himself, when he nearly jumped out of his skin.

 

"What the fuck?!" The guy said from behind the camera, the only fully clothed person in this entire situation, and Steve put his hands up. "I'm sorry, I'm going, I forgot, I'm going," he said, as the raven haired guy, who looked like he enjoyed this filming just a little _too_ much, yelled "Cut!" And followed after the blond as he tried to make a hasty retreat back to his room. "I'll come back later I'm just James' neighbor I needed a form signed I'm sorry," Steve said quickly, thinking the guy was going to try and kill him, and the flush he had forming went all the way down to his pants and the image was seared in his head. He didn't even know who was who, or if Bucky was even there. "Wait," the guy said, just as Steve got to the door, which the blond did because he didn't like leaving if someone asked him to wait. He turned, looking somewhat like a deer in headlights, and he saw the guy looking him up and down approvingly. He really should’ve put a shirt on after his shower... "Do you wanna join?"  
  
The whole thing came to a stop, and Bucky was an embarrassed wreck. He couldn't believe it- he hadn't actually been able to see Steve, but he could tell who it was by the voice and by the way he sprinted out of there. Christ, Bucky should have remembered to lock the door- he shouldn't have been so stupid. "That was- that was just my neighbor." Bucky said, voice hoarse and face bright pink from both the physical exertion and embarrassment. The guys around him didn't look incredibly happy about the change of events, as they split a part, taking moments to catch their breaths and have some personal space.  
  
Steve stood and gaped at the guy. " _Join_?" He asked in a tone that the offer was entirely ridiculous and not on the table. But he hadn't turned away yet, so the raven haired guy tried to sell the experience.

 

"Extra cash, hot guys, and you get famous kid. Besides, a guy with a body like yours, if you did anything else it would be a waste." Steve should've left right then and there, he should've run to the hills and apologized to Bucky when he was next free. But he didn't. Instead he quietly said, "Bucky's my friend," as if it were an excuse not to, but the camera guy just grinned. He looked to Steve like a hungry shark.

 

"All the more reason huh? He'll make sure nothing will happen to ya." Steve hesitated, eyes looking to the door, and the nice guy in him blurted out– "If you pay me double the final cheque but give it to those guys in there instead of me."  
  
Bucky was apologizing to the guys, and they were brushing it off. Everyone there was an alright person, just trying to get by and all. They all apparently had equally awkward things happen to them, so nobody was incredibly pissed off or annoyed with him. They just said they'd wait on the camera guy to return and get back to it all.  
  
The camera guy was staring at Steve like he'd just spoken in German. "Double the final cheque? Fuck off you aint that hot," he said, and Steve shrugged, his mind actually screaming at him to get the hell out of there before he did something he'd regret. But he just put on a loose smile, thinking of how much Bucky was struggling, how all of these guys must've needed cash, and he put on the sweetest smile he could manage, jutting out one hip.

 

"Well, I _suppose_ I just have to go home then, leave you guys... Alone." He pulled a face like it didn't really bother him, but with a jump of his heart the camera guy spoke. "What's your name? I need to know who to make it out to." Steve turned halfway to look at him. "The money isn't going to me, it's going to the others. How much are things normally?" The camera guy groaned, and held up a finger, using a tone that suggested he was seriously wondering if this new guy was worth it. "I'll be right back."   
  
He stalked into the bedroom, putting his camera on standby. "Have a break guys, the new kid wants to be filled in on some stuff," was all he said before walking out of the room again, leaving the words to bounce around the room slightly.  
  
Bucky frowned- new kid? As if they needed somebody else- how was that even going to work out? Who else could even be showing up? One of the other actors spoke up. "I bet it's the guy that came in. The camera man's gonna try to get him to keep quiet by letting him join."  
  
"Nah," Bucky denied, but his mouth was dry. "He's not that kind of guy."  
  
Steve sat across from the camera guy, turns out his name was Jacob, and listened quite intently. Turns out it paid hourly with extra for special stuff.  And it paid quite good too. And orgies paid better. He had set the log entry on the bench, and he tried not to be self conscious about his bare chest. He couldn't be self conscious if he was going to do what he was organizing to do. Besides, he hadn't gotten some in a while, why not help out some people while getting off at the same time. "So double, which would be around two thousand and it'd go to those guys? You'll show me all those cheques balanced out right? I'll ask those guys too, make sure you do it," Steve said, and Jacob huffed.

 

"Yes, _Steve_ , I'll do that. As long as you keep your fuckin' lips shut and don't tell the university." Steve nodded. "That seems like a fair deal."   
  
Bucky heard Jacob and Steve talking, and he was getting more and more keyed up. He couldn't understand what they were saying, but Bucky was pretty certain what was going on at that point. Fuck.  
  
Steve offered his hand, and he shook Jacob's firmly when he returned the gesture. "Deal, then," he said, and stood, leaving the log entry on the coffee table and going to the bedroom, already flushing and looking at all the other guys apart from one, who he couldn't look at no matter how much he probably should've. "This is Steve, guys, and he's going to be shaking things up a bit for us." Steve offered a small, shy and incredibly apologetic smile, feeling like an idiot and knowing they probably didn't want him here. At least one, maybe. By the looks on one blond guys face he definitely didn't look like he was going to complain. He looked like he was about to call dibs.

  
"Hey," he said, cool demeanor from before slipping as his mind actually screamed at him to balls up and be confident. He'd never been with this many guys in total, none when he was small and two since he'd been big, and this was only slightly intimidating. In fact, because he actually liked Bucky a lot he felt more stupid, but he didn't back down. He was here to help. That was it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fuck cringey porn coming up just a warning :D
> 
> ENJOY XX

"Do you top or bottom?" The blonde guy asked, looking Steve over. Bucky tried not to be angry about it- he'd just thought that if he and Steve were ever gonna do it, it'd be on their own terms and it wouldn't involve a camera and three other guys.  
  
Despite it all, Bucky was harder than before. It was hard not to be, considering that Steve was actually the image of perfection. Bucky reached over to the bedside table and tossed the condoms to Steve.  
  
Steve cleared his throat. "I... Uh. I'm not sure," he said rather simply. He... When he was with those other guys... It was oral and finger stuff. No actual... Stuff. "Which is better?" One of the brunet’s blinked, and he sighed.

 

"You're a virgin?"

 

Steve felt the flush travel more, and he shrugged. "Not with women. And I've been with.. A couple of guys. Just not... You know." He smiled and shrugged nonchalantly, reassuring them it was fine. Because it would be. "I suppose I'll be fine with anything as long as you guys are... Patient."  
  
"Well, we're all versatile. Except maybe Bucky." The blonde guy said, shooting a filthy look Bucky's way. Bucky rolled his eyes, but didn't deny it or anything. He was a bottom 90% of the time, but he didn't really mind the idea of topping once in a blue moon, either.  
  
"Look, I don't wanna be a pain, but if we don't get back to it, I won't get to do homework and all till late." Bucky said, looking at Steve with a frown. It was just sex, he guessed. He shouldn't take it so personally.  
  
Jacob seemed to be thinking about something, and he finally let out. "I'll pay you triple Steve, since you're so cute, but don't say a word to anyone. What is done in here stays in here until it's released on the internet, and because you're all rookies it's anonymous." Steve looked actually quite pleased at that, while the third guy, a redhead who hadn't said a word finally said, "I reckon we should let Steve top. He should be able to keep that one part of him special if he wants."

 

Steve nearly felt like crying. He didn't even know him but he felt really comfortable here all of a sudden. "By the way," the redhead said, smiling softly to him, "That blond one is Toby, short haired brunette is Max, that's Bucky and I'm Sam. Nice to meet you." Steve nodded, letting out a breath and waiting for the others to agree with what Sam was saying. Please, God, let them agree.  
  
Bucky obviously wasn't gonna argue, he didn't really top after all. "Sure, you know me. I'm not into topping." He shot a look at Toby on that note. Toby and Max nodded in agreement, and Bucky wet his lips. "Well, Steve, you should probably put one of those condoms on." Bucky said after a few seconds.  
  
"What?" Steve asked, as Jacob started setting up the camera again, and then he blushed and picked up one that Bucky had thrown to him. "Yeah. I should. l don't have any... Gross diseases either, just saying." He smiled, and seemed to hesitate, which made Max chuckle. "Don't be shy man. We're all gonna be in and around each other in a couple a minutes, just whip it out, get it hard and put that on."

  
Steve's eyes nearly popped out of his head, and he nodded, dropping the condom onto the floor and stumbling around getting his shorts and pants off. How romantic this all was. He stood in full view for a moment, and by this time his entire body was blushing, but it went even darker when Toby whistled lowly. "I'm not gonna fit that without some preparing, any of you guys keen?" He asked, making Steve clear his throat, but talk like that was filthy and he could already feel his stomach curling pleasantly at it. God, this was how he was going to lose his virginity to men huh?  
  
Bucky looked at Steve for a few seconds before speaking up. "I can blow you if you're gonna have any trouble getting hard." Bucky told Steve, deciding he really didn't want Steve touching anybody else more than he had to.  
  
"Take the opportunity." Max cut in. "Bucky has a great mouth."  
  
Steve blushed, and seemed to not function for a second. "Are you sure?" He asked, knowing that Bucky didn't like him like that. "I mean, I'm not dysfunctional." He said, bending over quickly to get the condom. "Only if you're sure you want to."  
  
"Don't be stupid. Of course I want to." Bucky said, getting off the bed and on his knees in front of Steve. He looked to Jacob. "Make sure you start filming, we'll move in to uh, fucking after." Bucky said, then turned his head to look up at Steve. "You good?"  
  
He let out a shaky breath, and because Steve did know how to look at porn, he took a moment to put a hand on either side of his head. He was so nervous. "Wait, wait. Before you start. Do we do the whole... Over acting? Like I'm having the time of my life?" He asked, the other guys were chuckling. It took Steve a moment to realize they were touching themselves to this. Was that a part of it?  
  
"Well, for this part, you don't have to do a ton of acting. I'm really good." Bucky replied, laughing a little bit. "But, uh, yeah, just... Make sure it looks like you're enjoying yourself. You don't have to be _too_ ridiculous, but you should be having fun." Bucky said, taking Steve in his hands. Bucky was pretty sure Steve thought he was a massive whore, but there wasn't much to be done about it anymore.  
  
Steve made a noise that was probably seemed like he was overacting, but to finally be touched by Bucky's hand. "Can we do this against a wall?" He asked, throat catching. "My knees aren't going to hold up." His eyes flicked to Jacob, he wouldn't last very long and he probably wanted to film this, but the cameraman was way ahead of him, the red light was already flashing at him.   
  
Bucky nodded, gesturing to a bit of wall that wasn't covered up by desk or dresser. Once Steve was leaning against it, he took Steve's hand and put it in his own long hair. He liked to get pulled around a little when he sucked people off.  "You good now?" Bucky asked him, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Steve let Bucky guide him to the wall, and despite everything he was actually quite happy how this was working. "Oh– god yes," he hissed, sliding his fingers into Bucky's hair, it was as soft as it looked, he was already nearly achingly hard at the ordeal, and he pulled just a little bit, not really noticing as Jacob directed the other guys to go stand around them, Max falling to his knees for Toby so it was symmetrical, and Sam pressed up in between them, touching himself lightly. Steve couldn't focus on that, not with Bucky between his legs. "Remind you of anything that happened today?" He asked breathlessly and probably inappropriately, but then Jacob called out action and Steve had the right mind to shut his mouth.  
  
Bucky obviously couldn't very well respond when he was taking Steve in his mouth, getting Steve's cock wet to avoid a shitty, dry blow job. He knew Steve was already close, but that didn't mean he was gonna ease up. He'd just let Steve come and then get him up again. It was a damn shame that Steve had to wear a condom. Maybe if they ever had a thing, Steve and Bucky would be able to do this kind of thing with the promise of monogamy.  
  
Steve made a small noise in the back of his throat, and he rolled his head back until it hit the wall, pulling at Bucky's hair just lightly enough that his hands were doing something, because just having Bucky's tongue over him was causing his heart to fly into over drive. He wouldn't have an asthma attack, surely not with him being this fit, but the problem was his heart rate and breathing hadn't gone from 0 to 100 like this in a long time. He had to stroke Bucky's hair lightly as he mimicked a groan coming from beside him, but it wasn't difficult.   
  
Bucky moved right into deep throating, and Steve was large enough that he was nearly choking, but he’d done this enough times to know how to keep his gag reflex on the reigns. Taking his sweet time would be absolutely wasted on Steve, considering that the guy was hardly gonna last as long as a decent blow job. His nose pressed into Steve's pubic hair and he reached up to play with Steve's balls.  
  
Steve bit his bottom lip hard, and almost tasted blood. What Bucky was doing was pure talent. He could see why he did it. " _Jesus_ ," he hissed. Was he allowed to talk? He didn't know. "Fuck, you feel like heaven, fuck, I can't- won't last, you're fucking gorgeous." He was about to crumple, and he shuddered. " _Yes_ , just like that."  
  
Bucky bobbed his head, looking up at Steve through his lashes. He was hard, incredibly hard, and he thought about how good it would be for the camera if he came just from _giving_ the blow job. He wondered vaguely if Steve would fit in him-yeah, Bucky had worn a plug for like two hours and had already been fucked a couple times, but Steve was huge. He didn't know.  
  
And there it was. Bucky's eyes looking at him through his lashes, and Steve pulled upward as everything tensed, and this was very _a lot_ for him and he cried out, eyes rolling into his head and he should be embarrassed by the noises he was making but he couldn't even remember the breathe as his knees gave out beneath him, the sparks flashing behind his eyelids, and he was panting as his cock pulsed into cold air. But Steve was scrambling to find Bucky. Because he felt like he was about to cry. His first proper, mind blowing orgasm and it wasn't even real and he'd lasted little longer than a teenager would. Bucky would never want to date him after the short moment he lasted. He stretched his arms out. "Bucky, Bucky," he whimpered, grabbing for him.  
  
Bucky looked to Jacob, eyes wide. "Christ, cut. Cut." He repeat himself because his voice was hoarse. "He said my name." Bucky said, frowning at Jacob. "He said my name, Christ." Bucky rubbed his eyes and held himself up by resting his hand on Steve's thigh.  
  
Steve vaguely realized there was tension in the other, but he hid his face and the tears pricking at his eyes, the shudders still rolling down his body. His ears were ringing, and he sniffed. He heard dully- "Cut the last bit-" and "-voice over-" but he was trembling, feeling like an absolute tool and an idiot. God, why had he done this? Now he was wetting Bucky's shoulder, wasting everyone else's time. Then he heard, "You made him cry Bucky? Shit, not even I've come hard enough to cry ever." He didn't know who it was, but he tried to hold Bucky closer, feeling exposed and stupid.  
  
Bucky let him, but only because he wasn't sure what else to do. Steve was _crying_ for fuck's sake- what was Bucky supposed to say? "Are you okay?" Bucky frowned at Steve. He didn't get it.  
  
Steve shrugged lamely, not wanting to show his face as the flush started brushing his skin. Except it was shameful, and he shook his head, letting Bucky's skin calm him. Because this entire embrace was all skin. There was nothing between them at all. "I'm sorry," seemed steady enough, and the chuckles it caused more shame to wash his gut. "Buck, you've broken him," came from one of them, but it was followed with a slap and a, "Don't be an ass," from what seemed like Sam's voice. Steve blinked slowly, swallowing thickly. He finally looked up, taking a slow breath as he wiped at his eyes, pushing away from Bucky and thudding his head hard against the wall. "Maybe I'm not cut out for porn," he said, shutting his eyes now.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading through this is the highlight of my day it's so good but so bad omg
> 
> ENJOY XX

"Yeah, not a lot of people are. You can back out." Bucky told him, frowning at Steve. His voice was still hoarse and at some point, probably when Steve came, Bucky had come too. He was glad they were all wearing condoms, because his room would be an absolute mess without them. "We won't judge you or anything."   
  
"I will," came Jacobs voice, and he looked up. "You two have actual chemistry. That's the hottest thing I've filmed in so long, you can't back out on me when this material is available." Steve hesitated, his arms still around Bucky's neck, lazing on his shoulders. "If you stay, each of these guys will get the cheque doubled," Jacob added, and immediately Steve nodded. "Alright. Where do you want me next?"    
  
Bucky narrowed his eyes at Jacob, but didn't argue. Jacob signed his checks, he couldn't just argue with him about this stuff, even if he didn't want anybody else touching Steve like he had. It felt wrong, when the guy was practically a virgin. He shouldn't have his first time be with four guys.   
  
Jacob clicked his finger to get Bucky's attention, which was rather disrespectful in Steve's opinion, but he kept his mouth shut. "Don't know if you can get him onto the bed, help him or something, and get ready to ride him. You guys, you're on the floor watching, which I'm sure you don't mind at all." Jacob was serious about the chemistry then. Steve narrowed his eyes though, he could bloody get to the stupid bed on his own. He pushed up, knees shaky, and using the wall for support as he got his footing, he offered a hand to the brunet. "You sure?" He asked, slightly self conscious about hurting Bucky if they did as Jacob wanted.   
  
"I'm fine." Bucky told Steve, shrugging a little. "Are you?" Bucky asked him. He got the lube off the bedside table and brought it into bed with him. He didn't like having an audience, but Steve didn't seem to mind so much.   
  
Steve minded. God, he minded big time. More than anything he wanted to do this alone with Bucky, lose his virginities in the normal way and take it slow, but at least like this Bucky was getting some more cash in his pocket. "I will be," he replied rather politically, making his way over to the bed and wondering if he'd even be able to get it up after what had just happened. But... It seemed his gut was already curling, so maybe he was more like a teenager like that anyway. "You want me to change the condom?" He asked casually, perching on the edge of the bed lightly. To think, last night they were making out on this bed innocently, and now? Steve huffed a laugh to himself.   
  
It was his mouth and his ass, so it wasn't like he'd be transmitting diseases to himself, but he was a little worried about the condom tearing or something. "Yeah, that'd be good." Bucky said, and Sam tossed him the condoms. "Thanks," Bucky said in his direction.   
  
Steve worked on getting his own condom off without it spilling everywhere, but it was quite full and it took him a moment, when he finally got it off he tied a quick knot in it and wondered where he should put it. Already though, he could see a waste bin the corner already filled with them, and he stood and took a couple of steps to throw it in. He felt like he would be flushed at least a little for the rest of his life after this, and he sat back on the bed, holding a hand out for the condom but not sure if Bucky was gonna help him or if he had to get hard himself. He hesitated, simply looking unsure.   
  
Bucky knew it was a lot easier to get condoms on when the person was hard, so he sat on the end beside Steve and pressed a kiss to his neck, since Steve kinda seemed like a softie in that way. Maybe kissing would be a turn on.   
  
Steve made a small noise of surprise, but he turned his head and exposed his neck a little more, stomach swirling as he touched Bucky's side just lightly. He made a small little noise, and he- out of nowhere- turned his head and caught Bucky's lips on his own, a rough second he held them together, looking an element of unsure, but he pulled away to kiss up Bucky's side and murmur in his ear. The others couldn't hear that well, it was just a conversation between Steve and Bucky. "Do you hate me? Or is there still a chance we can be friends after this," he said breathlessly, catching Bucky's hair in his hand and tipping his head back to look Bucky in the eye.   
  
"I'll let you know." Bucky murmured in response. He tore open the condom and rolled it on Steve, deciding that he was ready and getting the lube again. He pressed another kiss against Steve's neck, sucking for a second.   
  
Steve let out a small noise at Bucky sucking his neck, god he wished this was real and not for show, but he made sure the condom was on properly then pulled away to look at Bucky. "Do you want help? Getting... Ready? That's what it is right? Prepared or whatever, I can help."

  
"I was getting fucked like 10 minutes ago. I think I'm good." Bucky said honestly. Bucky squirted lube on his hand and looked at Steve. "Is it cool if I, uh, get you ready?"   
  
"I don't even know what's going on. Am I just sitting here, or...?" He let out a shaky breath. "What did Jacob want us to do?"   
  
"I'm riding you." Bucky told him, and brought his hand closer to Steve's dick. "I just wanna be sure it's not gonna be like shoving a brick up my ass."   
  
Steve swallowed. "Sorry," he said softly, and he caught Bucky's hand, and brought it to himself. He was rather sensitive still, and he let out a little noise of surprise. "Do whatever you need to do so it doesn't hurt, I'll do anything you need," he said, and he was blushing deeply. This was more than he'd gotten in a long time, and he wasn't really coping.    
  
"It's probably gonna hurt. You're bigger than these guys, sugar." Bucky told him, stroking him and leaning forward to press a kiss to Steve's throat."But I'll adjust."   
  
Steve made another noise, a small whimper, and he shifted backwards. "Well.. I don't want you to hurt. Take as long as you need. I'll probably last longer now, but I'm not sure. I'll do my best."   
  
"I don't mind going a couple rounds." Bucky told him. He leaned back and stuck a finger in himself to see if it he was right about still being stretched. He was, so he gave Steve a few more strokes and switched gears. "You gotta move back from the edge, lean against the headboard." Bucky suggested. "And you can be a little rougher with me. Boss me around a little. It looks better on camera." Bucky told him.   
  
Steve did as he was told, shuffling backwards until he sat at the headboard, but he was panting. "I might say your name again," he muttered, and he put his hand on Bucky's hip, looking up at him with a measure of trust in his eye. "Please don't hurt yourself." He heard a scoff from the floor. 

  
"Stop being nice Steve, fuck his brains out."   
  
"I'm fine." Bucky said, straddling Steve's hips. "Really, you won't hurt me." He lowered himself onto Steve's cock, guiding it with his hand wrapped around the middle, lips parting around a moan. He'd already been pretty hard (quick recovery time), but he felt the blood rush from his head to his dick.   
  
Steve let himself be guided in, and he made a small noise in the back of his throat, chest heaving and he had to hold the bed to stop himself moving upwards. "Yeah, fuck me," he tried, feeling a little weird saying it. "You feel so good Bu-babe. Fuck me."   
  
Bucky winced- Steve was honestly the biggest cock he'd been fucked with, and it was going to take a few seconds for Bucky to even get him all the way in. He managed, though, and then got to work, breathing heavily, letting out a few breathy moans while he shifted himself around on Steve's cock, testing the waters before starting to actually fuck himself on it, pushing up with his knees and then dropping back down. He wouldn't be able to do that forever- his legs weren't that strong- but maybe he'd be able to get Steve to switch positions.   
  
Steve felt like he'd died and gone to heaven. There was nothing that had ever felt this good, surely not. Not even with that one girl before the treatment, that hadn't been this good. He moaned and held his head up to watch him, but his hands were on Bucky's hips and holding tightly, enough perhaps to even make bruises. "You look so beautiful, amazing. So beautiful." He flicked his eyes down to where he was disappearing into the brunet. He moaned again, wanting to move but not wanting to stay still.   
  
Bucky was slowing a little, muscle fatigue getting the better of him. He leaned forward to breathe in Steve's ear, "You think I'll look as good from another angle?" Bucky asked him, breathless from all the exertion and punctuating the question with a nip of Steve's earlobe. He needed to be in an easier position- on his back or on all fours. He didn't care, he just had to take a few moments.   
  
Steve made a small keening noise, and he nodded. "You look good on every angle," he murmured back, speaking from experience. He stopped Bucky by holding his hips just a little harder, and grabbed his thigh to wrap it around his waist, holding him carefully. "Want me to throw you on your back? I'll fuck your brains out," he tried, not looking at the camera but steadily up at the brunet, rolling his hips carefully.   
  
Bucky gasped, the roll of Steve's hips driving him deeper and causing a little bit of pain- the good kind. Bucky replied with an affirmative noise, unable to fully formulate words yet, pupils dilating from pleasure. He liked being taken out of charge. He liked it even more when it was Steve that took over.    
  
Steve grinned, and got Bucky's other leg to wrap around him. He shifted carefully, slowly, kissing open mouthed at Bucky's collar and he felt like he was about to die, and it felt so amazing. He held Bucky up easily, shifting onto his knees, muscles tensing as he kept any of Bucky's weight off the bed as he moved him, and slowly lowered him down, not letting his grip of Bucky's upper thigh relent until he was settled fully onto the bed. He pressed his lips under Bucky's ear, slowly moving his hips now. "Alright? You okay?"   
  
"Yes. Harder." Bucky muttered, wrapping his arms around Steve's neck and rocking his hips a little to get Steve to pick up the pace. "Please." He added after a moment, looking up at Steve with clear desperation on his face.   
  
Steve did as he was told, and his chest was heaving. He swallowed, pulling nearly all the way out and pushing in deeply. "You feel so tight, Jesus babydoll you feel amazing." He picked up the pace even more, changing his grip to have his hands on Bucky's shoulders. "You want me to make you scream? I'll make you scream baby, if that's what you want."   
  
Bucky's back arched, muscles flexing under his skin. His head spun, and it was fucking incredible. "Oh, god- god, yes. Please, yes." Bucky begged him, moving his arms to wrap around Steve's upper body, nails digging into his back. He had actually forgotten all about the camera. It was easy to forget when Steve was doing such a good job distracting him.   
  
Steve grinned, and he was biting at Bucky's neck almost violently, trying to mark his skin but not hurt him. His hips were moving so quickly that they were snapping wetly when they went flush against Bucky's skin, and he found the words falling out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You're a little slut for this aren't you, babydoll? You're fucking pining for me to fuck your brains out, you're a little whore for it." He was growling, and his vision was swimming slightly. "Beg me you little cockslut, beg me to fuck you stupid." His breathing was ragged and he tilted his hips so each time his cock ran over Bucky's sweet spot. "Beg me for it babydoll."   
  
"Yes, oh god, more. Please- fuck-" Bucky didn't know Steve had it in him to say anything so completely fucking  _ filthy _ , but Bucky liked it way too much. He was thinking about the inevitable marks on his neck and bruises on his hips, and how this was  _ exactly _ what he'd be thinking about every goddamn night. What's more, he was thinking about how fucking  _ incredible _ it was to be treated like he could take it- Steve hadn't even asked if Bucky was okay with it, and that made it infinitely better. Every thrust brought Bucky closer, overstimulating his body and senses. A string of almost-unintelligible yes's and please's that only got more desperate as he was brought close to the edge, nails dragging over the skin of Steve's back.   
  
And Steve was dead. That could be the only explanation to why he was in heaven yet everything felt so positively sinful, his back screaming to life as Bucky's nails dragged in, his begging, and Steve was thudding the bed so hard that the headboard was slapping the wall, each thud in quick succession. Absently he heard over dramatic moans coming from the floor, but he was really hissing into Bucky's throat, hissing more filthy things, god he didn't know where they were coming from. The porn he'd watched over the years must've stuck with him. "I'll fill you all the way up, and you're gonna fuckin' cry for me you little skank, you're gonna come crawling back to be fucked like you're nothing because you're worthless. Aren't you? Say it to me," Steve growled, biting hard and out of nowhere, somehow, stilling his hips all together. "Tell me what you are babydoll, and I'll let you come." His chest was heaving, he very may well have been having an asthma attack, but he wasn't concentrating enough about himself to even care. "Tell me. What. You are."   
  
Bucky's whole body was engaged, his back arched to keep the angle and his arm muscles taut to keep his nails in Steve's back mad his leg muscles working to stay up around Steve's waist. His heart was pounding and his lungs were working hard on shallow breathing.    
  
"Shit, yes- I'm- fuck, yes- I'm worthless." Bucky said breathlessly, amazed at himself for formulating any sentences at all. He was impressed by Steve's ability to say things like that, really fucking impressed. And driven crazy. Steve brought about a new meaning of the phrase, 'fucked senseless.'   
  
Steve grinned, and his expression was wild. "You bet you are," he rumbled, crashing his lips to the brunets and starting up again, ruthless and unrelenting this time as he pulled away to breathe and also to look down at how quickly he was moving in and out, fuck it was too hot. But there was no way he was going to come first, so he gripped Bucky's length, slapping between them but so goddamn hard, and jerked at a different pace to his manic thrusting. "Go on then babydoll, scream for me, c'mon you little whore, come around me."   
  
Bucky did scream for him, crying out in pleasure when he came- fuck, he was lucky they were all wearing condoms. He kept up his noises despite being absolutely spent and worn out. He had to make sure Steve finished, after all.   
  
Steve was close. As the warmth spread through the condom under Steve's hand, he stilled his hand, instead pressing it hard into Bucky's hip, thrusting desperately now, a string of curse words leaving his mouth as his hips stuttered and he nearly tore at Bucky's shoulder with his nails as he cried out, forcing Bucky's name to the back of his throat as he tried to keep the slick feeling, but his groin was pulsing and it was sending shivers up his back and yes it was very probable that he was having an asthma attack. He was wheezing, trying to hide it as he lay his head on Bucky's sternum, trembling slightly. "Cut," he wheezed out, feeling a tightness in his chest as the nerves in his cock stung. "Buck, Buck, shit, I need–" he started, but he couldn't get it out. His mind was swimming with lack of oxygen and the last stutters of orgasm.   
  
Bucky let go of Steve, taking uneven, heavy breaths and looking up at him tiredly. "What? What is it?" Bucky asked him, trying to catch his breath again. "Are you okay?" Bucky asked him, doing his best to cool off despite the warm, heavy body on top of him.   
  
Steve was managing to take shallow, little breaths, and while it made his head pound and muscles scream, trying to take deep breaths wasn't going to help him, more the other way around. He winced, pulling his hips backwards. "My inhaler," he got out, limbs shaking as he tried to roll off the bed, but he simply stumbled moving from on top of Bucky and landed heavily on him. "I can't- breathe." He wheezed into Bucky's skin, the blood pounding behind his eyes the longer he wasn't getting enough oxygen. His voice was quiet, barely loud enough for Bucky to hear.   
  
Bucky squirmed out from under him, using what little muscle power he had left to push Steve off. "Where is it?" Bucky asked him, getting out of bed and stumbling all over himself. God, he was sore. He took the seconds it took Steve to reply to compose himself and pull on his boxers. If he was lucky, nobody would be in the hall and smell how much he reeked. The other guys looked at a loss, probably because it wasn't like they had any idea where anything was in Steve's house, or any idea that Steve was literally a superhuman.   
  
"Bedside table," Steve said, more loudly, but it started off a cough that pulled too much air out of his lungs, not letting enough back in, and Steve groaned, covering his mouth and curling into a ball of himself. It was too warm, and he was slightly in pain too, he couldn't think straight. "Middle drawer!" He called after Bucky, not sure if he had even moved or not. He tried to take a real breath, but it got caught in his throat, and he curled tighter, not wanting to freak out. God, his first time with Bucky and he’d cried, and had a medical emergency. It wasn't too at all. "Hurry," he breathed, panic starting in his chest.


	12. Chapter 12

Bucky headed out, going into Steve's room and finding it after only a few seconds. He returned quickly, his legs kind of wobbly but clearly functional. He returned to Steve's side and gave him his inhaler before sitting on the edge of his bed. His ass hurt like hell, but he was managing. "Jacob, we done?" He asked, looking between his costars and camera guy.  
  
Steve was shaking, and the time Bucky had been gone was far too long but when he came back the relief was immeasurable. Jacob was looking hesitant as Steve shook the inhaler slowly, he may not have used it in a long time, but he knew the procedure, and brought it to his lips, pushing down hard and taking a semi-deep breath in, as much as he could manage. He would do that three more times, then he'd apologize to everyone  and see if there was anymore he needed to do. Except Jacob spoke up. "I suppose I can work with what I got. Is he okay?" The cameraman asked, and Bucky's question set off a chain reaction. The other guys were snapping off their condoms and throwing them out. They were definitely done.  
  
"Thanks, you guys." Bucky said, glancing back at Steve and then to the rest of them. "If you need more footage I really don't mind doing a little more." Bucky told him, pulling his boxers off to remove his condom. He hadn't taken it off before going to get the inhaler. "And, uh, Steve? Are you gonna be okay?" Bucky asked for Jacob.  
  
All the others were reaching around each other to get items of clothing, all of them a bit tender but otherwise alright. Steve took another puff of his inhaler, already feeling his chest ease up. "Yeah," he replied quietly, still curled up in a ball to keep hidden. Jacob has gotten out his phone, and he was working out payment. He'd work out how much he owed them and pay them with a cheque right now. A cheque worth double the original amount.  
  
Bucky knotted his condom and tossed it in the trash. He pulled his boxers back up to cover himself, then sat down beside Steve, ass stinging. "What can I do?"  
  
The other guys just lay around the room too, watching the pair of them lazily for something to look at. Steve shook his head, taking one more final puff and turning away from Bucky slightly, the expanse of his back fully turned to him. There was nothing Bucky could do, but it was embarrassing enough as it was. An asthma attack... Only Steve Rogers would have an asthma attack in the middle of mind blowing sex.

  
Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, you guys are welcome to shower. It's the dorm's water, and we don't usually run out." Bucky said awkwardly, trying not to hurry them out or anything.  
  
Sam nodded in response, eyes a little worried for Steve it seemed. "We'll be out of your hair as soon as–" he started, but then Jacob leaned over and gave him his cheque, and Sam's eyes widened. He blinked a little stupidly, and Toby and Max pretty much were the same. Toby swore a little under his breath, Max looked like he'd just won the lottery, and Jacob leaned over to flick Bucky's cheque at him. The total for today, for Bucky, had gone up to $1,548. Jacob didn't look too pleased about that fact, but he was snapping up his camera and there wasn't anything he could do to change the payment now. Steve had steadied out his breathing, looking into the covers, and didn't know what to do. What was he supposed to do? Get up and leave with the rest of them?   
  
Bucky stared at it a few seconds. He didn't usually make _near_ that. He knew he'd get more for doing a group bang, but not that much more. He looked down at Steve. "Where's your check, Steve?" Bucky asked him, catching on a little bit. He rested his hand on Steve's arm and he wet his lips. He ran his fingers over the skin soothingly, waiting on a reply.  
  
Steve shook his head again, not wanting to reply and have Bucky get mad at him. His touch felt so lovely though, and Steve let out a small breath. "I don't get one. That was the deal." And the other guys had already left, it wasn't like they could reverse it. "It's okay."  
  
"I'll split mine. I don't need this." Bucky told him, frowning. "You didn't even know what you were getting into, that isn't fair." Bucky told Steve, rubbing his arm. He didn't like Steve making all these sacrifices. It made him feel like a freeloader.  
  
Steve shook his head. "I don't need it either. And I knew what I was getting into, it's fine." He said, and he felt a small smile touch his lips as he slowly rolled onto his back. Everything was aching a little bit, but he would be fine. "I'm not taking your money."  
  
"You made me take your money. You gotta take mine." Bucky insisted, shaking his head at Steve. "C'mon, please. It'll make me feel more comfortable. I hate taking your cash."  
  
Steve shook his head. "It was never my money. As soon as I agreed, I said that all of the guys in it would get double. That was the deal for me being quiet, for me joined in, and that was it." He shrugged, sitting up and taking the condom off slowly as a flush began to spread. "Just take it, stop stirring trouble. I'm going to keep trying to help, so there's really no point in trying to make me take it."  
  
"I don't want or need your help, though." This brought the whole prostitute-complex up another level. Steve had made Bucky get paid extra for fucking him. "In fact, I hate that you're still trying to pay me for no good reason when I told you I don't like it." Bucky said, frowning at Steve.  
  
"It is a good reason. Your happiness actually is something that has become important to me over... The past... Couple of days...." Steve said, trailing off at how silly he seemed. "I just want you not to be struggling, is that such a bad thing?"  
  
"No. It sounds really fuckin' noble, Steve. But you're missing the point. I want to make my own money and not have to rely on someone else. It's a matter of independence, not how much I'm struggling."  
  
"You don't have to rely on me. You have-" Steve leaned over to look at the cheque, and let out a low whistle, "over a thousand bucks in your pocket. And you earned that yourself. So... It is independence."   
  
"No, I earned half of it myself." Bucky said, shaking his head at Steve. "You earned the other half."  
  
"And it was my pleasure," Steve shot back, tying a knot in the condom and then standing to go put it in the bin. He stumbled, but caught himself in the wall, gripping his inhaler tight. "It's still my pleasure obviously, my legs ain't working right."  
  
"It was mine too, so you should take your goddamm money." Bucky said, gritting his teeth. "Please."  
  
"All that is under your name, not mine," Steve retorted, standing up straight and discarding the condom. "None of those other guys were bothered. Please keep it."  
  
"It makes me really fucking angry that you think it's okay. It isn't." Bucky told him, shaking his head. "Let me make money on my own terms."  
  
Steve didn't reply, leaning over and picking up his pants and tugging them on, wincing at the sensitivity. After a moment of silence that meant the tension had grown thick, Steve said quietly, "I won't do it again. I'll never give you money again. If you take this."  
  
"I want you to stop _now_ , though." Bucky told him, shaking his head. "Just let me do what I want, okay? This isn't your place."  
  
Steve didn't reply, tugging on his shorts now and taking another mouthful of medication from his inhaler for good measure, when he stopped and turned to Bucky. "I have a canvas to keep working on. I'll text you if I need you back, but you don't have to come," he said simply, turning his back on the brunet and moving as if to move out of the bedroom. Bucky couldn't give money to him if Steve didn't want to take it, and it was already made out so it wasn't like Bucky could split it. Leaving seemed like the most simple way to avoid an argument.  
  
"You know, I don't really want to see you again if you're going to keep treating me like charity, alright?" Bucky said, frowning. "It isn't like you just give hundreds of dollars to all your friends. I know better than to think that's what I am to you."  
  
That made Steve stop in his tracks. He turned, leaning on the door frame. Perhaps he'd go home and rest... "I only have two friends that are not you and they're not struggling to pay for college. Besides, I don't want you to be my friend." He took a quick breath, speaking again before Bucky could jump to any wrong conclusions. "I like you too much to want to be only friends."  
  
"That's almost worse. I don't want you paying me to be your boyfriend or whatever." Bucky said, shaking his head at Steve. "Do you get where I'm coming from?"  
  
Steve nodded. "I do get it Buck, but listen to me. I know how it feels to not have enough money okay?" He grit his jaw slightly. "I just want you to feel like you don't have to have... Microwave pasta for dinner every night. Get where I'm coming from? I ain't trying to bribe you to be my boyfriend, hell knows that you wouldn't stoop down so low to date me, but I just want you to be happy. And money gets the means to be happy, despite what everyone says."  
  
"Don't be stupid. Dating you is hardly _settling_." Bucky said, rolling his eyes. The guy, as expected due to his experiment, was literally perfect. Steve had to be shitting him. "I just want to make myself happy on my own, I don't want to have to have help. Can you understand where I'm coming from?"  
  
Steve put a hand to his own cheek, hand cool against the warm flush that had grown. "I do. But why can't I be the one to help you be happy? I'd love to be that person... To you. I'd love to help you and make you happy and be the person that makes you happy." He cleared his throat and dropped his gaze.  
  
"You could make me happy by _not_ giving me money when I ask you to stop." Bucky said. "There are a million better things you could do to make me happy. Go to dinner with me. Talk to me. Ask me to watch a movie. Christ, you could just fuck me. I just don't want to be handed money. That's all."  
  
"I'm not going to give you any more," Steve said very seriously, and he meant it. If Bucky took that cheque and banked it all then Steve would never try to pay him for modelling, for dinner or anything. He just wanted to help. "Besides, I didn't even hand that to you. Jacob did."  
  
"Yeah, but it's the money _you_ earned!" Bucky insisted. "God- it's like you're not listening to me."  
  
Steve shook his head. No, he wasn't really listening to Bucky because his points were not what Steve wanted them to be. "It didn't count as earning it because I was doing it for you. I enjoyed myself way too much for it to be considered work," he said with a cheeky smile, looking a little pleased with himself.  
  
Bucky looked at Steve for a few seconds and narrowed his eyes. "It's still work. It's a job. A profession, even. You did it. You should be paid for it. That's all there really is to it." Bucky said firmly.  
  
"But I liked it. I... Well you being all over me is the best I've felt in a long time. My job is keeping myself healthy and I get paid for that, so there's no worries." Steve smiled brightly again, but he felt more than a little hurt that Bucky wasn't returning the sentiment.   
  
It was hardly that Bucky hadn't enjoyed it or anything, it was that Steve missed the point. It was still work. It was hard for Bucky to see it as anything else when there was a camera on him and the promise of money. That was pretty hard to shake, no matter how much he liked Steve. "You can like a job, though. It's still a job." Bucky was sick of arguing about it.  
  
Steve shrugged again, and he saw the look on Bucky's face and his heart dropped. So... He hadn't liked it as much then. He'd just been doing it for the camera. "I'll keep that in mind the next time I do a porn video," he murmured, whole demeanor dropping. "I need to get home, I'm shattered. Ugh... There's a form out here for you to sign about the modelling thing, but I'll bring it back tomorrow okay?" He asked, not wanting to feel like he was being rejected. He was, but he didn't like the feeling that went with it.  
  
"Yeah. I'll sign whatever you want." Bucky said, giving up. He'd just drop the money off after he cashed the check. He ran his fingers through his sweaty hair and sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow, then." Bucky told him, flopping on top of his bed.  
  
“Yeah,” Steve said quietly, but he left the door frame without high hopes on that. The thing gnawing at him was the fact that he’d just lost his virginity, to a gorgeous, charming, perfect guy, yet all that this said guy could think about was how it was all about money. It wasn’t fair, not really. It didn’t even seem like Bucky cared about the fact, and Steve picked up the form, swallowing thickly as he went back to his room. He couldn’t help but feel like he was fleeing a scene of a crime.


	13. Chapter 13

It was a tough decision for him actually, the next morning, when he held the phone in his hand. He could try and talk this out with Bucky, ask and actually communicate, but he was a coward. He already clingy and Bucky surely thought Steve was obsessive. Obsessively trying to give him money, doing his best to ignore him as a person as he was working with him as a model. Bucky just thought of him as a neighbour… There was nothing between them reciprocated, and Steve would only continue to embarrass himself he stayed next to him. So he spent the whole day packing up, calling Sam around to help him- his muscles were wary, but he managed to convince his best friend that he needed a change in location. Sam was apprehensive, the psychology major definitely knowing something was up, but Steve was not going to talk about it. And Steve Rogers, as much as he wanted to stay, called campus HQ and asked be moved dorms. It wasn’t hard. Steve didn’t make a fuss of things, he didn’t make any trouble, so they gave him a room identical to the one he was leaving, just as far away from a certain brunet’s room as possible.  
  
He sent a single text though, after telling Sam he needed to be quiet getting his things to the cart they were using to move all his clothes, his pictures all in files, his cupboard of art things tidied out, his kitchen the last thing moved because chilled food. The text simply said, because Steve didn’t want to say nothing at all,  
  
_I’m sorry. SR_  
  
After that, he blocked the number. He wouldn’t find it too hard to not pine over a guy he’d only met two days before. Right?

  
Bucky was mad about it.  
  
He knew he didn't have a right to be, considering that he hadn't exactly been straightforward with Steve all the time, but when Bucky knocked on Steve's door and stuck his head in to give back the money and that form, he was met with an empty room that he didn't expect.  
  
Steve could say all he wanted about wanting to be in a relationship with Bucky, or about how he thought Bucky was worth two shits, but it was pretty obvious that none of that was true if he ditched right after with only a text to apologize.  
  
Bucky halfheartedly looked for him on campus, but he never found the guy. Something told him it was better that way.  
  
It took Steve a month and a half and a nearly finished painting to realize he didn't have the signed form. He was preparing to send it in for marks, and under the sheet the canvas lay ominously. Steve had forgotten entirely about it, having left in such a tizz, but the day came where had added what he thought was the last brush stroke and he didn't have the opening log with proof of payment for his portfolio.   
  
Steve had nearly vomited when he realized. That meant... Going back to where Bucky was and hoping to god that he hadn't left, or starved or died or anything horrible, and hoping to god he hadn't thrown it out.  
  
The month had been relaxing, calm, Steve was doing what he needed to do and was getting top of class marks again, but it felt... Boring. Two days with the brunet showed that his profession could be a lot more fun, and god... Steve missed the guy. It was pathetic, and this kinda clingyness was one of the reasons he'd left in the first place, but as it turned out it had all been for nothing anyway. He had to go back.   
  
Steve wore simple clothes, the black shirt from the session they'd had, some jeans, and he knocked on the door as confidently as he could manage, and smile on his face. He wasn't sure how Bucky had reacted to him leaving, but he wasn't going to chicken out. He needed that log and Bucky's signature.  
  
Bucky had never really been a straight-A student, but he passed with high B's most of the time and could manage to get good grades when he actually bothered to study. Frankly, he found that there were more important things to do.  
  
However, he also needed a lot more distraction. He started work study at the library, getting paid to do almost nothing, and he studied hard during those days when nobody really came in. He tried not to look for Steve all the time. It wasn't like he'd know what to say if he did see Steve.  
  
He swung his door open, assuming it was someone asking to borrow notes or something (he'd met a lot of other political science majors on his floor), but found Steve standing there instead. His expression changed to something a little darker.

  
"Hi. It's you."  
  
Steve broke into a bright smile as he leaned on the open doorframe now. He hadn't been punched, so Bucky had probably just forgotten about him and gotten on with his life. Hopefully the money Steve had got him helped a bit, Bucky looked really good so maybe? "Hey, yeah, it's me. Do you have the log form thing that I wrote up a little while ago? I think I left it here and I kind of need it to pass when I submit my work." He knew it was really out of the blue, but it was probably only him who felt really bad about it. Bucky probably didn't even care.  
  
Of course. It had nothing to actually do with Bucky.  
  
"Yeah," he said, deflated. "It's on the counter with the cash I owe you. Come in for a second while I get it." Bucky said, moving out of the way and letting go of the door for Steve to come in and shut it behind him.  
  
He headed to his kitchen counter and grabbed those two things, which had been paper clipped together in case he saw Steve on campus for once.  
  
Steve did move into the room, but it was slightly hesitant. He didn't actually know how Bucky felt towards him. There was no indication. "I'll just have the form thanks," he said quickly, moving back towards the door so he could take the form and flee. "I mean, I'm flattered but you should've spent that money by now so don't worry about it." This was a great idea of course, start a fight about money the moment he came back. It was the best idea he'd ever had.  
  
Bucky wasn't gonna fight him on it. "Take it and go, please. I'm not arguing about it." Bucky said, handing him both. "Have a good one today."  
  
Steve blinked, and he couldn't help at being dismissed so readily. He did take it, swallowing thickly and feeling like he had the day he'd moved. He nodded, murmuring a small thank you, but he got to the door and he stopped. "Hey- maybe... I- well, perhaps..." He tried, but nothing actually was coming out, and he shrugged lamely. Bucky wasn't making an effort, he'd never... He wouldn't go for him, what was he doing? "Bucky?" He asked, looking up and holding the form tightly with the cash. He didn't want to take it, but Bucky wasn't going to concede, so what was the point in making him mad? Besides, it had been a job, nothing more apparently.  
  
Bucky looked relieved when Steve took it, tension releasing from his shoulders and expression softening. He'd be able to forget Steve a lot more easily when there wasn't the pile of cash that belonged to Steve staring at him every day, reminding Bucky that he still owed Steve something. "Yeah?" Bucky asked.  
  
Steve took a breath in, and tried to think of something to say, but he couldn't, and he looked distressed for a moment. "I just... Do you– did you...?" He settled on, even though it wasn't a full sentence.  
  
"What?" Bucky asked, frowning a little in confusion. He didn't know how Steve expected him to know what he meant with just a few words. It wasn't enough to go off of.  
  
Steve kept his eyes focused on the floor, and he spoke again, mumbled so quietly he could barely make the words out himself. He didn't speak up though, blushing and feeling stupid.   
  
"Steve?" Bucky asked, frowning more. "What is it?" Bucky stepped a little closer in case Steve said it again. He wanted to hear, of course. He'd been trying to find and talk to Steve for a month, after all.  
  
"Did you even miss me?" Steve said loudly, looking up with a guarded gaze, and he huffed. "Because I left and I felt awful for a month and now it's like you didn't even notice I was gone. Which I wouldn't be surprised, but I still feel like crap with everything being one sided."  
  
Bucky shook his head at Steve. "Yeah, I missed you. There was a lot of stuff left unsaid and you told me you wanted to be with me. I thought you'd go through with it." Bucky said. "Then I come over the next day and your room is completely empty. Forgive me if I was confused by the mixed signals."  
  
Steve grit his jaw slightly. "Mixed signals? You told me that me losing my virginity to you was nothing more than a job. You made it pretty clear that I didn't mean that much to you. And you wouldn't even let me help. I was pretty sure that you didn't want me next door." He scowled at the wall, not really in the mood.  
  
"You weren't a virgin, you've slept with women haven't you?" Bucky insisted. "It was a job. We were on video. We had an audience. It's pretty hard to shake the fact that a camera is rolling while you're fucking someone."  
  
"I can have more than one virginty." Steve said almost immediately, and he swallowed again. "I forgot we were being watched. I... It was the best I've felt for a long time. Whatever. You want me to go then?" He asked, a little sharply.  
  
"I didn't say I wanted you to leave." Bucky replied. "But just- realize that maybe you have a different definition of what counts as work and what counts as a relationship. Maybe it was easy for you to forget that we were on camera. I couldn't."  
  
Steve let out a breath, and he leaned heavily against the wall. "Okay." He licked his bottom lip, and a heavy silence fell over them. He cleared his throat thickly, and he murmured now, to slice the tension and at least talk to Bucky a little bit before he left again, "I've almost finished the canvas I need to submit, I... I'm really proud of it. So... Thanks for modelling for me."   
  
Bucky shrugged at him. "Yeah, sure, any time." He didn't mean that, though. Seeing Steve again had been enough indication that they never would work out. Sex didn't mean they were in a relationship. If Steve saw it that way, there was nothing Bucky could do. "For future reference, when you move out right after you have sex and wait a month to contact the person you were sleeping with, it looks really bad. It probably looks even worse than when I say it's a job."  
  
"Just because it was a job didn't mean I had a shitty time or anything." Bucky was positive that he'd said that. "Once again, you were literally handing me money for having sex with you and you didn't seem to care that it was on camera. That's as much of a job as anything. I thought you knew what you were signing up for."  
  
Steve shrugged. "This conversation is going around in circles. Our... Camera sex meant more to me than it did to you, I should never had tried to give you money, I'm a coward and you're out of my league. What do we do about that?"  
  
"I'm not out of your league, don't be an idiot." He took a breath. "What's your goal? What do you want from me?" Bucky asked finally.  
  
Steve looked up. "What do you want from _me_?" He retorted. "I didn't even know I had a chance with you, I hadn't planned anything." His tone was slightly bitter, and he huffed.   
  
"I _wanted_ to take you to dinner. Now I'm thinking that's a terrible idea." Mostly because Steve was acting like it was all his fault.  
  
"Why would that be a terrible idea? Do I need to fall on my knees to show you that I definitely want to... At least have _something_ with you? Cause I will drop to my knees, I like you a lot." Steve smiled slightly, and his cheeks went a little pink. He didn't even know what was happening with this conversation. There was too much space between them, the words were neither here nor there, so he kind of felt like he was up the creek without a paddle.  
  
Bucky paused. Steve was in a much more forgiving mindset than Bucky was. It would be smart for Bucky to try and let it go. "We should get dinner before any of us get on our knees."  
  
"It's not dinner time," Steve said, and he broke into a grin. "But maybe tonight? Or... Not. Whenever you're free. I'm sorry, by the way, about the whole leaving thing." He rocked on his heels now, slightly embarrassed. "I may have overreacted?"  
  
"Yeah, I still have another class at 4:30. Maybe after." Bucky replied, swallowing.  
  
Steve started to say, "I'll text–" but he cut off. "I'll unblock your number and you can text me?" He offered, trying to quickly say it so Bucky didn't point it out. "Whenever you're... Whenever it suits you best."  
  
Bucky forced himself to smile even though Steve had admitted to blocking his number. He didn't want to go on this date at all. It was going to go downhill real fast. Maybe Steve was just looking for Bucky to put out again. He let it slide. "Sure. I'll text you after, class is out at like 5:45."  
  
Steve nodded, and his grin was huge. Maybe he did have a chance. "I really look forward to it," he said, looking over his shoulder to the door. "So... I'll- get going then?" He asked, taking a step backward as he blushed. Did Bucky want him to stay? Go? There was no way for him to tell. Bucky seemed neither here nor there, just like their conversation had been.  
  
"Yeah, that'd be good. Don't think I'm trying to rush you out, either, I just gotta finish some work." Bucky explained quickly.  
  
Steve nodded, and kept walking backwards until he nearly crashed into the wall. "Yeah, cool. That's cool. Thanks, sorry, I... I really look forward to seeing you again," he said earnestly, before stepping around the frame and giving a small, awkward wave thing. What was he thinking? Bucky was going to think he was crazy. "Bye." And then he stepped out of view, starting on his way back to his room. Should he have told Bucky what his room number was? "'That's cool'," Steve repeated, mocking himself.  
  
Bucky closed the door and rubbed his eyes, heading back in to do his work. He couldn't focus anyway, thinking about all that could go wrong that evening. He was positive that Steve would change his mind about Bucky before the end of the night.


	14. Chapter 14

[ _Later that day, around... 4:45_ ]

  
Hey. It's Steve. I can text you again! SR  
  
**I'm in class, Steve. B**  
  
Oh. SR  
  
Oh! I'm sorry. Am I interrupting? SR  
  
**I mean, it's just a group work day, but the person I'm doing my presentation with is gone. B**  
  
What's it on? SR  
  
**Bioethics. Ours is on in vitro fertilization. B**  
  
Sounds... Like something I have no idea about. Care to explain? SR  
  
**It would take a really long time. I'm for it, though. B**  
  
Who's your partner? Are they sick? SR  
  
**Yeah, she has mono. I might just leave. B**  
  
**Oh, her name's Maria. B**  
  
She cool? SR  
  
**Yeah, and she could kick my ass if I said otherwise. B**  
  
**What are our plans? B**  
  
You were telling me weren't you? SR  
  
I mean I can look for a place but if you just want casual maybe you'd better pick. SR  
  
**I was telling you what? B**  
  
**I'm really not picky. What kind of food do you like? Do you have to diet? B**  
  
What the plans were. SR  
  
As long as it's not take away I'll be fine. I can splurge. I don't think I've eaten anything unwhizzed in about three weeks. SR  
  
**You could get sick. B**  
  
Nah, have you seen me? The worst I've been healthwise for months was when I had a mind blowing orgasm and that won't happen the middle of a restaurant so.... SR  
  
**Well, I fuckin hope not. B**  
  
**You gotta tell me what you like eating. B**  
  
I like everything. I'm not a fuss pot. SR  
  
**But it's your binge day. B**  
  
So I'll binge then. No problems. :) SR  
  
**I just don't want your day to be shitty because you don't like the food. B**  
  
Bucky, you're over thinking this you realize? If there's a menu I can choose what I want. I do know how to go on a first date. SR  
  
Where would you take someone on a first dinner date? SR  
  
**I haven't been on lots of dates. B  
  
There are just too many options. B**  
  
Where have you been before? SR  
  
**That's a broad question. B**  
  
Where have you eaten before where the food was good? SR  
  
**Uh, how do you feel about pizza? B  
  
Or burgers? B  
  
I know some good junk food places, basically. B**  
  
Like restaurant pizza place or order it in? SR  
  
**Both. B**  
  
Which would you rather? You wanna dress up or chill at one of our dorms? SR  
  
**I picked the food, you pick the place. B**  
  
Well, I know of some people who've gone to a really nice char-grill open fire pizza restaurant thing. Don't know what it's called but I know how to get there. SR  
  
It's almost fancy. Nice clothes required. SR  
  
**That'd be fun. B  
  
I can dress up. B**  
  
It even opens only in the evening. I'll have to book and it may be a late booking is that okay? SR  
  
**Sure, I don't mind. B  
  
Did you want to meet beforehand or just wait till we go to dinner? B**  
  
Well... I have been wanting to get out my bike for ages and maybe you want to go for a spin on it with me? It can be your luxury travel. SR  
  
**Yeah, sure. B  
  
You're a safe driver, right? B**  
  
Did you seriously just ask if I'm a safe driver? I'm offended. SR  
  
**I'm just making sure that you're not gonna struggle staying focused with us all pressed together. B**  
  
Oh, you're asking if I would rather focus on you then my own safety. That's cute. Yes, I'm a safe driver. My bike is my baby, and frankly I don't want her totalled. SR  
  
**Ouch. B  
  
I'm going back to my dorm now. What time do you need me ready by? B  
**  
I'm joking! I'm kidding. I would use emojis but then I would get carried away. SR   
  
Ahhh, at the moment the only available time is at 9:00 does that suit? It means it'd be around 8:30 me pick you up. SR  
  
**That's fine, sure. B  
  
Let me know if you want to do something else before. I'm free and all. B**  
  
Something else like a movie? SR  
  
**Something else like whatever you want. Not sure we have enough time for a whole movie unless it's on the short side, but maybe a show or something. B  
  
Or like you said, a bike ride or something. B  
  
Or nothing. B**  
  
Do you want to do something? I'm up for pretty much anything. SR  
  
I'm good at board games. SR  
  
**I am terrible at boardgames. I do not need a reminder that I'm inferior. B  
  
We could just meet and see where it takes us. B**  
  
You wanna meet up straight away? SR  
  
To the library, or a park? Are we getting ready together? SR  
  
**Ugh, it's a lot more difficult than I wanted it to be. I was just thinking we get dressed, you come here or I go there, we talk and stuff, then whatever. B  
  
Now I'm kind of thinking I'll just do homework in case we get back late. B**  
  
Well we don't want to go overboard I guess. We have all the next dates to sit around and talk okay? I'll come around at eight thirty and you'll be ready to go? SR  
  
**Yeah, that'll be good. I'll see you then. B**


	15. Chapter 15

Steve was ready by eight. He wasn't creepily eager, he just didn't want to be late, and the fact that he'd started getting ready at half six was definitely not him being too eager. He wasn't wearing anything too fancy, he was to be riding his bike for the first time in a while, besides he didn't want to be over dressed. So he was wearing a simple white undershirt with a black blazer and dress pants. He put on a little bit of eyeliner too, not because he thought he needed it but more because he was being harassed by Nat to over text. He left his hair wet and tousled, and at eight thirty he walked to Bucky's, knocking softly on the door and texting him too.   
  
Knock knock :) SR  
  
Bucky had dressed simply, as well. He wore a blue linen button-down with a tie and nice, dark wash jeans. His hair was pulled  back in a ponytail, he'd shaved, and he'd cleaned up a pair of combat boots for the date. Bucky heard Steve knock and took a deep breath. He felt positive that things were gonna tank.  
  
He headed to the front door and got the text notification just before he arrived. He swung the door open. "Hiya." Bucky greeted him, smiling politely.  
  
Steve broke into a wide smile when Bucky opened the door, and from behind his back he brought out a simple, singular red rose. "Heya neighbor," he joked, and even if it wasn't the best joke he quickly covered it up by saying, "You look amazing. Hopefully my helmet doesn't mess up your hair or anything." He offered the rose to the brunet, hoping it wasn't too cliche and awful.  
  
Bucky took it, and his smile changed to something more amused. "Come in a second while I put this in water. You sap." Bucky said, heading inside and filling a glass of water. "And my hair will be fine. Promise."  
  
Steve blushed at the teasing term, and he did come inside, wiping his hands on his pants hoping that tonight wasn't the night he decided to get really clammy hands. It wasn't a common occurrence, but not impossible. "I'm not gonna complain if it gets a little tousled," Steve said, ruffling his own hair slightly to emphasize a point. "You might though, and we wouldn't want that," he teased, grinning slightly as once more he stood leaning against the wall.  
  
"I don't care, dummy." Bucky said, rolling his eyes. "My hair looks great all the time." Bucky put the rose in water. "Let's hit it."  
  
"'Let's hit it'," Steve mimicked in a teasing tone, and he offered his hand for Bucky to take. "Come on then, we wouldn't want to be late for our reservation," he said ready to pull Bucky along on a little adventure.  
  
Bucky took it and went off with Steve, locking the door behind him with one hand and putting his key in his pocket with his wallet. "Thanks for doing this. It'll be fun."  
  
Steve broke into a grin, and waited patiently for Bucky to lock up. "You betcha it is. This place, it's called the Grill-House, it's got so many awards and stuff, you don't even know," he said, relishing in the feeling of Bucky's hand in his own and squeezing it slightly even if the position was slightly awkward.  
  
Bucky started out with him again after he'd finished. "Sounds great. I love pizza, especially really good pizza like that."  
  
Steve started dragging Bucky behind him, setting a quick pace that was nearly jogging. "Well, the sooner we get there right?" He asked, grinning over his shoulder. He was just so excited, and his bike hadn't been out of the parking lot in so long. After they got out of the main dorm though, Steve slowed down, letting the darkness envelop them. The stars were out above them, and Steve took them on the footpath, which were illuminated by the streetlights. "I haven't been on my bike in so long. It's a two seated bicycle so it may be a little rusty." He said, keeping a serious expression.  
  
"Really? I thought you'd be the kind of guy with a handlebar seat." Bucky replied teasingly, letting Steve pull him along and doing his best to keep up.  
  
"Nah, it's got like tassels on the seats and the wheels light up," Steve replied, finally stopping at the parking lot and using the key tab on his keys to bring the bar up. He was grinning, and he nearly tripped a couple of times but managed to get to the motorcycle, sitting square in the motorcycle parking, gleaming black and gorgeous. "Did I tell you it was painted pink?"  
  
"Fitting. The republicans will throw a party over _that_. Two men riding a pink bicycle- the world must be turning to shit." He chuckled.  
  
"Maybe we should sit _extra_ close, make them real mad," Steve said, letting go of Bucky's hand and freezing as he looked at the bike. "I only have one helmet," he stated, and looked to Bucky. "Is that okay? If we go bare headed? I mean, I'm gonna drive safe, but... Yeah. Is that okay?"  
  
"I don't really care." Bucky said, shrugging. "You said you were a safe driver, and you don't drink." Bucky replied. "So it's no big deal."  
  
Steve nodded then, feeling a little flattered. "That's... Thanks." He climbed onto the bike and stuck the keys into the ignition, starting it up and it rumbled beneath him like an angry tiger, causing Steve to grin at Bucky with an ecstatic expression. "Climb on baby," he said, in a low, teasing voice, scooting forward and waiting patiently for Bucky to do as he offered.  
  
Bucky climbed on behind him, hoping he wasn't already looking flustered from Steve's low voice. He wrapped his arms around Steve's waist, resting his chin on Steve's shoulder.  
  
Steve made sure Bucky was holding on tight, shifting backwards until their bodies were flush together (it was the safest way to be, nothing more), and revved the engine, already feeling the anticipation of riding. "You ready to rumble?" He said loudly over the engine, turning his head and getting a fright at Bucky being right there, but he didn't mind. "Holding tight enough?"   
  
"I'm all good, Steve. Let's goooo." Bucky said, giving him a squeeze. He was feeling a little better so far, starting to lose the vibe that Steve was trying to get in his pants again. He was loosening up.  
  
Steve revved the engine loudly once more, for once not worrying about anyone else, and kicked off the ground, the bike rumbling and purring almost like it was eager to get going. Steve was grinning, and as quickly as he could got them onto the roads. He started off slow with the pace, weaving through cars and actually being a considerate driver, but he glanced down at his watch and realized he only had five more minutes to get to the Grill-Pot in time. So he used it as an excuse just to go a little faster, letting the wind whip up his hair as he travelled at the speed limit. A couple of time he whooped loudly, say if they had to tilt a bit to go around a corner, but he was too happy to notice the disapproving looks he got from other motorists. He had to slow down a bit at traffic lights and the traffic jams, good old New York roads, but they got to the restaurant with a minute to spare. Steve pulled up to the parking, and put his feet to the ground. "You alive?" He asked, turning his head now to finally check on his passenger. Hopefully Bucky had enjoyed it, not been freaking out.  
  
Bucky's hair had mostly fallen out of his ponytail from the wind, but he was fixing it once they came to a stop. "Yeah, mostly." Bucky chuckled at him, grinning. He had fun, morale was high. Sure, it'd been a little scary, but in a mostly good way. "Let's get in there before they give away our table." Bucky said, getting off the bike.  
  
Steve turned off the bike and nodded, waiting for Bucky to be entirely off before climbing off himself. He locked it up, double checking that the helmet was still in the back compartment and locked that too. "I'm excited," Steve sung, putting his keys in his pocket and falling into step beside Bucky. The brunet really _really_ , suited a ponytail, and Steve was convinced that it looked even better disheveled. "Keen for pizza," he added, opening the door to the restaurant for Bucky and hoping that everything would go this smoothly for the rest of the night.  
  
"Yeah, me too. I love pizza." Bucky said, nodding in agreement. "What do you think you'll get?" Bucky asked him, offering Steve his hand once he'd stepped inside and thanked him for holding the door.  
  
Steve looked a little surprised when Bucky offered his hand, having not been sure if Bucky wanted to be open about what was happening or not, but he took his hand eagerly, shrugging as he gave his last name to the attendant and as they started getting led to their table. "I'll look at the menu first, I haven't had pizza in a long time." He stated, and seemed a little confused as they stopped at a cozy booth right at the back of the restaurant. He'd been expecting an actual table. He smiled politely at the attendant though, looking to Bucky as they sat, still holding hands across the table. "I thought it was a table. Do you... I can ask if you wanna change?" He offered, looking nervous once more. Maybe Bucky didn't want secluded, maybe he wanted open and lovely and... Not a near private booth.  
  
Bucky shrugged, not really thinking about the implications. Booths were more comfortable, anyway. "I don't really care. We can catch up here." And he wouldn't have to be worried about seeing anyone he knew. That gangbang video had a lot of Bucky's face in it, and he was positive he'd been recognized the other day, since a guy he'd met at the store was making references to the uploading username that Jacob used and kept using unnecessary innuendoes. It was just one guy, but it felt weird. "I'm starving." He said, changing the subject as he settled into his seat.  
  
Steve relaxed slightly when Bucky said it was fine, pleased that Bucky wasn't going to be a diva. Not that he'd thought he was going to be a diva, just that it had been a possibility that he was a diva. "Same. I don't think I ate lunch because I was finishing off the painting, and... Now that I think about it maybe breakfast was an apple? I'm not sure." He chuckled at himself, even though Stark would be mad that he hadn't had that much. Luckily it was binge night. "What are you thinking of getting?" He asked, picking up his menu and scanning it.  
  
"Jesus. Make sure you eat more. And I'm gonna get... A cheese pizza with kalamata olives." Bucky replied.  
  
Steve blinked. "Shit, you chose quick," the blond said, not even sure where he was going to start with. He poured himself a glass of water from the middle of the table, still looking, but the for a moment he stopped and appreciated the atmosphere. Low light was laden with a deep buzz of conversation, not too loud or too intrusive, maybe the booth had been a good idea. The decor was a steady palette of deep reds and browns, and the warmth of the open fire just finished it all off. Steve was quite pleased with his choice. "I have no idea what I'm picking," he said, pouting a little as he sipped at his water.  
  
"I was craving, though." Bucky replied, shrugging. He filled his glass, as well, and moved it closer to him. He was a little antsy, now that they were settling down. "You won't mind if I order a bottle of wine, will you?"  
  
Steve looked up suddenly and blinked. The last time a bottle of wine had been involved it may have been just a little messy. But he smiled. "Go ahead, might have to get it in a doggy bag though, don't want you falling off the bike on the way home," he chided somewhat subtly, and he looked back down to his menu. He didn't want to get anything too unhealthy, but the 'Meatlovers Deluxe' was calling his name like nothing else. He frowned, reading over the toppings again.  
  
Bucky rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. Did you pick what you want yet?" Bucky asked him, scanning the menu for something Steve might like. He didn't know what Steve ate, really, so he took lots of options into consideration.  
  
"I mean, I'm looking at these dessert pizzas and wondering where they've been all my life, but..." Steve frowned, and finally huffed. "I'm getting the meatlovers one. I want it, I'm getting it, and all I have to do is spend three hours in the gym tomorrow," he decided, tapping his menu on the desk and then setting it down so he wasn't fiddling. "You should come to the gym with me at some point Buck," Steve suggested, not sure if they'd talked about it before or not. "Maybe not tomorrow, you'll probably have a little headache, but yeah." He grinned, looking pleased with himself.  
  
"Sure, maybe. I'll just look like a child next to you, though." Bucky sighed. "You'll be lifting like, 500 pounds and I'll be sweating with 3 pound Dumbbells."  
  
Steve broke into a huge grin. "I started off sweating with 100 gram dumbbells Buck, if you're doin' three to start off with you're already on your way," he said, just as the waitress came over to ask if they were ready to order. "Heck yeah we are, Buck, you first," he said, still wondering if he'd be happier with himself if he got the vegetarian pizza...  
  
"The cheese pizza with Kalamata olives, please." Bucky said to the lady politely, smiling at her. "Also, a bottle of Cabernet would be great." He said, taking out his ID to show her that he was of age.  
  
Steve looked over at the ID and blinked, a little surprised. "I'll have... The... Meatlove- no the vegetaria- no. I'll have the meatlovers Deluxe please," he said. "And... A– hmm. A pineapple juice. Please," he said, finally setting down his menu so he didn't have the chance to change his mind. The waitress nodded, looking between the pair and almost looking like she thought they were the cutest couple she'd ever seen, and when she'd taken both their menus away Steve looked to Bucky. "You're not allowed to have an attractive ID photo. It's not actually legal, so... I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate it," he said, holding his hand out but smiling teasingly.  
  
Bucky kicked him under the table, but it was more of a light little bump. "Shut up. I bet you're gorgeous in yours because you're like, the image of perfection. Don't lie." Bucky told him, and slapped himself internally. He was pretty sure he'd used the same phrase, "image of perfection," about a thousand times, and it was probably getting a little old. "My mom sneezed during hers. They made her keep it." He chuckled.  
  
Steve blushed, and got out his wallet, taking out his ID and wincing. Little him, all... Weedy and gross stood just in the height range for the camera, but even that had had to be lowered. But he'd been so happy that he'd passed the driver's license test, he'd only passed with his thick, huge glasses on but he'd passed, so he looked like the happiest weedy guy in the world. "Not as bad as mine. About a month before treatment started, and I'd managed to pass the drivers test after trying about... Seven? Times." He huffed, putting his hand out for Bucky's ID. "I'm serious. Give me yours I want to look at it."  
  
Bucky grinned after looking at it. "You're so cute, don't be stupid. You look so... Human. Now you're like, a god or something." Bucky told him, then got his ID back out for Steve to see, handing it over. It was from back when his hair was shorter and he was a little leaner, before he'd started bulking up a little bit for his modeling and stuff.  
  
Steve slid the ID over for Bucky to ogle at more, and Steve picked it up and narrowed his eyes to see the writing better. "James Buchanan Barnes," he read out, looking up to Bucky and smiling a little mischievously. "Buchanan?"  
  
"Parents were history buffs. Count on them to pick the absolute _worst_ president in history... He ignored the secession of the south, spurring the civil war, and he didn't take a stance on slavery or suffrage or anything. He was literally ranked the worst president by historians a few years ago." Bucky told him, shaking his head in annoyance. He looked at the picture a few seconds and started laughing. "Your birthday is the Fourth of July?"  
  
Steve thought that Bucky's info was cute, and he was going to point that out, when Bucky started laughing at him. "Yeah.. Unfortunately I'm actually Captain USA or whatever in disguise," he drawled, because it was something he'd been teased about by Stark more than anything else. "From the comics? Have you heard of him? He has this sidekick, called... Timmy or something? You can be him." He chuckled, and slid the ID back, making a small note in the back of his mind of Bucky's birthday.  
  
Bucky kicked Steve's leg again, still as light as before. "No, shut up. You're the sidekick." Bucky told him, grinning cheekily. Of course Steve would actually be the hero, because he was built that way and too nice to function and all that. He was also a lot better looking than Bucky, and had a cool story about being a human experiment.  
  
Steve seemed to think on that a little, and had to pause on his reply as their drinks. He smiled brightly and took his pineapple juice, wearily looking at the bottle of wine the waitress poured Bucky's first glass. When she's gone, he said, "Alright. I'll agree to be the sidekick only if I can be the romantic interest as well," he said, taking a sip of the juice and watching Bucky over the rim of his glass.  
  
Bucky smiled nervously. "I'll think about it." He picked his glass up and took a big drink, not incredibly worried about the taste. He just needed to loosen up and quit feeling so weird about the concept of them being together as a couple. Steve had to want something else. He had to.


	16. Chapter 16

Steve smiled, and set his glass down. "Good, then... Well I reckon you'd be an excellent Captain USA. Have you ever thought about dying your hair blond? You'd look pretty good," he assumed, lifting a hand to cover Bucky's hair line and imagining him with it. "You'd look like a surfer I bet."  
  
"Ugh, gross. It would look so bad. I'm okay with being the sidekick if I get to keep this color." Bucky told him, nodding. "I'd just be the cooler one." Bucky said, taking another sip before putting the glass down.

  
Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes. "If we're going by who's cooler, it's actually me because my middle name is normal and yours is Buchanan."  
  
"Uh, be real. Grant sounds like the name of some really dumb kid that wears camo trucker hats and overalls." Bucky replied, shaking his head.  
  
"Better than _Buchanan_ ," Steve retorted, and he kicked Bucky back under the table. "Which, by the way, was probably a good choice by your parents because then I would have to call you 'James' all the time and I don't know how I would deal with that," he grinned slightly.  
  
"I could be Jimmy. Or Jim. Or Jamie." Bucky shrugged, brushing it off. "It's not very me, but I think it'd be fine." Bucky told Steve, taking another sip of wine and deciding to just hold it in his hand so he'd have easy access.  
  
"Jimmy. I'm calling you that from now on." Steve glanced to the way Bucky was holding his wine but decided against commenting on it. "But what do your parents do? Are they doing something in history too?" He asked, taking another sip from his drink.  
  
"Yeah, they write history books and stuff. They're really obsessed with our heritage and stuff, and taught me Russian and did other weird things." Bucky told him, nodding.  
  
Steve raised an eyebrow. "Taught you Russian? So... You're fluent? Or just phrases and stuff..." Steve asked, and he tried to remain nonchalant. Not that he thought bilingualism was one of the hottest things ever or anything, but he did think it was the hottest thing ever and if Bucky was bilingual he wasn't sure if he'd survive.  
  
"Fluent." Bucky replied. "We pretty much only speak Russian when we're around the house." Bucky said, shrugging at him. "You speak anything else?"  
  
Steve took a sip of his juice and cleared his throat when he'd lowered the glass. "That's really amazing. I wish I was interesting and exotic, but my mom only managed to teach a few words in Gaelic. I can do a very dapper Irish accent sometimes though."  
  
Bucky laughed and finished his glass. He refilled it while he spoke, "That's really cool. Russian's kind of a gross language, really. I mean, it's pretty sometimes, but things sound a lot meaner when we yell in Russian than in English." He sipped his wine again.  
  
Steve silently commented that it would probably be a lot hotter if he spoke in Russian rather than English too, but he kept that to himself. "If you ever get arrested pretend you don't speak English," he offered, fighting a smile.   
  
"Already done that." He laughed. "I was terrible about that my freshman year of college, but just with teachers that asked me to answer questions in class. It was really funny, honestly."  
  
Steve bit his bottom lip, then said, "Go on then hot shot, give me an example. I won't believe it until I hear it." Maybe not the best thing for Steve to challenge in a public place, but he wanted to know if Bucky was the real deal. He was going to be obviously, but Steve wanted to be absolutely sure.  
  
"то, что вы хотите мне сказать?" Bucky asked after taking a particularly big gulp of his wine. "What do you want me to say?" He translated after a second.  
  
Steve blinked and felt like he was about to die. Russian definitely was hot, and coming from Bucky's lips it was so much more. "Uh... I don't know?" That you're going to take me right here under the table. "Introduce yourself and what you're studying?"  
  
Bucky ran his free hand through his hair before speaking again. "я Баки и я учусь в международной политике." Bucky was kind of awkward about it. It wasn't like he generally talked to a lot of non-speakers in Russian, after all.  
  
Steve had to make sure he wasn't gaping like a stuck fish, and he gave a nonchalant nod. "That's really cool. I... It's hot." He finally admitted, and put one of his hands to his cheek to cool down the blush that had risen. "Your parents must be really talented."  
  
Bucky had been planning on just taking a sip of his drink, but he ended up downing the whole thing. "Ha. Nah, it's only one language. A lot of people are bilingual," Bucky said, shrugging a little bit. He filled his glass a third time.  
  
Steve leaned over and caught Bucky's hand before he started drinking the third glass, and he smiled softly. He didn't know what Bucky was doing, but it worried him. He wanted to say something about how not a lot of hot people he knew were bilingual, but instead he adopting a chiding tone and said. "We haven't even started eating yet Jimmy. If you keep sculling that, you won't be able to hang on for the ride home, and we won't be able to have some good conversation," he said, squeezing Bucky's hand and smiling reassuringly. "Don't know if it's nerves or if you just like wine, but it'll be more fun for the both of us if you can stand by the end of the night yeah?"  
  
Bucky looked embarrassed, but not _that_ embarrassed. One benefit of getting a little drunk. "Well, my Russian is a little more accurate when I'm drunk." He said, looking from Steve's eyes to their hands. "I'll slow down, promise." Bucky told him, wetting his lips and putting his glass down to pat the back of Steve's hand.  
  
Steve smiled, and brought his hand back to his side of the table. "Yeah.. Thanks," he said, blushing slightly. He was such a mother hen sometimes. "How can your Russian be better when you're drunk if you speak it at home all the time? Shouldn't you just be able to switch real easy or somethin'?"   
  
"I can switch really easily. I said _accurate_. Russians are always drinkin'." He said with a cheeky grin. "C'mon, vodka." He elaborated lightly. He poured his glass of wine and then withdrew his hand from both the bottle and the glass.  
  
Steve rolled his eyes. "I guess that's why you're so good at holdin' your alcohol. Your parents brought you up drinking too? You said they wanted to stick close to your heritage," he teased, fighting the smile tugging at his lips.   
  
"Actually, sometimes. When I hit fifteen they let me drink a shot of vodka with dinner on weekends." Bucky said, shrugging. "It's for sipping, though. Not the kind you just down."  
  
Steve blinked a little dumbly at that. He didn't know enough about alcohol for that to make entire sense. "Uh huh," he replied, then huffed a laugh. "Really wish I was allowed to drink. I reckon I'd be a funny drunk. Or maybe a crying drunk. I don't know." He made a face, then leaned forward onto his hands. "What kinda drunk do you think I'd be?"  
  
"A sleepy one." Bucky laughed. He kicked his shoes off under the table with some effort, but it was uncomfortable having his legs bent with his combat boots on. The leather was new, and so it dug into his leg a little at the angle. He got a damn good idea.  
  
Steve made a face that suggested he was jokingly offended by that. "Excuse you, that's the most boring drunk there is. Realistically, I'd be a sick drunk, because I'd be dying, but _no_ , I'm a sleepy drunk according to Jimmy," he said, chin balancing on his hands still as he rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable."  
  
"I dunno. Tipsy you might be fun." Bucky said, grinning and lifting his foot up to rub the side of Steve's ankle. He acted nonchalant, like he didn't even know he was doing it. "And cut it out with the Jimmy thing. It's so wrong."  
  
Steve blinked, and looked at Bucky with a questioning expression, but tried to continue on without being phased. "I'm fun, tipsy or not shut your mouth Jim. Besides, Buchanan was one of the worst presidents, you don't want to be known by a nickname from him do you?" He asked, fighting a smile. Was Bucky really trying to do footsies under the table with him?   
  
"Jimmy sounds terrible, though." Bucky insisted, and lifted his toe up a little higher, toward Steve's calf, and back down. He stuck his toe under the edge of Steve's pants.  
  
Steve actually nearly squawked, but he covered his mouth and glared at the brunet over his hand. He twisted his leg away from Bucky's toes, huffing slightly but still not verbalising it, just saying instead, "If you hadn't suggested it I wouldn't have started saying it. This is your fault."  
  
Bucky withdrew his foot and took another sip of wine that wasn't quite as big as the other sips. "C'mon, drop it. It doesn't suit me and you know it." Bucky told him, shaking his head.  
  
"James, then. A bit more formal– but your name needs to have an ee sound to it. So... Jamie," Steve said with a grin and he moved his foot around until he touched Bucky's foot with his own and he nudged it, taking a sip of his juice just like Bucky had, small and a space filler. "I'm kidding, Bucky. Besides, you look like a Bucky more than anything else."   
  
Bucky felt relieved when Steve started playing footsie back. Bucky also felt a little overexcited, but he wouldn't mention that. He played back, rubbing his toe against the sole of Steve's foot. "You're so mean. I'll start calling you Stefan just to be an asshole."  
  
Steve couldn't exactly feel Bucky's foot through his shoe, but he smiled softly to himself because he could feel the pressure of it. "Stefan? Really? Of all the names you could've chosen, you picked the name of probably any hot European that wants a girlfriend. Step up your game Barnes," he said, pressing his foot downwards to catch Bucky's foot on the floor.  
  
"Ugh, no, Stefan's a terrible name. It sounds like a standard asshole that cheats on people and gets away with it since he's foreign." Bucky replied, then stepped up his game and moved his toe back to Steve's ankle.  
  
Steve stiffened for a brief second, but he rolled his eyes to remain calm. "Standard asshole? That's so rude. Stop stereotyping all the Stefan's in the world Buck," he said, but trailed off slightly as the waitress finally came with their pizzas balanced on either hand. Steve blinked, flicked his eyes down to the table, but luckily the table cover went all the way to the floor, so no one could've caught them playing like children with their feet. Steve's one looked amazing, and he stated that, flashing a bright, 'you must've hung the stars', smile at the waitress, causing her to blush and almost drop Bucky's pizza in front of him. Steve thanked her as she started turning away, and he grinned over at Bucky too. "Pizza was a great idea," he stated, waiting for Bucky to start before he begun on his own.  
  
Bucky watched Steve throw that look at her and did his best not to frown at Steve. What was that? How did he manage to do that? "Yeah, it looks really good." Bucky agreed, wetting his lips and looking down at his food to quit staring suspiciously at his date. He put his napkin in his lap and pulled a piece of pizza from all the others, warm and melted cheese stretching and then breaking.  
  
Steve seemed a little confused as to why Bucky was looking at him like that, but as he started eating, Steve took a slice for his own, looking down to the toppings and how there was a sprinkling of cheese, based with BBQ sauce, and he almost die before even biting into the slice. "This is going to kill me," he murmured, before nearly deep throating pointed part of the slice to take a huge bite. He covered his mouth with his hand as the flavor washed over his tongue, and he half chuckled at his rudeness and half moaned at how delicious it was. "Holy fuck, this is amazing," he said once his mouth was clear. "You should try a bit Bucky," he offered, sliding his pizza into the middle of the table.  
  
Bucky's cheeks were red at all the imagery he was getting. "Jesus. I'm good." Bucky said, laughing a little nervously. He took a bite of his pizza and his eyes lit up. It was fucking awesome.  
  
Steve was slightly unsure why Bucky was blushing, but he took another bite of his own pizza and grinned at him. "I found the place, I get half the credit," Steve said, and he pretty much finished off his slice with the third bite. He'd probably be talking with his mouth full for the rest of the evening, so he just kept his mouth covered with his hand.  
  
The pizza was great and Steve was great and everything, but Bucky couldn't shake how Steve had smiled at their waitress. Did he like her? Was he being manipulative or something? Was he playing Bucky that way? He finished his piece of pizza and took another quick drink.  
  
They ate in what Steve thought was comfortable silence until Steve had finished his third piece. It was just as delicious the third time through, but as he separated the fourth piece he kept it on the pizza board. "Did I say something?" He asked, almost a little hesitantly as he nudged Bucky's foot under the table. He didn't want Bucky to be upset with him, yet out of nowhere he wasn't being as bubbly or talkative, so it must've been Steve. "I don't have to take half the credit for the date," he tried, looking concerned. Because that had been what he'd said just before Bucky had gone quiet.   
  
"No, no." Bucky said hastily. "Just zoned out thinking about something." Bucky said, which was technically true.  He felt disappointed in himself, going out with Steve and watching him make eyes at other people. He felt a weird sense of jealousy that wasn't actually fair. It was just a date. It wasn't any kind of commitment to anything. Steve was allowed to look. He started his second piece of pizza.  
  
Steve smiled slightly, but he wasn't entirely convinced. "Must've been one hell of a something for you to stop eating. I'm two slices ahead of you, and if I finish my pizza before you finish yours I'm going to start eating yours," he warned, but still didn't want to leave it like that. "Whatever I did though, not sure what, I'm sorry."  
  
"You didn't do anything." Bucky said, then took a bite of pizza. He chewed and swallowed. "But if you eat my pizza I'm leaving this restaurant and walking back to the dorms." He warned.  
  
"Hurry up then," Steve retorted. "You don't even know your way back to the dorms, you'd be lost and then you'd text me asking for Captain USA to save your ass." He put his hand on his forehead with the palm facing outwards, putting on a Russian accent as best as he could- which was not very good at all. "'Oh help me Captein! I'm lost and scared of ze dark and I am verrry frightened, save me!'" He straightened up and grinned, pushing Bucky's foot around once more, stuffing the whole crust of the fourth pizza in his mouth, covering it once more.  
  
Bucky laughed a little, cheeks darkening again. He shook his head and took another big bite of his pizza, savoring a mouthful of olives. It was weirdly easy to enjoy despite feeling so crappy about himself. Maybe he could come to terms with going on dates with someone that was too good for him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updaaaaaaate yay
> 
> sorry its been forever :////////

Steve smiled, and waited for some snappy retort, but when he got none, he looked flatly at the brunet, finishing his mouthful then saying, "You don't have anything to say to that? Not even a compliment on my great Russian accent? I had no minutes practice on that and I get nothing? Step it up Barnes, I've got more points on the board than you."  
  
Yeah, Steve didn't really need to tell him twice. He shook it off. "Wery, not very. They mess up their V's and W's." Bucky explained. "Hello, yis, I am ze Russian exchange student. I am only sewenteen." Bucky chuckled at himself. "High school was the best for that. I said that at a restaurant and told the people I'd never had pasta, so they took me to the kitchen and showed me how they made it by hand." He ate more pizza, satisfied as hell by the taste.  
  
Steve broke into a huge grin, much like the one he'd sent to the waitress for simply bringing their food. "Jesus Buck, did I tell you that's really hot? I would've totally shown you around school," he stated, and looked down to the table, still smiling. "Bloody must've been a great way to get some. Pretend you're all foreign and cute, you must've pulled." He continued to blush, but he was telling the truth.  
  
"Nah. Everyone from school knew I was American. It was just a funny thing to do while I was out with friends." Bucky said, shrugging. He looked mildly embarrassed, but he was just flattered. He wondered if Steve was trying to hint to Bucky that he planned on getting some. He would be okay with it, probably.  
  
Steve clicked his tongue. "Well darn that just ruins the magic doesn't it," he said, clicking a finger and starting on the second half of his pizza. "I'm going to have to bring you around to meet my friend Natasha. She lived in Russia for a bit so I reckon you could have a good ol' chat with her. Bet you'd be good friends too. You're both quiet, and nerdy and really really annoying." He grinned again, winking so Bucky knew he was kidding.   
  
Bucky finished the last few bites of pizza. "I bet we would, all Russians get along perfectly. That's why Russia is so stable." Bucky told him, feigning seriousness. He pulled his third piece of pizza from the pie. He tried to think of anything special he could do to get Steve off if he ended up coming in after dropping Bucky off at home. That made him look almost violently red.  
  
Steve slapped his forehead and made a face like he had just realized something he should have a long time ago. "And that's why America is always on the brink of war. We hate everyone." He clicked his tongue again, silently wondering why Bucky was flushing so much, and Steve finally decided to toe off one shoe and touch his socked foot to Bucky's, smiling broadly before stopping to bite into the next slice, causing him to shut his eyes and make a noise of approval. "Never gets old, I swear it never does."  
  
Bucky's pants felt weirdly tight, and it wasn't even because he'd eaten all that much. He took a big bite of pizza and chewed it up go keep from saying something really stupid that had absolutely nothing to do with international relations, like how he wanted Steve to fuck him in the men's room or something.  
  
Steve was watching Bucky over his hand, and he smiled a little crookedly. Bucky almost looked as if he was thinking of unsavory things. Steve huffed slightly, and sipped at his pineapple juice. He didn't say anything about it though, in case Bucky was actually struggling something internally. "I was gonna actually say, are olives a Russian thing? Because you seem to be enjoying them a bit." He smiled lopsidedly again.   
  
"I'm no olive expert, but I don't think so." Bucky said after he'd swallowed his bite down. He was a little bit flustered, but it had probably become a pretty normal state for him and Steve might not even have caught on. "It's good pizza. You can't blame me."  
  
Steve chuckled. "Get your mouth away from me and keep it there though," he teased, still eyeing Bucky's pizza like it had somehow wronged him. "Olives were disgusting the last time I tried them, so they must be disgusting now."  
  
"Olives are incredible, fuck off. Try one, they might not even be the same kind you had." Bucky said, offering Steve his pizza. "Kalamata olives are the best kind."  
  
Steve looked apprehensive, but he supposed for Bucky he could try one. He took a slice, and bit the end, deliberately getting an olive squarely, and he chewed slowly. Slightly tainted by the BBQ sauce, Steve made a small face. "It's fucking weird," he concluded, shaking his head and putting the slice back. "Like, I won't die, but... It's a no from me."  
  
Bucky rolled his eyes. "Then you're missing out." Bucky told him honestly. "They're the best." Bucky took the slice and kept eating. Steve's loss.  
  
Steve smiled, and shrugged with one shoulder as he started on his second to last slice. "We going to get a dessert pizza? Because there was one with marshmallows and chocolate sauce and stuff that was calling my name," he asked, finding his shoe under the table and sliding it on, stamping his foot to get it on properly.

  
"Sure, yeah. I'll take the rest of my pizza to go or I won't be able to eat any of the dessert." Bucky said. He'd only ended up eating 3 pieces, even though he could've eaten more without the promise of dessert.

  
Steve looked at Bucky apprehensively. "You haven't eaten very much, and I've almost eaten all of mine, make me feel like a fatty why don't you," he teased, and he huffed. "I would help you finish it, but I don't like olives and I don't want to have to save your ass when you get lost."

  
"When I get lost?" Bucky asked him, raising an eyebrow. "And yeah, right, like you could look fat." He said, rolling his eyes at Steve.

  
"You're going to walk home if I touch your pizza, and because you have no sense of direction you'd get lost on the way back." Steve repeated, rolling his eyes. "You have an awful memory." He pat his stomach though, grinning playfully. "You're gonna make me fat Bucky, all my hard work ruined because I wanted to impress the cute brunet."

  
"Do I?" Bucky asked, laughing a little. "I don't know what makes you think that." He sipped some of his wine and picked an olive off his pizza to eat. "And if you're terribly worried, I'm sure we can find some way to burn the calories off."

  
Steve arched an eyebrow. "Like the gym tomorrow?" He asked, slightly aware of the innuendo but not pointing it out. "So you want the dessert pizza?" He questioned again, putting the final slice of his pizza on Bucky's pizza board. "We can get the menu again."

  
Bucky laughed a little, assuming Steve had actually caught on and was just teasing. "Yeah, sure. Dessert pizza sounds pretty good." Bucky said, nodding.

  
"You want the marshmallow one? It has sprinkles and it's on a pastry base with vanilla ice cream on the side." Steve beckoned the waitress over, waiting for Bucky to reply before asking anything.

  
Bucky shrugged. "Whatever you want. I really don't care." Bucky said, bumping Steve's calf with his still socked toe.

  
The waitress came back over and she was already blushing as Steve blinked up at her. "Can we please have this in a doggy bag, and can we also have that marshmallow chocolate sauce pizza dessert thing?" He asked, smiling up at her brightly again, but he had taken Bucky's hand, just because he could, and the waitress seemed to falter for a brief second, before smiling again. "Of course. I'll get you one big enough for two." Steve's nose crinkled with his smile. "Thanks." He looked back to Bucky and waited until the pizza board was taken before speaking again. "Better get excited Bucky, this is going to be heaven."

  
Bucky was embarrassed by the fact that Steve had taken his hand like that. Would she be mad or something? Had there been some kind of unspoken understanding between them? Bucky turned to look at Steve. "Did you just drop that girl? She was totally into you." Bucky said, frowning.

  
Steve looked a little confused. "Yeah, she was, and she was gorgeous. But I'm not on a date with her, I'm on a date with you," he said, smiling softly and squeezing Bucky's hand once more before pulling away to finish his pineapple juice. "Besides," he said once his drink was only ice, "I happen to think you're prettier so..." He shrugged with one shoulder, trying to fight the blush so he seemed more cool and suave.

  
Bucky glanced after her, chewing the inside of his cheek. "It seemed kind of mean." Bucky told him, taking his eyes off of her to look at Steve. "Flirting with her earlier then just... Yeah." Bucky shrugged then, wetting his lips. He was flattered, but also kind of bugged by it. Steve had just switched gears entirely with her, he could do that with Bucky.

  
Steve's brows pulled together slightly. "Flirted with her?" He looked entirely confused. "I didn't flirt with her."

  
"You were totally making eyes at her." Bucky insisted. "Batting your lashes at her, all that stuff." Bucky told Steve. He was actually kind of jealous. "I don't know how you can miss that."

  
Steve's frown grew deeper, and he shook his head slightly. "I-I wasn't 'making eyes' at her or anything," he said, voice laced with some sort of confused amusement. "I smiled at her when she brought our food, but you did too... I- did I bat my lashes at her?"

  
"Yes. You were one hundred percent flirting." Bucky pressed.

  
"No," Steve said stiffly, seeming a little uncomfortable now, though still looking a little bit amused. Was that why Bucky had gone all quiet? Had he thought Steve was interested in their waitress? "I wasn't. I'm on a date with you, that means you don't flirt with your waitress, because you flirt with your date instead."

  
Bucky shrugged at him, deciding to drop it. It really wouldn't be the first time that he was a side guy, if that was the case with Steve. He knew Steve wasn't a pig, but he also knew that some guys got bored.

  
Steve was still frowning, but he spoke up now, a little abrasive with his tone. "Are you seriously suggesting that I'd try to get someone else when I have a date sitting across from me? Because I feel like that's what you're suggesting." He wasn't going to let Bucky blow the subject off like that. Did Bucky think he was some sort of Stefan?

  
"I don't really want to talk about it anymore, if that's alright with you." Bucky replied, lifting his wine glass and finishing it off, more for something to do than to get drunk. If he looked a little busy, then maybe Steve would let them just let it go. Steve was getting defensive, obviously not understanding that Bucky wasn't blaming him. Bucky _couldn't_ blame him. Bucky was excruciatingly boring most of the time, after all.

  
Steve narrowed his eyes slightly, and the feeling of being offended curled up in his chest as he scoffed and crossed his arms. "You don't think very much of me then, obviously, if you think I would do that. You know, I'm not fuckin' surprised. You bloody, sit there all pretty for the entire night, smilin' and making me blush, and then you just have to go dunk me in a pool that consists of people who don't know how to be faithful. Thanks, James, I really appreciate it." He scowled at the table slightly, resisting the urge to pout like a child. God, had he been making eyes at that girl? Did Bucky have every right to be mad at him?

  
Bucky looked like a scolded child, a kid who felt bad and knew he had done something wrong but couldn't actually bring himself to apologize for it. It felt too real and true. He wasn't just making an effort to offend Steve or anything. He was simply being honest and doing his best to accept what Steve had been doing. Was it so wrong? "I really, really don't want to talk about it anymore, Steve." Bucky said uncomfortably.

  
Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Just because I'm not you're usual kind of date doesn't mean I'm an awful person. I _wasn't_ flirting with her," he said firmly, and he was gritting his jaw. "Fuck, I don't know what I said to make you think that I was..." He sighed softly. He didn't want to fight, not in the middle of the restaurant. And it'd been going so well too. He must've done something...

  
"Steve. Come on, I asked you to drop it." Bucky said. He shouldn't have mentioned it. Now he'd upset Steve and he was ruining things all over again. He could've slapped himself.  
Steve sighed, hugging his arms closer to him. "I wasn't," he said more softly, tongue touching his bottom lip. "At least, I didn't know I was. I'm sorry." He said, unwrapping his arms and deflating slightly.

  
"I believe you." He didn't, but it was useless to argue over it. He decided to shut the subject out of his mind. "So, do you have any siblings?"

  
Steve doubted that Bucky did, but he was a little relieved that he'd at least brought up a different subject. "Nah, just me. My folks probably didn't want another sick one like me." He gave a half hearted laugh, still feeling a little bit awful about himself and over how Bucky must've looked at him.

  
"You turned out alright, though." Bucky smiled a little. "Hot, smart, funny. Sweet." Bucky told him, propping his elbow up on the table and resting his chin on his hand. "They're lucky to have you."

  
Steve huffed a small laugh. "Yeah, I reckon they'd be pretty proud of how far I've come." The air had grown a little awkward, and he cleared his throat. "Last time my mom saw me she couldn't really- I probably should mention they're... Well they died well before I got like this." He smiled a little forced, chest tightening. "But yeah, I wish they coulda seen me."

  
Bucky bumped Steve's foot with his own. "I'm sure they're real proud. If there's a heaven, they're looking down on you and smiling." Bucky told him firmly. Bucky meant that, too. You couldn't do much better than having a perfect man for your son.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i even need to add notes apologizing for the lateness of regular updates?? i do not know...... 
> 
> ENJOY XX

Steve smiled again, and blinked away the pricking in his eyes. It'd been awhile since his mom had died, but it still hurt a bit. "Thanks," he murmured, flashing a quick smile, before clearing his throat and deciding now that maybe he shouldn't be bringing down the mood. "Well, I have Sam. He's like my brother. Been my friend since the start of highschool. I think you'd get along good."

  
"That's cool. I don't really have any friends like that." Bucky said, shrugging. He'd gone through a lot of phases, and he hadn't really kept any friends around from any of those. He poured himself a fourth glass of wine. He wondered absently if he killed the mood too much for them to hang out after their date. "I'd like to meet him, if he'd ever wanna meet me."

  
Steve looked a little concerned at that, but he quickly smoothed his expression. This conversation at least was cooling down the small bit of hurt Bucky had caused him. "You could actually drink with my friends. I'll be the sober driver. Reckon you and Nat should have a 'let's see who's under the table first', with shots of vodka." He grinned, seeming quite keen on the idea.

  
Bucky laughed. "You've seen me drunk. I'm not entirely sure I want to be around your friends when I'm like that, I'll make an absolute fool of myself. And probably of you, if we're honest." Bucky told Steve.  
  
He would probably do anything to get Steve back to his apartment, really. Maybe he'd get a little more appealing if he could lock Steve in with a good make out session, since they hadn't really done that, just that, yet. At least not while Bucky was sober.  
  
"If I introduced you to my friends nothing you could say or do that would embarrass me. I'd just be proud that I could actually not scare you off or anything." Steve chuckled, and then grinned slightly. "You're funny when you're drunk anyway. We'd just laugh at you and film it to embarrass you later."  
  
"That's terrible. Don't do that to me, it'll just be a video of me slobbering all over you." Bucky said, cheeks heating up.  
  
Steve snorted into the glass of pineapple juice, sipping up the dregs of pineapple tasting ice-water to keep himself occupied. "You don't slobber over me, don't be ridiculous," he said bashfully, dropping his gaze and blushing too.

  
"Please, there was enough DNA on you to make a clone of me." Bucky told him seriously. "I was an absolute wreck. I don't want anyone else to see me like that."

  
Steve looked up, and the light flicked on. "Oh you meant when we kissed. Oh..." He huffed a small laugh. "You were very cute, be quiet. You didn't want to go to bed." He smiled at the memory. "You were like a small child, it was quite amusing and a little annoying, but mostly adorable. Triple A." He winked, and touched Bucky's foot under the table.

  
"Shhh." Bucky said, bumping Steve's foot under the table again. "It was so, so, SO gross. Admit it." Bucky pressed, shaking his head at Steve.

  
"Thinking back–" Steve started, and he put his hand to his chin. "No, you were just being cute. A bit of saliva yeah, and you tasted like wine, and you were hard and kinda whiny, but overall a cutie." He took Bucky's hand again, raising his eyebrows. "Maybe that can be your new nickname. Cutie."

  
"Ugh, you've given me enough dumb nicknames." Bucky said, wrinkling his nose. He tried not to look too embarrassed by the fact that Steve had brought up how hard he was. He'd _really_ looked bad. The waitress brought out their dessert pizza a few moments later.

  
Of all the good Steve had ever seen in his life, the dessert pizza from the Grill-House was something he would never be able to forget. It got sat in front of them, and Steve was gaping to it. "Thank you," he said to the waitress now, trying not to make a big deal of it in case he was flirting, and then he looked over to Bucky. "Have I died and gone to heaven?" He asked once the waitress was gone.

  
Bucky smiled, rolling his eyes. "Guess you're a dessert kinda guy." Bucky looked down at it all. "Good thing I'm sweet." Bucky ran his toe over Steve's calf again.

  
Steve looked up to Bucky and seemed a little confused. Was Bucky suggesting that there was going to be dessert after dessert? He picked up a slice, and the chocolate sauce dripped all over the place, so Steve leaned in a fair bit. "You get a piece too, we'll try it at the same time," he instructed, looking very eager to try this dish.

  
Bucky tried not to look annoyed by the fact that Steve had missed basically all of his cues. He picked up a piece, chocolate sauce getting all over his hands. "Alright. Let's do it." He said, raising it to his mouth.

  
Steve grinned, mouthing, a countdown from three, and when he got to one, he took a huge bite from the end of the pizza some of the sauce getting on his chin but he didn't mind because the sweetness running over his tongue with the crunchiness of the sprinkles and the marshmallows were so creamy– he shut his eyes, pretty sure he'd need to ask for a moment as he gave a low noise of approval. "Fuck yes," he stated simply, the pastry just melting in his mouth perfectly.

  
Bucky made a face. He didn't like it. "Nope. Too sweet. Nope." Bucky said, putting the pizza back down. He had chocolate sauce all over his fingers, and he knew exactly what to do about it.

  
Steve gaped at Bucky but then shrugged. Steve didn't get to eat sweet things very much anymore, he was going to appreciate anything he could get. "More for me," he said, but slid the ice cream over with the spoon so Bucky could at least have some sort of dessert.  
Bucky ignored the bowl, making eye contact with Steve and licking the chocolate off his fingers and fighting a grin. Hopefully the effects wouldn't be completely lost on Steve this time.

  
Steve stopped chewing, and watched Bucky's finger disappear into his mouth. He saw his tongue swipe around it just a little, and Steve had to freeze with the pizza just near his mouth. The digit came out wet but clear of the sauce, and then the process repeated itself until all of them were clear. Steve cleared his throat, blinking quickly and nudging the ice cream at Bucky again, trying to fight the inevitable blush that was crawling down his neck and making him bright red. "You can have the ice cream for dessert," he actually stated now, taking a bite of the pizza now so his mouth was full and he didn't embarrass himself further.  
Bucky let out an agitated sigh, rolling his eyes at Steve. "I don't want it, but thanks." Bucky said. Were his efforts lost on Steve? Did Steve want him or not?

  
Steve's flush grew at Bucky's expression, and he didn't know what it was that had caused it. He made a small noise in the back of his throat. "I'm sorry," he murmured, finishing off the slice, and pulling the ice cream over to himself. He could get the pizza in a doggy bag too, and then Bucky wouldn't have to wait for him. He stabbed the spoon into the ice cream, his other hand going to his lips so he could lick off the sauce more casually than Bucky did. He didn't actually do it to make Bucky feel hot under the collar, funnily enough.

  
Bucky didn't mind waiting for Steve to eat, he just minded what would happen later. "It's all good." Bucky shrugged at Steve, drinking more wine to distract himself. Maybe he could lighten up and pull himself out of all his crabby thoughts. That would probably make him a hell of a lot more appealing to Steve, at the very least. "Let's talk more about you, hm? Did you always wanna be an artist?" He asked between sips of wine.

  
Steve was stirring a marshmallow into the ice-cream, and he popped it into his mouth, smiling at the pleasant combination. "Huh? Oh, well, when you get so sick you can't move outta bed, you know your work choices are a tad small. So yeah, I focused on art, because I got a lotta practice." He wiped the corner of his lip with his thumb, smiling softly with a little shrug.

  
Bucky wet his lips. Was Steve conveying the imagery on purpose? Did he know what he looked like, wiping away-  
  
Bucky pushed his thoughts aside, already making himself half-hard and flushing bright red letting himself think about such things. "Well, that's great. I'm almost done with college and I still don't know what I wanna be." He said honestly.

  
Steve was stirring the ice cream to make it more whipped like, and he chuckled. "Well I'm on my way to having a job but no clients, so it's not too different. But what are you actually studying? You said you were working on bioethics but like... What?"

  
"Yeah, I know. I want to be a politician and a bioethics lawyer and all kinds of stuff, it's hard to even choose." Bucky shrugged at Steve.

  
Steve took a mouthful of ice cream and winced as it spiked a little bit of brain freeze through him. "But what's the course you're studying?" He repeated, licking the spoon clean.

  
"Right now? Bioethics." Bucky answered, nodding. "But I mean, a lot of my classes are interdisciplinary." Bucky explained. "I could end up with a double major."

  
"'Interdisciplinary'," Steve repeated, adopting an English tone and he wobbled his head like he was posh. "Nah, few of my friends are doing that. It'll be good if you get a double major. More freedom." He was scraping the last dregs of the ice cream from the bottom of the bowl, eyeing the pizza a little more but deciding it would be better if he took it home to binge on.

  
"That's what they're called." Bucky shrugged at Steve, watching him eat. "Are you done? You're gonna leave all that?" He was half-teasing.

  
Steve shook his head. "I'll get it in a doggy bag and eat it when I'm crying all alone," he said, and scooped up a droplet of chocolate sauce on his finger and popping it in his mouth. "So are we halving the bill? Or...?

  
"No, no. I got it." Bucky said hastily, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket. He pulled out a few twenties in cash while he waited on the bill. He didn't actually know how much it would be.

  
Steve frowned. "I ate more than you," he stated, but knew better than to actually start a scrap on it. He just wanted Bucky to be aware. Bucky was stubborn enough not to change his mind, but still.

  
"Maybe you can get it next time, I ordered wine." Bucky told him, shrugging. He wondered if he was rushing by saying he wanted a next time.

  
Steve looked up and smiled. "Next time then, and I'll shout it all." He grinned, and beckoned the waitress over. "Next time I choose the food, you choose the place."

  
"Maybe." Bucky said, shrugging. He turned to the waitress when she arrived. "Hi! Could I please get the check?" Bucky was painfully polite, feeling like he'd already wronged her by dating Steve.

  
The waitress smiled pleasantly, she had their pizza in a box, and she'd thought ahead and brought another box for the dessert pizza. "Of course." She looked between them, she'd seen them have a bit of a bicker, but they seemed fine now. Steve had his eyes focused on the table, smiling at Bucky's tone. Steve looked up though, he gathered his courage and said, "It was very delicious, send my compliments to the chef." The waitress smiled and in a last ditch attempt, fluttered her lashes. "Of course. Have a lovely evening you two." She had the cheque in hand, and placed it in between them, setting down the boxes and sliding the dessert pizza into the open one and taking the board.

  
Bucky looked over at Steve after putting all the money, plus the check, into the check booklet. "Are you going to go get her number or anything? Should I wait outside?" Bucky was only half-kidding.

  
Steve looked up, stacking the pizza boxes up and looking very confused. "Why would I go get her number?" He asked, genuinely unsure why Bucky was asking that. Then he clicked. His expression flattened out, and he met Bucky's gaze, waiting a moment. "Bucky, don't be an idiot." He stood, and broke into a smile as he offered his hand to the other. "You bringing the wine? Or leaving the rest?"

  
Bucky nodded, putting the cork back in the bottle and getting up, taking Steve's hand and letting him lead the way, free hand wrapped around the neck of the wine bottle. "So, is this the end of the night or do we still have other things to do?" Bucky asked, hinting again.

  
Steve squeezed Bucky's hand, smiling pleasantly at the attendant with the boxes balanced on his hand. "Other things?" He asked, looking over his shoulder to Bucky and stopping when they got to the bike. He let go of Bucky's hand to unlock the seat compartment of the bike so he could put the food in there. "Do you want to walk through the gardens or something?"

  
Bucky sighed. He'd have to spell it out if he wanted to get anywhere. "I mean, are you coming home with me? Am I coming home with you?" Bucky asked him.

  
Steve nodded, though he still looked confused because what did going home together have anything to do with the night being over or not? "Well yeah, obviously," he said, shutting up the bike and smiling pleasantly at Bucky. "We live on the same campus, we're going home together."

  
" _Steve_." Bucky groaned. It was almost comical, how ridiculous Steve was being. Was it on purpose? He'd been doing it all night. "I'm asking you if we're going to spend the night together. If we're going to sleep together."

  
Steve blinked. "You want to have sex?" He asked, entirely floored by the notion. He put his hands on the bike seat, looking confused.

  
"Yes. Yes, I want to have sex. I've been trying to hint that to you _all_ night." Bucky said, shaking his head at Steve.

  
Steve shook his head. "No you haven't. All you were doing that made me think that you wanted me in bed  with you was when you were speaking Russian, and I don't even think that was intentional. You were more worried about that waitress than me." He shook his head. "Really?"

  
"Did you _see_ how I was licking my fingers? How I was playing footsie with you? I was doing my damnedest. I was just worried about the waitress in case my efforts were completely lost on you!" Bucky exclaimed.

  
Steve's eyes widened. "That was _intentional_?" He asked, voice entirely incredulous. "I thought you were accidentally being the most attractive person to ever go on a date with me." He chuckled, and the cool night air more evident now that his cheeks were hot.

  
Bucky shook his head at Steve. "Of course that was intentional. Nobody makes and maintains eye contact while they lick chocolate sauce off their fingers." Bucky said, sighing exasperatedly. "So are you- are you interested or not?"

  
Steve was chuckling again, and he was rubbing his head. "I'm such an idiot. Yes. I would have sex with you right here on my bike if I didn't have the possibility of being arrested. I– I fancy you a great deal Bucky,"

  
It was Bucky's turn to be flustered. He wasn't awesome with commitment- he'd managed to screw up every past relationship he'd had. He was either too eager or too closed off, too energetic or boring, too easy or too much of a tease. "Well, I, uh, like you too." Bucky said nervously, wetting his lips. "Maybe we should leave the parking lot. PDA doesn't usually go over well."

  
Steve grinned. "Maybe we shouldn't be talking about having sex just before you press your body tight up against mine," he said with a wink, patting the seat. "C'mon, if you want to get home and not do the nasty with me in a public restroom you need to get on the bike before I leap over and start kissin' you right now." He didn't know where the confidence came from, but Bucky looking around almost nervously fed it the behavior. "Let's ride baby." He purred, still grinning.

  
"Or maybe we should." Bucky shrugged at him, doing his best to remain composed. Bucky got on the bike behind Steve, wrapping his arms around Steve's waist and not exactly making an effort to keep his junk from pressing against Steve's lower back. It couldn't _hurt_ him, after all. Besides, maybe it'd give Steve some insight into just how much Bucky wanted Steve to take him to bed and fuck the Brooklyn out of him.

  
Steve cleared his throat, and flicked the bike on, the vehicle rumbling beneath them and not helping the situation in his pants. "You're so– amazing," he settled on, shifting slightly backwards only to feel Bucky's crotch against him. "You're going to be the death of me though." Steve knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate and driving when Bucky was behind him after _that_ conversation, but they had to get home somehow. "Hold on."

  
Bucky wasn't gonna have any problem holding on to Steve. With any luck, Bucky wasn't gonna be letting go of Steve all night. They'd be all over each other until fuckin' dawn. He would've made an effort to tease during the ride home, but if Steve got into an accident, it'd put a damper on the whole night. He settled for leaning up on Steve, absorbing all of his body heat.


	19. Chapter 19

The ride home seemed to take a lot longer than the ride there, but Steve managed to keep it reasonable and not fast and pretty well composed even though he felt like he wanted to turn and start kissing the brunet right there on the bike. He pulled into his parking spot just a little messily and turned the bike off, running a hand through his hair and waiting for Bucky to climb off before he could. He swallowed. He had no idea how he was going to go about this.

  
Bucky got off the bike and grinned at Steve. "You're nervous, Stevie. Why?" Bucky asked him, looking him over. It was weird for Steve to be that way, considering they'd already done it before. Bucky was, admittedly, slightly nervous too, but it was different. Bucky had messed it up last time. Steve had nothing to be scared of.

  
Steve flung his leg over the seat and sat simply, hands either side of him as he looked up to Bucky. The pet name was cute, but he didn't call it out. He huffed a small breath, and he ran his hand through his hair before he could stop himself. "I was doing it for money last time. This time it's just gonna be me, and I'm... I don't have experience," he finally got out, blushing a bit. "I am pretty much still a virgin, look at it that way. Or at least, I feel like virgin."

  
"You didn't seem like much of a virgin, Steve. You were really, really good." Bucky told him honestly. "Usually I fake it, since I'm wearing a condom. Didn't have to with you." Bucky said seriously.

  
Steve was thinking back to it, and was darkening slightly. He felt rather flattered by that. Because Bucky was obviously someone who had had a lot of sex, and he was complimenting Steve? His eyes went wide at a certain memory though, and his jaw dropped, but he quickly covered his mouth with his hands. "I spoke so awfully to you! I am _so_ sorry," he said between his fingers, looking appalled at himself. "I didn't mean any of that, shit, I'm sorry."

  
"No, Steve, don't be stupid." Bucky said, looking surprised. "I like it. Like, I get off on it. I'd have made you stop if I didn't like it." He told Steve, shaking his head. "I know it's kind of weird, but I really appreciated the way you didn't... I don't know. You weren't scared of breaking me or something. Usually I can't go five minutes without getting asked if I'm okay."

  
"I walked in on you with three dicks around you, I think I wasn't really worried that one was going to hurt you. Even if... Well- sorry size wise," Steve said, standing now and busying himself with getting out the wine and pizza. He set them on the ground, bent over in half, and he shut and locked everything up. He picked both them up, wine in one hand and pizza on the other. He cleared his throat, looking at Bucky with flushed cheeks and wide eyes. He looked a little frazzled almost.

  
"See, the guys in the industry are really sweet. It's nice, 'cause if you're gonna be getting fucked by a guy for like 30 to 90 minutes, you should probably get along pretty well. It's also a pain when you actually _want_ to get thrown around a little bit. Which I always do." Bucky said, wetting his lips while he looked at Steve.

  
Steve was looking at Bucky like he was an anomaly. He'd never actually heard that kind of thing uttered out loud, so he blinked for a bit before taking a little step forward, though he didn't know if they were going back to his or to Bucky's... They needed to cross the garden anyway. "You like getting thrown around... Do you like slow stuff too? Because all the quick stuff made me need my inhaler, and if you want that we'll have to go to my room." He frowned slightly at himself. He wouldn't need his inhaler... Would he? He was unsure.

  
Bucky grinned at Steve. "'Course I like slow stuff. And it can work out just fine if you're more vanilla." Bucky told him. "It's more to do with like... I don't know, with chemistry? Not science, but like, the sexy kind. We have chemistry." Bucky explained, wondering if he was rambling. "Maybe we could go to yours, though. I haven't even seen your dorm."

  
Steve snorted out his nose, but he nodded. "We were gonna have to go somewhere. Hey, and I can show you what I've done with my canvas. I’m nearly finished. I don't know what I haven't finished, I just know I haven't–" he cut himself off and went back to the topic at hand. "If we have chemistry, and yes I know you don't mean the science stuff, I can't be entirely vanilla. I do wanna try somethin' slow." He bit his bottom lip, and opened his mouth to say something, but he let it click shut because he didn't want to make fool of himself.

  
Bucky chuckled, shaking his head. "I'd  love to see your canvas. I can wait and all." Bucky said, shrugging at Steve. "And on the sex thing... I'll try anything. I'm not bothered at all by going slow. Slow and hard, slow and soft, somewhere in between. It's a little more, uh, intimate than I'm used to, but there's a first time for everything." Bucky told Steve, shrugging a little bit.

  
"You're telling me," Steve said low, mostly to himself, but it wasn't malicious. He looked up, and seemed to hesitate once more, but powered on so they could talk. Communication had lacked a couple of times, so Steve was making up for it. "Do you ever top? Or are you always...? I don't mind- just curious." He said, and nearly tripped over an uneven bit on the sidewalk, he caught himself before it went to shit.

  
Bucky did his best not to seem too offended by that. He didn't really have a good reason to be- he'd said it first, after all- but he felt a little wrong being an amateur porn star standing next to someone who was practically a virgin. He pushed it out of his head to answer Steve's questions. "Yeah, uh, I usually bottom. I'm apparently not all that impressive as a top- at least not for movies. I'm pretty average sized- like, not small or anything, but y'know- and they generally seek out really well-endowed guys for topping. Uh, offscreen? I... I don't know. I kind of tried some different things out." Bucky didn't know if he wanted to bring it up anymore. Steve didn't seem to really approve.

  
Steve took another big breath and then said, "Do you want to top me?" He looked over, cheeks flaming, but it was genuine question. He hadn't done it before, but Bucky had talked about going slow and the 'I'm not that big' speech was actually reassuring. "I mean, only if you want."

  
Bucky cracked a smile. "You want me to top you? Are you saying that because I'm small? I'm hurt." Bucky said, just kidding. "Uh, I can try. It might not be very good."  
Steve shook his head slightly, but returned a crooked smile. "If you were as intimidating as I apparently am, I probably wouldn't. But I'm sure you'll be amazing. I have nothing to compare it to, so it's gonna be the best ever had."

  
Bucky chuckled. "That's not really encouraging. It could still suck, you just won't know any better." Bucky said.

  
"To be completely honest I think it's going to be good no matter what. Surely you're going to be better than me, seeing as you have more experience and know how to use your body or whatever." Steve pushed the door open to the main dorms with his foot, they had a bit further to go because they were going to his, and already Steve could feel the slight anxiety in his chest.

  
"Like I said, I can try. But you'll have all the control- you could like, be on top even if you're... Receiving?" Bucky said awkwardly. "I don't know, like, you know how I like the whole degradation thing? Dirty talk is good. All that stuff is good. You can still dominate as a bottom, if that makes any sense to you." Bucky paused. "Again, I might be rambling."

  
Steve cleared his throat slightly, walking close to Bucky's side. "You mean something like, 'Fuck me senseless', 'oh yeah pound me', kinda thing?" He asked with a small grin but he was blushing. "I wanna be on the bottom, feel you takin' care of me–" he coughed. "I'll sit on your lap though if that's what you want."

  
"I don't know." Bucky said honestly. "Like I said, I don't have a ton of experience topping. Whatever you say will probably just like, come to mind and that'll be that. There's no phrase book or anything for it." Bucky told Steve. He paused. "Do you have lube? And condoms?"

  
Steve stopped walking, expression thinking. "Oh fuck. I... I have lube but I don't have condoms." He made a frustrated noise. "Maybe... I'm clean, Stark made sure I had nothing. What about you? Maybe we don't need them? Apparently it's better without but I wouldn't know..."

  
"I'm not gonna have sex with you without a condom." He said flatly. "The last test I had came up negative, but that doesn't mean they couldn't have missed something." Bucky told him honestly. "I'm not gonna just knowingly put you in danger, I don't care how much better people say it is."

  
Steve made a face. "When was your last test? I trust a doctors judgement." He gave a reassuring smile. "Seriously Buck, I don't think I have any though, so we'll have to go to yours real quick or not do it." He shrugged.

  
"We can get condoms from my place, I don't want to take any risks. I'm sure you're clean, it's me I'm worried about." Bucky told him, shaking his head.

  
Steve looked a little concerned. "You gotta have more faith in yourself," he said, but turned backwards, smiling. "But sure, let's go back to yours, and I'll take a packet so I'll always have some at mine or whatever."

  
"I'll think about it." Bucky said, chuckling. "But yeah, I mean, we can just go to yours another time. That'd be okay." Bucky shrugged a little.

  
Steve let out a small breath. "What do you want to do then? Mine or yours?" He said, because they had to make a decision at some point. "Yours has condoms mine has a painting, so what do you want more?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

  
Bucky took a breath. "I'm not gonna have sex with you without a condom, I mean it. Let's just go to mine."

  
"We don't have to have sex tonight," Steve tried, because while he did, he didn't want it to be forced. "Why do we have to have it planned? It's just the first date..." He shrugged, not really fussed. "You wanna have sex then? 'Cause sure." He broke into a grin.

  
Bucky shrugged at him after a second. "I mean, if you'd rather not...?" Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. "We could do something different. I could try... I don't know, a rim job? Some fingering?" Bucky offered. "That way it won't be super weird having something inside you."

  
Steve blinked. "Oh..." He wasn't so used to having casual conversations on the matter. "I mean... Does that– do they feel good? Does it have to involve my butt? Can't we just make out?" He wasn't frightened per say, but the more he thought about it, the more the nerves rose.

  
Bucky nodded hastily. "Yeah, we can just make out." He hoped to God he wasn't over eager. He had to switch gears entirely or he'd end up looking like a gross horndog. Or maybe just a slut. Neither was a really great option.

  
Steve was watching Bucky's expression, trying to read it. Did he look worried? Was it something he'd said? "What do you want to do? Because you know, I'm nervous about the sex thing, but I know you'll take care of me."

  
"Y'know, I've always just kinda... Done things out of order. Like, having sex then getting to know each other. Maybe we're... Better off slowing down." Even if Bucky'd had trouble differentiating between sex and love before, he had it down now. That's what made it so easy to dismiss it when he did videos, right? Because he knew the difference.

  
Steve looked a little confused, but his shoulders relaxed up a little. "Yeah? Well, that sounds a lot less stressful," he murmured and he took a step towards Bucky, pressing a soft, quick kiss on his cheek. He stepped back, flushing, and he held up the wine and the boxes. "Your wine and one of these are yours," he said, because... This is what you did right? A goodnight kiss when you parted ways? That's how you went slow right? They'd already had sex, but if they were going slow....

  
Bucky nodded a little, chewing the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, right." Bucky wondered vaguely if he'd been a shitty bottom that time. He hadn't gotten any complaints before, but it was completely possible that they'd felt bad for him or something. Was that why Steve wanted him to top? He reminded himself that Steve had called the sex mind blowing, but Steve had only lasted a few minutes. It was probably only good because he hadn't gotten off in a while. He took the wine and held it between his thighs while he checked the pizza boxes for which was his. He took his box and removed the wine from between his legs. "Well, I'll see you. Thank you for taking me to dinner." Bucky said uncomfortably. He wouldn't be the first to text Steve, not when his insecurities were digging at him all over again.

  
Steve waited patiently, his expression pleasant. When Bucky was straightened, Steve gathered his courage, and he stepped forward again quickly, hand coming up to touch the side of Bucky's face lightly, and he pressed a strong yet careful kiss square on his lips. He stepped back, letting his hand linger just a moment longer, and then he nodded. "Thanks for coming with me, I had a lovely time," he said very genuinely. "I'll probably text you," he said, taking another step back. "So yeah." He didn't want to turn away just yet, but there wasn't much else to say.

  
Bucky paused a few seconds, then spoke up again. "I don't want to like, drag out our good night or anything, but I just want you to know that I'm really dumb sometimes and I get way insecure. I'd appreciate you just, like, being direct with me. You might already be being direct, even, but I just want you to know that honesty is.... It's so appreciated, Steve, so you can always be honest with me." Bucky felt bad for rambling and all but he had to communicate. "I'm terrible about overthinking, and I'll probably jump to conclusions about things you say faster than you can even say them. When I'm being stupid, just shake me out of it, okay?" Bucky rambled.

  
Steve stopped in his walking away backwards, but he broke into a smile. That explained a whole lot. "I wasn't flirting with that waitress," he said again, looking teasing. "But okay, that's good to hear. Now I know how I can keep you around a little bit longer." He nodded, and he almost dropped his pizza as he continued to split them up. He was still watching Bucky though, smiling and he nearly crashed into the wall. He chuckled, stopping altogether so he didn't make a fool of himself. "Goodnight Bucky," he said, leaning against the wall and feeling a little bit foolish.

  
Bucky smiled just a little bit, then waved at Steve before returning the goodnight and heading in the direction of his dorm. Yeah, he was kind of disappointed with the turn of events. He had expected to end their date as he often did, with mutual orgasms and heavy making out, and though the change was appreciated to some extent, it was a slight let down to be going home with a boner still pulling at his jeans from the ride back.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the long hiatus guys i dont really have much more of an excuse than life has been getting in the way and fic writing and stuff has not been my main priority  
> i have edited some more stuff up so if y'all keep reminding me you like me posting it'll keep me posting!! thanks so much for your continued support though its very touching xoxox
> 
> note: my editing is getting slightly more haphazard due to not having time to vigorously read through skreeds and skreeds of text, so if you find a mistake i'm sorry but also not, i'm pretty sure it'll still make sense though xoxox
> 
> THANKS GUYS

[ _3:00am_ ] Hey Buck, you... Are you any busy right now? SR  
  
**At 3 in the morning? Not really. Something up? B**

  
Did I wake you? I'm sorry. SR

  
**No, no. I was up. You cool? B**

  
Uh... I can't breathe. SR  
Like... I'm not dying but I can't find my inhaler and my pill script didn't renew and it's quite cold tonight... I'm feeling a lot light headed is all and I was wondering if I left it at yours? SR

 ****  
Shit. B  
Uh, I'll look for it rn. Do you want me to call Stark for you? B

  
Haha don't worry Bucky, I've made myself a lemon drink that's clearing it up a little. We don't need to call Stark just yet. SR  
Just let me know if you find it, and maybe bring it over I don't know. SR

**Should I bring it as soon as I see it? B**

  
Yeah if it isn't a hassle. SR

  
Bucky found it after a few minutes under the coffee table. It'd probably fallen off and just gotten kicked underneath. He pocketed it and texted Steve to let him know that he'd found it and that he was on his way over to the dorm.

  
This hadn't happened in a long time, and Steve actually had to remind himself that panicking literally did nothing to help. This wasn't the same as the post-orgasm attack, this was thick, gloppy, 'you haven't had your medication' kind of not breathing. His head was pounding from lack of oxygen, his lips just a little blue, and he saw Bucky confirmation text and smiled. He was in the middle of his floor, shivering a bit but knowing that moving to get a jacket would be more tiring. His head was directly over the lemon drink, and he was trying to take slow, deep breaths, but they were wet and kept catching. Five times already he'd started coughing and globules of phlegm had come up. He had got a little bowl to spit them into instead and swallowing them. He heard a knock at the door, and he let out a croaked, "Yeah- open," but he wasn't sure if his voice was loud enough.

  
Bucky came in a few seconds later, having heard something from Steve even if he wasn't sure what it was. He found Steve on the floor and crouched down beside him. "Jesus, you look awful." Bucky gave him his inhaler and ran his fingers through Steve's hair. "Let me get you a blanket and help you onto the couch." Bucky said, hurrying to Steve's bed to grab his blanket and throw it over Steve. He wasn't sure he could lift Steve.

  
Steve would've talked, told Bucky he was fine just here on the floor, but already he felt more calm. He set down the mug of drink forcing a small smile up to Bucky when he brought the blanket. He put his hand up and gave it a little cutting across his neck gesture, shaking his head and pointing to the floor then nodding. It was easier if he was on the floor, even if it was just that little bit colder. He put the inhaler to his lips and pressed the button down, and the inhale he took was small and didn't get much medication in his lungs, but he held it in, waiting a bit before trying again. His head was actually feeling like it was about to explode, he felt light headed, and he had started frowning with concentration. He'd been sent to hospital before over this kind of thing.

  
Bucky frowned, chewing the inside of his cheek. "I think I should call the hospital. You look really, really bad." Bucky said. The blue lips were probably the worst part, everything else was manageable.

  
Steve lifted a hand and flipped Bucky a very casual middle finger despite how it ached a little to move. He didn't know how long he'd been sleeping with no lung function, but everything was hurting. He took another slow, wheezing breath in, shrugging a little so the blanket was closer to his skin as he brought the hand back to himself to hold the inhaler with both hands like it was a holy grail or something. He could already feel it working, it was just going to take him remaining calm, it was going to take Bucky remaining calm, and a little bit of time.

  
Bucky grimaced when he heard Steve take in that breath. "You're gonna have to explain this to me once you feel better in case this happens again. I don't know how Stark managed to NOT fix this." Bucky said, shaking his head. "Do you want another warm drink? Should you be upright so you can drink?"

  
Steve shook his head, but straightened up instead of curling over his knees like before. He was trembling a little, and he took now a longer, more comfortable breath even if it caught in his trachea still with a wet noise and wheezed as it moved around. His vision was wasn't swimming as much, and Steve's exhales were cool and had the medication more than any other. He was holding them in, focused on not dying but also not wanting Bucky to stress. He gave him a small thumbs up from under the blanket, taking another breath then.

  
Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve, rubbing his shoulder. Maybe Bucky could help warm him up. Steve really never expected to see Steve like this, and it kind of scared him.

  
Steve leaned to the side more, into Bucky because it meant less weight on his own butt- which was aching- but also warmth. His inhales were steadily growing, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. He could feel the gunk in his chest, and he needed to cough that out. "'Scuse me," he wheezed, picking up the bowl and not looking at it as he forced himself to cough, thick, wet noises, that wracked his entire frame, and this time the amount that came out was nearly vomit inducing. He spat and gagged some until it was out of his mouth, wanting to slide the bowl away and hide in shame, but he took another breath. It was more clear, a lot easier... And he leaned into Bucky again, shivering.

  
Bucky couldn't help but make a face. It was a gross noise and he knew exactly what was coming up. He kept his arm around Steve anyway. "What can I do?" He asked.

  
Steve shook his head, making a small noise. "Jus' stay," he managed to get out around his inhaler. In all seriousness, just Bucky sitting next to him meant he wasn't going to freeze to death. "Sorry," he breathed.

  
"It's okay." Bucky said, resting his head on Steve's shoulder. "I'll stay put, then." Bucky told him, tucking them both under the blanket properly to keep the heat in.

  
Steve had to keep the slow breathing of only his medication up for a full ten minutes, before he pulled it away and took a clear breath. If this had happened before the treatment he probably would have had to go to hospital, but his body was a bit better at accepting help nowadays. He shut his eyes, and let out a sigh, it only just caught a wheeze just right by the end of it. "I'm sorry I woke you," he said now, feeling exhausted, leaning his head on the others shoulder. "You kinda saved my ass."

  
"It's okay. Honestly, I'm really glad I came around. How do you feel?" Bucky asked, brushing a hand through Steve's hair again with a frown on his face. It'd been so scary, watching Steve struggle for breath like that. He almost looked dead for a little while. "Can I get you to move to bed?"

  
"I feel like I need to sleep for one million years," was Steve's reply, and he got to his feet, taking Bucky's hand and helping him up easily. "Can you come to bed with me? I'm so fuckin' cold," he asked, not really blushing because he needed to keep warm and Bucky was perfect for that.

  
"Yeah, I can do that. It's a good thing I didn't change before heading over. Let's hurry up and sleep, I have work tomorrow." Bucky told him.

  
Steve tugged Bucky to the bed, and he flopped onto the bed, pulling Bucky on top of him. "Thought you said the one we did was the last video you were going to do," he murmured, throwing the blanket over them both and tucking up to Bucky's side quickly.

  
"Work study, Stevie. Not that job." Bucky told him, shifting under the sheets till he was comfortable. "Did I never mention that? I work at the library." Bucky said, closing his eyes and resting beside Steve.

  
Steve broke into a grin in the dark, sliding his arms around Bucky's waist and let out a breath as he nearly melted into the warmth. "A librarian? So you wear a pencil skirt and little glasses and tell everyone to be quiet? How did I not get told this?" He manoeuvred both of them so he was spooning Bucky carefully, the warmth on his front and his chest.

  
"You're gross, no." Bucky said, wrinkling his nose at Steve. "I wear a t-shirt and jeans and I do homework at the checkout desk until someone bugs me for help. Mostly just freshmen come in, though, and they're too scared to approach me." Bucky told him.

  
Steve balanced his chin on Bucky's shoulder, pleased that they could do this platonically without any weird connotations. "Do you still want me to ask Clint if you can have a job at the cafe? I reckon you'd make a cute waiter." Steve's breaths were still catching on the end, and he'd need to chase Stark up for some new medication, but until then he just needed to have his inhaler with him.

  
"Sure, okay." Bucky said, resting his hand over Steve's. He wasn't really sure on where their relationship was. They dated, they made out, they slept at each other's houses, but Steve hadn't made any indication that he wanted more. Bucky didn't really know what to make of it.

  
Steve hummed lowly. "Okay, well, I'll get onto that. Clint's a good guy, pay you decent and is quite lenient with hours. You need to meet him sometime, I think you'd get along." He shut his eyes, the fatigue pulling at his consciousness. "Bed time now though," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky's neck. "You don't have to worry about being quiet in the morning. Just leave when you have to."

  
"Alright, sweet dreams." Bucky said, closing his eyes again. He thought vaguely about how he could bring up their relationship- maybe Steve was more into not having a defined status or something. Bucky could be on board with that, he guessed, if he was sure that Steve was actually as into him as Bucky was into Steve.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter update to say sorry my lovelies xoxox

  
"You too," Steve mumbled, and it didn't take long for him to slip into a very light and comfortable sleep. However, it was his dream that occurred an hour or so later that had the possibility of ruining everything. Because Bucky was laying next to him, because he'd used a whole heap of medication, the dream of Bucky pinning him against a wall and grinding into his leg had him moaning softly at first. He'd slept in Bucky's bed before, but nothing like this had happened before. "Bucky," he breathed, outwardly holding Bucky just a little tighter, a shudder rolling down him.

  
Bucky woke when Steve shifted and moaned behind him. His first thought was that Steve was in pain, having another asthma attack or something. He blinked groggily and tried to turn his head to look at Steve, catching him still asleep but moaning Bucky's name.  
  
Holy fuck. Bucky's eyes widened in understanding. Steve was having a dream. About him. About them. Like, together. Bucky took a deep breath, shaky and hesitant. Was he supposed to stay put? Was he supposed to wake Steve?

  
Bucky's hands were trailing up his sides, just lightly touching his skin, and Steve was dying to have more. They both had clothes on, but fuck, Steve didn't want that to be the case. "Strip me," he breathed, and hummed when his dream Bucky did so. "I wan' you to fuck me." He shifted his hips upwards, unknowingly pressing his erection into Bucky's hip.

  
Bucky was damn near cardiac arrest. He couldn't just stay put when Steve was about to dry hump him or something. "ебать." He muttered, turning over in Steve's arms to try and wake him up. He felt bad about it, considering that Steve was exhausted from that attack, but he didn't have lots of options.

  
Bucky had leaned in close, whispered something in Russian, which made Steve's knees go weak. "Yeah, like that," he said, eyelids fluttering slightly, moving back a little to give Bucky room to take off his pants. He was sliding his hands down Bucky's side, nerves in his chest but he wasn't too affected by them.

  
Bucky patted Steve's arm uncomfortably. "Steve? Stevie, you gotta get up. You're dreaming." Bucky told him, shaking him a little bit. Bucky felt embarrassed, but also mildly turned on. Steve was dreaming about him. That was something.

  
Bucky was actually talking to him, which was a new thing. Steve was normally the only vocal one, but this was good. "I'm up," he chuckled, moving his hips and pressing against the front of Bucky's hips. "And yeah, you're a dream." His words were slurred and sleepy, and he pulled Bucky close now, their chests in line. He wasn't normally a very active sleeper, but now? With the medication and Bucky right there, it was just fuelling it.

  
"Иисус Христос," Bucky's heart picked up pace with Steve so fucking _close_ to him. "Stevie. You're _asleep_. Wake up." Bucky said more urgently, shaking him again.

  
Steve's eyes snapped open, the dream fading from his mind, but he seemed very awake. He frowned. "Buck? Is everything oka–" he started, but he had shifted just a little, and that meant his hips had pressed against Bucky's hips again... And then the dream flickered behind his lids... Steve's eyes went wide, but then he shut them, cheeks flaming. "I– was I-?" He tried out, pulling his hips backwards but leaving their chests in line because the bed was too small for too much space between them.

  
Bucky wet his lips. "Uh, yeah. You were." Bucky said uncomfortably. "I didn't know what to do, really, I just- I just thought I was better off waking you up." Bucky explained, equally embarrassed. Flattered, yes, but still very embarrassed.

  
Steve's hand came up and he covered his eyes, flushing furiously. "I'm so sorry," he breathed out, trying to pull his arm out from under the brunet. God, he'd never had this kind of situation happen to him before, and he didn't know really know what to do. He wanted to get rid of his painful erection, that was one thing, but he couldn't really do that with Bucky in the same bed with him. Unless... Steve shook his head at himself. "I suppose you want to go back to your own dorm, get back to sleep..."

  
Bucky was a lot colder with Steve's arm removed from around him, but he didn't complain. "No, I, uh..." Bucky started, but couldn't think of what to say. "I don't really mind. I'm actually flattered." Bucky explained. How did he show that he was equally interested without having a wet dream in the same bed as Steve? "I could help you out."

  
Steve blinked. "Really?" He asked, tone incredulous, but he caught himself. "I mean... Yeah..." He licked his bottom lip, and he slid his arm under Bucky again, watching him with a careful expression. "I don't know–" he started, looking down to his crotch and blushing. "It can't be too much or I'll have to get my inhaler."

  
"I can keep it slow. We could just, like, make out and I'll give you a handjob. Like a high school girl." Bucky said, cracking a nervous smile. Would he seem cheap, giving him a handie when he didn't even know what they were? Would it be a cop out if he didn't give a blow job? The only time Bucky had given him oral was that time on camera.

  
"As long as it doesn't mean you're falling asleep at work," Steve murmured, but was leaning in a little closer... They'd had kisses after some coffee dates, some of them got heated, but none of it had gotten to this before Steve had stopped it. "I'm keen," he murmured, flicking his eyes down to Bucky's lips. They were more familiar with each other's lips now, it wasn't awkward high school girl kissing. Maybe the handjob would just be that.  
"Hold on, Stevie. You have lube, right?" Bucky asked him, not incredibly into giving spitty hand jobs over lotiony ones. He wasn't sure of himself- what if Steve hated it? Most guys preferred blow jobs to hand jobs (for good reason) to the point where they actually hated the latter. If Steve stopped him in the middle, he'd be so embarrassed.

  
"Uh yeah," Steve replied pleasantly, and he propped himself up to reach over Bucky to go through the bedside drawer, getting out the little tube, and he felt his erection press against Bucky's side again, and he cleared his throat a little as he lay flat again, face very close to Bucky's. "Am I... Do you want me to do it to you too? Might be fun... If you want." He offered, heart rate picking up. How come in movies everything happened so smoothly? This was awkward talking and organizing, there was no real abandon, and while the talking meant everyone was happy, the built up of awkwardness was life threatening.

  
Bucky swallowed and looked at the lube in Steve's hand before nodding a little. "Uh, yeah, sure. That... Could be good." Bucky agreed, looking and feeling pretty anxious.

  
"I've only ever done... I mean I've only ever touched myself like that... So if it's awful–" Steve gave a sharp, nervous laugh. He was slowly lowering his free hand though, touching Bucky's hip and playing with his waist band. He leaned in slowly, hesitating just before their lips touched. He could actually feel Bucky's breath. "I'm sorry if I do a terrible job and if I have medicine morning breath," he finally said, before pressing a soft kiss to Bucky's lips. He was quite ready to make the first one short and sweet, but he also lingered in case Bucky had different ideas.

  
Bucky didn't. He wasn't much of a leader, but he'd give it a shot. He reached for Steve's waistband and tugged at it, scooting forward just a little. When their first kiss ended, he pressed another, more heated one to Steve's lips, pulling Steve's dick out from his pajamas.

  
Steve made a small noise at finally being touched when he was so hard. The front of his pants were actually damp, and he mirrored Bucky, who was only half erect, and touched him lightly, using the arm under the brunet to curl him closer.

  
Bucky's breath caught when Steve touched him, perking up just a little bit more at the sensation. Bucky opened up the lube and applied it to Steve's cock slowly, stroking him and making sure to get all of him. His lips parted, urging Steve's to do the same.

  
Steve did so eagerly, running his tongue over Bucky's teeth, not minding the little bit of morning breath. It wasn't something he hadn't tasted in his own mouth before. He started shifting his hips so his pyjamas were off his hips more, and he quickly touched Bucky's hand with his own to get some of that lube, and he used that to run over Bucky's cock, grabbing the slightly soft flesh and squeezing lightly, wanting to wake it up a bit.

  
Bucky didn't really think much of the morning breath, either, a little more focused on the fact that he and Steve were _jerking each other off_ after all their time of practically celibate interaction. He let out a little appreciative noise when Steve squeezed his dick. Bucky played with Steve's balls while he waited for his own dick to get involved. He didn't want to come way after Steve.

  
Steve hadn't had much ball play done to him, by himself or otherwise, so he felt the goose bumps raise on his arms, and he nipped a little at Bucky's bottom lip. He continued to squeeze and slide his hand over Bucky, twisting his hand a little around the top and using the vantage of having an arm around him to grab his ass and squeeze softly. He rolled his hips a little, and made a small noise in the back of his throat. He'd probably need his inhaler after this either way.

  
It was hard for Bucky to take things slow- he wanted to get Steve off, and he wanted to get off, and he wanted Steve to want to do it all over again at some point. Bucky was harder by then, though, so he felt like he could move on some. He wrapped his hand around the base of Steve's dick and dragged it up, squeezing lightly. He ran his thumb over the slit. He couldn't tell if it was precome or lube on his hand, or both. He nipped Steve's lip, a little breathless too. He hoped Steve was okay in the lungs department.

  
By now Bucky was fully interested, and Steve didn't know if they were going slow or being enthusiastic, so he started a very slow pumping action up and down Bucky's cock, flicking his wrist underneath the tip to add a bit of difference, and he pulled their hips closer together. It meant less movement hand wise, but it made it quite easy for Steve to move his hand and get some lube from Bucky's hand and slide it over his cock then. He hissed through his teeth, taking a slow breath in from his mouth and then letting it out in a sigh.

  
Bucky's cock bumped Steve's and it was weirdly hot. He released a pleased sigh and began twisting his hand while he stroked Steve. He'd later reflect that it was really fucking good, even if he might have preferred to give a blow job. That was something you couldn't give to yourself, making it sort of a novelty. There was more to do, he felt, but the repetition almost made the handjobs more sexy. He rolled his hips forward a little, and their hands brushed.

  
Steve pulled away from Bucky's lips to press a kiss to his jaw, nipping just lightly at his skin as he rolled his hips right back, and he seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Bucky, their hips coming forward at the same time, and nearly involuntarily he held Bucky's hips forward with his hand that was already there and he caught Bucky's hand and his own dick, pressing them together with a hitch of his throat. He nearly brushed Bucky's hand away, because he was moving his hips slowly and that meant their dicks were rolling over each other, and Steve was kind of keeping them together with a quick pumping action on Bucky's cock, but his thumb was hooked onto his. The extra pressure was a little exciting, and he turned his head to kiss in the hollow under his head. "Feel good?" He asked, having sorted a rhythm of rolling his hips and pushing his hand over both of them.

  
Bucky made an 'mmph' of affirmation, following suit in rubbing both of them at once. It was tough to get used to, since Steve was huge and Bucky didn't generally deal with that kind of size (especially when it came to masturbation). Precome was starting to leak from Bucky's dick. Record timing.

  
Steve's head was swimming slightly, but he couldn't really find himself caring. He was in heaven, and Bucky's hand was so sure and amazing, everything that someone else did to you was always better than doing it yourself, that's what Steve had found out, and this was no exception. "This is a first," he breathed, into Bucky's skin. "Never done it like this before."

  
Bucky turned his head a little, getting Steve to move from the crook of Bucky's neck so Bucky could kiss him again after stating that he'd never done this, either. He started rubbing them a little faster.

  
Steve pressed hard against the kiss, holding them together with the hand cupping Bucky's ass too. His gut was curling, god it was like he couldn't focus, and he suddenly stopped moving all together, his hips stilling as his hand barely brushed down the side of his cock. He used this time to _really_ kiss Bucky, moaning into him and sliding his tongue over the others, biting his lip and gasping, but he had got his hand to where the prostate could be pressed from the outside, and he applied a little pressure, circling his thumb about the spot. One of the first guys he'd been with had taught him that. "You want me to keep touching you here?" He asked, pressing firmly again, "Or you want me to keep stroking?"

  
Bucky gasped, body tensing a little. "Святое дерьмо," he hissed against Steve's mouth. "Keep doing it. Keep... Doing that." Bucky told him, hand stuck on Steve, shock making him forget that he was supposed to be jerking Steve off.

  
Steve rolled his thumb slightly, not pushing too hard in case he hurt the brunet, and he shifted his hips forward to rock against Bucky. "Sorry, I don't understand. This?" He asked, and pushed the point again, this time a little more deliberately, rocking his hips in a slow motion to use the slick on their cocks for a bit of friction.

  
Bucky grabbed at Steve's arm with his free hand, intending to hold Steve's thumb against that spot. "Oh my _God_ ," Bucky moaned. "радовать." Bucky stroked them again, heart pounding. He was close.

  
Steve let out a breath, kissing at Bucky's lips and moving his fingers. The Russian falling out of Bucky's lips was even hotter now than it had been on their pizza date. His gut was clenching slightly, but he was sure that he had to be the person to come second, because Bucky was the one swearing and had fingers on his prostate. "Come on, are you gonna come for me? Are you close Buck?" He asked breathlessly, kissing Bucky's open mouth and still rocking his hips.

  
That was really all it took, and Bucky was crying Steve's name and covering the tip of his cock with his hand to keep from getting come all over the place. His body was loose from his orgasm, and he wanted to roll over and sleep comfortably after exerting himself, but it was still his job to finish Steve off. He waited to catch his breath a few moments and clear his head from the orgasm.

  
Steve was surprised at how quickly Bucky's climax happened, and he kept moving his hips through Bucky's orgasm, murmuring nothing's into his skin and pulling his hand away to slowly rub Bucky's softening cock. He was aching again, and his head was thudding with the need for release, but he kissed Bucky's mouth softly instead of worrying about himself.

  
Bucky kept working at Steve, but kissed back. He wanted to be sure he didn't leave Steve hanging, especially when Steve was the one that had needed this.

  
Steve stilled his hand finally, his hands were slick from Bucky's release, and he held them simply on Bucky's waist. "Better than doing it myself," he murmured against Bucky's lips, clenching his groin and making his cock twitch.

  
Bucky was a wreck even though he'd already come. Mutual handjobs weren't even SUPPOSED to be that good. Bucky put both hands on Steve then, deciding maybe the reason he wasn't don't yet was because two hands were needed. He was big, it made sense. "You're incredible." He muttered in response.

  
"Yeah?" Steve breathed, and he was kissing Bucky's mouth in quiet, repeated kisses, hurried and gasping. "You're incredibler." He chuckled, and shifted his hips in a way that made him groan low in his throat.

  
Bucky squeezed him intermittently, dragging his fingers over Steve's shaft at a medium, but deliberate pace. He didn't know what else to do, not when he wasn't sure how the prostate thing worked or when he couldn't really see Steve to gauge his reaction in the dark. It seemed good, but Steve still hadn't finished.

  
Steve was rolling his hips just a little more, wanting a little more because the wave was forming. He could feel it and he moaned again, gripping at Bucky's ass and near thrusting into his hand. "More," he gasped out, shaking a little. "I– yeah... Please."

  
Bucky stroked Steve in a downward motion when Steve thrust up, increasing the friction and changing things up. He took one of his hands and reached down to play with Steve's balls again. He'd have gone for the perineum, but it wasn't within reach. He wasn't sure that Steve'd care.

  
Steve's noises were almost becoming embarrassing, the way he was grasping at Bucky and kissing him like there was no tomorrow, his hips moving at a pace that suggested he was pretty much falling apart... "Bucky, I'm–" he started, and cut off, because he didn't have the time to speak. This is what his dream had been leading up to.

  
Bucky kept stroking him, countering his thrusts and managing to rub his perineum with some maneuvering. God, Steve was beautiful. "Come for me, Stevie." Bucky muttered against his mouth.

  
At Steve's words, he pressed his head hard into the pillow, turning to muffle the cry of ecstasy, because his hips were stuttering and his arms were twitching at the strength of it, he gasped as he turned and he could feel the way Bucky's hands were now spreading his warm slick over himself, he shook slightly, pressing a kiss to Bucky's ear. "I- don't think- I need my inhaler-" he said between little huffed breaths.

  
Bucky's hands were covered in a mix of come and lube, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd stroked Steve through his orgasm, and it had been fucking great. He laughed breathlessly when Steve spoke. "That's a good sign."

  
Steve chuckled too, and he was slowly and languidly rolling his hips around now, just because Bucky's hands felt amazing, and he didn't really want it to stop. He moved his head just a tad to press a lipped kiss to Bucky's mouth. "You're perfect," he mumbled, not pulling away enough for his words to be spoken properly. "I don't get off enough with you."

  
"We _never_ get off." Bucky corrected him, also not bothering to pull away properly. "We should probably clean up, hm?" Bucky said sleepily.

  
Steve felt a frown slowly grace his face, but it slipped away as fatigue slipped back into his body. "I thought you said you wanted to take it slow," he murmured, using one hand to start pushing his pants down and off his legs. The moving was a little bit cramped, but with a lot of shimmying he managed, and he started with his own hands, not really minding that he was now bare under the covers.

  
"'M only teasing you, Stevie. It was worth it." Bucky told Steve, shaking his head. He pulled his own pajamas off. "Am I gross if I wipe myself off with my pajamas?"

  
Steve scoffed slightly, and he hummed in a non committal way. "I was going to wipe you down with my pajamas, so I suppose if you want to have gross laundry to bring back to your room you can," Steve said, obviously just a little but more awake than Bucky was. "You leave them off, I'll clean everything up with my own pants, then you can out yours back on," he planned out slowly, cutting off near the end to cover a yawn.

  
"You're right, I don't have anything else to go outside in." Bucky said, chuckling softly, shaking his head at Steve. "Thanks, Stevie."

  
Steve shrugged, and set about wiping everything up. He hissed when he touched himself because he was quite sensitive, but he folded the pants over and made sure he didn't spread it. It didn't take long, and once everywhere was a lot less sticky he bunched up his pants and threw them onto the floor. "I like it when you call me that," he said softly, brushing Bucky's face just lightly with his lips for something to do.

  
Bucky felt particularly mellow in the afterglow of their orgasms, and mostly just laid there passively while Steve kissed at him. Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve and closed his eyes. "I like _you_." Bucky replied with a tiny, sleepy smile.

  
Steve smiled, and he blushed, the expression stopping his kisses for just a moment, before he kissed Bucky softly once on the lips before replying. "And I like you." He seemed to hesitate, then he quietly said. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" It was slightly impulsive, his thoughts buzzing with euphoria, but he swallowed. Was that something Bucky wanted?

Bucky hesitated. The boyfriend thing had never really been for him, but stuff like that could change. He genuinely liked Steve, and the thought of officially being with him was pretty appealing.

  
Steve started babbling almost in the second Bucky didn't reply. "It's okay if you don't. If you still want casual then we can have casual, we don't even have to use labels, what's the point in labels yeah? Don't listen to me, just forget I even said anything–"

  
"Stevie. Stop." Bucky said, scooting closer to him and tightening his arm around Steve. "I'd like to." Bucky told him. "We're good together. You just gotta know that I'm not the most familiar with boyfriends. I could be bad at it."

  
Steve cut off with a little gargle almost, and he looked to Bucky through his lashes. It made his heart stutter at that reply, and he broke into a 'you made the sun', smile that was visible even in the dull light. "Everything you've said you'd be bad at, you've been amazing at," he murmured, leaning in slowly. "Time most recent, seven minutes ago," he pointed out, smiling wide still. "How can you be bad at being a boyfriend. Nothing has to change except the label."

  
"That was different. I already jerk off. It's not hard to jerk someone else off. Boyfriends are a lot more complicated." The smile made his breath catch- Steve was just so beautiful. He pressed a little kiss against Steve's mouth when Steve was leaning in. "Go to sleep. I'm sleepy."

  
"Sorry," Steve quickly murmured, pressing another quick kiss to Bucky's lips. "We're good together though. It'll be alright." He pulled Bucky as close to him as he could, his... Boyfriend fitting snugly into his arms. "Goodnight Buck."

  
"Night, Stevie." Bucky muttered, closing his eyes and drifting off with his head against Steve's chest. He felt a little nervous about everything, but it was the good kind of nervousness. It was excitement.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing like a good gym sesh to get you going, amirite??

  
It took a lot of convincing to finally get Bucky to agree to get to the gym with him. It seemed the brunet was convinced it would be a waste of time, but Steve thought otherwise. He wanted to finally get his best friend to meet his new boyfriend, Sam had been pestering him to balls up and do it, because apparently, Steve denied it, but Bucky was a main topic when it came to chatting. So he'd managed it. He owed Bucky a favor, he owed him a dinner date, but Steve got Bucky into a tank top and exercise shorts, and dragged him to the campus gym. He stopped just outside the automatic doors, looking to the brunet. "You ready?" He grinned, raising his eyebrows bouncing on the balls of his feet. Bucky looked really good, because exercise clothing was normally quite revealing, and Steve had chosen something that hung quite loosely on him.

  
Bucky crossed his arms and glared at Steve melodramatically. "No. Not ready. This is stupid." Bucky said. "But if you REALLY want me to, I'm happy to humor you and go inside." Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek and uncrossed his arms. He didn't have any problem with meeting Steve's friends, but he did have a problem with going to the gym to do it. It wasn't like they couldn't meet at a restaurant or something.

  
Steve took Bucky's hand, and squeezed it tight. "Good, well, humor me." He grinned, and then pulled Bucky through the doors. He just had to nod at the receptionist, he was a well-known face, and she probably could assume who was hanging off his arm. He walked straight to his normal work out station, dumbbells and two rowing machines and steps, as well as a weight bench. He grabbed a towel and a water bottle for Bucky off the trolley that sat by the station, and threw them at Bucky. "Right, we're warming up while we wait for Sam, get you all stretched out so you don't hurt too much tomorrow." He grinned, and grabbed his own towel and bottle.

  
"Was that _supposed_ to be dirty, or are you just that oblivious?" Bucky asked him, putting his bottle and towel down. "You gotta lead me in the stretches, by the way. I don't know what I'm doing."

  
Steve blinked, and it didn't take long for his shoulders and his face to be dusted bright red. "Don't innuendo me you dick, this is my place, shut up," he snapped, tempted to curl his towel up and whip Bucky across the ass. Instead, he put them down, and squared his shoulders. "Stand in front of me, jerk, and mirror what I do."

  
Bucky squared his shoulders as well, standing in front of Steve. "Not my fault you used some pretty blatantly ambiguous language, babe."

  
"Well, _babe_ ," Steve replied, his smile slightly dangerous but also teasing, "You need to shut your pretty mouth and try and copy me." He stretched his arm up above his head and leaned over sideways, stretching out his sides and trying to bend himself in half.

  
An incredibly _good_ shiver went through him. God, why were they at the gym when they could be getting a work out in a much more exciting way? He grudgingly copied Steve, stretching himself out. It was terrible.

  
Steve grinned at Bucky's expression, and he stayed in the first position for twenty seconds before switching sides, winking at Bucky when they were straight up. "Look at you! You're doing so well!!" He said enthusiastically and teasing as he lowered himself to the ground more, ribs creaking just a tad.

  
Bucky couldn't stretch as far as Steve could. He straightened back up after a few moments. "This is the actual worst." Bucky muttered.

  
"Broken him already Steve?" Came a cheery voice from behind Steve, and he straighten quickly, turning to grin hugely at Sam, who was leaning around Steve's frame to get a look at the famed Bucky Barnes. Steve shook his head, and ushered Bucky forward with a hand. "No lie, but Bucky is a little princess and is sulking," he grinned, and Sam stepped forward, expression open and warm as he offered his hand. He was wearing a deep purple gym shirt that complimented his skin really nicely, and Steve looked to Bucky carefully, trying to judge his reaction.

  
"Pleasure to meet you finally, Steve talks about you all the time, literally man he never stops," Sam said, and Steve rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to deny that outright right in front of Bucky.

  
Bucky smiled politely and shook Sam's hand, doing his best not to look a little bit annoyed at how fit the guy was. Did Steve have mostly attractive friends? Bucky had done a tiny bit of Facebook stalking and had only seen attractive people as his friends. "Hi, yeah, Steve's mentioned you a lot. Sorry it took so long to meet you." Bucky said.

  
Sam tilted his head with a smile, and he looked impressed. He gripped Bucky's hand firmly, then dropped it after a moment and slapped Steve on the shoulder. "I'll accept your apology when you help me show this tank an actual work out. You have that potential, and maybe Steve will go a little easier cause he's getting some." Steve scoffed, and blushed a little. Not that he was just yet... But– "No way I'll be going easier on him, he's just as much competition as you thanks very much."

  
If he actually _was_ getting any, he might not have been bothered by Sam's statement. But since little had really gone on since their mutual handjob session, it was pretty hard for the comment to not hit home. "You guys gonna keep flirting or are we gonna get down to business?" Bucky teased.

  
Sam raised an eyebrow at Steve, and he gave a quick nod. They'd talked about this, Bucky's complex of insecurities, and Steve walked past Bucky and pressed a wet kiss to his forehead. "Let's get it on _babe_ ," he purred in his ear, and Sam was already at the weights table. "We should do the boxing stuff first, it's a pairs thing. I'll have the gloves first and you hold the pads, you can see what I'm doing, and then you can give it a go yeah?" He asked, taking Bucky around the waist and dragging him towards the bag hanging from the ceiling.

  
The way they nodded at each other only made Bucky a little more uncomfortable. There shouldn't be 3-person gym dates. It was a recipe for disaster, someone would always feel left out. Bucky ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He knew he was being stupid. He needed to lighten up. "Sure, okay." Bucky said, shaking it off and turning his attention to Steve. He took the pads.

  
Steve slid on the gloves with practiced ease, and while he wanted to show off a little and immediately start beating the crap out of the foam pads, he wanted Bucky to be safe first. "Right, you gotta make sure you're braced okay? I don't hit without grunt, and I'm gonna be trying to show off a little so I may be putting it on. You drop your shoulder into whatever I throw, keep yourself relaxed but ready. If you fall on your ass I'm gonna laugh, okay?" He asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet and waiting for Bucky to get into position.

  
Bucky knew he was gonna get his ass kicked to the ground. Steve was built. Bucky wasn't. Steve could literally knock his ass down with a breath or something. "Alright, don't knock me over on purpose." Bucky said, getting his grip on the pads and then holding them up in front of Steve, body braced.

  
Steve judged Bucky's position, and nodded slightly, bouncing on his feet for just a moment before bending his legs and actually jabbing. It was a quick, jerky movement, one where he didn't want to stay too close to the opponent in case he got grabbed. He did this again, with the other hand now, and then stopped, looking to Bucky with raised eyebrows. "That okay?"

  
The force of Steve's punch was definitely slowed by the pads, but it wasn't enough to actually keep it from hurting. "Uh-huh. I'm good." Bucky said, wrinkling his nose and changing his stance a little.

  
Steve nodded. "Just tell me if we have to stop." He asked honestly, and brought himself back into fighting pose. From there he set up on his reps. 10 lowercuts left, then right, bouncing on the balls of his feet and pretending he was being swung at, so ducking and jabbing out. It was an easy rhythm to fall into, and by the end of it he could feel the sweat pooling. "You saw how I did it?" He asked as he started peeling off his gloves, through a couple of breaths after some quick punches to finish.

  
Bucky had lost focus forever ago, caught up in how fucking gorgeous Steve was, even soaking in sweat and swinging fists at him. "Huh?" He asked, looking up.

  
Steve threw the gloves right at Bucky's head and grinned, stepping forward to help him unstrap the pads from around his head. "Focus, Buck. You gotta do this stuff safely or you put you and the people around you at risk," he said, letting the gloves drop to the floor as he took the pads. "Did you watch how I was hitting? See what I was doing so you could copy it?" Steve was pretty sure of the answer, but he had to at least ask before whacking Bucky over the back of the head.

  
"Not really, no. I kinda zoned out." Bucky admitted, still kind of dazed. It didn't get much more embarrassing than that- Sam could probably handle it better.

  
Steve looked at Bucky, somewhat gaping. "You zoned out," he repeated, and blinked slowly, then shook his head. "I was punching at you and you zoned out." He rolled his eyes. "Alright, well, you have to make it up to me. Show me what you got Barnes, beat the shit out of these pads." He held them up, expression taunting.

  
Bucky glanced around self-consciously. He could throw a punch, but only one kind. It was gonna look like a four-year-old punching a fucking MMA master. He put the gloves on, shaking his head. He brought them up beside his face and put himself into a sturdier stance.

  
"You look sexy like that..." Steve encouraged, and smiled crookedly again. "Now c'mon, pretend I'm... Making you take my money or something. You gotta get mad. So what makes you mad babydoll?" He wasn't really good at the whole taunting thing, Sam was better at it, but he could give it a shot.

  
"That's a terrible, terrible attempt, I'll tell you that." Bucky scoffed, then threw his first couple punches. He could probably get mad if it was Sam, but he wasn't about to mention it.

  
Steve's brows pulled together, and he scowled. "Don’t be rude. How am I supposed to make you mad if I love everything about you?" He huffed, and pushed back against some of Bucky's punches. "What do I do that makes you mad?" He asked, smiling tauntingly. "Use this time to get mad at me."

  
"You don't do anything that makes me mad. It's never you." Bucky said, dropping his hands. He wasn't sure he'd be able to keep it up- he couldn't perform without pressure, but he didn't actually want pressure.

  
Steve dropped the pads and gave Bucky a suffering look. "Buck, c'mon, it's not like... A hard thing. What makes you mad in general?" He asked, bracing himself again. "If you build up a sweat we'll have to have a shower afterwards...." He sung, tilting his head and beckoned Bucky forward.

  
Bucky glanced at Sam, who was doing his own thing with a punching bag. He returned his attention to Steve and put his hands up, picturing Steve and Sam. They weren't even doing anything in the image. It just made him angry. "Alright, put the pads up. I got it."

  
Steve did, and he licked his bottom lip. He hadn't missed that; the way Bucky had looked at Sam. He smirked slightly, and brought the pads up. "Sam makin' you mad Bucky? Does he piss you off?"

  
Bucky started throwing punches, then, hitting the middle of the pads each time. He was tuning into his jealousy, his own inferiority complex, and hopefully using the negativity to impress Steve a little bit. He didn't need to answer Steve aloud for it to be obvious.

  
Steve was surprised that Bucky came out of the box with so much force, and he continued to grin, leaning in slightly. Good, that's what working out was for, taking out that anger. "C'mon Buck, I saw the way you looked at him, you hate him don't you? He takes up the time I could be spending with you, surely you're not okay with that."

  
Bucky punched harder, building up a rhythm. His muscles already hurt, but he didn't care. Fuck Sam, looking at Steve and probably touching his arm and texting him at night. The worst part was that Sam was a NICE PERSON from what Bucky could tell, so he didn't even have an excuse to throw punches at the guy. He only had this.

  
Steve was almost surprised and worried at the ferocity that Bucky was getting to. Had Sam something to him before hand? Was that what it was. Steve decided not to rile Bucky up any more, because he didn't want Bucky to burst a blood vessel. He was watching Bucky's face, his stomach twisted, and he nearly forgot to hold his arms up properly because he wanted to pull Bucky into a hug and kiss him better.

  
Eventually, Bucky ran out of energy and his punches slowed. He still felt angry and jealous, and his shirt was soaked through with sweat, but he didn't actually have enough energy to feel vengeful. He took the gloves off and pushed his sweaty hair back. "How's that?" He asked breathlessly.

  
Steve was blinking and shocked when the punches stopped coming, and he was watching Bucky almost in awe. That... Had come from Bucky. His... Mostly soft spoken and loving boyfriend. He'd never seen anything that raw before. It was fucking gorgeous. He dropped the pads off, and stepped forward, pressing a hard and rushed kiss to Bucky's lips. Never mind the sweat that was now soaking his shirt, or how his fingers were now wet with the sweat from Bucky's hair as he slid his hands through it, god he just needed to be kissing him. He pulled back so he could look Bucky in the eye. "Fuck," was all he said, before stepping away because there were guys wolf whistling and this really wasn't the place. God, Steve would be putty in that Bucky's hands. He licked his bottom lip, and nodded, before swallowing. "Right... Weights now, yeah?" His blush was disappearing into his shirt, and it wasn't because he'd been working out.

  
Bucky was already red in the face from the cardio, and he was thankful for it. He would've been blushing like hell with the wolf whistling going on. "I honest to god don't think my arms have it in them. Can we do something- uh- for legs? I gotta let my shoulders heal."

  
"Yeah, yeah, on the weights bench," was Steve's reply, and he ignored the couple of high fives people offered him. He took Bucky's hand and lead him though, still blushing. God, he could taste Bucky's sweat on his lips... Maybe he shouldn't have brought Bucky, because now he couldn't think about anything else. He smiled at Sam, who winked at him, and Steve cleared his throat. "Just here," he said, gesturing to the seat.

  
Bucky sat and took a drink of his water. "Do I just push the platform back with my feet?" He asked.

  
Steve turned Bucky around with his shoulders. "You hook your feet under here, and lift up. Works your calves. Pretty boring stuff, but it's not arm stuff." He smiled, but he was still flushed. "You'll have to just watch me do squats... Right here, in front of you," he said with a suddenly wicked grin.

Sam was doing stuff with the medicine ball, but even the loud thudding of the ball couldn't hide his laugh. Steve got the weights bar from beside Bucky and spun what he thought Bucky would be able to handle onto it.

 

Bucky sighed heavily and got to it. It was hard fuckin' work, too, even without watching Steve do squats. He glanced at Sam out the corner of his eye again and shook his head. He had to stop looking at that guy.

  
Steve folded up his towel and put it behind his head, and once he'd made sure the weights were on properly. He ducked underneath it, and lifted it up. He wanted to keep the weight a little light. One: he didn't actually want to fuck up in front of Bucky, and he also wanted to make a show of the squats. So he set himself up just to the side of being right in the centre of Bucky's line of sight and started, getting used to his usual reps and going down lower than normal, holding it just a _second_ longer than usual. Sam had gotten some dumbbells, and walked to stand in front of Steve, prepared to start up a good chat. They hadn't seen each other in a little while, so where was the harm?

  
Bucky enjoyed the view at first, but he had to make himself look away when Sam started chatting with him. He'd just get down on himself. He'd start focusing on Sam and forget that he was supposed to actually be working out and everything. He wondered vaguely if Steve did it on purpose. He did his reps and ended up adding more weight to the machine. He needed to ditch his thoughts about Steve and Sam.

  
Steve worked until the back of his shirt was soaked, and his thighs burned, so he straightened and laughed at what Sam said, then went to put the bar back in place, and he slapped Bucky's shoulder. "Wanna go on the treadmills? Then we can be done," he said, looking elated. It had been really good to catch up with Sam. He ran his hand through his hair, tempted to shake off the sweat like a dog, but instead waited patiently for Bucky's reply.

  
Bucky pretended not to be bothered by how happy Steve was upon spending time with Sam. He was positive that Steve didn't have the same reaction when it came to him. "Sure. Yeah. If I don't die first." He joked, getting up.

  
Steve took Bucky's hand again, looking over his shoulder to the brunet and grinning, it would be good to see if he could beat Bucky in the running after squats. "This should be fun," he teased, and chose a treadmill which had a vacant one beside it, and he stepped onto his. "You know how to use a treadmill or...?" He asked, starting his own off at a walking pace.

  
"Duh." Bucky said, stepping up and turning his on. He started with walking, too, but changed into a jog after less than a minute. Cardio would be rough. There was nothing to focus on, so he'd end up wallowing in his own thoughts again.

  
When Bucky put his speed up, so did Steve, easily falling into the rhythmic thudding of his shoes on the conveyer belt, and he looked over to the brunet and frowned. "Hey," he said, to catch his attention. "Everything okay? We don't have to do this and we can go straight to the showers, if you'd like," he said, voice jolting and bumping with his footsteps.

  
"Hm?" Bucky looked over at Steve. "Oh. I'm okay." Bucky said. "Do you wanna go? I don't really care either way." Bucky said, voice mostly steady save for the occasional hard step. He ran cross country in high school- he'd never won much, but he had good technique and all. He'd liked it.

  
"Are you doing that thing?" Steve asked out of nowhere, putting his speed up just a little so he had to work harder. Bucky had given him this warning, and both Sam and him had noticed a subtle change in Bucky's demeanor. "'Cause I was only saying that stuff about Sam so you'd put some back into it."

  
"I don't know what thing you mean." Bucky said, upping his own speed. He was really tired already, but the muscle memory from his long runs was making it a little easier.

  
Steve shook his head slightly, and with a huff put it up even more, small beads of sweat forming above his eyebrows. "The thing you warned me about on our first date. The constant reassurance thing." He looked ahead of himself, then down to his feet and finally back to Bucky. "Sam's straight, if that makes you feel less threatened or whatever."

  
"Sexuality is pretty fluid." Bucky replied, still not really feeling the burn. Instead of changing speed, he increased the incline so he felt like he was running uphill.

  
Steve scoffed, and because he didn't run uphill ever simply put the speed up again. "He's straight Buck, and once again you're questioning me about my loyalty. I care about you- okay? I ain't gonna leave anytime soon." He'd put it up by a bit now, breaths coming in pants and each stride seeming further apart than the last.

  
"It's not really that. I don't think you'd cheat on me. I just think you'd be attracted to him. Not that I'd blame you for it, he's a very good looking guy." Bucky said, also pretty breathless now that he'd started challenging himself. He increased his speed so he was running an eight minute mile. He used to be able to do six and a half minutes, but it was exhausting and he could only do one. Eight was much more comfortable, especially after his time off. He increased the incline again.

  
"If I was attracted to him then I probably would be not dating you, because I'd be trying to catch his eye, okay?" Steve tried, though some of his words were lost in his breaths, he wasn't really watching at all and trying to focus on Bucky. The sweat was dripping down his forehead, and he put the speed up even more while saying- "You shouldn't worry about me not being interested in you because I'm pretty sure I lo-" Steve's foot was out from under him before he could finish the sentence, and he was flung backwards. He hadn't been watching what he had been doing enough on such a high speed but when he did get his foot down it was slightly on the side panels. So Steve skidding across the floor, and when he came to a stop, there was applause. A guy came forward, stopping Steve's treadmill for him as he sat, and he could see the money being passed around. Steve knew about it of course, the bet that it would only be one certain guy that could get Steve to fail spectacularly on one of the stations. Everyone had tried a couple of times, but no one had been able... Until now. Steve was gasping, and he probably should've gotten his inhaler just in case, but he sat with his elbows on his knees and flat on his ass. He shook his head, and felt people clap him on the back. "Congrats," Steve called to Bucky, grinning and ignoring the sting of the slight carpet burn he'd just acquired, and he wiped his brow. "You just dethroned the gym-king."

  
Bucky turned his treadmill off when Steve fell, and hopped off hastily. "Jesus, what's wrong with you?" Bucky asked, sitting down beside him and frowning. "I didn't even know we were racing." Bucky said, offering Steve his water. "You're an idiot." Bucky bumped Steve's arm with his elbow and pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek. He glanced around the gym. "Why're they all so excited?"

  
Steve chuckled, and took long gulps from the bottle. He leaned into Bucky's side, taking slow breaths and shaking his head as people kept walking to Bucky to give him thumbs up. "At first people thought it was funny that I was pretty much solid on every station, but it's become a competition. Different bets or whatever, I'm not sure." He shrugged, cheeks bright red. Had he really been about to say that? No- he couldn't have been...

  
Bucky had sort of missed it and forgotten about it when Steve fell off the treadmill. Now he was more caught up in making sure Steve was alright. "You ready to go then, Stevie?" Bucky asked.

  
Steve nodded, and looked at his arm. He'd probably to get some antiseptic on it. It stung, and his muscles were burning in the good way, and he groaned as he got to his feet, offering his hand to the brunet. "Can I just say that you getting all riled up when you were boxing, that was almost there with Russian," he grinned, and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

  
Bucky cracked a smile, rolling his eyes at Steve. "Alright, Steve, we'll deal with it when we get back to one of our dorms. Which reminds me, where are we headed?" They both had spare clothes at each other's apartments, so that was no problem.

  
"I have a bigger shower?" Steve suggested, heart going to his throat a little. They'd done it before, mostly jerking each other off, but... Steve was pretty sure he was ready for more. Yeah... "Come to mine," he settled on, leading them back to their station so they could get their things.

  
Bucky paused a second, confused. What had changed? Steve was usually pretty hesitant about that stuff. "Alright. Hey, you want me to teach you some Russian?" Bucky asked him.

  
Steve nodded enthusiastically, and he was wiping his brow with the towel, and he started to ask his to say his name in it, when he remembered. "Sam! We're heading home!" He called, in case that wasn't obvious enough. He heard a, "You two kids have fun!" from somewhere, and a few accompanying whistles and whoops. Uni gyms were ridiculous.


	23. Chapter 23

Bucky just chuckled and kept walking when he was faced with all the whistling. "So. Plans? What are we doing tonight?"

  
"We're gonna have a shower together," Steve said, making sure to drop his sweaty towel and Bucky's in the box before going out reception. "I wanna... I feel like we should take a step further tonight? I don't know." They got out onto the footpath, and Steve's muscles were already angry at him for making them walk him home. "I– yeah. If you want."

  
"What do you mean by a step further?" Bucky asked. "Oral or something?" Bucky asked him, offering a hand to Steve.

  
Steve took Bucky's hand and shrugged, delaying his answer by taking a big drink from his bottle. "Maybe? Or... Well. I wouldn't mind if you took my virginity a second time." He looked shyly over to Bucky, and flashed a nervous grin, hoping that no one could actually hear their conversation apart from them.

  
Bucky rose his eyebrows at Steve and cleared his throat. "Uh. Well. I didn't know you could really... Have more than one virginity." Bucky said nervously. "And don't you- kind of think that's a big switch from handjobs to sex? I mean, we haven't done a lot of butt stuff and I don't want you to end up surprised by how it feels-" Bucky glanced around, also making sure nobody was checking them out before returning his attention to Steve. "I'll do whatever you like, I just want to make sure we aren't rushing." Bucky said.

  
Steve snickered a little childishly at 'butt stuff', but he supposed Bucky was right. But he pulled it back in, and shrugged again. How could he ever be sure? If he felt like doing it now, why couldn't he? He let out a breath, licking his bottom lip. "Well, I thought maybe if we get that... Intimate— well maybe you'd stop worrying so much when I talked to other people." That... And Sam had joked about them having sex and they hadn't even got close, which made Steve feel frigid and almost like he was denying Bucky something. So... Well if any time was a good time to take it slow it was when they were already creaky and aching from exercise.

  
Ugh. That made it sound like a pity fuck. Doing it to boost Bucky's self esteem. "Nah, Steve, I don't know. I definitely- I really want to do it, but I don't know if that's really the right reason. I'd rather do it because you want to and not because you feel like I need it or something. Because I'm fine without it, I'm not gonna die or anything from lack of sex."

  
Steve felt his stomach drop slightly, and he chewed his lip. "I do want to. I really do, and I think we should. I mean... We've been dating for a month or bit now, so..." He squeezed Bucky's hand. "I don't feel like I have to. I care about you, and I want to do this with you."

  
Bucky sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't think it'll be as great as you're expecting. I have a lot more experience as a bottom and I don't want you to be disappointed." He paused. "And again, I don't want you to do this just so I stop my bitching. Because I probably won't stop."

  
Steve shrugged again. "If you don't want to it's fine. You were just being really hot with your boxing and Russian and–" he trailed off, changing the direction of his words. "Besides, you're cute when you're bitching and jealous. Makes me feel flattered." He grinned and let out a small breath.

  
"Stevie, I've wanted to get in bed with you since like, the day we met. I'm perfectly fine with waiting a little bit longer. That's all I'm saying. Maybe we can just talk about it more? Think about stuff we can do to prepare?" Bucky suggested.

  
Steve nodded, stepping on the slight feeling of rejection. "Sure... Sure. We can do... Other stuff instead. But we're still going to mine right?" He asked, clearing his throat and sighing just a little.

  
"Yeah, sure, Stevie. Wherever." Bucky shrugged at him, lifting Steve's hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to it before lowering their hands again.

  
They walked in comfortable silence until they got to Steve's, and Steve had felt a tension building in his gut that as soon as they got through the door he kissed Bucky, and he kissed him hard. It came out of nowhere, like the kiss in the gym, except this time Steve could keep it going. He wasn't normally a forceful person when it came to this, but Steve had wanted to do this since the boxing session. He shoved Bucky against the wall, groaning as his muscles burned. "Shower or bed?" He asked, panting open mouthed on Bucky's lips, feeling slightly foolish with how forward he was being. "I don't mind which."

  
"Fuck- uh-" Bucky's head spun. Shower meant clean. Bed meant comfort. Bed also meant they'd smell bad. Showers were slippery. He had to take the shower, anyway. "Uh, shower. Shower." Bucky said.

  
Steve nodded, hands grasping at Bucky's shirt for a full minute as he just looked up at him and then he pressed a quick kiss, soft and tender, pulling away and swiping his hair out of his eyes. He felt like he was going to get whiplash. Without any proper reciprocation from Bucky his emotions were running high, he wasn't getting fuelled or encouraged.... "Shower," he said, taking Bucky's hand and starting to lead him to where they needed to go.

  
Bucky followed Steve, stumbling a little bit behind his boyfriend. "You're beautiful. Really, really fucking beautiful."

  
Steve stopped in the little doorway and reached to start pulling off his shirt. He threw it into the corner of the main room, where his laundry pile sat. Still, Bucky was indecisive and completely compliant. He let out a little breath and smiled, fiddling slightly with the hem of his own shorts. "You're more beautiful, with your long hair and... Full lips– Jesus you're gorgeous," he finally said, pulling those pants down and leaving him only in his underwear.

  
Bucky was a couple of seconds behind him, pulling off his own shirt and shorts and following him into the bathroom. He turned the shower on and kissed Steve while he waited for the water to warm up.

  
Steve touched Bucky's arms lightly, licking his bottom lip before they were kissing. He breathed out into it, trying to fight a grin and failing. Bucky made him... Just elated. He toyed with his underwear and pulled them down while Bucky was occupied with kissing, and he toyed the garment away, hands coming up now to cradle Bucky's hips, which still had clothing on them. It was an atrocity.

  
Bucky rested a hand on Steve's lower back, not quite touching his ass, and pulled him closer, grinding against Steve.

  
Steve stuck his hand right down the front of Bucky's underwear, grabbing at him carefully and moaning slightly. He needed them both to be naked. "Strip, come on, we gotta be naked for the shower remember?"

  
Bucky's breath caught when Steve grabbed at him and he rested his head on Steve's shoulder to press a kiss to his neck while he pulled off his briefs.

  
When the briefs were to the floor Steve opened the shower door and pressed Bucky backwards. The water was of a pleasant temperature now, and he pushed him until his back hit the shower wall with a wet noise. He kissed him hard again, but without any direction he kind of sputtered out, leaning down instead to get the soap.

  
Bucky was breathless and kind of shocked by how eager Steve was. He could get used to being thrown around like that. He watched Steve, heart pounding in anticipation.

  
Steve watched Bucky's eyes and licked his bottom lip once he was fully straightened, and he simply gave a small smile. "I don't know what you want," was all he said, before stepping fully under the spray to start having a shower. There was barely any space between them, but Steve managed to keep them from touching, waiting to see what Bucky's reaction would be.

  
"Whatever you want." Bucky replied, closing the little bit of space between them and kissing Steve's chin.

  
Steve washed the water through his hair and scoffed a little. "Shower. Remember? You got really sweaty." The skinned part of Steve's arm was stinging hotly, and Steve poured the shampoo in his hand. "I can wash your hair for you," he murmured, smiling and bringing up his hands.

  
Bucky's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. He stepped back, but didn't protest. "Go for it." He wasn't sure if Steve had changed his mind or something. He went from shoving Bucky against a wall and making out with him to suggesting that he _wash Bucky's hair_.

  
Steve ran his fingers through Bucky's hair slowly, just watching him as he slowly lathered it up, and he bit his lip, pushing his fingers through and making sure to massage it in. He pressed his chest to Bucky's, breathing carefully. He was watching his expression, their faces close together. He pushed his fingertips into the others scalp, trying to get everywhere. "You know, Sam likes you," he stated casually, if just to gauge his reaction.

  
Bucky sighed heavily and pulled away from Steve's touch. "I don't really want to talk about Sam while we shower together." Bucky said, frowning at his boyfriend. "Don't take it the wrong way."

  
Steve smiled crookedly and soldiered on, keeping his hands in Bucky's hair. "I know. Just wanted to see what you'd do." He leaned and pressed a soft kiss to Bucky's lips, sliding his hands from his hair and to his neck, leaving a trail of bubbles.

  
Bucky wasn't sure how he felt about Steve talking about other guys like that. He knew it wasn't meant to be like that- he knew that Steve was just playing games- but it upset Bucky because Steve KNEW how he'd react and he was still messing with Bucky. He repressed that, though, and kissed Steve back lightly, lifting one hand to rest on Steve's hip.

  
Steve moved his hips forward slightly, and he moved his hands down now to be on Bucky's chest, and turned him under the spray, and he moved his hands up again to stop the soap getting in the other's eyes. He ran his hands through the others hair, smiling softly. "I... Was trying to say something, before I was flung off the treadmill."

  
"I don't remember what we'd been talking about, or I'd try and jog your memory." He closed his eyes just in case Steve's hands couldn't keep the soap away.

  
Steve bit his bottom lip. "I was saying... Well... We've been dating a little while now right? Kinda almost spending every day together because we have stuff at each other's dorm rooms..."

  
"Uh-huh?" Bucky said, moving his hands to rest on Steve's chest. Beautiful.

  
"I'm thinking I may be in love with you," Steve rushed out, blinking quickly and stilling his hands in Bucky's hair, meeting his eyes and waiting to see what he'd do.

  
Bucky looked back at Steve through the spray of the water. "Really?" Bucky replied after a second of processing. "Like, no kidding?"

  
Steve nodded slowly, licking his bottom lip and looking nervous. "Yeah... I uhh... Care about you so much. Want you to be happy. You make me happy." He offered a shaky smile.

  
Bucky leaned forward and kissed Steve briefly. "I love you, too." Bucky said, wrapping his arms around Steve's neck.

  
Steve made a small noise. "Really?" He asked, frowning just a little. He hadn't expected it so outright, and his chest was tightening. "You're not kidding?"

  
"No. No, of course not." Bucky said, frowning when Steve frowned. "Are you okay?"

  
Steve nodded, and he nearly sobbed. He brushed the water off Bucky's forehead, and leaned in to kiss him full on the lips. "I just thought you might not... 'Cause..." He trailed off, and went to focus his eyes on the ground, but that would mean looking at their groins. He shrugged. Pursing his lips.

  
"'Cause what?" Bucky asked him, moving his arms off of Steve's shoulders and resting his hands there instead.

  
"'Cause you're way out of my league," Steve replied after a moment of complete silence. "You know, you could get someone a lot better, so..."   
It wasn't something Steve liked thinking about. He knew he was fit, yeah, but what else? He was still always going to be the skinny, sick guy at heart, and who wanted to be in love with that?

  
"Don't be an idiot. There is literally nobody better than you." Bucky said, shaking his head. It was kind of funny- it wasn't like Bucky had any friends to make Steve jealous, and here they were anyway.

  
Steve shrugged, still not entirely sure. "But I make you upset..." He murmured, running his fingers through the rivulets of water cascading down Bucky's skin.

  
"You don't make me upset." Bucky said, quickly shaking his head. "You make me really, really happy."

  
Steve grit his jaw slightly, still not looking sure. He took in a breath. "Whenever I talk to anyone else you get upset." They hadn't actually talked about how Bucky's insecurities affected Steve's. He tried his best to be supportive, but it took a toll on him too.

  
Bucky hesitated, then moved out of the way to let Steve get back under the water. "I try really hard not to say anything about it. I really do. I try to pretend I'm all secure and comfortable and stuff, but you always make me talk about it. You always make the conversation go on longer than it has to." Bucky said, biting the inside of his cheek.

  
"I just want you not to be insecure. Because I love you and you're sometimes the reason I get up in the morning." Steve let out another breath, blinking the water out of his eyes.

  
"I can't stop being insecure. Especially not when you- you almost encourage it sometimes. Like talking about him while we're showering together. Or purposefully using him to make me mad. This- this thought only has to be in my head for a few seconds before I start obsessing." Bucky told him.

  
Steve leaned forward slowly, and kissed Bucky deeply and warmly. "I love you," he said. "I'm sorry. I'll do better, and... I love you." He said again, sliding his arms around Bucky's waist.

  
Bucky had trouble, though, getting into the kiss when he was fighting with himself again. He broke the kiss, but stayed close. "You gotta tell me if you change your mind, okay? You gotta."

  
Steve was trying, and he was holding Bucky's shoulders, and when the brunet pulled away his gaze was almost hurt. He frowned though, and shook his head. "Change my mind? About you?"

  
"Yeah. If you change your mind about me, I need you to tell me." Bucky said. "You have to swear you'll tell me."

  
Steve shook his head. "I'm not gonna change my mind, I love you. I won't change my mind."

  
"That's not the point. If you do." Bucky insisted, moving his hands from Steve's shoulders.

  
Steve let out another breath and nodded. "Yeah. Okay. If... In some weird world, if I somehow stop loving you... I promise I'll tell you." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Bucky's cheek. After this– he wasn't really in the mood.

  
Bucky wasn't in the mood either, but that'd started when Steve mentioned Sam. "Thanks." Bucky paused. "I think I'm just gonna go home."

  
Steve dropped his eyes, and he nodded. "Yeah." He turned off the water, fine enough with the half a shower. He swallowed, and stepped out of the shower to get Bucky a towel first. "Okay."

  
Bucky took it when it was offered to him and dried off hastily. He kind of just wanted out. Maybe he'd go back to the gym and beat the punching bag until his arms fell off or something. "Thanks for letting me steal your hot water. And stuff."

  
"You can take the towel," Steve said, and his stomach was dropped to the floor and wasn't the first time you told a person you loved them it was amazing and cute and brilliant? He sighed. "I'll see you tom– when I see you." He'd wait for Bucky to text him, maybe send him a text to tell him he was waiting, but otherwise he was just going to sit at home for a bit and feel bad.

  
"Okay." He said, shrugging a little, but it was forced. Probably because it felt like there was a whole person sitting on his shoulders. He headed into Steve's room and changed into some of the clothes he'd left, wallowing already. Why had he even said anything? Why couldn't he just make Steve happy and forget the rest? Bucky would have to back off, big time. He'd drop any talk of Steve's friends, let Steve bring it up on his own. He'd chill out with the sex stuff, since that hadn't exactly gone right yet. Most importantly, he'd quit whining to Steve about every little thing. He was better off keeping all that bad stuff inside than hurting Steve with it all the time.

  
Steve was dripping onto the bathroom floor, and he followed Bucky to the doorway, where he stood modestly a little bit behind the doorway. To stop him leaving on a bad note, he called out, forehead on the doorframe. "I love you," he said, offering a shy smile. "Lots Bucky. I love you lots."

  
Bucky pulled his briefs on and glanced at Steve, sighing. "I love you, too."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay team so i start uni up very soon so i know i have very little time to edit and post even though im shitty at posting anyway
> 
> a forewarning that i have got this all chaptered, but to save on work i didnt read through to get rid of mistakes im so sorry and hope its not too bad without getting checked  
> that means there will be spelling mistakes or maybe formatting muck ups, and the words like /this/ havent been changed into proper italics, but at least the story is going out there!!!   
> Thank you so much for still reading and supporting, i hope the story still ends up okay!!!

It took three days. Three days of no hide or hair of Bucky, no texts or seeing him around, and Steve was caving. Caving on his entire life of not drinking, but he went out to the liquor store, bought something that Bucky would normally drink, and he brought it back to his dorm to try. He sat at his table staring at the bottle, the clear fire that he knew could very well kill him, but he was sick of feeling like shit, and he was sick of feeling guilty, so he just wanted to feel sick instead. It took fifteen minutes and six shots and Steve couldn't think at all. His throat was raw from coughing, his eyes red from sobbing and he just wanted to be with Bucky. So he did just that. He spun the bottle closed and walked dishevelled and stumbling across campus to Bucky's room. He tried the handle, and he swore loudly. "Bucky, you abs'lute loserr," he called, rolling his 'r's and leaning almost all his weight on the door as his brain swum in a thick gloop. "C'mere, i's your boyfrien'."

  
Bucky had been basically a recluse since he and Steve had had their little falling out. Bucky didn't have any friends outside of Steve, so he had nowhere to be and nothing to do, and ended up laying around and wallowing the whole time, only leaving to go to his classes. It was really easy to find new things to hate himself for when there was nobody around to help him take his mind off of it. He'd been in the middle of ruminating over their last conversation when he heard Steve's voice outside the door- Steve's very, very inebriated voice. He got up off the couch hastily, blood rushing to his head from the change. He hurried to the door and swung it open, frowning before he even saw Steve. When he did, he just felt terrible. "Oh, Christ, Stevie." Bucky muttered, reaching an arm out to wrap around Steve's middle to help him inside.

  
Steve nearly fell on his face when the door suddenly wasn't there, and he nearly burst into tears right there and then. What was he doing? He didn't get drunk. He felt quite unwell, and he leaned a lot of his weight into the other. "You're be-yew-tee-full," Steve said, touching Bucky's jaw with his eyelids heavy and a very slow smile spreading across his face. He'd managed to say a big word though, so he felt quite proud. "I love yew very muccchh."

  
"Stevie, baby. You shouldn't be drinking." Bucky said, frowning at him. "You have your phone? Do you have Stark's number?" Bucky asked him, keeping his voice gentle, but clearly concerned.

  
Steve put his hand out in front of him and flipped his wrist with a 'pffftt' noise. "I'm _fine_. I ain't dead yet." He turned to Bucky and held the front of his shirt, leaning in close. This was what he felt like he needed to do, tell Bucky everything without worrying about the consequences. "I got... Number of thingssss to say. One: you didn' call me. Two: I wanna have sex, and four: I wanna have sex wi' you." He smiled. "Oh, and you are reaaaally pretty." He was grinning, trying to start kissing Bucky jaw and moaning loudly while he did.

  
"You're really, really drunk." Bucky said hastily, leaning back from him but still holding him upright. "We have to call Stark. Who knows what that stuff is gonna do to you, baby?" Bucky said, frowning at him. He helped Steve over to the couch. Everything Steve said was going through his head, making sense and all, but Bucky was pushing it aside to accommodate for what was more important.

  
Steve shook his head, and kept holding onto Bucky. Was it so bad that he just wanted to kiss Bucky and be done with it. He pouted for a moment, before saying. "If I get sick... I deserve it," he said, expression dropping a bit. He sniffed, and was trying to pull Bucky to him, he didn't want to sit down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn' mean t' make you get mad."

  
Bucky made him sit, though, pushing him down and sitting beside him. "Stevie, I need you to call Stark, okay?" Bucky said, resting his hand on Steve's knee. "I'm not mad. I'm just scared."

  
Steve was blinking quickly, his eyes pricking with tears. His head was now thudding just a little at getting pushed to the couch, and he was breathing quickly. "No Buck, you don' undiestand. I make you sad alldatime, and you jus'... You never stop lovin' me. It ain't fair on you." He touched Bucky's hand, and wiped at his eyes. "I love you t' much fer you t' hate me."

  
"Stevie, baby, please just listen to me. You could get really sick. I need you to call Stark, okay? If you got sick I wouldn't know what to do, Steve. Please call Stark." Bucky said.

  
Steve shook his head again, but looked at Bucky with a certain amount of drunken seriousness in his eyes. "I'll jus' keep makin' you sad if I live." He was red around the eyes, and he blinked. "Doesn't matter."

  
"Steve, baby, if you died, I don't know what I'd do. I love you." Bucky said, squeezing his knee. "Please call. Please call or I'm gonna have a fuckin' heart attack."

  
Steve sighed loudly. "He's gonna pull my scho- schola- ship. He'll be real mad. What if he... Stops payin' me?"

  
"I'll take care of you if he does. But you need to get help. I need you to be healthy." Bucky said, getting more and more anxious by the second.

  
Steve sighed, and he managed to make it go for quite a while. "I don' have my phone," he finally said, blinking slowly at Bucky and simply looking tired, with his droopy eyes and slightly pink cheeks.

  
"Then how do I find his number? If you can get a hold of him, I'll do anything you like. We can do whatever." Bucky insisted.

  
Steve's eyes opened more at that, and immediately he said. "It's on his wesssbite." Steve said, flopping to the side because sitting up took too much effort. "You can talk to him. I don' like him."

  
Bucky grabbed his phone from the coffee table and quickly looked his website up before calling, wrapping his arm around Steve like that would actually protect him.

  
Steve leaned against Bucky fully, curling into his chest and humming, fiddling with the others shirt until his stomach was showing and then started to draw little circles on the brunet's stomach with his finger tips. The phone picked up, and it didn't sound too happy.  
  
"What?"  
  
Steve chuckled, putting his hand to Bucky's pants and starting to work on the zipper.

  
"This is Bucky Barnes. I'm dating Steve Rogers, the guy you made into a superhuman. He's- he's really drunk." Bucky rested his phone between his ear and shoulder to push Steve's hand away from his crotch.

  
Steve giggled loudly, his hand only getting more enthusiastic. The button had a vendetta though, and he was struggling. There was silence on the other end of the line.

  
"What did you just say?"

  
"I said he's drunk. He's piss drunk." Bucky replied, and took his arm from around Steve to hold the phone and cover his privates simultaneously.

  
Stark started laughing. As Steve whined in protest and smacked Bucky's arm without conviction, Stark sounded like he was laughing like he hadn't laughed in a long time. "Rogers is _drunk_? What did you do to him?" He asked after he'd calmed down, sounding immensely pleased.  
  
"I'm sorry, what? He said it could hurt him. If he drank more than a sip. Why are you laughing?" Bucky asked, frowning.

  
Stark barked another laugh, and there was a small silence before he said. "I was joking. I didn't actually think he'd last this long. I fixed his liver, he can drink as he much as he wants. It was just as funny as I thought it would be."

  
"You're kidding me. God, you scared the life out of me." Bucky said, rubbing his eyes. "Alright. Bye. Thanks for nothing." Bucky hung up, letting out a sigh of relief.

  
Steve was whining and nearly pawing at Bucky's fly. "I wanna have... I wanna suck your dick," he said, burying his face into Bucky's thigh and making loud kissing noises. "Can I suck your dick?" He asked, voice muffled by Bucky's jeans.

  
"Stevie, no. You're drunk, you could- I don't know, choke or something." Bucky said, pushing him away.

  
Steve whined again, he tried again and felt like crying. His vision was spinning and he felt sick, but he wanted to love Bucky and show him how much he meant to him. "But I love you!" He said, looking up and pouting. "I jus' wanna love you so much."

  
"I already know you love me. We can talk about it when you sober up some, huh?" Bucky said, wrapping his arms around Steve. "You should sleep."

  
Steve scoffed and sat up, pulling himself out of Bucky's grip and crossing his arms over his chest. "I ain't tired." He'd come here to talk to Bucky and show him that he loved him. The fact that Bucky just seemed to be shooting him down hurt more than it should. "I came here t' be wif you."

  
"We can still stay together tonight. We'll snuggle together, дорогой. Yeah? I've missed you so much."

  
Steve was still pouting, but he looked almost swayed. "I came here t' be wit' you. Love you," he shifted away from Bucky to glare as hard as he could.

  
"You can love me without doin' anything." Bucky said. "We don't need to do all that to be in love. Especially not when you're drunk."

  
Steve was looking at Bucky incredulously, and he almost looked just a little nauseous. "Why're you bein' mean?" He asked, sounding childish.

  
Bucky frowned at Steve, combing his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. "I'm not being mean." Bucky said. He couldn't help it. He couldn't be the guy to fuck Steve while he was drunk. Or let Steve do any of that other stuff, for that matter.

  
Steve whined again, and his bottom lip trembled. "But Bucky," he said quietly, pulling himself away from the brunet's hand entirely. "I jus'... I wanna say sorry properly an' love you like you want me to an' be perfect like you are an' not make you sad."

  
Bucky withdrew his touch, feeling kind of sick. "There are a lot of other things that you could do to say sorry, sugar, but there isn't even anything to be sorry for." Bucky said, resting his hands awkwardly in his lap. "I'll be a lot happier if we can both get some rest."

  
"Y-You didn' talk t' me for three days," Steve said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I musta done something wrong. Was it me sayin' the L-word? 'Cause I can stop that if you wan'."

  
"You didn't talk to me either." He pointed out. "And you know I'm not the type to make the first move, Stevie. I told you I love you too."

  
"I-I- _I_ shouldn' be the one t' always make the first move. 'Specialllly if you're the one who fled." Steve chewed his lips, and he sighed again. "You... Make me tired sum times."

  
Bucky didn't need to hear it from Steve to know that he was high-maintenance and a pain in the ass. "I didn't flee. Mood was gone and I'd pissed you off." Bucky said. "I'd rather talk to you when you're sober."

  
"I was n't pussed. An'... You don' talk to me anyway. You get all quiet an' sad an' keep it all bottled up, then you... Get all moody an' I feel bad. It ain't my fault Bucky, you make me feel guilty." Steve would probably feel bad for all of this later, but at the moment it felt like something he needed to say.

  
"You wouldn't even have to feel guilty if you didn't make me talk about it every two seconds." Bucky said. "There's a good reason I don't want to talk about it, and you always make me." If Steve would just let Bucky cope the way he always had, none of this would've happened.

  
"Keepin' it bottled up don' help anyone," Steve nearly snapped, and his entire posture screamed defensive. "You can' have a good relashunship if you don' talk. You know that right."

  
"I'm not sure what you expected from me, Steve. You knew I was like this before you decided to call me your boyfriend. You also knew I hated talking about it." Bucky said. He wasn't getting angry, despite being able to sense Steve's defensiveness in the air. Instead, his own feelings were eating him up and fighting with each other inside him.

  
"Why're you like this?" Steve asked loudly. "What did I do, or not do to make you feel like you do? What can I do t' make you feel good?"

  
Bucky thought he might throw up. Why WAS he like this? Why couldn't he just cheer the hell up? Why'd he drag everyone down? "I've always been this way. It's not you. You can start by going to sleep."

  
"It _is_ me!" Steve said, and he slapped his knee and his bottom lip was trembling and his eyes were pricking with tears. "I shoulda fixed what's wrong by now. I... Ain't bein' good enough."

  
"It's nothing you can fix. It's nothing anybody can fix." Bucky should have stayed away from Steve. Bucky should have spared Steve.

  
"I can try, I can keep tryin'," Steve said, grasping at straws because he could feel it all going downhill, he could. "I gotta... I jus' gotta make sure you know you're loved, huh? Gotta love you."

  
"I already know you love me." Bucky said, visibly shutting down. "I just want to get some sleep. That's all."

  
Steve looked at Bucky, and everything dropped. He felt like he was going to vomit, and then he felt his lip tremble to a crescendo, and he let out a shoulder wracking sob. "Buck," he said, eyes brimmed with tears. "Don' do this again, please, don'."

  
"I really, really can't have this conversation with you when you're drunk. We gotta talk about it when we're both sober and we've slept, okay? I promise I'll hear you out and I won't end the conversation just because I'm afraid. I just want us to talk about it when we're well-rested."

  
Steve was still crying, he could feel the tears on his cheeks and he fell forward so his face fell on Bucky's thigh. He sobbed again, hands scrabbling up to grip at his knees desperately. "Bucky I'm sorry I'm so awful. I just ain't good enough for you. I sorry I can't take care of you right, I can't–" his throat was feeling like it was raw, with it's burn from the alcohol and the sobs that weren't kind. "I'm so sorry."

  
It was like Steve couldn't even hear him. "Stevie, c'mon, baby. Listen to me. You're perfect. I just want you to get some rest."

  
Steve was shaking. No. He couldn't hear Bucky. All he wanted to do was make Bucky happy again. "I ain't fuckin' tired! But you don' even act like you know how hard I'm tryin'." His words were hitched and stuttered, almost like he was pretending to cry but it was genuine.

  
Bucky tensed visibly when Steve swore at him, but rested his hand over Steve's anyway. "Well I am. I'm really, really tired. And you're making it really hard for me to sleep." Bucky said, shaking his head. "Just- please let's sleep." He felt bad brushing Steve off, but not that bad. He really was tired, and he really didn't want to talk about it with a drunken Steve. He was doing his best, too.

  
Steve sighed, and the tears disappeared like they had come. He sat up, eyes red and looking exhausted. "Can I stay?" He asked, and pouted. God, was the world supposed to spin like it was?

  
"Duh, Steve. But let's go to my bed, there's no way we can both fit on this couch lying down." Bucky said, getting up.

  
Steve giggled now, wiping at his eyes childishly and looking at Bucky through his lashes. "We could tryyyy," he sung, and flopped backwards, grabbing at Bucky's hands and pulling the brunet down on top of him. The resulting position was Steve giggling like a teenage girl and Bucky's face being mere inches from his own. "I love you," Steve said slowly, smile dropping to something a lot more serious. "Like... I love you so much that I would marry you."

  
Bucky looked down at him for a second before getting back up off of him. "I love you too, Stevie. Can we please go to bed?" Bucky was really tired of talking, of babying Steve while he was drunk.

  
Steve was still giggling, unable to read the warning signs as he pulled Bucky down by his shirt and kissed his lips softly, not letting him get up just yet. "Can we please get married?" He asked, mimicking Bucky's tone and giggling again, but his expression sobered up enough for him to say seriously, "I think I'm gonna love you forever so you should be my husband."

  
"Maybe after college." Bucky replied, pulling away again. "I need to go to bed, Steve. Like, now." Bucky told him, getting up off of Steve.

  
Steve sighed. "Cuddle with me," he whined, grabbing at the others shirt but not managing to catch him. "Bucky, you're being mean," he said, pouting some. "You're not even bein' nice about it."

  
"I'll cuddle you in bed. Where it's comfortable. Please?" Bucky asked him, exasperated. He was tired of this.

  
"Steve Barnes," was what Steve replied with, sliding somewhat off the couch to follow after Bucky. "Does that sound pretty? I think it does..."

  
Bucky offered his hand to Steve to help him off the couch, but didn't answer the question. "Let's go to sleep."

  
Steve slid onto the ground. "Bucky," he said. "Bucky Rogers." That made the blond break into a huge grin, and he didn't take the offer to get off the ground. "That sounds pretty right?"

  
"I'm going to bed. You can join me or you can stay out here, Steve. Goodnight." Bucky said, heading to bed as he said he would. He was still butthurt for being told off about his coping mechanisms and officially annoyed by drunk Steve. He didn't like the back and forth.

  
Bucky was not even acknowledging him. Steve pouted, and tried to get comfortable on the floor. If he fell asleep on the carpet then Bucky would feel bad and apologize and say that maybe their names did sound good together. "You're a dick," he mumbled, wiping at his face and eyes.

  
"Yeah. Night, Steve." Bucky called from bed and then pulled the covers up over his head to sleep. The next day would be rough enough without sleep, it'd be worse with Steve hungover and pissed off at him.

  
Steve was laid on the floor for not very long before he settled rolling around, holding his temples and sighing, it was too boring on the floor and Steve was very awake. "Buck," he said softly to himself, and he sat up slowly, and he stood, shakily, and had the right mind to flick off a few lights as he went to Bucky's doorway. "Do you love me?" He asked, sounding very tired, and a little upset.

  
Bucky opened his eyes, looking at Steve and feigning grogginess, though he was wide awake. "Huh? Love you? Yes. I told you that."

  
Steve's bottom lip was trembling again, and he held the doorframe tentatively. Did Bucky even want him in the room with him? "You sure?"

  
"Yes, Stevie. I just want to get some rest. You gonna come sleep with me or stare at me all night?"

  
Steve continued to stare. "You're mad at me 'cause I got drunk right?" He asked, his entire body flush against the doorframe. "'Cause I did it because I missed you, not 'cause I wanted to die or nothin'."

  
"That isn't what you made it sound like. Please come get in bed before I drag you here." Bucky said, worrying his lip between his teeth.

  
"Huh?" Steve asked, tilting his head more into the room and frowning. "I don' know what you mean. I came to apolgize too, and cause I love you."

  
"Please, for fuck's sake, go to sleep." Bucky said. "I love you to death, but I need to get some sleep. So do you."

  
"You're not talkin' to me, you're not sayin' stuff to what I say to you." Steve whined, but there was a sense of seriousness. "Why're you avoiding words Buck?"

  
"Oh my GOD. Steve, I'm fucking _tired_. I just want to sleep and deal with all this later. If this is about sex, come here and I'll suck you off and then let me get some rest." Bucky said, getting visibly more and more wound up each time Steve whined. He was gonna end up wringing his own damned neck.

  
Steve watched Bucky in silence for a good minute, trying to process and decide what the best move would be. He licked his bottom lip and sniffed, then came forward slowly, peeling off his shirt and jeans and leaving his underwear on. "I'm so sorry," he mumbled, crawling up the bed and flopping down next to the brunet and curling into him as small as he could make himself. His eyes were pricking with tears again, but at least it was dark and things didn't seem like there were too many thing spinning. "I should... Be better." He was on top of the covers, and he grasped at them and curled them into his hand. There had been no way he would've let Bucky suck him off like it was a chore... And– this wasn't fair. His brain wasn't working well enough for it to make sense. "I’m sorry."

  
Bucky pulled the sheets down under Steve and lifted them back over his boyfriend's body. He pulled Steve close. "You're perfect. I'm just not feeling right. Let's just rest, okay? I love you to death. I'm sorry for losing my temper." He did feel bad about it, but it was hard for him to stay patient when Steve was drunk and acted like Bucky's coping mechanisms were the only problem they had.

  
Steve murmured something inaudible, but he buried his face into Bucky's chest, curling his arms around Bucky's middle and letting out a very shaky breath. He was awful. Why did Bucky even bother. "I love you," he said, lips pressed hard against Bucky's skin, on his ribs.

  
Bucky ran his fingers through Steve's hair, curling them there. "I love you too. I promise we'll work through it in the morning, okay?" Bucky said, closing his eyes.

  
Steve mumbled his confirmation, and he shut his eyes, still feeling a little upset. He didn't want to talk to Bucky if he was going to be mean. His mouth was dry, and he shivered a little. "Yeah," he said simply, and he fell quiet.

  
Bucky had really fucked up. He knew that. He kept reminding himself that it was better that this happened sooner rather than later- it would have hurt a lot more if it happened after they had sex properly and everything. Steve had to know what he was getting himself into. Bucky questioned how he should break up with Steve.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive started up a new rp with the girl i wrote this with and im so excited

Steve woke with a blaring headache and feeling like he'd vomited. His mouth tasted like he'd vomited. It was awful, and the blond wasn't even sure where he was. He freaked out just a little until he realized he was wrapped around Bucky, and he calmed, blinking slowly and groaning. He couldn't remember much past going tithe liquor store to get the vodka. And... He wasn't dead. And... He and Bucky were together in bed... "Shit," he breathed out. Did he and Bucky....? When he was drunk? "Bucky?" He asked, voice thick and croaky.

  
Bucky woke and squinted at his boyfriend. "Oh. Morning, Steve." Bucky greeted him, sitting up and rubbing his own eyes. This was gonna be a rough conversation- he was better off getting some painkillers in Steve before they got into it.

  
Steve buried his face into Bucky, hiding from the faint streaks of light and comforting himself with Bucky's familiar smell. Reassuringly, it didn't smell like sex, so that was good. Bucky didn't seem like the kind of guy who would do that anyway. He had to make sure. "Did we...?" Steve asked, lips pressed to Bucky's ribs much like they had been last night.

  
"No, of course not." Bucky frowned. "I wouldn't do that to you." Bucky said, then got out of bed. "I'll grab you something to help with the pain."  


Steve tried to grab at the brunet half heartedly, but it hurt too much to move quickly, so he curled himself up into a very small ball. How was he not dead? "I miss you already," he tried, calling out, but his head screamed so he decided not to do that again.  


Bucky went to fill a glass of water and grab some pills. He returned to Steve's side and sat down at the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, you were wrecked last night. You remember anything?" He wasn't sure if he'd have to keep it to himself or tell Steve what he knew.  


Steve forced himself up into a sitting position, wincing and taking the water and the pills quickly. "Last thing before this morning was going to the store feeling like I was gonna die– you know, because you were mad at me." He drank the whole glass, rubbing his face slowly. His body screamed tense, but that was mostly because of his splitting headache. "Did I come confront you? I'm sorry for anything I said." His voice was soft, but sincere, and he took Bucky's hand and squeezed tightly, smiling at him softly.  


Bucky pursed his lips, taking a deep breath and letting it back out. "You, uh, yeah. We had some words." Bucky said, then ran his thumb over the back of Steve's hand. "It was rough."  
Steve's entire demeanor and expression dropped. "Fuck." He breathed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "What...– fuck. I'm so sorry  Buck. I didn't mean anything. I was fuckin' out of my head okay? I didn't mean anything."  


"No, I think drunks are more honest than sober people." Bucky said, shrugging like it didn't matter. Maybe it didn't. "I'll just work on the stuff you mentioned."  


Steve felt sick all over again, and maybe it was because of the pain but he paled a few shades. "What did I say?"  


"You said I made you tired and asked why I'm like this and stuff. I'm overreacting, it just- uh- I don't know. I'll probably get over it." Bucky said, shaking his head. This was exactly what Steve didn't like, but Bucky didn't want to but Steve with it first thing in the morning when he was hungover.  


Steve blinked slowly. "That's not true. I never... You don't make me tired... And– I... love you how you are. If you were any different you wouldn't be Bucky. So don't worry," he said softly, though his gut was clenching. Had he actually said that? Did his drunken mind really pull that up. "Don't listen to anything I said last night. Unless it was nice, alright?" He asked, shuffling forward and pulling Bucky down to sit next to him. God, he was never going to get drunk again. Ever.  


"You were upset you couldn't fix me." Which implied he was pretty goddamn broken. It wasn't really fair of him to hold it against Steve- Steve wasn't in the wrong for seeing what was obvious- it was just difficult to accept that Steve was as aware of Bucky's flaws as he was. So why was he still sticking around?  


"There's nothing to fix," Steve replied immediately back to that. He wasn't... He didn't think any of that. He loved Bucky through and through and through again, and there was nothing about him that he disliked. Using the tone of voice he did though, it made his head thud dully, and he leaned forward to put his forehead on Bucky's shoulder. "I don't know if I said this last night but I love you, and there's nothing that will change- or has changed or anything. I promised I would tell you if I changed my mind, and I haven't. Okay?"  


"You did say that. And I love you too." But Bucky still wasn't sure what was true and what wasn't. Steve had said a lot of nice stuff- really, more nice stuff than mean stuff- but that only made him question which was the reality. "I really, really do love you."  


Steve hummed and broke into a small smile, and he kissed Bucky's shoulder lightly, not really feeling like doing too much today. "I really really /really/ love you," he murmured, but he felt like he was falling asleep again. "Is it okay if I stay at yours today and sleep it off? I really don't feel like doing anything else today."  


"Yeah. I gotta go to work, but as long as you don't mind waiting around here for a little bit, I'm cool with you staying." They'd have to wait till a lot later to talk about it, and it was a little stressful.

  
Steve hummed again, and slid an arm around Bucky's waist, hugging him close for a moment. "I could come to work with you? It would be nice and quiet..." Steve didn't really want to be without Bucky for a long period of time, not if he was not in a good head space and might work himself into a tizz.

  
Bucky took a deep breath and then let it out. "yeah. You could. I don't know how much fun you'll have, but you could."

  
Steve was speaking again before he could really think about it. "Do you want me there? Because if you don't want to see me I can stay home."

  
"No, no. It's okay. I'd love to have you. It's just gonna be boring." Bucky said, shrugging at him.

  
Steve hugged Bucky close again, their torsos lined up and the warmth was amazing and perfect. "I'll bring a paper and pen, sketch you or something. It'll be alright," he said, kissing Bucky's throat and letting out a small sigh of content. "But I gotta have a shower first. Maybe an apple for breakfast or something too."

  
"I can grab you something. Go rinse off." Bucky said, pressing a quick kiss to the top of Steve's head. He needed time to think, mull over what to say to Steve about all that had happened the night before. He let go of Steve.

  
Steve nodded, and he creakily got to his feet, walking slowly to the bathroom and stripping off his briefs quickly and stepping under a hot spray, so much so that he almost felt like it was burning him, but it was a different pain to the thudding of his skull.

  
Bucky filled a big, tall glass with ice and water for Steve, then dug through his food for something healthy. He decided to make Steve some eggs and a bowl of blueberries and a sliced apple. He got himself a bowl of cereal.

  
Steve's shower was brief and all he did was wash his hair, but he came out feeling a lot better with a clearer mind. He still didn't remember anything, which was slightly worrying, but Bucky had filled him in, so it was fine. Steve came out in simply a towel, hair still glistening just a little. "Domestic Housewife Bucky Barnes," he stated as he sat down at the table, grinning over to him as he made sure he wasn't going to stick to the seat in unsavory places.

  
Bucky ruffled his hair. "Hey. Fuck off, buddy." Bucky replied, pushing his head lightly before sitting across from him. "Put some clothes on." Bucky added, and started eating.

  
"Suck my ass," was Steve's retort, and he bit into the apple and crunched happily, settling into eating quite quickly because obviously his body was craving this quite a bit. He hummed at the blueberries, and crossed his legs a little so the Crown Jewels weren't exposed to Bucky under the table

  
Bucky rolled his eyes and kept eating, glancing at his boyfriend every so often. He kicked Steve under the table playfully, having cooled off a lot since night before.  
Steve was relaxing a lot because Bucky seemed relaxed, and he squawked when he was kicked. "Careful!" He squealed, high pitched, and he nearly spat a blueberry out of his mouth in shock. "Previous unprotected items under here, continue with caution," he joked, and he blushing quite a bit.

  
Bucky smirked. "I didn't think about it. Your hangover clearing up at all?" Bucky took another couple bites, waiting on an answer and playing footsie instead of kicking him.

  
Steve nodded, mixing his fruit together then switching to his eggs. "Clearing up a lot," he said brightly, enthusiastically playing footsie right back. "Shower was good. I'm aching all over though, is that normal?" He asked, and he stifled a yawn. He could go back to sleep in the library under Bucky's desk or something.

  
"Yeah, Stevie. That's normal." Bucky said. "It'll ease up in a couple hours, by the end of the day, probably." Bucky said. "Maybe sooner, with your metabolism and all." Bucky said, wetting his lips and finishing off his cereal.

  
Steve couldn't help but focus on Bucky's lips, as he shook his head to keep it out of the gutter. "My metabolism? What the hell?" He asked with a laugh, and he finished off his fruit to start on his eggs. "You're a pretty good cook Buck, I must be rubbing off on you," he cooed, poking his tongue out.

  
"Yeah. Burns alcohol, alright?" Bucky said, rolling his eyes. "And I cooked for you first. You got your skills from me."

  
"I got my skills from you?" Steve asked, and looked very confused for a second, and then he remembered. "That pasta. After I blew up at you. You were unreasonably nice to me, that night," he said, reminiscing. He blushed and shook his head. "Who would've thought huh? All of this because I sent you an angry text."

  
"Yeah. 'M glad. We probably would've met eventually, since we lived literally feet apart, but I'm glad it happened when it did."

  
"You're glad we met when I thought you were the bane of my existence?" Steve asked incredulously, scraping at the eggs enthusiastically and grinning some. He shook his head slightly, letting out a breath. "Some perfect first date."

  
"Yeah, it's good. We work even though we didn't think we would." Bucky shrugged. "Something kinda romantic about it."

  
Steve broke into a big grin, and he nodded. "Means we can get through a lot we just have to stick together," he said, pink dusting his cheeks. If they could fall in love against all odds, it meant it had to be hard for them to fall out of it.

  
"We can't tell our grandkids about our lives." Bucky said. "Too graphic." He laughed.

  
Steve raised an eyebrow, a bit of egg sticking out his mouth which caught with his tongue. "So not only are we going to grow old together, we're gonna have kids?" He asked with a cheeky grin. The idea was rather pleasant to think about. Bucky would make a good dad.

  
"Look, it was just a hypothetical. A funny thing to say." Bucky said, flustered. He looked away.

  
Steve shrugged nonchalantly, and he promised himself he wouldn't think too much into that sentence. "Whatever then," he said, flashing a bright smile.

  
"Finish your breakfast so we can get out of here, alright?" Bucky said, cheeks bright red. He got up and took his bowl to the sink.

  
Steve hummed, and got all the egg into one mouthful, cheeks puffing out a lot as he said, "Can I wear something of yours?"

  
"You have clothes here, dork. But I don't mind." Bucky answered, heading into his room to dress.

  
Steve felt himself blush, and he continued chewing, going to put his dish in the sink and he followed Bucky to the bedroom. "I knew that, I just want to wear something of yours," he said, trying to salvage his forgetfulness. He was hung over, there was to be no pointing of fingers.

  
Bucky cracked a smile. "I'll let you off. You're hungover. I just don't know how much of my stuff will fit you." Bucky called while he pulled a clean shirt on.

  
"I'll wear something baggy," was Steve's quick reply, and he knelt quickly at Bucky's feet to go through his drawers. Bucky's clothes always smelt good, always smelt like his pillow the first time Steve had been on Bucky's bed. It was a comfort. He pulled out a sleeping tee shirt that Bucky liked to wear, some briefs from Bucky's drawer and some normal jeans from his own- the little drawer dedicated to his things. "Okay if I wear this?" He asked, holding up the black sabbath shirt with a smile.

  
Bucky shrugged at him. "You can wear whatever you want. Or nothing at all. I don't mind either way." He said, flashing a cheeky smile at his boyfriend.

  
Steve unhooked the towel from his hips in one fluid motion, raising an eyebrow to the other. "Really? You want every person to be able to see me like this?" He asked, feeling the blush on his cheeks because he felt ridiculous but he propped his knee up and his arm behind his head. "I thought you wanted me all to yourself..."

  
Bucky only spared a quick glance below Steve's waist. "C'mon, put some clothes on if it bothers you that I /like/ showing off." Bucky said.

  
Steve felt his blush and he stuck his hips up in the air so he could pull on Bucky's underwear. He playfully scowled. "I saw that, you perv," he teased, shrugging on the shirt an hiding his torso again. He lay flat for a second, letting his blood rate settle a little.

  
"You were totally /trying/ to get me to look, Stevie." Bucky said, and took a couple steps over to him to kiss his cheek. "Hurry up. We gotta go, or I might be late."

  
Steve grinned, caught red.. Thighed, and he put one arm into the air. "Help me," he pouted, fighting off a smile. He still needed to pull on his jeans, but he could do that as he looked for Bucky's old slippers. He was going to be comfortable in his hangover, no matter what he looked like. "I have a sketchbook around here somewhere right?"

  
"I'm sure you do. Don't know where you keep it, though." Bucky said. He didn't help Steve, mostly just spiting him for the perv comment.

  
Steve whined, but groaned as he climbed to his feet. "Ass," he said, brushing past him to get to the bedside drawer. He opened it, blushing slightly as he brushed away condoms that Bucky was obviously keeping just in case. His book had somehow gotten in there, and he obviously hadn't touched this one in a little while. He pulled it out, and held it up triumphantly.

  
"Nice job. Now let's /go/." He said, shoving his feet into his boots and taking Steve's hand to drag him out the door.

  
Steve squawked, and he flung himself after his jeans, stumbling and laughing as he pulled them on, nearly falling, but he caught Bucky's hand. He was flushed pleasantly, and he was lucky Bucky's slippers were right by the door. He would be able to find a pen at the library, he didn't want to make Bucky late...

  
Once Steve was upright and dressed, Bucky let go of his hand to open the door and wrapped it around Steve's waist instead once they were outside.

  
Steve leaned into Bucky's side, his slippers were half  a size too small but that meant they were snug and tight to his feet, which he didn't mind. He stumbled still for a few more steps, then managed to pull his head in. "I hope you're  prepared for me to sleep at your feet. I shoulda brought a blanket," he suddenly realized, and he threw his head back to groan. "Goddamn Buck, how'd you let me forget?" It was in jest, playful and teasing, and he jabbed the brunet in the side with his elbow.  


"How'd you let me let you forget?" Bucky shot back, walking with his boyfriend out the door.  
Steve shoved Bucky playfully into the wall a little, nearly tripping over Bucky's legs, but catching onto his shirt. "I'm the one that's hung over, remember?" He asked, sounding like he was patronizing the other but mostly in jest.  


"Whose fault is that?" Bucky asked, pressing a kiss to his chin while they were close together like that.  


Steve mumbled something incoherent, and cleared his throat a little, before turning and looking down so he could kiss the top of Bucky's head. "It was my fault," he admitted, using a childish tone that suggested extreme guilt, like a son admitting to his parent he'd broken the vase.  


"Don't be all mumbly and sad." Bucky said, nudging him. "It's okay to drink sometimes."  
Steve scoffed loudly, persona immediately changing back to bright and cheery. "I won't drink ever again. I don't know why I didn't die, but I won't go through all this just to tempt fate."  


"I talked on the phone with Tony Starknlast night. He said that was a joke and you're not gonna die from drinking." Bucky told him.  


Steve stopped walking. He actually stopped, but quickly started up again to keep up with Bucky. "/Excuse me/?" He asked, and he had heard Bucky perfectly, but he needed it repeated for him to actually accept it.  


"Stark said that you're not gonna die from drinking. He was fucking with you to see how long it took you to drink anyway." Bucky said, cracking a smile. It was a lot funnier now that he didn't feel like the butt of the joke.  


Steve didn't look amused at all. He even scowled slightly at Bucky's smile, gritting his jaw. "That's not a good joke. You must've been worried, I thought I was killing myself just so i could have the courage to talk to you, and it was just a joke?" Steve laughed, a cynical loud, and he wasn't touching Bucky anymore. "I'm going to punch him in the face when I see him next."  


Bucky bumped Steve's arm. "Relax." Bucky said. "Yeah, I was really worried. But he didn't mean any harm by it." Steve said.  


Steve thundered for a moment, but relaxed after a bit because Bucky told him to. "It's still not funny," he said with a huff, taking Bucky's hand in his own and letting the brunet lead the way, too tired to think about directions and where he needed to go.  


"It's kinda funny." Bucky said as they walked. He squeezed Steve's hand and grinned at him. "I gotta tell you all the stuff you said."  


"All the stuff I said?" Steve parroted, swinging their arms some between them. "Last night?" He tried to clarify. Was this really the time to be bringing it up? Unless of course there were things that hadn't been so bad and Bucky was going to tell him about the nice things he'd said.  
  
"Yeah. You said a lot of nice stuff." Bucky backtracked, deciding to just keep the bad talk to a minimum.  


"I know I came over planning to make things better with you, so if I had only said bad things it would've been a bit of a fail really," Steve replied, though he was still a little worried. "Well go on, what did I say?" He asked, smiling wide.  


"You said a lot about me being beautiful, that's for sure. Nothing I didn't already know." Bucky said, bumping his arm. "Told me you wanted to marry me."  


Steve chuckled, but at Bucky's second lot of words it cut off into a choked sound. "I didn't actually did I? Not seriously?" He sounded shocked, and he was blushing furiously.  
  
Bucky shrugged at him. "You were drunk and stuff. It's all good." Bucky said.  


Steve paused, licking his bottom lip slowly. "What did you think about it? Was it... It wasn't something you vomited over?" He asked, trying not to sound hopeful, because he didn't want to sound hopeful, he just didn't want it to be off the table entirely... Who knew where they were going to end up together...  


"Don't be stupid. Of course I wasn't vomiting over it, Steve. I'd be willing to think more about it if we'd been together a little longer, obviously, but that doesn't bug me."  


The blond visibly relaxed, and he broke into a smile that was the personification of sun breaking through clouds. "Thank god. It would be so awkward if you'd hated the idea," he said, sounding breathless but relieved as he leaned into the brunet a little.  


"I mean, I probably wouldn't date you if the idea of being with you for a long time was gross." Bucky said, and smiled when Steve smiled. For fuck's sake, why was Steve so beautiful?  


Steve licked his teeth as he shook his head. "I'm glad that's the case. Makes me loving you seem actually worth it," he teased, chuckling softly. He leaned in to peck Bucky's cheek quickly, making himself stumble, and he cursed under his breath, shaking his head now at himself. "I shouldn't do anything ever, I just fail," he said, once he'd gotten back to a rhythm of walking.  


"Don't be dumb. You're great." Bucky said, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend.  


Steve rolled his eyes right back, and huffed. "I literally keep falling over my own feet, and I almost ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me when I got drunk. I'm not great," he said, not meaning to pair something nonsensical with something rather important. It was just the first thing that had come to his head.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!! I cannot sleep, so I've decided to do a mass upload of all the stuff i neglected to post over a year ago, because recently my harddrive effed out and i was like omg, what if one day i lose it all?? AND IT NEVER GETS POSTED. so now im doing it so i dont have to think about it ever again. Its not edited at all, im so sorry, so please lowkey hate me for being a POS but dont get too angry because i mean, at least its out there right? Thank you for your understanding hahaha

"Can't blame you. You were drunk. You probably didn't even think you'd make it to my door." He paused. "Steve, for future breakdowns, please find some kind of vent where you don't... Die on me. Just come talk to me."

"In my defense," Steve said quickly, holding his hand up, "You being mad at me feels like the end of my life slash world slash everything, so me getting drunk didn't seem like it could be any worse," he said, squeezing Bucky's hand. "But... Noted. It's noted."

"Well, like I said, do something else next time. Just come talk to me. It'll be a lot better for both of us." Bucky told him.

"I'm not good at directly addressing the problem," Steve admitted, pink dusting his cheeks now. "I just feel bad because most of the time it's my fault things go wrong, so bringing it up like that just makes it seem like I'm trying to blame you when I'm not at all."

"That's not true, dummy. You're not blaming me." Bucky said, brushing it off. "It's not a big deal."

"I know it is a big deal, because I was putting the blame on you, and we're going to talk about it," Steve finally said, voice growing a few shades more firm. "Not now, and not at the library, but after," he offered, leaning into the brunet. "We just gotta talk it out, but don't worry okay?"

Bucky sighed, rubbing his eyes with the hand that wasn't on Steve. He'd had enough of that conversation the night before. He didn't really want to relive it with a sober Steve, especially if he ended up saying the same stuff and there wasn't even the excuse of alcohol. "Right. Okay. That just means we'll have to go into detail about what all you said, right?" That sounded terrible.

Steve nodded slowly. "Yeah it does. And then I can apologize again and we can make this better," he said, squeezing Bucky's hand again because he saw the stress lingering underneath his gaze. 

Bucky opened the library door for Steve as they approached it. "Uh, yeah. We should talk about it as soon as possible, though, if we can." Bucky said. "I kinda want to get it out of my way."

Steve arched an eyebrow. "So like? In the library as I sit under your desk?" He asked, looking a little teasing but now a little worried too. He didn't... He honestly didn't really like Bucky's tone. It wasn't something that felt... Warm and receptive.

"No, don't be silly. You don't even have to sit under the desk, just sit beside me." Bucky said, following Steve inside. "We can talk about it after work. We don't gotta rush, I just don't wanna have to worry about it all day or all weekend or anything." Bucky explained.

"You don't have to worry at all," was Steve's calm reply, though with how Bucky was talking about it he couldn't help the slivers of ice in his belly. "And I wanna sleep. I'll sleep better curled up under your desk out of sight where only you can judge me."

"You're such a nerd. You could've stayed in bed." Bucky said, cracking a grin while he walked behind the counter with Steve, signing in. "Now you gotta be all uncomfortable under the desk."

Steve shook his head. "I'll find a comfortable position, and I'm not a nerd shut your face," he said, standing a little awkwardly in front of the desk and slapping his hands to his thighs. "Where do you sit?" He asked casually, looking around the impressive building.

"Uh, right there." Bucky pointed and headed over to sit down in his chair. He kissed Steve's cheek, trying to be a little less of a drag. He didn't know why he was being so weird, he just felt shitty about the previous night. "You could take my seat. I could put return-pile books back."

Steve shook his head. "I mean you can do that, but I'm still sleeping," he said, climbing around the desk and falling to his knees. It was one of those ones with a front, so he crawled up right to it, and in the corner plopped on his bum. Every guys porn fantasy, to have someone under a desk at work, but Steve curled up into a ball pretty quick and shut his eyes.

Bucky wasn't thinking of it like that at all. He sat down in the seat and started checking in returned books on the computer, tying to distract himself.

The silence of the library was very nice, and Steve shuffled forward, eyes still shut, until he was at Bucky's feet. He fell onto his side, still wrapped around himself like an egg, and slid his arms around Bucky's ankles, and he hummed softly as he felt himself relaxing. It may have been the ground, but it was actually quite nice. The fabric wasn't awful, and Steve looked very please with his decision.

Bucky grinned a little when Steve wrapped his arms around him. "Sweet dreams, you dork." Bucky said, and got back to his work. He'd have to go soon, to shelf the books, but he'd wait.

Steve hummed, and from where he lay he flipped a very not-subtle middle finger right to Bucky, before settling down and succumbing to the darkness that tugged at him. He wanted the slight thud in his ears to be gone, so it was good. He'd be sore when he woke, but he'd be properly rested.

Bucky kept to work, letting himself forget Steve under the table for a little bit so that he wouldn't waste too much time. He had to get up after a little bit, and removed himself from Steve's grip as he went to go put everything away.

Steve was like a liquid, when Bucky unlatched his arms he rolled onto his back slowly, making a small kittenish noise and flopping down. He was slowly spreading himself out, lying spread eagle underneath the table. His foot was now visible. When Bucky returned, one of the main librarians had gathered quite a group of women around Steve's unconscious body. "Who's the angel at your feet Barnes?" She asked, to a chorus of giggles from the group around. About four, ranging from twenty to grey hair. 

"Paws off, you guys. He's my boyfriend." Bucky said, pushing between them all. Maybe he should wake Steve, let him see the audience he'd accrued, but he also didn't want to wake him up when he was so tired. He felt a tiny bit jealous, but it was nothing he hadn't expected. People were bound to have crushes on Steve, considering how obviously perfect he was.  
One of the younger girls was looking at Steve with wide eyes, and she looked to Bucky. "You sure he's your boyfriend? He went on a coffee date with one my /girl/friends like... One time. I remember him, because he's gorgeous. She said he was lovely. So how he can be dating you?" She asked, sounding close minded and stupid.

He rubbed the back of his neck, glancing down at Steve and then back at the girl. "Yeah, well, you can ask him when he wakes up if you want." Bucky said, a little uncomfortably. He really wasn't all that into hearing about Steve's exes, especially from a girl that was so rude.  
The girl looked at Bucky, a little fish like. She shut her gaping mouth and looked to the woman around her, and the older women were looking at her with disapproving gazes, but not actually saying anything. The second young one, though, she seemed to be thinking the same thing. "If he dated a chick, he can't actually be dating you. He'll just be pretending so he can get with a kinky lady."

Bucky let out an uncomfortable laugh. "Uh, I don't know if that's true." Bucky clearly didn't find the situation humorous. In fact, he was pretty upset. "You want me to wake him so you can bug him about it?" He didn't really know how to defend himself, not when he was so doubtful on his own.

The older women had seemed to grow uncomfortable, and had wandered away a bit, leaving the two girls to peer down at Steve almost accusingly. "Yeah, that would be great." The first one said, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger.

Bucky sighed, then reached down to shake Steve a little. "Stevie? Hey, Stevie." He waited for Steve to open his eyes to start explaining. "These two girls really wanna talk to you. Can you, um, ease their thoughts?" Bucky asked.

Steve was slowly dragged out of his dreams, and he smiled adoringly up at the other, though it quickly melted to a frown when he saw Bucky's expression. He didn't like it. He looked over to the girls, and immediately bristled. Were they the cause of Bucky's expression? "Can I help you?" He asked, forcing politeness, and he propped himself up on his elbow.

"Yeah. We want to know why you're pretending to date this guy." The first girl spoke, jabbing a thumb in Bucky's direction.

Bucky rolled his eyes, trying to act unaffected.

Steve's expression went from polite to absolutely disgusted. "/Excuse me/?" He asked, sitting up more and being careful not to hit his head on the desk. Somehow, he managed to crawl out from under the desk and stand without looking like he was five years old, and he towered over the both of them. "What did you just say?"

The girls looked intimidated, absolutely. Steve was a head taller than they were. So they had to look up at him. "You went for coffee with a friend of mine. She's a girl. You wouldn't date a guy if you date girls." She said.

Bucky wanted to cut in and make them both drop it, but he also wanted to see it play out.

Steve smiled, but it was tight and venomous. He normally was a nice guy, he really tried to be that guy, but he couldn't stand bullies. "Have you been harassing him?" He asked, not answering the question just yet, he was picking them apart with his gaze and sending off aggressive waves, standing square shouldered and stiff, he was too tired to be dealing with this.

Bucky didn't like the look Steve had on his face. He decided to break it down before it got too bad. "Stevie, don't worry about it, okay? Sorry for waking you up." Bucky said, taking Steve's hand a little nervously.

The girls looked scared shitless. "No. No, we were just asking questions."

Steve squeezed Bucky's hand softly, and let out a breath, relaxing just a fraction because he didn't want Bucky to be worried about him. "I'm bisexual. Which means I date men and women. Next time you decide to be ignorant, can you at the very least not be rude? Because this man is the love of my life, and now I'm in a bad mood. Please fuck off." He said very tersely, looking at the both of them with an unwavering gaze.

The girls looked between the two boys, then left with only a muttered apology. Bucky turned to Steve. "Well. That was scary." Bucky told Steve, bumping his arm.

Steve relaxed as soon as they were gone, and instead of responding to Bucky's somewhat joking statement he turned and put both hands either side of the man's jaw. "Are you okay?" He asked, licking his bottom lip and looking very serious. He would apologize for acting strange soon, as soon as he was sure Bucky was alright. He didn't know what the girls had said, but Steve had seen the brunet's eyes, and despite the fact that Bucky probably didn't want to be, he was as easy to read as an open book.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Bucky said, looking up at Steve for a second before pulling Steve’s hands off his face. “Careful with the PDA, Steve- I’m supposed to be working and all.” Bucky told him, squeezing Steve’s hands to show what affection he could in a supposedly professional workplace. “Thanks for saying something, though.”

Steve was reluctant to put his hands down, in all honesty, he wanted to take Bucky back to his place and kiss any doubts away. He wanted to love Bucky physically in the way he felt it emotionally... He bit his bottom lip for a second. "Whatever those girls said, don't listen to them, okay? They didn't know anything. I'm sorry for getting mad... It's just... You should've woke me up straight away before the hurt you." 

“It wasn’t really like I knew they were gonna say all that shitty stuff.” Bucky said honestly. “They just kind of... started. I said you were my boyfriend when they asked who you were and then they started talking shit.” Bucky explained. He wouldn’t have exactly minded being taken home and kissed, if he wasn’t working.

Steve's expression dropped entirely, and he shook his head. "Fuckin'... Assholes," he hissed, and he let out a huff. "Are you sure you're alright? I can go get you something to eat from the campus cafe or something, I can order coffee and bring it to you..."

"No, no. I'm good. I'm just, uh..." Bucky trailed off, then sighed. "I'm kind of upset. Like, they kinda hit me where it hurt a little." Bucky said. He was trying to work on the honesty thing, and letting out his feelings and all. This was as good a place to start as any.

Steve let out a breath in a way that suggested he'd suddenly go the air pushed out of him. "I'll go to Starbucks, get you that frappe you like," he offered. He couldn't ask what exactly had been said, it wasn't the place, but he could try and make Bucky feel better.

"Don't, Stevie. It's all good." Bucky said, waving it away. "My shift ends in fifteen. We can go if you want." Bucky told him. "I did all my work." Bucky explained.

"I'll go if you're allowed to go. If you want to stay, or ask who's in charge... Anything you want," Steve reiterated, not wanting Bucky to feel pressured to make a decision or anything. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to just get someone to sign me out in fifteen minutes." Bucky said, shrugging and taking Steve's hand to pull him through the library to find a coworker.

Steve nodded, padding silently behind the brunet as he did what he wanted. Steve still felt like he could have slept for days, and his muscles were still aching, so he wasn't exactly sure what he should suggest. A quick nap for him when they got home before they started talking about stuff? That might make it easier to put a filter on his words...

Bucky found a girl rearranging some books, and stopped to ask her to sign him out. She agreed, and Bucky left with Steve a few moments later after thanking her and heading out.   
"You feeling okay, Steve?" Bucky asked him once they were out.

In all honesty, Steve felt exhausted to his bones. He'd never been drunk before, and he hadn't been that mad at anyone in a long time, he was worried what he might've said... How bad he'd actually spoken to Bucky, and he was constantly watching the brunet to see if there was actually anything wrong. For some reason, he had a knot in his stomach, right in the bottom of his gut... "I'm fine, Buck," he said, flashing a smile. "Just... Real tired." He gave Bucky a bright smile, that it was only a little forced.

"You seem... I don't know. Different. A little down. I know you're tired and all, but is there anything else going on?" Bucky asked, frowning and squeezing Steve's hand. "Can I do anything?" Bucky added quickly. He wanted to be more supportive.

Steve bit his bottom lip, and he seemed to hesitate. "We're gonna talk when we get home, right?" He asked, because that's what he needed to do to feel better. He needed Bucky to fill him in on all the stuff he'd said, and he needed to make it right.

"Yeah, we're gonna talk when we get home." Bucky agreed. "But right now, this second, what can I do?" Bucky pressed, stopping them for a second to focus.

Steve swallowed, and looked down to Bucky, and he flashed another small smile. "You can kiss me?" He asked, leaning down just a little with his eyebrows raised. Fuck if anyone else saw, if they didn't want to see it they didn't have to look.

Bucky kissed Steve's lips lightly, resting his hand on Steve's bicep. He didn't want to make out in public, since that was uncomfortable for everyone, but something chaste was perfectly okay with him.

Steve hummed lowly, and pulled away with a genuine smile. "Would ya look at that?" He asked, cheeks pink. "I feel better now. Thanks doll." He kissed Bucky's lips quickly once more, before he straightened, starting back in the direction of Bucky's room.

"Good. That's the kind of help I can provide, no problem." Bucky said, grinning and kissing his cheek to lighten up the mood. "Let's get back. You gotta sleep, you look like a bloodhound with those eyes, Stevie." Bucky told him.

Steve hesitated. Even though he knew they needed to talk and he'd wanted to have a nap he didn't want to sleep and leave Bucky to his own thoughts. "I can sleep tonight, and blood hounds are cute so shut your face," he teased, sticking his tongue out to Bucky for a second and blowing him a soft raspberry.

"I like bloodhounds. I wouldn't compare you to them if I didn't think they were cute." Bucky said, grinning at him. "You're even cuter, sometimes." Bucky said, chuckling at his own joke.

Steve rolled his eyes some, and squeezed Bucky's hand slightly tighter and said, "I feel like I should just start barking really loud so every in looks over and thinks your dating a crazy guy." He grinned lopsidedly, still looking knackered though. He didn't want to sleep. He did... But he didn't.

"Nobody's gonna think that. They all already think you're god's gift to humanity." Bucky commented. "Let's hurry home, though." Bucky said, noting that his boyfriend was still exhausted and did need to rest. 

Steve rolled his eyes again, and even though Bucky was joking around he couldn't actually rid himself of the sinking feeling that something was going to go wrong. "We don't need to hurry," Steve suggested, taking hold of Bucky's hand and starting a slow walking pace. 

"I just want to make sure that you sleep, Stevie." Bucky said, but let Steve slow them down to a more leisurely speed. "You still look exhausted."

Steve scoffed loudly and tried not to trip over. "I'm just gonna pretend that was a compliment and not punch you in the face," he chuckled, though he was blushing just a little because he didn't /want/ to look exhausted. 

"You look beautiful, don't get me wrong. I just want to make sure you're not too tired to see /my/ beauty." He joked cheesily.

Steve clicked his tongue in disapproval, and he pursed his lips. "I'll only not be able to see your beauty Buck if I go blind or if I die," he said very earnestly, hiding a yawn with his hand. "And at least if I'm blind I'll still be able to touch you."

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I love you, but that’s probably the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard.” Bucky could see the dorms by then, but with how slow they were walking, it’d still be a while. He didn’t particularly mind, he just didn’t want Steve to have to feel sick for longer than he had to.

"I think you mean, 'I love you, AND that is the cheesiest thing I've ever heard Steve I love you so much'," he corrected, shaking his head like that was obvious. 

Bucky laughed. "What, now I gotta say I love you TWICE?" He asked, like it was such a big burden. "I can do that. I love you, I love you." He said, expression changing back to a smile.

Steve leaned in to press a kiss to Bucky's temple, and nearly tripped, but it only caught his foot so he stumbled with his lips still against Bucky's head. He pulled away, shaking his head at himself. "Never /ever/ let me drink again please," he said, looking a little miffed at himself.

"I'll do my best, Steve." Bucky agreed, holding the door for Steve when they arrived at the dorms. "I have Alka-seltzer and stuff. Did you take any pain stuff this morning? I don't remember. You're still probably due to take some more." Bucky said, following him inside and toward the elevator.

Steve hummed again non-committal way. "Don't go busying yourself on my behalf. I've dealt with a lot worse. Not alcohol wise, but you know, when I was small and gross." He chuckled, pressing the wrong floor number in the elevator and swearing under his breath and picking the right one.

Bucky smiled and rolled his eyes. "I'm not busying myself, I'm just trying to help you." Bucky said. "Obviously you're a little out of it, baby, or you'd have pressed the right button." He teased.

Steve blushed deeply, and be shrugged. "I did that on purpose, wanted to make sure you were still aware," he said, leaning backwards onto the elevator wall and looking at the brunet sheepishly. "I don't want to sleep when we need to talk," he finally admitted, blushing again as the elevator stopped at the floor he accidentally pushed, and he fixed his gaze on the ground for a bit.

"I get it, Stevie. But it'll be a lot easier for us to talk if you get some rest. I don't want you to feel all... Tired and stuff and say stuff that you don't mean to say. I'll sleep by you. We can both nap together, okay?" Bucky said in an attempt to change his mind.

Steve glanced up through his lashes, but he gave a slow nod. "Fine," he said, relaxing just a little and looking up. "As long as I can be little spoon," he bargained, managing a light smile and to fight some of his blush down.

Bucky rolled his eyes at Steve, but smiled. "I love you. You can be little spoon." Bucky told him, and they rode up to the proper floor before getting out. He walked with his hand around Steve's.

"I'm still taller than you." Steve said, just like whenever he was losing a petty argument with the red head. "I love you too," he repeated, slowly, small. They just so rude, and he stopped... And he told himself that they did need to talk. Just not right here. "Do you want me to set an Alarm?" He asked, already hoping flashes than anything.

"Nah, baby. I want you to just sleep it off. There's no rush. Like I said, you won't be in any position to talk if you're all sick." Bucky said after rolling his eyes at the first part.

"You know me by now Bucky, I'm always in the position to talk. Whether I'm saying sense or not is a different story altogether," Steve chuckled, and made sure he was staying right next to the guy. "Though sleeping sounds like a great sea..." He mumbled absently then, letting some time pass before huffing again.


	27. Chapter 27

When they arrived at his door, he swung it open and held it for Steve. "Let's get some sleep then, sugar." Steve said.

Steve nodded slowly, and... Fuck, okay, he really needed to do this. He was pulling off his shirt before the door was even closed, beelining straight for the bed and falling into it, still in Bucky's sweatpants. "Come," he called, voice muffled by the bed, crawling up the covers and not looking up to see if Bucky was listening.

Bucky took off his t-shirt and jeans so that he'd be more comfortable. He hopped into bed with Steve, chuckling. "Someone's feeling a little pushy." He curled up by Steve, getting under the covers.

"You like it," Steve retorted, curling up more once Bucky was behind him, relaxing into the familiar hold, the familiar smell, bed, everything, and he was struggling to keep his mind awake...

Bucky held his arm around Steve's abdomen, and pressed a kiss to the back of Steve's neck. "I won't deny it. Sweet dreams, Steve." Bucky said, closing his own eyes. He'd take advantage of the chance to sleep.

Five hours later, Steve awoke, and he was quite surprised that Bucky was still behind him. He made a loud mumbling noise, pressing back against him, and he tried to roll, though Bucky's arm around him was a little restricting. "Bucky," he huffed out, smile in his voice as he shifted around.

Bucky made an annoyed noise and cuddled closer, but loosened his arm. He didn't feel like talking about it yet. He'd rather enjoy his nap for as long as possible.

Steve rolled carefully, still making little waking up noises in his throat, and he kissed Bucky's jaw when he could finally reach, holding his collar lightly and patting his jaw. "Bucky," he said again, accompanied with a kiss.

"Steven." Bucky mumbled, opening one eye to look at his boyfriend. "You're supposed to be the sleepy one." He said, pressing his forehead against Steve's.

"I slept," Steve lazily replied, pressing his body as flush to Bucky's as their position allowed them. "Like you said. So now I'm not sleepy."

"But I was." Bucky sighed sleepily, and opened his other eye. "You're so pretty." Bucky told Steve, cracking a grin after a second. "Sleep okay, sugar?"

"I'm the one who was hungover, gorgeous," Steve responded, trailing his fingers down Bucky's sternum and smiling. "I'm not tired anymore." He mirrored the grin, and flicked Bucky's chin.

"So hangover is gone, for the most part." Bucky ran his fingers over Steve's side and kissed his chin. He didn't wanna bring up the conversation they were meant to be having.

"I feel like I'm back to normal." His chest was slightly tight, he could see it in Bucky's eye, that look, and he licked his bottom lip. There was a heavy silence between them for a bit before Steve spoke, kissing the edge of Bucky's lips and letting out a small breath. "We going to talk...?"

"Do we really have to? I think we could both just like, drop it." Steve shrugged at him, wetting his lips and averting his eyes. He really, really didn't want to talk about it. He'd put it off until he was on his deathbed if he could. Not that Steve would let him.

Steve pouted out his lip just a little, trying to keep the mood light and not tense. "But I said stupid things, and I need to know what they are so I can apologize," he whined, walking his fingers up Bucky's torso slowly and smiling softly. 

"You don't really have to, though." Bucky said, looking back at him. "I really just want to drop it." Bucky admitted. It was stupid to keep thinking about it like this. They should be able to just let it go.

Steve made a small noise in the back of his throat. "You don't think we need to talk about it? I... Please. Just... Maybe? We can maybe sort things out. Prevent anything else bad from happening maybe?

Bucky was so bad at having serious talks like this. "So, I just... Tell you what you said to me?" Bucky asked him, moving his hand up over Steve's hip, like he was scared Steve might up and leave if Bucky didn't hold on to him.

"Yeah," Steve replied softly, moving his hand down to cover the hand on his hip. "Yeah, please." He was watching Bucky's face, and his stomach was curling in knots now. God, he was worried he'd said some things that he'd never be able to apologize enough for.

"There was just... I don't know. You asked me why I was like this, and I didn't really know what to tell you because you made me feel really broken. And you kept trying to... You kept trying to suck me off, and I kept saying no, because you were drunk and we were both so upset and I'd just gotten over thinking you were /dying/ from the alcohol in your system. And you called me a dick because I didn't want to talk about it or cuddle on the couch because I just wanted to climb in bed and sleep, and you got mad because I bottle things up and don't want to talk about them." Bucky rattled off.

Steve made a pained noise even before Bucky finished talking. "Oh Bucky," he said softly, and he was blinking quickly as he stroked slowly down the brunet's sternum. "Bucky, no. You not wanting to talk about things? Yeah, I can be a problem, because it hurts you--" he tapped his finger over Bucky's heart, staring resolutely at his collar. "But I love it anyway. I love you. And... I'm so sorry for getting drunk and trying to force you and genuinely being awful last night. I'm do sorry." He leaned forward and down to press a kiss to Bucky's sternum. "I-- no. That was not genuine, I promise. I love you."

"It's okay. I just kinda want to drop it, if that's okay with you." Bucky said, brushing it off. He squeezed the hand that Steve had tested over his own. "I love you too. But I'm really okay. I just want to drop it."

Steve made a noise of slight distress. How was he supposed to word this so Bucky didn't get upset again? "It's obviously-- Buck... You're doing it again," he said, catching and mucking up his words. "You're bottling it up. Tell me, please, tell me what you actually think. Don't worry about my feelings, I just wanna know what you think of what happened last night." He was leaning back now, judging Bucky's reaction.... God, he hoped this wasn't going to blow up in his face.

"Baby, I just don't want to talk about it. It's not that I think it'll hurt you. I just- if I think about it right now I won't be able to stop and it's just better that I drop it and get it out of my head, or at least push it to the back of my mind." Bucky tried to explain, frowning at him. "I swear I prefer it."

Steve brought the hand perusing Bucky's chest up to his jaw, and he stroked it lightly with his fingers. "Okay," he said softly, and he pressed closer, leaning in for a soft kiss that he let linger. "'M sorry," he said again, moving his other hand around Bucky's waist and tugging him closer so they were pressed flush together. "I love you."

"It's okay. I love you, too." Bucky told him and kissed him again. He might have felt kind of shitty, but he'd just get over it. He always managed to drop it at some point, but he had to work at it by himself.

Steve hummed softly, and kept kissing the brunet, his lips, his cheeks, his chin and nose... "I love you," he murmured again, and kept saying it, like it was a mantra. Bucky was his love, hopefully he was Bucky's, god, Steve rolled his hips slightly, squeezing his hip. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he admitted quietly, when their lips pressed together fully once more.

That was scary to hear. It'd been scary when Steve was drunk, but it was even scarier now that Steve was sober. "Oh. I love you, too." Steve probably just didn't know what he was saying. It was probably just more alcohol in Steve's system. The rest of Steve's life was a LONG time. Maybe he didn't know what he was signing up for.

Steve couldn't help the sting in his chest, not getting anything back. Maybe Bucky hadn't heard, so he said, just a little louder. "The rest of my life," he murmured against Bucky's jaw, sliding the hand on his hip to the small of his back. His heart was thudding just a little loudly in his chest... 

"That's... A really long time, huh?" Bucky felt anxious. They'd only been dating a couple weeks. What was it, two months? Bucky didn't want to talk about the rest of his life, not after last night especially. Steve just didn't know what he was signing up for.

Steve's breath caught, and he buried his nose in Bucky's neck, not wanting to say he was hiding, but he was hiding. "Yeah," he said, not knowing if he should just... Revoke it, because obviously Bucky didn't feel the same way, or just... Stay quiet. As the flush crawled down his back, he chuckled dryly, not wanting to sound hurt but knowing he must've. "Just forget I said it," he huffed a single laugh, "I'm probably just sleepy."

Bucky wet his lips and lifted his hand off Steve's hip to wrap around his upper back instead. He played with the longer hairs up toward the top of Steve's head and took a breath. "It isn't that I don't want that. It just- seems really early. We haven't been together that long. I don't want you to... Say stuff like that and feel like you have to commit to it." Bucky explained. "Does that make sense?"

Steve's lips were pressed against the others skin, and he felt goosebumps raise on his skin. "I'm saying it because I want to commit to it," he murmured honestly. "Just... If it worries you, don't-- it doesn't matter." He chewed his bottom lip, he could feel his teeth scraping along Bucky's skin. "Forget I said anything love, I-- I'm just... Stupidly in love with you is all."

Bucky shut himself off again. He felt like he needed to reboot and move forward again. "Right." He said nervously, chewing the inside of his cheek and looking downward, toward the inside of the arm bent to rest his hand in Steve's hair. "I'm sorry."

Steve pulled back now, slowly, carefully, and he hoped he didn't look as sheepish and stupid as he felt. "What?" He asked, brow creasing slightly. "What're you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry I'm like this, that's all." Bucky said, and he ran his fingers through Steve's hair. He wanted to add an elaboration- about his need to be enough, to say what Steve needed and be what Steve needed and everything, but it was hard. It was really fucking hard. He was never gonna be that.

"Like what?" Steve asked, and he huffed a small laugh. "Like the most amazing man I've ever known? I don't think you need to apologize for that," he said, running his thumb over the others cheek and searching Bucky's eyes. "When I say I love you Buck, it's because I love you. More than anything. Why you gotta apologize for something I love with my entire huh?" He asked with a light hearted smile.

"You're too good to me." Bucky said, kissing his lips. "I just mean I want to be able to say what you need me to say and like, know what you need and stuff. I hate saying things that upset you. It's just hard to shake that because it's what I've always been like." Bucky explained to him.

"I say stuff that upsets you too," Steve responded almost automatically, but he was pressing a slow and languid kiss to Bucky's lips as if it would somehow ease his worry. "You say everything I need to hear, whenever you talk okay? I love you, you're perfect for me." He was pressing a little bit closer, biting Bucky's bottom lip just lightly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Bucky said, and he visibly relaxed at the reassurance. It would come to mind later, and it would make him feel weird and wrong, but for now, he could relax and let Steve wrap his arms around him.

Steve was pulling as tight to Bucky as he could, and he was flushed now, nodding slowly. "I love you," he murmured, and he breathed over Bucky's face for a bit, still kissing his face. "I..." He started, but his voice caught. "Buck--"

"Hm?" Bucky asked, looking at his boyfriend. He squeezed Steve's hand and pressed his lips to Steve's chin. "You okay?" He asked.

"I wanna--" Steve tried again, but he wasn't very good now that he'd gotten on this train of thought. He rolled his hips again, blinking quickly at the man. "Fuck." He grinned, squeezing where he held the other and chuckling a little strained.

Bucky rose his eyebrows at Steve. "Like, right now?" Bucky asked, and tried to remember if he had lube and condoms. He was almost sure that he did. He threw it out when it got old, which was why it was questionable.

"Or... Just oral?" Steve got out, blushing furiously. "I just... Wanna make you feel good and get those bloody frown lines off your face," he said, and a hand came up to trace the crease currently Bucky's brow.

"I mean, yeah, we can." Bucky said, flushing as well. "Sure." Bucky wet his lips and looked Steve over for a second. "Which would you rather?" Bucky asked.

Steve bit his bottom lip, and shuffled a few inches down the bed, under the bed covers. He raised an eyebrow. "I'm a bit out of practice... But-- you want me to uh..." He cleared his throat, stomach curling slightly. "Suck you off?" 

Bucky paused a few seconds. "You don't seem so comfortable with it." Bucky said. "I'm really just fine. I don't want you to do it if it's something that makes you kinda nervous, Stevie." Bucky told him honestly.

"It's just virgin nerves!" Steve said loudly, looking up to Bucky nervously. "I don't want to... Be bad at it. I'm /really/ out of practice." He scooted down just a little bit more, and he moved his hand down so he could slowly stroke the inside of Bucky's thigh. "Please?" He asked, fluttering his eyelashes and smiling angelically.

Bucky wet his lips. "If you get uncomfortable, just tell me." He conceded, looking down at him. "Promise you'll stop if you feel weird about it?" Bucky asked him.

Steve scoffed then and rolled his eyes, innocence dropping now in favor of sarcasm. But he nodded slowly, his toes reaching the end of the bed, and he curled his feet over the edge as he continued to disappear under the sheets. "I promise Bucky," he murmured, as he suddenly wrapped the inside of Bucky's thigh, just below his crotch, with his hand. "Though... If you just lie there-- I'll have no reason to feel weird. Wanna hold the head board?" He asked, arching an eyebrow as his shoulders got under the covers.

Bucky gripped the sheets instead, taking a shaky breath and releasing it. Fuck. "You're the worst. I love you." Bucky told him, closing his eyes and doing his best to relax. He felt weirdly coercive, but he pushed it out of his head since Steve had /said/ he wanted to do it. He wished there was an off switch in his brain.

Steve hummed loudly, pushing Bucky firmly back onto the bed, flat and very open. He was nudging Bucky's thighs apart with his hands, and he started kissing down Bucky's stomach. "Calm down baby, I'm going to take care of you," he murmured, curling up and making a very obvious shape under the blankets. His hand showed itself as he pressed it over Bucky's heart, still kissing and licking Bucky's abdomen as he fiddled with the hem of his underwear. "I'm gonna take care of you," he repeated, lower, as he let his eyes adjust to the change of light. 

Bucky's heart picked up pace, but that was pretty much the only muscle that seemed to get more nervous. The rest of his body unwound a little, preoccupied by pleasure. He liked when Steve was holding him down like that.

Steve nibbled softly at the skin on Bucky's hip, slowly tugging down Bucky's underwear inch by inch, smiling against his skin. It was a slightly awkward position, his hand up to Bucky's chest with the rest of him focused on Bucky's lower... But it was nice to feel his heartbeat. "You gonna stay calm for me baby?" He asked, breaking into a grin as he finally exposed Bucky's tip, already slick. He bit his bottom lip, flushing furiously from where he was hidden. "You gonna let me take care of you?"

"Working on it." Bucky told him, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He wished he could look at Steve, but the angle wasn't really gonna work unless he propped himself up and pulled the sheets off Steve. So instead, he thought all about Steve and did his best to picture it.

Steve pulled down Bucky's underwear until everything was very visible, and he kissed the tip without hesitation, letting out a huff of breath. He kissed down the length, massaging the top of Bucky's thighs, wanting to take it slow. To do the whole shabang though, he needed both hands, so he left Bucky's chest, one hand on Bucky's leg the other carefully cupping his balls. He pulled back, licking some of the slick off his lips. "Slow breaths baby, this ain't gonna be a quick thing."

Bucky wet his lips and spoke up. "Yeah, I'm good up here. I'm pretty sure." Bucky told him. His breathing was just fine, as far as he could tell, but it definitely was a little quicker than usual. He couldn't help it. It was perfectly natural to be excited by it all.

Steve hummed, and he took the tip in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the slit. He may have been out of practice, he'd only done this a few times, but giving head wa like riding a bike. He sunk down just a little more, letting the hardness press into his cheek, and he moaned loudly, gripping Bucky's hip hard with his hand, and as he pulled back, he scraped slowly with the tips of his teeth. He popped off with a smack of his lips. They'd barely even started and he was having an amazing time. "Did I ever tell you I have no gag reflex?" He asked Bucky conversationally, using a hand now to slowly pump Bucky's length.

Bucky tensed a little when he felt teeth. "I believe you. Careful with the teeth, though." Bucky said after an involuntary little moan. Bucky's voice was tight, but it was more with pleasure than pain or anything.

Steve barked a laugh, and he nipped hard at Bucky's hip again. "You like it, you liar," he hissed, squeezing Bucky's base and tugging up slowly, not minding how his breath was already getting a little stale. It smelt like sex already, and it was something he didn't mind at all.

Bucky was a fan of the slowness, honestly. Another guy might've been tortured by the wait, but it wasn't like Bucky was in a hurry to come- they had plenty of time, if Steve wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. "Just wanna make sure you don't bite it off or something. That's not sexy." Bucky joked. He was definitely mellowing out, it was obvious. He felt like he hadn't cracked a joke in years.

"You're sexy," Steve retorted, and he turned his head to lick slowly up Bucky with the flat of his tongue, taking his sweet time. When he got to the top, he swirled slowly around the tip, then brought it back down. "Bucky you're so fucking sexy," he rumbled, rolling hips to get some friction on his own groin. 

Bucky let out another moan, shuddering. "Fuck." He muttered, then rose his voice a little. "Would I still be sexy with half a dick?" Bucky asked, trying to sound collected even though his voice shook.

"Then I wouldn't be able to see it if it was half the size it is," Steve joked, holding Bucky by his balls now as he lowered himself onto him, letting it slide over his tongue and into the back of throat without worry, breathing out his nose slowly. He hummed, and pressed his teeth in slowly, knowing without having to looking that he was leaving little crescent indents into the flesh.

Bucky started to complain about Steve being rude, but instead yelped when he felt Steve's teeth. "Shit- ow. Little less. Little less." Bucky said, gripping at the sheets. It had actually been just fine at first, but he was hypersensitive and the bite was a little too hard for him. When Steve did ease up, he relaxed, and let out a breathy noise halfway between a sigh and a moan.

Steve was tempted to keep the pressure behind his jaw, but he didn't, because this was about Bucky's pleasure more than Steve's fun, and he swallowed a few times before pulling off and licking softly where he'd bitten. "I'm sorry baby," he cooed, "I'm sorry." He could still   
Feel Bucky's cock in his throat, and he found that he rather wanted it back. "You think you'd enjoy fucking my throat? I think you would?"

"Fuck, I don't know." He really wasn't much of a dominant person. He tended to be kind of a pushover, and he was a bigger fan of being pushed around than pushing around. He curled his fingers around the sheets.

Steve chuckled. "You ruin the fun. I was going to make you think you could but then say it wasn't going to happen," he said, poking his head out of the sheets for a moment to look at Bucky. "You're so gorgeous," he rumbled, setting his chin on Bucky's stomach for a bit as he lazily stroked Bucky's length.

Bucky looked down at Steve and cracked a smile. "Get some air. Think you're hallucinating." Bucky told him. The angle can't have been flattering, with his face all squished up like it was.

Steve laughed, and disappeared under the sheets after taking a dramatic deep breath in. "Can't get enough air, there's some sort of member blocking my airways," he called, and with that took Bucky in again, sucking loudly until he could only moan with Bucky's length in him. He moved his nose among the curls at Bucky's base, humming again and squeezing his hips soothingly.

Bucky moaned, shifting his hips. When he wasn't making obscene noises, his mouth was slightly open and his eyes were closed. It was so good. It was so, so good. "I love you." He muttered. "You're so good, Stevie." He told his boyfriend, toes curling.


	28. Chapter 28

Steve started bobbing his head at the encouragement, starting a hum low in his throat. He managed to do that for a few minutes, before his brain unhelpfully offered the image of Bucky lying above the sheets, and the sheets just bobbing up and down. For some reason, that was very amusing, and Steve tried to laugh. However, that quickly turned into a cough, and Steve was still laughing as he pulled off, laughing brightly as he set his cheek on Bucky's upper thigh. "Jesus," he laughed out, between his coughs.

Bucky looked down at Steve, surprised. "Why're you laughing?" Bucky asked, cracking a weak smile. "What's funny?" Bucky sat up, since his boyfriend was like, half coughing and he kinda needed to be sure that Steve was okay for obvious reasons. "You need water or somethin'?"

Steve had calmed down enough so that he wasn't coughing everywhere, and now he was just snickering and he peeked out of the sheets to meet Bucky's gaze. "Ghost blowjob," was all he could get out before snorting and disappearing under the covers again.

"What?" Bucky asked, looking confused. "What are you talking about?" Bucky asked him, lifting the blankets a little to look down and see Steve. Ghost blowjob?? 

Steve broke into another fit of laughter, clutching his chest and nearly rolling onto Bucky's dick (consequently nearly jabbing his eye out). "The- the s-s-sheet!" He managed to get out between giggles. He didn't understand why it was so funny... He just couldn't stop. Fuckin'... Ghost blowjob!

"What are you /talking/ about?" Bucky asked, laughing with him but only because it was so fucking cute. He reached down to pull his briefs back up, doing his best to pull them around Steve's moving body. "You're such a dweeb."

Steve was shaking his head, putting his hand down to stop Bucky with the hiding of his dick. "No no! I'll-- I'll keep going once I've..." He huffed, wiping his eyes and pulling the sheets down more so the image wouldn't be still in his mind. "I wanna get you off, c'mon baby."

"You sure? I don't want you to choke or anything." Bucky said, not lying down just yet. He was totally into the blowjob, he just wasn't into making Steve uncomfortable.

"I don't choke baby," Steve retorted, reaching up and putting pressure as high up he could reach on Bucky's torso. He pushed. "I'm sure, c'mon, let me get back into it I don't look like a ghost giving a blow job anymore I'll be fine." He snickered again, still pushing to get Bucky to lie down.

Bucky lay back down when Steve pushed him. "That's what you were laughing about? Oh my god." He said, rolling his eyes but grinning. "Of course."

Steve was nosing at Bucky's groin now, calming down and letting his skin heat up again. "What do you mean 'of course'?" He asked, sounding indignant.

"I mean you're a grade-a nerd that laughs at nerd things." Bucky said, closing his eyes again. "And it's completely adorable. Even when you do it during blow jobs." Bucky said with a grin.

"This is the first time I've ever given you a blow job, you can't say it like I do this all the time," Steve replied casually, licking up Bucky's length slowly now and drawing his fingers around in circles on Bucky's abdomen. "If I'm a nerd that means you're letting a nerd suck your dick."

"No, no. But it's almost like I should've expected it." Bucky said, voice tightening again as chills ran up his spine. "Oh, no. A nerd? Sucking my dick? How will I cope?"

"You're a gross nerd lover," Steve continued on, cupping Bucky's balls carefully and leaning in close to wrap his tongue slowly around his girth. Then he snapped his tongue back into his mouth. "Say it..." He breathed, voice hitching. "Say you love me."

"I love you." Bucky replied, lifting his head up a little at the neck to see if everything was okay down there. "To death." Bucky added, stretching his legs out a little.

"Again," Steve rumbled, this time taking Bucky's tip in his mouth and sucking softly. He popped off, meeting Bucky's gaze with pupils that barely left a sliver of color. "Each time you say it I'll take you deeper..."

"That's hardly a bargain on your part, Stevie." Bucky said. "I do love you, though." Bucky added. He was kind of getting out of the mood, with the frequent interruptions.

Steve sighed, and rolled his eyes, out of no where taking Bucky fully in his mouth, right to the back of his throat. He hummed, watching Bucky, and he chuckled lowly, swallowing a few times before starting bobbing again. He was rubbing the sides of Bucky's thighs, hoping that Bucky was enjoying himself... God, how embarrassing would it be if he couldn't even get his boyfriend off their his blow job with him.

Bucky got back into it after Steve started again. There was a lot less of the teasing, which was kind of lame, but there was a lot of stimulation going on and it wasn't too hard to get into it again. He recalled blowing Steve that first time- how he came even though he wasn't even being touched. He got why that would've been hot, just then. He moaned when Steve started bobbing his head, fingers knotting In the sheets and muscles of his lower half tightened.  
It was quite easy to fall into a rhythm, and Steve was breathing slowly out his nose as he drew up, and pushed himself down as possible, he could feel Bucky right down his throat-- god, he hadn't imagined anything as hot as this. He moaned low and was tutting slowly into the bed, he didn't even realize he was doing it...

Bucky moaned louder when he felt the vibration from Steve's mouth. "Oh, oh my god." He said breathlessly. The fact that Steve was rutting against the bed brought Bucky close, back lifting up a little off the bed.

Steve shuddered, and he could feel Bucky's abdomen tensing... He reached around Bucky to squeeze his ass. He moaned loudly, and he squeezed his mouth as tight as he could, still bobbing his head, and his eyes were watering now just a little... He was huffing out his nose, he was preparing himself-- he was watching Bucky from where he was and he looked so /beautiful/...

"Gonna- fuck, Steve. I'm going to come." He wasn't a fan of not getting verbal warning, so even though his voice was fucking wrecked, he gave Steve the warning and used all the will he had to hold on a sec in case Steve wasn't into swallowing

Steve didn't break his gaze, and instead moaned loudly again, already swallowing in slow rhythm. In case Bucky didn't understand that he huffed out one breath and gave a tiny sharp nod. God, yes, please /Bucky/--

Bucky came, body tensing again and then relaxing completely, crying Steve's name when it happened and wrenching the sheets in his hands. He lay there for a couple seconds, trying to cool himself off.

Steve had to shut his eyes, and he was suddenly swallowing as quickly as he could, coughing and still moving while Bucky pulsed in him. He was moaning, or at least trying to with release all down his throat. When he had managed to get all he could he pulled off, panting, and spit and traces of come were dripping from his lips, which he wiped away with his wrist. He started licking softly at Bucky's cock, cleaning up the last streaks of white. His chest was heaving, and he'd been too focused on Bucky to worry about himself. After laying his cheek on Bucky's hip, catching his breath, he shut his eyes.

Bucky ran his fingers through Steve's hair. "Are you okay, Stevie?" Bucky asked once he could muster up a sentence. There was a frown on his face, pleasure muted for a second to make sure Steve wasn't dying or something. You weren't supposed to be that exhausted after a blow job.

Steve opened his eyes quickly and looked up, smiling brightly. "I'm fine, baby, I hope that was okay," he said, rolling off Bucky to prop himself up on his elbows. His skin was flushed all over, his lips and eyes pink, and he bit his bottom lip. "That was okay right?"

"That was a lot more than okay, sugar." Bucky said. "Lemme do somethin' for you, too?" Bucky asked. "You were like, fuckin' the mattress. I was turning green up here."

Steve made a little noise of content, soldier crawling up the bed a little and smiling brightly. "Don't worry about it Buck, that was all for you," he rumbled, kissing Bucky's arm as he got closer to him. His erection was flagging now anyway. He didn't have to get off..

"Sure, but blue balls aren't any fun." Bucky said, and wrapped his arm around Steve. "I can do somethin' quick." Bucky said, tucking his hand up the back of Steve's shirt and resting his cool fingers on Steve's lower back.

"Just kiss me," Steve hummed, pressing his back a little and craning his neck a little to press a kiss to Bucky's jaw. "Then we can snooze a little more." He grinned, wrapping himself more around Bucky and pressing his whole body flush to Bucky's side. 

Bucky tilted his head just a little to align his lips with Steve's. "I love you." Bucky said, and kissed him lightly. "I love you so much." Bucky told him. He looked at his boyfriend, their noses still touching from the kiss. He was just incredibly beautiful and bright.

Steve hummed lowly, and nodded his head, though quickly pressed his lips up against Bucky's again. "I love you too, more than you know," he replied, and he was twining their legs around together and pulled the blankets up to around their chins. "I love you so much," he echoed, running his hand down Bucky's chest slowly.

"You're so beautiful." His lips pulled into a grin. "You're like sunshine and shit." Bucky said, chuckling a little.

Steve scoffed loudly. "And shit? You're so fucking eloquent Bucky I don't even know how you do it," he drawled, and he nipped at Bucky's jaw, pinching his nipple at the same time. "I feel so special when you talk to me like I'm shit awww."

Bucky flinched and pulled back from Steve, making a pained noise. "Fuck, ow, Steve. Why do you gotta pinch at me?" Bucky asked him, wincing. "You know that isn't what I meant."

"I'm just playing," Steve said slowly, and he let out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I know what you meant." He rubbed his thumb in what he hoped was a soothing way over Bucky's nipple now. "I'm sorry okay. See? I am shit, you're right."

"Hey, don't be dumb. You're not shit." Bucky said, kissing him again. He wondered why Steve was so opposed to letting him go down on him or getting him off another way. He liked doing it. "Are you tired or do you wanna get up and do somethin'?" Bucky asked him.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked, now drawing lazy lines all over Bucky's chest, tracing his pecs and then his abs. 

"I /mean/ do you wanna get up and do something? There's tons to do." Bucky said. "We could go get dinner, or go for a walk, or watch a movie." Bucky suggested.

Steve made a noise that suggested he didn't really mind, but he elaborated with a half shrug and smiling lazily. "You're beautiful," he said instead, pressing an awkward kiss to Bucky's collar. "I wanna draw you all the time." That wasn't a lie either. Steve had unknowingly filled up two sketch books of things he remembered about Bucky, simple lazy drawings to full out portraits, and Steve hadn't the heart to actually show them to the brunet. It was kinda creepy. Why would he show Bucky that?

"Draw me, then." Bucky said. "Go for it." Bucky rubbed Steve's lower back. "What d'you want me to do?" Bucky asked, watching Steve, who was still beautiful even though he pinched Bucky's nipple.

Steve shook his head. "No, it's fine. I can draw you from memory," he said absently, and wondered if that was too much information. Steve's eyes went wide though, and he bit his bottom lip. "Can I just... Look at you?" He asked, propping himself up and dragging his eyes over Bucky's torso.

Bucky rose his eyebrows at Steve. "You're being weird today." Bucky told him, but pulled away from Steve to give him a better angle.

Steve's mouth pulled down in a frown. "I'm being weird?" He asked, knowing he shouldn't sound as offended as he did. "What do you mean?" He was still admiring Bucky though, and his expression smoothed out in a matter of moments.

"Biting my dick and pinching my nipple and being all sudden about wanting to look at me. Just jumpy and stuff." He shrugged.

Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Don't be precious Buck," he said off handedly. "That was my first time giving you head, so I was trying to see what you liked, and you called me shit so I jokingly pinched your nipple. Now I want to look at my gorgeous boyfriend. How is that weird?"

Bucky shrugged. "Just... Weird stuff. Usually on someone's first blow job they stay /away/ from teeth."

"Sorry," Steve huffed out, looking at Bucky with an expression of somewhat exasperatedness. "I won't do it again."

"Okay." Bucky said, wetting his lips and shrugging at him. He sat up and got out of bed after a few seconds. "I'm gonna probably... Order pizza or something. You want any? I have carrots or something lame if you prefer."

"I'm sorry," Steve said instead, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. "I didn't mean to snap. Yeah... Pizza please," he said, offering a small smile. God... Sometimes Bucky just... Drained him. Not that it made him love him any less. It was just... Tiring. "Could you get vegetarian?"

"Uh-huh. Can do." Bucky said, and went to find his phone to call. He felt kind of shitty, but he didn't really know why. He felt like Steve was pissed at him, and he didn't really want to be around it. When he found his phone, he called and ordered.

Steve dropped his head into his hands and flopped into his back, groaning loudly. He didn't know what he'd done wrong, just that now he felt awkward and his stomach was curling and he wasn't sure what changed. It was probably Bucky sticking on the biting thing. He'd just been trying to make it nice, mix it up a bit, and now Steve felt guilty and bad about it. Yeah, so Bucky came and said it was good, but then he was overreacting to the nipple fucking tweak and made Steve feel bad too. "I'm a fucking idiot," he groaned into his hands, wanting to crawl under the covers and hide for a bit until Bucky was not mad at him anymore.

Bucky ordered a veggie pizza for delivery and got himself a beer. "Steve! You want anything to drink?" He called, looking through his fridge for something non alcoholic.

"Just water!" Steve called back, voice muffled by his hands. He rolled so he was sitting up again, and he huffed, wiping his eyes. They'd be fine. It was just a little miscommunication.

Bucky grabbed him the water and came back, hopping in bed with him again and offering the water. "You okay, Stevie?" Bucky asked when he realized Steve was upset.

Steve took it and looked at Bucky with a small pout. "I do shit without thinking sometimes, I'm sorry," he said, just holding the water in his hands and working his jaw a bit.

Bucky opened his bottle and took a drink before putting it down on the bedside table. "It doesn't matter, babe." Bucky said. "Promise, okay?"

"I promise," Steve said without thinking, but he took a double take and bit his bottom lip with a small laugh. "What am I promising? That I'll love you forever or...?" He smiled, and it was slightly nervous and he probably should have been drinking the water to soothe his throat but he was too busy watching Bucky.

"I meant /I/ was promising it didn't matter, you big idiot." Bucky said, chuckling. "Sorry, sorry. Shoulda been more clear." Bucky took another drink of beer, doing his very best to cover up how weird things felt.

"Oh." Steve said dumbly, and he sat a little stupidly until the silence was too much for him to handle. "Are we okay?" He asked, biting his bottom lip and scooting a little closer to the brunet. "We're okay right?"

"We're okay." Bucky said, reaching over and taking Steve's hand in his own. He pressed a kiss to Steve's shoulder. "We're okay." He repeated.

Steve's smile was happy and relaxed. "Wow, okay. Yes. Good. For a second..." He trailed off slowly. "You gotta tell me if we're not okay. If I do something stupid and somehow hurt you, or anything okay?" He said, turning and kissing Bucky's head to finish his sentence.

"Yeah, okay." Bucky told him, shrugging. "I just felt weird. It wasn't anything that really happened." Bucky said, and it was pretty true.

"Promise?" Steve said then, turning and tilting Bucky's chin up with his hand and raising his eyebrows. 

"Promise." Bucky said, looking back at him. "How about you? How are you feeling?" Bucky asked. "Jaw okay?"

Steve winked and finally took a sip of his water. It actually helped quite a bit. He nodded, smiling broadly. "I don't think you're that big Buck, but I appreciate the concern," he teased, poking his tongue out to kiss Bucky's forehead. "I promise to be a good communicator."

"Ouch. Way to bite my pride and then insult it in less than an hour." Bucky said, rolling his eyes. "It's not all about size. Sometimes you get the jaw pain just from having your mouth open. This is what I get for caring."

Steve laughed, and he moved and pressed a cheery kiss to Bucky's lips. It still tasted like his sips of beer, and he turned now so his legs for over Bucky's lap. "You haven't even put pants on," he pointed out, careful not to squash Bucky's 'pride'

"Fuck it." Bucky shrugged at him and kissed Steve again lightly. "I'll put em on if you want me to, though."

"What about when the pizza comes? You gonna flash the pizza boy?" Steve asked, looping an arm around Bucky's shoulders and biting his bottom lip. "Because I kind of want to be the only one who gets to see your pride."

Bucky didn't mention that he was a little late- there were already tons of videos online- but he laughed a little awkwardly.

Steve tilted his head and blinked slowly at the brunet. "You know what I mean," he drawled, because he wasn't unaware of Bucky's predicament. 

Bucky kissed Steve's chin. "I'm sorry if that bothers you, Stevie. I wasn't really thinking long term when I did it all." Bucky said sincerely.

Steve chuckled and shook his head. "There's one of me out there somewhere Buck, I can't really complain." He bit his bottom lip. "Besides, doing that meant you were able to meet me. If you hadn't been doing it I wouldn't have complained to you would I?"

Bucky chuckled. "You're such a fucking sweetheart. I'm so fuckin' lucky to know you." Bucky said, sounding like the dopiest boyfriend in history.

Steve smiled and felt a blush dust his cheeks. "You're so cheesy," he settled on, not knowing what else to say as he flicked his legs off the brunet and shoved him playfully. "I love it." He poked out his tongue for a brief moment then stood, watching Bucky with twinkling eyes. "I need to look for my sketchbook, do you have any idea where it is?" He asked, because Bucky looked so happy an he had to capture it.

"Not a clue, Stevie, but I'd check the living room. You draw there lots." Bucky said, watching him. "You coming back?" Bucky asked him, watching him go.

Steve wiggled his butt as he walked away, and he looked over his shoulder. "I'm gonna draw you, so... Yeah. Set yourself up comfortable cause I'm not letting you move." He grinned, still sipping at the water

Bucky found his boxers quickly and pulled them on, then pulled the sheets a ways down and then lay down again for Steve to draw him. "What're we thinkin' for our pose?"

Steve was gone for about five minutes searching through things to find pencils then his book, and when he came back in he pouted a little. "Where'd your penis go," he joked, though he was smiling as he came forward. He went to the end of the bed and perched there, looking Bucky over. "Sit however you want to sit. Have a nap... I don't know. Do whatever you want."

"I'm surprised you didn't ask with my boxers /off/." Bucky said, a little bitterly. "And you gotta pose me. Put your hands on me and stuff." Bucky said, lightening up.

Steve chuckled at that, deliberately not addressing Bucky's bitter statement. "God, okay," he conceded, putting his supplies to the side and crawling up the bed. "Lie down," he instructed, sitting back on his knees and judging the light to see how he could get the best angles...

Bucky did what Steve told him, looking at him. "What next?" Bucky asked with a big grin. "Pick something sexy."

Steve bit his bottom lip, not entirely sure. "Take off your pants," he said, with a crooked smile. "Take them off and only put them back of when other people are around. I officially decree that whenever it's just home alone you need to be naked." He tilted his head. "Maybe spread your legs a little?"

Bucky rose his eyebrows. "What's the point? There's nothing to look at when my pants are off, anyway." Bucky said, still bitter. He took them off grudgingly. "I thought you said you'd put your hands on me."


	29. Chapter 29

Steve made a face. "I was only joking," he huffed, but he crawled forward on his hands and knees, touching Bucky's legs lightly and touching him carefully, hands on the inside of his legs. He got to Bucky's upper thigh and pushed his legs apart more, eyes trained on his face. He threw the underwear to the side, and quirked an eyebrow. "Is that better?"

"I don't know, could it be any worse?" Bucky asked him, staying put where Steve had placed him. He didn't actually care that much about his size- he wasn't small, necessarily, but he wasn't big. He was probably right at average, but Steve may not have seen as many dicks as Bucky and Steve's own was pretty proportionate to the rest of his body. In a very good way. It just bothered him that Steve had said something about it. Like it bothered him.

Steve ran his fingers tips down Bucky's faint v-lines, blush gracing his cheeks just a little. He straddled Bucky's abdomen in one swift movement, and he tilted Bucky's face carefully, leaning in for a quick kiss, before taking one hand and tucking it behind the brunet's head. The other he moved to across his chest, over his heart. He rolled off Bucky, and hooked one leg up, tongue poking out between his teeth as he bent Bucky's leg just a little... He was breathing more thickly, he wasn't really able to ignore the way his stomach was curling. He looked down to his own crotch and cleared his throat for just a second. So much for professional detachment.

Bucky was turned on, as anyone that Steve touched like that probably would be, but he wasn't about to forgive that easily. "Hey. I'm still mad at you. You can't just go seducing me. I'm stronger than that." Bucky told him in what was supposed to be a very matter-of-fact tone. His voice was kind of shaky, though, because he was obviously exercising a lot of restraint.

Steve looked up, and was nudging Bucky's foot to a more complimentary angle. "Why're you mad at me?" He asked, grinning as he pulled his shirt down over his half hardness. He crawled up the bad and looked down Bucky's body, humming in approval. "What did I do this time?"

"You haven't apologized for calling me small like a hundred times." Bucky was clearly exaggerating, but he still wanted a stupid apology. He'd apologize, too.

Steve blinked. "It was a joke! Bucky, oh my god, you made my eyes water. If you were all that wouldn't have happened." He shook his head, and rolled over to Bucky and set his face right next to the others. "How can I apologize? You wanna have sex? That would count as a hundred apologies right?" Just saying that made Steve's stomach curl, but not in a good way, and he immediately looked nervous. "Anything for you Buck."

Bucky frowned at him. "Steve, don't say that. I'm not asking for that." Bucky told him. "God, do you think that's what I want?" Bucky asked, ruining his pose to rest his hand on Steve's hip. "It's not. I love you."

"I don't like hurting your feelings," Steve said earnestly, not letting himself get annoyed at Bucky's movement. It had been perfect, the way he'd been lying, but he also appreciated the comfort. "And I know I'm going to have sex with you. Why would I not do with you as an apology?" He was flushing all the way down to his torso, but it wasn't in arousal. What if he was bad at it? What if Bucky didn't like it and... "I love you too. So..."

"I'm just... Sayin' that I want to wait on it and not do it 'cause you feel like you should." Bucky said, kissing him lightly. "Obviously I want to. I just think we should wait on it, baby." Bucky said.

Steve relaxed entirely and he deepened the kiss, hand coming up to hold Bucky's shoulder delicately. "Thank you," he murmured, opening his mouth some and shutting his eyes as he shuffled closer to Bucky, lining up their legs and leaning into him. "You're too distracting, I'm never gonna get to drawing you..."

"Don't be dumb. Get off me and start drawing, I won't distract you anymore." Bucky said, kissing Steve again lightly. "Least not on purpose."

Steve moaned lowly, but rolled away after licking all around Bucky's lips. "I was getting all hot under the collar lookin' at you all laid out for me," he said honestly, reaching over Bucky to set him up quickly. "Stop being gorgeous."

"I'll try." Bucky said, chuckling a little and looking up at him. "I love you." He said, as a little reminder. "Thanks for being so good to me." Bucky added.

Steve kissed quickly down Bucky's body as he lay him out, grinning. "It's 'cause you deserve it," he said, reaching now for his book and pencils. "You're outta my league, I gotta be good to you if I want to keep you around."

Bucky perked up a little between his legs. "Yeah, bullshit." Bucky scoffed. "You're perfect." Bucky said, eyes following Steve but body staying put.

Steve was settling back, and he smirked, raising an eyebrow at the way Bucky was reacting. "You like bein' complimented, don't ya?" He said with a chuckle. He put the pencil to the paper and started drawing lazy lines. "Does that make you feel good, when I compliment you?"

"Duh. But it was probably more of the kissing and stuff that turned me on." Bucky admitted.

Steve chuckled. "Damn, I was hoping you had a thing for it and maybe I could have some fun just by talking to you," he said as he got into the familiar rhythm of looking to his page for a brief second then to the subject he was drawing. 

"You give me dirty enough talk and maybe I will." Bucky said honestly. "I get off on /giving/ head. I'd probably get off if you told me we bought a new bag of Doritos."

"We bought a new bag of Doritos," Steve said absently, smirking slightly and breathing very slowly. He wasn't really one for dirty talk, well... He wasn't sure. Was he good at dirty talk? 

Bucky chuckled. "That's the best news I've heard all day." Bucky told him, looking up at the ceiling then. "I kind of wish I could draw. But then I'd only be able to draw you, probably, and wouldn't be too successful because I wouldn't want to share it."

Steve chuckled, and he fixed his eyes firmly on Bucky for a bit. "One day I want my drawings of you to be in a gallery or something, blown up big so everyone could appreciate you as a subject. Of course, I don't want anyone else appreciating you in real life, but I feel like art of you would be appreciated a lot by the public."

"Or maybe people would hate it. Or get tired of it and want you to get a new subject." Bucky speculated. "Or maybe not. I don't really know."

"Even if people don't like it I'm never going to stop drawing you," Steve said very seriously, because it wasn't like he was truly thinking about he was saying while he drew. It was what came to his head what came out. He wanted to have silence, but that was unfair to Bucky, so he was okay with casual chatter.

"Well, what if I didn't like it? I do like it, but what if I didn't?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow. He didn't actually expect Steve to like, draw Bucky against his will or anything weird and ridiculous like that, but it was always possible.

Steve paused for a second with a soft frown in place, and he tilted his head and looked at the brunet. "You mean if you didn't like me drawing you?" He tried to clarify, and his stomach dropped just a little bit at the implications of it.

"Yeah, sugar. I do like it, but if I didn't." Bucky said, looking up at him. "I just wanna know if it'd be any different. Like, would you stop?"

"If you didn't like me drawing you I probably would just dream about drawing you," Steve replied after a moment of hesitation. It would be hard, but he could probably manage.   
Bucky grinned. "Good answer. It's a good thing that I love when you draw me." Bucky told him, laughing a little. "You make me look a lot hotter than I am."

Steve relaxed at that, but he pulled a face as the pencil touched the page again. "I draw you how I look at you everyday," he murmured, color dusting his cheeks just a little as he smiled softly.

"Well, good." Bucky said. "Tell me something you like about me. Feed my ego." Bucky suggested, closing his eyes and doing his best to relax so he wouldn't go twitching or scratching himself or anything.

"I think you stole your body from a god. Not too big and... Lumpy like mine, but not non existent you know? I could lick whipped cream from anywhere on your torso and be happy."   
"That one's kinda gross, Steven. I have like... Salt and sweat on me." Bucky said, wrinkling up his nose. "I'll take it as a compliment anyway, only since you're so sweet."

"Shut up /James/, now one day I'm going to buy whipped cream and smother you in it so I can lick it off you." Steve grinned, and shifted just a little while keeping his head in the same place. "Focus on your v-lines and your nipples."

"That's /so/ gross." Bucky said, making a face at him, but mildly interested in the idea. "So much for your superman diet, though, huh? I've been such a bad influence."

Steve for a second focused on Bucky's crotch, and he smirked. "You don't think it's that gross," he teased, and adjusted somethung on the page, biting his bottom lip.

Bucky let out a short laugh. "I do, weird things just turn me on, I guess." Bucky said. He was getting a little antsy about being naked and spread out in front of Steve just to be looked at and not touched, but he'd handle it later.

"It's not weird," Steve replied very pleasantly, and he had to keep changing one specific part of the drawing which was very amusing. "What else do you think would turn you on hmm?" He asked, keeping the casual calm tone and looking very intent on his drawing.

"Pretty much everything you do." Bucky said honestly, looking Steve over. He knew he was sort of changing positions without trying to, but he wasn't too embarrassed.

Steve quirked an eyebrow. He hesitated, then licked his teeth for a moment before pausing and saying softly, "Anything?" He swallowed, and his flush was now growing so it was touching his collarbones.

"Pretty much anything and everything." Bucky admitted. "It's hard not to be turned on when you're dating the epitome of sex appeal."

Steve scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes. "Sure Buck, that's what I am." Keeping the disbelieving tone, he added, "And you'd totally be fine with me tying you to the bed and fucking you into the mattress, I'm sure."

Bucky tensed up, looking at Steve with wide eyes. "/Please/ so that sometime. I would /love/ if you did that to me." Bucky said, and the way his cock responded made it pretty clear Bucky was telling the truth.

Steve's eyes went wide and he paused, balancing the pencil on the edge of the book.   
"Really? I was... I mean I will-- once we've done it normally a few times maybe.. I ugh...-- are you really into that? I didn't--" he cleared his throat, doing a few absent lines on the page and the blush had disappeared under his shirt now.

Bucky smiled at Steve and laughed a little. "I'm in to try whatever, Stevie." Bucky said. "I like being dominated- isn't really different from normal sex other than me not being able to claw into your back. Speaking of which, those marks healed up pretty fast."

Steve gaped for a just a moment, but he nodded, snapping his mouth shut and licking his teeth as he kept drawing. "I have that noted and highlighted in my brain," he said very slowly, trying to not look like a bloody beet root as he blushed.

Bucky grinned up at Steve. "You're so cute. Stop." Bucky told him. "It's a nice thought, right? Maybe you could draw me all tied up. I'm basically just as still as I would be if I was tied to his bed. Well, not if you were kissing me or something, but that's not the point." He started rambling.

Steve swallowed. "Stop talking about it," he said with a thick voice. His pupils were blown wide, and he kept shifting so his dick wasn't pressed into the bed weird. "I'm tryin' to draw you, not get wank material in my head."

"You can do both." Bucky said, pretty fucking flattered by the way Steve was reacting. "You're gonna have a naked drawing of me anyway. That's pretty much wank material, right?"

Steve stopped, and he set his book down on his knee. "So you want to tie you up and do a different drawing? You want me to tie you up right now?" His expression was slightly deadpan, but he couldn't help the way he was blushing or how his crotch was acting more than interested. He could feel the damp patch on his underwear... Jesus Bucky was trying to kill him.

Bucky grinned. "Maybe not right now. Then you'll have to start drawing from scratch." Bucky said. "But totally later. I'd fuckin' /love/ that." Bucky said, smile growing.

Steve blew a short breath out his nose, and he snapped the book shut. "Fuck starting from scratch, I couldn't care less." It was an idea now, it was a thing he had to do... Bucky wasn't going to stop him. "What do you have that I could tie you with? Would you be okay with a blindfold too?"

"You don't wanna start slow or somethin'?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow at Steve. "Seems like more your style." Bucky said, watching him. "You can blindfold me, I guess. Whatever works best for the drawing." Bucky said, genuinely surprised by Steve's eagerness.

Steve was so hard the whole front of his pants were wet. He sat next to Bucky for a brief second, flushed from the very idea of this whole thing, and he tapped Bucky's nose with his index finger. "Where would I be able to find things to tie you up with? So I have to use ties?"

"Uh, yeah. Probably just my suit ties." Bucky said, wetting his lips. It was pretty frickin' weird for your average guy, but Steve was all in, it seemed. "Are you, like, sure you want to do all that?"

Steve raised an eyebrow, and he put his hands to his cheeks and pointed with his fingers, lifting up his shirt to show how far down the color was reaching. It was disappearing into his underwear, which were very obviously tented as much as Steve's body could get it. "Do I want it?" He asked, tilting his head a little. "You tell me."

Bucky grinned a little. "I guess you kinda do." Bucky said. "Well, I'm ready when you are." Bucky said. "Ties are in my closet, all hanging up together." Bucky said. "Try to get the ugly ones so the nice ones don't get messed up." Bucky said.

Steve was even darker after exposing himself like that, but it didn't stop him from rolling away from Bucky to go to the cupboard. "Honestly Buck, I'm disappointed you even own ugly ties. No one should own ugly ties," he said conversationally, as if this wasn't actually discussing how Steve was going to restrain his boyfriend. 

"Gifts. Can't just throw them out." Bucky was getting pretty flushed, too. He looked anxious about all of it, but kind of in a good way. "You're a wreck." He commented with a little laugh. "Make sure you don't pass out before we get started."

Steve made a very indignant noise as he perused through what Bucky had. He picked one plain black tie for the blindfold, it was too thick to be a tidy tie anyways, a disgusting burgundy thing with bright green cross hatching, and a tie covered in the different faces of Elvis. "Who's fault is that?" He asked, turning to hold the fabric up for approval.

"Not my fault you were born prone to my seduction." He winked. "But yeah, those are good. Do you know how to tie the knots properly?" He asked. "Because I don't want you like, tourniquetting or something."

Steve scoffed aloud as he came back over to the bed, putting two of the ties in his mouth and holding the Elvis tie in his hand, taking Bucky's wrist and tugging carefully, more to urge him up than to forcefully move him. "I may haff been weedy and small, but I was the best bloody Boy Scout when it came to knots," he said around the fabric. He spat it onto his lap though. "I won't tie them too tight yeah? It's just for looking. You can pull out of them if you want."

Bucky chuckled and lifted his arm. "You're so cute. Getting all worried about me." He said, looking up at his boyfriend affectionately. God, his boyfriend was the sweetest thing in the world. "I love you." He said with a dumb smile. "I know you won't tie me too tight. I trust you, or I wouldn't let you do this."

"I ain't worried," Steve quipped as he wrapped the tie around the bed post, then loosely around Bucky's wrist, and then again and again until he could tie a neat little bow. Bucky was his little present to unwrap... "I'll try and sketch the basics quick so then you can let your arms down and not have them ache," he informed the brunet as he straddled the others waist to start on his other arm. Bucky's skin was very warm underneath his sensitive crotch, but he tried not to think about it.

Bucky watched Steve tie his other arm. "So, when we're done, we should probably take care of you, huh?" Bucky suggested. His own dick was hardening again, as it had been when Steve was drawing him. Being pinned to bed and getting tied up was slightly sexier.\

Steve made a grumbling noise in his throat. He couldn't actually remember how long it had been- if ever- where'd he'd been this turned on. He didn't even consider himself to be a kinky person, but now? This was just crazy. He could almost see his briefs getting so wet that they were sopping. "If I have to wait for the entire drawing I'd be dead because there is /definitely/ not enough blood running to my brain right now."

"Then take pictures and do a sketch or something. I won't make you wait forever." Bucky said, testing the tightness of the restraints on his wrists. "Well, I probably won't." Bucky said, grinning cheekily.

Steve balled the black tie quickly in his hand, and he touched Bucky's chin lightly. "One day I'm going to get you gagged," he said very casually, holding the tie up and raising his own eyebrows. "And you won't be able to say a cheeky damn thing."

"Good. I can't wait." Bucky said, acting casual but turning a bright shade of red. "But you'll know I'm thinking it, right? It'd ruin the mood if I wasn't annoying you with my cheeky damn things."

Steve rolled his eyes, and he straddled Bucky's torso, running a hand over his shoulder to his collar bone, and he spread out the tie now and chewed the inside of his lip. "You sure...?" He asked, making sure his crotch wasn't right against Bucky's skin so he wouldn't feel his wetness. "If you don't want it it's okay."

"Of course I'm sure." Bucky said. "Get on with it so we can get to the us part." Bucky said, looking up at him with a needy look in his eye. "Pretty please." He added after a second of thought.

That made Steve's breath hitch and his eyes were suddenly so dark you couldn't see the color in them. "Yeah," he breathed out, and he leaned forward slowly to wrap the tie around the back of Bucky's head, holding him up with one hand then leaning down to tie a careful bow. His breaths were heavy and as he pulled away he pressed a soft kiss to Bucky's lips. "Fuck," he breathed out, and he couldn't make himself get off the brunet. He couldn't make himself...

"Steve. You have a drawing to do." Bucky said. He was really, really hard and Steve was making the situation a lot worse. "I love you." He added, just to take the edge off his snapping.

The noise Steve ended up making was a half whine and a half groan in the back of the throat, but he pushed off Bucky and moved to the edge of the bed to his book. Fuck... Fuck his hand was trembling as he picked up the pencil. He shut his eyes for a brief second, and took a breath in. "Buck, fucks sake, I can't--" he shook his head with a shaky laugh.

"Stevie, c'mon. I can help you think of un-sexy things." Bucky suggested, closing his eyes under the tie and doing his best to level out his breathing. "Let's hurry up. /C'mon./"

Steve made another whining noise, shaking his head some. "Buck, I can't think. My hand's shakin'... I can't--" he laughed again and dropped his head. "Can I draw you after? Later...?"

"What'll we do until then?" Bucky asked, feigning disappointment. He felt pretty much like hell with the way he lay exposed and impossibly hard in front of Steve.

"Well... We gotta get rid of our problems..." Steve said, setting the book and pencil off the bed and started crawling slowly over to where Bucky lay. "Have got condoms in your drawer? I could untie you and stuff and then tie you back up again after?" He didn't even sound that nervous, he felt the most comfortable he'd ever been right in that moment.

"Yeah. I have condoms in there." Bucky said. "And really, you can do whatever the hell you want to me." He added. "Take my blindfold off, first, if you will. I'm dying to look at you." Bucky added, opening his eyes under the cloth.

Steve made that noise again in his throat, and he slowly tugged off his shirt, throwing it to the side and leaving his slightly sweaty torso exposed. He crawled over to Bucky's top, and undid the blindfold, pulling it away and smiling a little sheepishly. "So you want your arms left up?" He asked, almost tempted to hide his embarrassingly large erection with his hands because it was ridiculous to be this turned on.

"If you want them up. I'm up for anything, Stevie." Bucky replied, shifting a little. He caught sight of Steve's erection and then looked up at Steve. "Whatever you pick, pick it quick so we can get going." Bucky urged him.


	30. Chapter 30

Steve quickly worked Bucky's hands free, and then leaned to the bedside table. "You wanna... Sex?" He asked, a little breathless. He was nervous again, just Virgin nerves though he wasn't about to freak out. He checked the inhaler was there too, just in case. He discarded the ties, and he brought out a condom and the lube. "I gotta take it extra slow though, I don't... Do you wanna be on the bottom or the top? I can-- ride you..." He cleared his throat, holding the things from the drawer and looking very out of place

Bucky took a breath. "I don't know. Wouldn't you kinda want your first time more... vanilla?" Bucky asked. "If you want to bottom, I want to be able to touch you and hold you and stuff." Bucky added. He was still kind of insecure after all the tiny dick jokes, but he didn't mention it. He knew he was better off just acting like he had a bigger dick than he really did when it came to sex (confidence was sexy), but he felt weird about it. What if it was just a huge turnoff for Steve and he hated it? What if Bucky /couldn't/ be confident enough, and /he/ hated it? He'd never been into having control. It was too much responsibility and he'd probably fuck it up.

Steve was crawling back over to Bucky and he ran his fingers down the brunets chest, just thumbing over his nipples lightly, holding the condom and lube and smiling softly. He was still leaking, he doubted his hard on was going anywhere else soon, but at least he could remain calm as they talked about it. "My first time was with you on camera," he said quietly, leaning in to press a kiss to the man's clavicle. "How do you want me Buck? You want me inside you? Or the other way around?"

"No, I know that. I meant like, the other way." Bucky said, turning a bright red. "Like, with you receiving." Bucky elaborated. "Would you be cool with me bottoming? Just 'cause I wanna do other stuff before you bottom. Like, rim jobs and fingering and stuff so you're used to me and everything." He was proud of himself for finishing his sentence with only minimal panting. And for pushing insecurity out of his head.

Steve nodded slowly, licking into the hollow of Bucky's skin then tilting his head up more so he could kiss the others throat. "Okay. I'm fine with that." He liked this whole communication thing, it made everything a lot less stressful. "That means I gotta get you ready though," he murmured, and that made him a little worried. "Are you... Clean? All down there?" He asked now, quiet and careful. 

"Yeah, sugar. All clean." Bucky replied. "But you don't gotta do much. Muscles loosen up pretty easy once I get going." Bucky explained, watching Steve. "Come up here and kiss me." Bucky added, running his hand over Steve's shoulder. "Pretty please."

The request and the please had Steve moving more eagerly than he probably should be. He didn't know what it was, but it had his cock twitching and had him hurried pressing a kiss to Bucky's, open mouthed and desperate. "You gotta walk me through it, I ain't done this before, the whole..." He trailed off, trying not to be the blushing virgin as he trailed his free hand down Bucky's front to touch his cock lightly with his fingertips.

"Well, first you... Gotta put on your condom." Bucky said, looking up at Steve for a second and then lifting his head up to kiss Steve again. "Uh, try- uh- stretching me a little. With your fingers." Bucky added hastily, "And lube." Bucky didn't really know how to give instructions.

Steve felt his brows pull together just a little, but he nodded, peeling his underwear off after raising his hips. His cock was flushed and right against his abdomen, slick and shining and he felt his own blush at how hard he was. He opened the condom packet carefully, biting his bottom lip as he found the right way it had to be on, an he rolled it on slowly, swallowing a moan because he was finally touching himself and it was /amazing/.

"Tell me you're not gonna finish just yet." Bucky said, looking up at him and raising an eyebrow. "And also, if you want, I can prep and you can relax in that department for a minute." Bucky added.

Steve snorted, like it was offensive for Bucky to even think that, but it wasn't exactly a lie. "Can I watch?" He asked, sitting back and wrapping his fingers tight around his length and not moving it. "I wanna see what you do so I can do it next time."

"Yeah, yeah. Uh. It ain't really pretty." Bucky said, and took the lube, squirting it on his fingers. "You gotta know that this ain't somethin' I usually do for an audience. I'll probably... Look kinda weird." Bucky explained, looking up at his boyfriend and waiting for a response.

"My dick's been buried in your ass Buck. Thinkin' of you with your fingers in your ass--" his voice hitched and he dropped his head. "Yeah, yeah, Buck, please, /please/. I wanna watch you," he said with a sheepish smile, crawling down the bed after kissing Bucky's cheek quickly. He settled himself at the end of the bed and blinked at Bucky instead of looking at his legs.

Bucky took a deep breath, then reached down between his legs, holding his dick up against his belly to access his entrance a little more easily. He pushed a finger inside himself and let out a heavy breath, which set the pace for the rest of his breaths. "D'you- uh- need a narration or somethin'? Verbal instruction?"

Steve's eyes flicked down and couldn't speak. He could kinda easily see what was happening, and he wrapped his hand tightly around himself and stroked just slowly because he couldn't just sit still. He nodded though, making a low noise in his throat. "Fuck, /yes/," he hissed. 

Bucky took a shaky breath. "Stevie, that was a joke." Bucky said in a trembling voice. He pushed his finger deeper and let the breath back out. It was just hard because Steve was /watching/ him. How was he supposed to focus on the words and stretching himself and everything. "You just start with one." Bucky told him, pushing his finger deeper and then pulling it back out.

Steve huffed a laugh. "Kinda got that..." He breathed out, eyelids half mast as he pumped himself slowly.

"And- uh- you kinda curl your finger when it's in. Then straighten it and pull it out." Bucky said. "And add another." Bucky did just that, and let out a gaspy little groan.

Steve's eyes were huge and wide, trying to take in as much as he could visually. He was scooting forward slowly, wanting to see more, and while the whole... Idea of it was unappealing, watching Bucky's hole wrap around his fingers was absolutely /filthy/ and gorgeous. He nodded, flicking his eyes from Bucky's entrance to his face. He was beautiful. 

Bucky waited a little bit, even though he'd adjusted relatively quickly. He wanted to keep things kinda slow, partially because this was their first time doing it in private and he sorta wanted it to be special, more for Steve's sake than his own. "And once- once it gets easy, you can add a third, 'cause you're... You're really big." Bucky said, doing as he'd suggested. It made his pinkie cramp a little, but he never added his pinkie because it seemed pointless. It was small, and it usually ended up getting in the way. Besides, stretching too much would take away the pull when Steve actually fucked him, and that was some of the best part. "You, uh, ready?" Bucky asked him after a little bit, looking up at Steve.

Steve was pretty sure his cock was leaking so much his condom had expanded. Bucky was stretched so pretty, and Steve took a moment to actually properly reply. "Are you ready?" He asked, voice hitching as he moved forward again. "I don't wanna hurt you, is three fingers enough?"

"I'm ready. Please." Bucky said, pulling his fingers out of himself and wiping them off on his leg. Steve looked really eager, and it made Bucky get harder. It was so weirdly intimate, looking up at Steve and touching himself in front of Steve and being so in love it was crazy.  
Steve let go of himself and crawled forward to settle himself between Bucky's legs. "I don't know how long I'm gonna last," he said, touching the inside of Bucky's thigh. He held his hand out for the lube, as while he waited for it he wrapped Bucky's legs around his waist. His heart was thudding quickly, he didn't want to do anything wrong, but he was very ready to do this with the brunet. Bucky's cock was flushed almost red, leaking on his abdomen, and it was gorgeous...

Bucky groaned just on contact, his body hypersensitive. He handed the lube over and reached down and rested his hands on Steve's shoulders, taking in a deep, shaking breath.

"I'm gonna go slow," Steve assured the brunet, small crease between his brows as he slicked himself up good and proper. He had to swallow an indecent noise, and he set the lube to the side, wiping the rest of the slick on Bucky's already slippery length, the precome mixing with the lube. "Can... I, can I?" He asked, holding himself now and looking down to Bucky's entrance.

"/Please/." Bucky replied, moving one hand a little further down, gripping his bicep instead. Couldn't Steve /hurry up/ just a little? He was gonna go fuckin crazy.

Steve guide himself to Bucky's entrance and sat with his tip at the hole. He bit his bottom lip, but Bucky's tone had him pressing just a little, the little ring of muscle providing a little bit of resistance. "Are you sure it's not gonna hurt you?" He asked, still pushing forward though he was ready to stop at a moments notice.

"Steve, come on. It's perfect. Let's go." Bucky said, rolling his hips a little to try and get Steve inside. Bucky couldn't tell if Steve was doing it on purpose or not, but it was absolute insanity, how much he wanted it.

When Bucky pushed down Steve felt himself actually breach the muscle, and he couldn't help himself from pushing forward, into a tight, slick heat that had him moaning ridiculously. It felt like water to a man in a desert, and he had to take panting breaths to stop himself when he was a few inches in, wanting Bucky to adjust before Steve lost his mind and started drilling into him like a crazy person.

Bucky moaned when Steve pushed in, his whole body curling up and in, against Steve. "Shit- more, Stevie. Please." Bucky begged, gripping at Steve's shoulders. It was too fucking good- just the right amount of burn and stretch, the best possible tension and intent in Steve's body. He couldn't fucking believe how good they were, how much chemistry they had and how well they /fit/.

Steve pushed in slowly, at a careful place, until he was snug and flush, fully in. He made himself stay still, and he dropped his head down, a surprised laugh bubbling out of his throat. His bangs were hanging in his face... This was too much. He was about to come and he hadn't even moved. "I could die right now..." He said, and his brow furrowed. "And I wouldn't be upset."

"Please don't die inside me." Bucky replied, panting and looking up at him. It was kind of fucking incredible, no pun intended, because he was sure that Steve had ruined sex for him. He went from being casual and unfazed by sex because of the porn to being driven /crazy/ every time they touched.

"I'll try," Steve huffed, and he had one hand holding up Bucky's thigh up, and the other was on his hip, digging his fingers in slightly. "I jus'-- you're so tight. Fuck-- so warm, /Bucky/." He pressed forward just a little, making Bucky move up the bed just a little. He tensed his abdomen, cock twitching, and he shuddered.

Bucky squeezed Steve's biceps, body rolling up to try and push him in deeper. "You feel so good." Bucky told him, doing his best to keep his eyes open and his face still from twisting up in pleasure. Every breath he took seemed to trail off into an almost-moan. It was fucking incredible, as he knew it would be.

Steve started to pull out slowly, cock twitching again. "It doesn't hurt? I'm not too big?" He asked, briefly remembering what it had been like at the video shoot. He already had a small sheen of sweat along his lower back. 

"It's a good hurt." Bucky replied, and he meant that. Without prep, it'd be a fucking nightmare, and he probably could've done with a little more, but he liked the burn. It was damn good. "S'really good."

Steve pulled almost all the way, then started pushing in again. He made a noise right in the back of his throat. "You... I gotta take it slow." He leaned down to press a kiss to Bucky's lips, panting against him. "I'm gonna spill everywhere if I take it too quick."

"Who /cares/?" Bucky said, body rocking back when Steve thrust in again, a moan escaping his throat. "I love you. I love this. Fuck." Bucky couldn't keep his face straight. He knew it probably looked REALLY fucking dumb, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Steve raised an eyebrow and let out another shaky breath. "You don't wanna take this slow?" He asked, voice hitching just a little, pulling slowly out again to press in flush. It was a slow, torturous pace, and it had his he's thudding with the blood it needed but wasn't getting. "Making love or whatever?"

"I meant," he paused to take in a deep breath, his body kind of desperate for air almost as much as it was for release, "that I don't care if you- come soon." Bucky said, shuddering with pleasure. "I'm almost there."

Steve leaned around Bucky head more to press a kiss to his neck, moaning obscenely. In the back of his mind he thought it was pretty ironic that he was the one making all the obscure noises, and he probably should have been more quiet, but he couldn't help it. "You're gonna come too?" He asked, finding a slow steady rhythm rolling in and out of the brunet.

"Yes, fuck. Steve." Bucky wrapped one leg around Steve's hips and letting the other relax a little. He rolled with the pace, thick moans of pleasure crossing his lips every few thrusts.  
Steve found the words slipping out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You gonna come all up your chest? Even though I already sucked you off?" He nipped Bucky's clavicle, tutting quietly. "Thats a little bit greedy, don't you think?"

Bucky was so, so close, and with Steve talking like that, there was no way he'd last long. "Oh my /God/." Bucky gasped, trembling underneath Steve. "I'm going to come." Bucky warned him, even though he didn't actually want to come. He wanted it to last forever.

Steve changed his pace up to more snapping thrusts, not wanting to tip over the edge until Bucky had been over it first. "Like a greedy little slut," he snapped, the 't' clicking as he changed the angle of his hips so he was dragging right across Bucky's prostate. "Come for me baby, yeah."

Bucky only needed a couple thrusts before he was coming all over himself, crying out an assortment of sounds that sounded vaguely like Steve. Christ. He must have looked ridiculous, with his face contorted like that, but it obviously wasn't something on his mind at that moment.

Steve kept his thrusts up, taking the hand from Bucky's hip to stroke him carefully as his cock pulsed. His vision was going blurry with the will power it needed for him not to come as he felt a little coat his chest, but he waited until Bucky lay panting before making a very loud noise and stifling it with pressing his lips almost bruisingly hard to Bucky's. His hips snapped up and in violently as he tensed, gripping Bucky's slowly relaxing cock and then his thigh very hard.

Steve's last thrust was particularly hard, and Bucky's head kind of knocked against the headboard a little, but he was too absorbed in his orgasm to really notice the sting. The squeeze hurt, and he made a little pained noise because his cock was hypersensitive and the rest of him was a little numb since his brain was really dedicated to what went on between his legs.

Steve made a small apologetic, but he didn't loosen his grip by much. He did release his thigh though, still buried right deep in Bucky and laying some of his weight on Bucky's chest, meaning the brunets spunk covered his torso mostly now too. "Shh, baby, I got you," he cooed, squeezing only lightly now. "Shhh, I make you feel good yeah? Was that good?" He asked, kissing Bucky slowly and carefully, managing to slow his breathin down by a fair bit. He was entirely buzzing, it was amazing. He hadn't come that hard such a long time.

"I'm- fuck. It was good. You made me feel so good." Bucky said. "I love you. I love you." He kissed Steve back, hands sliding over Steve's shoulders. "Was it good for you? I hope it was good for you." He said, heart still pounding even if his breath was slowing back to normal.

Steve slid his tongue into Bucky's mouth, lazily dragging it around as he shifted his hips just slightly. "I loved it. Better than anythin' I ever done in the bedroom by tenfold," he said once he'd pulled away a fraction, looking at the brunet through his lashes. "Can't believe I waited so long baby. I'm sorry." His expression faltered just a little at that.

"It's okay. It was worth it." Bucky said, looking back up at Steve. "Say you love me. You didn't say it yet." Bucky said, running his fingers over Steve's chest. He wasn't really feeling insecure yet. He owed that to his post-sex neurotransmitters.

"I love you," Steve said so quickly that it cut over the last of Bucky's sentence. He brought his other hand up from Bucky's dick now, blinking slowly and popping his spunk covered fingers between his lips. He hummed and shut his eyes as he set about licking his hand clean. He didn't mind the taste too much, even if it wasn't the best thing, it was from Bucky and he loved every part of Bucky. "I love you so much." He paused his hand cleaning to kiss Bucky's lips, hoping he left some of the taste on Bucky so he could taste himself.

Bucky did taste it, and the taste obviously didn't bother him. "You're too beautiful, Steve. Isn't okay." Bucky told him, looking up at his boyfriend with an affectionate smile. "I don't think I'll ever find someone as perfect as you are in a million years. I don't even want to."

/Marry me/, Steve's mind offered unhelpfully, but he didn't voice it. "I'm gonna say the exact same thing to you," he murmured, kissing down Bucky's jaw and throat, and as he needed to shift his body down he pulled out slowly, nipping at the skin so the slip out wasn't so weird. He licked up a little of the spill on his way down the bed, on Bucky's abdomen too. "I'm gonna draw you," he rumbled, pressing a kiss to Bucky's hip. "Can you lie still for me baby? Keep your legs spread and that gorgeous expression the same?"

"Fuck, that's embarrassing." Bucky said, but obliged when Steve asked him to stay in that position to be drawn. He made a little unhappy noise when Steve pulled out of him, but didn't start complaining or anything even if he wanted to. "I fucking love you." He said after a second. "Even though you draw me in gross positions."

Steve scrambled around the bed and he picked up his book, but he quickly climbed off the bed to dispose of the condom, before settling himself between Bucky's thighs again. "This isn't a gross position," he retorted, pencil dancing along to page already. It wouldn't have all of Bucky's body in it but it would have his fucked out expression and that's all Steve was asking for.

Bucky grinned tiredly and closed his eyes. "You're not gonna show anybody, are you? This is between you and me?" Bucky asked. "'Cause I don't want anybody else seeing me like this." His tone shifted to a little bit of a warning, but his face stayed the same.

Steve stuck out his bottom lip playfully, but he nodded after a few moments of being quiet. People already had seen it, but then again this was... More intimate. "I won't show anyone else," he vowed, to make Bucky comfortable. "This is my personal sketchbook and I won't let anyone else look in it."

"Can /I/ see it? Since I'm special and all." Bucky asked, trying to move his lips as minimally as possible. He was proud of himself for being so still, considering that he and Steve were both still naked and together and all.

"You can look through all my sketchbooks," Steve replied honestly, pausing for a moment to contemplate on how he was going to draw the release on Bucky's stomach to make it look... Genuine. "Though there are numerous amounts of sketches of you. So... There a bit to look at." Damn the fact he never had a filter as he drew.

Bucky smiled blissfully. His heart felt light. "You draw me a lot, baby?" Bucky asked. "That's awesome. You should show me those sometime. Or all the time." That was incredibly flattering and satisfying. He loved Steve so much. "Am I always pretty in them?"

Steve hummed his confirmation, but snorted just a little. "I remember how your face looks when you're pulling one, I got a whole page full of you looking silly," he said with a soft smile. "But I mean... There are a lot. So... Don't be freaked out. I've kinda... Stopped drawing other things because you're the most beautiful thing I know in my life."

"Oh, baby. I wouldn't be bothered by that." He said, smiling tiredly. "That's real romantic, how you said it." Bucky told him. "You're like a Nicholas Sparks incarnate, baby." Bucky said.

Steve blinked and had to hide a snort because he didn't really like Nicholas Sparks as a writer, however, the entire idea of it made him blush and he kissed the heel of his palm to then pause his drawing to press it to his thigh. "Thank you baby," he said softly, starting up his drawing again. He smiled softly. "You can go to sleep Buck, if you think you're not gonna move too much," he offered. He didn't want Bucky to be forcing himself to stay awake for Steve either, if he needed to nap after his release Steve wasn't going to stop him.

Bucky didn't like him as a writer, either, but he didn't know any other cheesy romance novelists of the top of his head. "I'll stay up. When you're done we can make some dinner or go out or something. Then we can relax." Bucky said. His stomach was starting to feel kinda gross because of the semen, but he did his best not to focus on it.


	31. Chapter 31

"You're not relaxed now?" Steve asked with a smile curling the corners of his lips. "God, I musta not done a very good job." He twirled the pencil around his fingers for a brief second before starting up sketching again. "But yeah, we can go out for coffee or something. Or I can make something here and we can chill at home."

"Please. I'm zen as fuck." Bucky said, grinning lazily. "But I'm up for anything, as long as I get some calories in me. You burned me out a little bit." Bucky told him, wiggling his toes a little to control the urge to move.

Steve reached with one hand to Bucky's feet and squeezed his toes, looking very amused. "Cuddling on a couch naked sounds-- wait. Wait. Did we order pizza?" He asked, breaking into a huge grin and his eyes were huge with surprise. "We ordered pizza didn't we?"

"Shit! You're right. How long has it been?" Bucky said, cracking a big smile. "You're gonna have to get it when it shows up." His expression eased back to what it'd been before. "I'm not really presentable."

Steve snickered. "Stay here," he said, setting his utensils between Bucky's legs and patting his knee. He scrambled off the bed and wrapped the closest item of clothing around his waist, a hoodie just lying around, and disappeared into the lounge. He blinked, he'd been planning to make a beeline for the door and had to stop in the doorway of the bedroom. The pizza was sat just on the inside of the door, a note taped to it. He walked forward carefully, and he read it with a growing grin. "Do you know a guy called Pietro?" He called to Bucky, touching the boxes to see they were still warm.

"Yeah, I know a guy called Pietro. Why?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't hear anybody knock or come in." Bucky said when he saw Steve with the pizza. "What happened?" Bucky didn't move, even though he wanted to sit up to chat about it.

"'Heard you having fun, I'll take it out of my paycheck to help a brother out. Keep it up Casanova. Pietro'," Steve read out, picking up the pizza and chuckling lowly. "Sounds like a good dude." He slid the pizzas into the oven so they'd keep warmer, and he shook his head. "Casanova. He doesn't think you're in a serious relationship?" He asked, walking into the bedroom again and handing the note to Bucky to hold.

"We don't talk much. He's a good guy and everything, but he's usually busy. Always moving." Bucky said. "He probably just didn't get the memo." Bucky said, taking it and glancing at it for a second. He decided that Steve probably knew exactly why Pietro called Bucky Casanova, so he didn't bring up the porn thing.

"Well we got free pizza," Steve replied very brightly, taking the note now before settling between Bucky's legs again. "It's just a quick sketch, I'm almost done," he reassured, motioning for Bucky to lay how he had before.

"It's cool. Pizza still warm?" Bucky asked, relaxing again. He'd gotten a little cold without Steve between his legs, but he was warming up with him back in place.

Steve hummed his affirmation, pencil going across the page quickly now, and he leaned on Bucky's thigh. "I'll probably put it in the microwave heat it up again while we have a shower," he said, sounding very content just sketching.

"Mmph. Showering. Sure." Bucky said, obviously questioning whether or not that was Steve's real plan. Steve probably meant it, being the sincere type, but Bucky could bust his balls once in a while.

Steve looked up to Bucky through his lashes, keeping his face angled at the page. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He asked with a smile. "Is that you implying something sexual?"

"Don't play coy." Bucky said. "You big dork." Bucky added, curling his toes again to keep the rest of his body from moving around.

"I /am/ coy. I'm little virgin Steve, you know that," Steve replied with a very amused and crooked smile. He could feel Bucky's toes moving against him, and he snorted softly. "I don't even know what a penis looks like."

"You're gross. You just tied me up, sugar." Bucky said, looking up at him with that lazy smile. "I love you. If I say it too much it won't lose its meaning, right? I love you." Bucky repeated.

"I want that tattooed onto my body," Steve murmured, flush crawling over his clavicles. He hoes Bucky wasn't annoyed that Steve probably messed up his hoodie by wrapping it around his waist which had spunk all over it. "'If I say it too much it won't lose it's meaning right?' You're a sap Bucky Barnes."

"Shut up. At least I'm your sap." Bucky said to him. He hadn't even noticed Steve taking it, but it wouldn't bug him. He knew how to get that stuff out of clothes with no problem.

"If I were to get that tattooed onto like my ass or something would you get something for me tattooed onto your ass?" Steve asked casually, smiling very slyly.

"It depends what you wanted me to get tattooed on my ass." Bucky replied, chuckling. "Would you actually want me to? Because I'd probably do it. Yolo and everything."

"What about 'If found, return to Steve Rogers: then my number'." Steve grinned, then added. "Or maybe, property of Steve Rogers, because that ass is mine and no one can touch." He smirked a little, blushing too because he was a little embarrassed having even thought the thoughts he'd thought.

"Not gonna lie, I might do it if you paid me. It'd be pretty funny. But if you want to save money and all, maybe you could just give me a nice hickey every day. That'll be a pretty good statement of my relationship status, I think." Bucky told him with a sly grin.

"If I suck a hickey into your ass no one should see it," Steve replied indignantly, a few firm brush strokes meaning his expression was serious for a second before it softened again. "Though a hickey on your throat surely isn't work approriate."

"I don't mind. I work at the library anyway, it's freezing in there. I could wear a scarf or just let my hair cover it or something." Bucky said. "And don't worry, nobody's gonna see my butt in real time except you." He said, closing his eyes again.

"You could just leave it exposed, let those old ladies scoff and natter to themselves," Steve said with a sly smile. "I think one day I should just come in while you're working and just kiss you senseless. The catch is... I'm only wearing that tiny tight white singlet and booty shorts or something." He snickered at the idea.

"You should. No joke. They'd be in shock. They'd never question whether or not you were gay again." Bucky said gleefully.

"Bisexual," Steve corrected without too much preamble, but he smirked a little as his mind once more offered up something he'd never actually do. "Just fuck you in the bookstalls, let them catch up," he said flippantly, though his cheeks went pink. "Or suck your dick. Wouldn't want to bend any pages with carelessness."

Bucky started to question him about the whole sexuality thing but shut up the second Steve said he'd fuck Bucky in the book stalls. His cock filled a little, enough to be noticeable. "Christ." He muttered, wanting to cover his face in embarrassment.

"I've told you you're greedy, haven't i?" Steve asked with a soft chuckle, of course noticing the way Bucky's body was reacting to everything he said. "Because you are, and you're ready to go again, Jesus Buck do I not satisfy you?" He teased, snorting just softly.

"No, baby. I just can't get enough of you." Bucky said. He paused a second. "Do I, y'know, satisfy /you/?" Bucky asked.

Steve leaned back a little an let his eyelids slide to half mast, looking as content as he could manage and totally as fucked as Bucky did just in that moment. "Mmm, baby, I love the way you make me feel," he murmured, though he still managed to keep the pencil moving across the page. 

Bucky would've gone crazy over that a few moments ago, but he his mind was reeling a little then. "You don't think you need like, a woman in the picture or anything?" Bucky asked. "To be satisfied."

Steve's expression faltered a for a brief second, into confusion, but he managed to slide it back into place. "No baby, I've got you. You're all I need." He smiled lazily, though apprehension was twisting his gut and he wasn't sure why.

Bucky took a couple of seconds, not sure how to arrange his feelings into an explanation. "You're bisexual. Those girls at work, they were completely into you. Were you interested?" Bucky asked him, anxiety washing away any sense of pleasure he'd had. It knotted in his stomach and even though he didn't move, his face was different. He looked very concerned, almost afraid.

Steve sat up straight then, a flash of hurt actually crossing his expression. "I'm bisexual, but I'm in love and I'm dating you. Do you think I was interested?" He asked, trying not to sound too accusing but swallowing thickly and looking very confused.

"I'm not talking about you wanting to date them." Bucky said, averting his eyes in a pretty awkward manner. His position didn't really permit him to move out of Steve's vision, no matter how much he wanted to.

"What do you mean then?" Steve asked a little tightly, hand pausing in case he accidentally did something to ruin the sketch with how Bucky was making him tense. Why did Bucky look so nervous? Was he about to say something that would ruin the mood? Or ruin it more than he already had.

Bucky didn't really want to continue the conversation. If Steve wanted to be with other people, Bucky just didn't want to know. He'd rather pretend that Steve was gay and only for him. "You're just so- you're so beautiful and everything. Other people want you. And you're bisexual." The word tasted sour on his tongue. "You might want them, too."

"Oh my god, Bucky, are you serious?" Steve asked, snapping the book shut and taking a sharp inhale in. He slid it off the bed and shut the brunets legs, and he crawled up the bed. "Just because I can be attracted to women doesn't mean I will be." He frowned and touched Bucky's side, shaking his head. "If I were gay, it wouldn't matter. I'd still love you. I'd... Bucky. Don't be like those girls. I love you." Again, it was the insecurity, and Steve would make him feel loved. "It's you and only you. I don't got no eye for any lady or any other guy. Buck, look at me," he said, trying to turn Bucky's face to him. "Look at me Bucky."

Bucky felt stupid. He couldn't help it, he was upset and he knew Steve could do better and he shouldn't even expect Steve to settle. What was stopping him, when he had literally the whole world to choose from? "It's fine, Steve. I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it now." He'd just try not to think about it. He couldn't do that to himself, or he'd start panicking that Steve was with someone else every time they weren't together. Steve might look twice at someone and Bucky would start this all over again. He had to drop it.

"Do you not trust me?" Steve asked after a moment. "Did I do something to make you think that my sexuality means I won't be faithful to you?" His voice barely had any depth to it, it sounded half hollow, because that's what it felt like. That now Bucky actually had confirmation that Steve found woman attractive too that it nulled the relationship they had built. It hurt, it really fucking did.

"I don't want to talk about it." Bucky repeated. He'd been cheated on before. It wasn't so bad. It was almost understandable. He couldn't be hurt by someone wanting more than what he had to offer. Maybe he could avoid it if he tried harder, got better and offered more or whatever. "We should shower, huh?" Bucky asked, looking over at him.

Steve was gaping at Bucky, and the offer of the shower going over his head as one thought pounded at his skull. "You think I'll cheat on you because every bisexual is unfaithful is that what you're going to let me think? And none of this goddamn, 'I don't want to talk about it' bullshit. What's the point in me being with you if you don't even love me enough to trust me?!" He was standing now, he didn't know when he'd stood up, but now his voice was cracked and he was pointing a finger right at Bucky's chest.

Bucky wished he could've died on the spot. "I don't know. I don't know why you're with me. I'm sorry." He couldn't hear himself speaking, with all the bullshit going through his head. "I'm sorry I said anything." He didn't know if he finished the sentence, he couldn't think. Bucky should've let it happen. Bucky shouldn't have complained. Bucky knew Steve was sick of him, why did he push it? 

Steve was looking at Bucky, his huge frame was shaking and his eyes were welled up and Bucky didn't trust him but this was everything they'd tried to talk about. He clenched his jaw, and then his fists, then sniffed and wiped at his eyes. He stepped towards the bed, and very seriously said, "Do you think I'll cheat on you?"

"I wouldn't blame you if you did." Bucky answered, keeping his eyes off of Steve. If he looked at Steve, he'd be absolutely fucking done for. He'd break down, start blubbering, look more pathetic than usual. Steve would feel like he had to stay, maybe, or just think he was scum of the earth and leave. 

"So this isn't about you not trusting me," Steve said in the same serious tone, but he was lowering himself to perch on the edge of the bed again, like slightly pursed. "This is about you not feeling good enough for me."

Why didn't Steve get that Bucky didn't want to talk about it anymore? "I don't want to talk about it." Bucky said again. Steve was already taking pity on him, that's why he was staying. If Bucky didn't look so pathetic, Steve would've left by then.

"I don't fucking care Bucky I love you and I want you to talk to me so I don't go!" Steve yelled suddenly. "You're making it hard. I swear to god I want to pack up my shit and go, because you're making /me/ feel like you don't love me, and you're making me wonder if I'm ever going to be good enough for you to start doubting myself. You... Not talking about it won't help. I can't help, and I can't love you, if you don't... Fucking talk to me." He squeezed his eyes shut, and he was trying not to cry after his little speech. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to have a repeat of what they'd already been through. He couldn't deal with that. "Please," he whispered, looking down to his hands on his lap and seeing a tear fall onto his fingers.

Bucky never should have dragged Steve into it. It would've saved them both a lot of time, and made Steve a lot happier. "You're so perfect and beautiful and I will never, ever be enough." Bucky replied, gripping at the sheets to try and ground himself, keep himself from crying. It took him several seconds to start again. "I want you to have someone that's enough. Maybe you'd need more than one person for that. If you wanted more, I'd try to give it to you, but if I couldn't, I wouldn't be- wouldn't be able to blame you for getting what you want." His voice was hoarse, but he wasn't sure why. He hadn't started crying.

It couldn't be said the same for Steve. He'd dropped his head into his hands, and he couldn't fucking comprehend why this wouldn't get through Bucky's head. "But I love you," he sobbed out, feeling the wetness in his hands and then feeling it drip down his forearm. "I love you so much and you can't see that because I'm obviously doing something wrong." Oh god, two people in self loathing mind states, this was going to end very badly. "You /are/ enough-- fuck--" he sniffed, but was shaking his head. "More than I ever deserved.

Bucky wished he had the guts to break up, to tell him over and over that he deserved better and to make him actually believe it. Bucky wished he was selfless enough to let Steve be happy. Of course, Bucky was a selfish coward and Steve just couldn't see it. "You're not doing anything wrong." Bucky said numbly. "I gotta... I gotta shower, Steve." Bucky said. His come was all stuck to him and starting to get itchy, and he was drenched in cold sweat, some fresh and some from earlier.

Steve was sobbing now and he was curling onto his side, legs pulled up to his chest and he was trembling and crying like he was drunk all over again. He loved Bucky, he loved him so much and yet there was nothing he could do to make Bucky love him back like that. Because Bucky doubted himself so much there was no way he would be ever able to see Steve's love. "You gotta marry me," he said quietly, hopefully mostly to himself. "I gotta give you everything just so you can see how much I love you." He was batting his hand to the air though, telling Bucky to go, go have his shower and leave Steve to wallow in a hatred that wasn't his own.

Steve must have been delusional or something. Maybe he was just messing with Bucky, too- it didn't seem like Steve's thing, to make something up like that, but Bucky couldn't think of many other explanations. "I don't want you to do that to yourself." Bucky said. "You don't want to be stuck with me like that." Bucky said, even if the thought of marrying Steve was probably the most beautiful one he'd ever had.

Steve shook his head into the bedding. He did want to be stuck with Steve like that, god, he loved Bucky so much to take his name sounded like heaven. "I do," he responded a little loudly, pun not intended. "I want to be yours forever Bucky even if you can't see it."

"Tell me this isn't a formal wedding proposal." Bucky said after a second, doing his best to sound like he was cracking a joke but it was pretty pathetic. He wanted the conversation over. He didn't want to talk marriage right then, especially.

Steve took in a huge gulp of breath, and he forced himself to sit up, wiping at his red rimmed eyes and pulling his knees to his chest, not looking at the brunet. "As if you'd say yes if it was," Steve said a little bitterly, looking at the wall instead and blinking very quickly.

Bucky was very, very upset. He didn't like Steve throwing things in his face like this, but he wasn't going to bitch about it and give Steve another reason to leave him. "I'm sorry." He said instead. He felt dirty, still lying there naked where Steve had fucked him. Steve was talking like there wasn't any love in it, and it was hurting just as much as Bucky supposed Steve wanted it to. He deserved it, and the irony was almost funny. The shame that would have gotten him off half an hour ago was becoming an actual punishment.

Steve sniffed and stood quickly, finding that hoodie and pulling it over his bare chest, frantically finding some pants that had been shrewd on the floor, god, there was come flaking off his chest and he could feel it, but he found his own jeans and tugged them on too. "You're /sorry/," he snapped, doing up the buttons and zip after three times. He brushed down his clothing and looked at Bucky with such an expression of hurt that the way his hands were digging into his thighs seemed to pain him more. He was trembling, he was shaking and he looked frazzled. This was what he needed to avoid, but his heart was aching and Bucky wouldn't marry him. "I'm going for a walk, somewhere, I don't know, but please--" his voice hitched a little, "/please/, I'm coming back. I just need you here when I come back." He was breathing in huge huffs, eyes wide and wet once more. "Promise me you'll be here when I get back."

Bucky wished he could just throw himself out a window instead. "Yeah. Okay." Bucky said, but it wasn't. Bucky still couldn't look at him. He could already hear Steve's disappointment in his voice. He didn't need to see it. He really, really didn't want to be there. Steve was getting dressed and leaving. He wasn't gonna be back, Bucky knew better than that. His stomach lurched when he considered that Steve might go out and find someone else just like Bucky had been afraid of.

"Say it," Steve said immediately, roughly wiping a tear away because never had he hurt this much surely this was what being ripped apart from the inside out felt like. "Say that you promise you'll be here."

Bucky turned onto his side, body facing away from Steve. The come on his stomach wasn't quite dry enough not to stick to stuff, but he didn't care. When Steve told him to 'say it', Bucky had thought that Steve wanted him to say goodbye. He didn't know which was worse. "I promise I'll be here." He said.

Steve bit his bottom lip, and nodded, sniffing again and walking forward on silent feet to kiss Bucky's neck softly, fleeting, as he murmured, "I love you." He traced his fingers down Bucky's side, he needed to, and then he was finding his slippers and leaving the room, wiping his eyes and and his hands through his hair. He made sure the oven was off, swallowing sobs as he quietly left the dorm and he wasn't really sure if he was going left or right, he just needed to get outside and get a little bit of air. He would have called Sam, but that probably would've made him feel guilty. He was going to get five minutes of air and he'd be back. Back to promising Bucky that he loved him and only him, in an exhausting cycle that he would endure for however long Bucky would make him. Because Steve loved Bucky for him, all this crap and all. Steve shoved his hands in his pockets, head down, and scowled at the floor like it was the one making him feel like this.


	32. Chapter 32

Bucky got up after a few minutes, only to clean off the stuff on his stomach so he could wear the shirt Steve had neglected to put on in favor of a hoodie. He pulled it over his head and lay back down right where he'd been before, smelling the fabric. Steve would make him take it off when he got back, probably, but that was okay. He missed Steve, even in the short absence, and he knew he wouldn't be able to get over that sort of irrational need for Steve's presence before he was gone for good. Why was he like this? Why did he make Steve so tired?

The walking did him good, and the cool air made Steve scratch at his eyes and sniff and nearly start sobbing into his hands, but instead he just watched the grass flitter in the breeze, breathing slowly as he balanced his hands under his chin. Bucky was tiring when he got like this, and Steve was pretty sure they could be shy of saying their vows and Bucky would still be asking if Steve loved him. That made a small smile curl Steve's lips. Well, yeah, he did, and that very thought had him making his way back. If constantly tired was the way he had to be in order to love Bucky, that's what he would be and he'd be happy doing it. So he got back to the dorm, and opened the door almost silently. His skin was itchy now with dry release, but he didn't mind as he tottered around the main room for a few moments, straightening Bucky's things up like he normally did for him, before licking his bottom lip. He went to the bedroom and leaned on the door frame, looking Bucky over slowly, smiling softly. "You stayed," he said, looking immensely relieved. Because he'd been getting the vibe that Bucky would go as soon as he could, put space between them. Bucky had stayed. Thank god.

Steve sounded like he was in a much better mood, and for that much, Bucky was grateful. It just sucked that he'd cheered up by being away from Bucky. Bucky was relatively more centered, but more in the sense that he'd officially acknowledged that it'd be over between them pretty soon if Bucky didn't step up and make Steve happier. He'd try to do that. "I promised." Bucky said. Maybe he'd wait to look at Steve until they were having their Serious Talk.

Steve walked forward slowly, and he crawled across the bed without speaking, and in a way that was very opposite to how they normally cuddled, he curled into Bucky's side, knees pressed to Bucky's hip as he slid an arm around Bucky's abdomen, his head tucked under Bucky's arm. He swallowed, burying his nose into Bucky's chest and tried to make himself small, not as large and godlike as Bucky made him out to be. "I'm sorry," he said after a moment of nearly tense silence. 

"So am I." Bucky said, wondering what kind of stuff would make Steve happy. "I love you." Bucky told him. His heart was racing, but not for the usual reasons. He was just anxious. "I love you a lot." He said again, and put his hand over the arm that Steve had wrapped around him.

Steve hummed and pressed a kiss to his own shirt, wrapping a leg around Bucky's upper thigh. "I love you too," he said, and his voice had never been this honest. "I didn't mean to yell at you," he added after a moment. He remembered it, and he felt awful, the way Bucky had shut him off entirely, and it had hurt but Steve shouldn't have let the whole thing get to him. Next time Bucky started doubting him, Steve would just have to kiss the worries away. That would be the new game plan. "I didn't mean to get upset."

"It's okay." Bucky said, still feeling kind of uncomfortable with all the intimacy after Bucky had been internally compartmentalizing everything. "I'm sorry I can't open up." Bucky said. "At least not about the right stuff." Bucky elaborated.

"It's okay," Steve said too, and his fingertips were trailing over Bucky's hip, over the fabric, a small rhythm. "I love you," he said again, curling up just a little bit more. "Love you more than I'll ever love anything in my entire life, probably." He laughed a little bit at himself, stifled and self deprecating. "You got me like a lovesick pup Bucky, ever think you'd be able to do that?"  
"I love you. Like, I love you a lot." Bucky said, finally looking at the top of Steve's head, which faced him. It wasn't Steve's face, but it was a start. "And I would want to marry you. Just... Not like that. I didn't want you to say it then because it wasn't- it obviously wasn't a good time because we weren't happy then."

Steve nodded slowly, gaze fixed on his fingers. "And maybe we should wait until we're out of college," he said with a little smile. "I still have a year and a bit, so... We just gotta keep on truckin' until then okay?" He asked, tilting his head up just a little bit until he could see Bucky's chin. "A year and a bit and I'll give you a ring. Unless you want to wait longer," he tacked on quickly.

Bucky took Steve's hand. "One of us has to propose." Bucky said. "It can't just be, 'oh, we decided in college. That's all.'" Bucky said. "We can't not have a proposal story."

Steve nodded. "Right. We can't just have a boring story. So I have a few months to think of a way to surprise the socks offa you, and then we'll have the best proposal story in all the land." He grinned, pulling back enough now to look at Bucky's face. "What's your opinion on flash mobs?"

Bucky was lightening up, even if just a little. "No opinion." Bucky said, melting a little under Steve's gaze now that they were actually looking at each other. "Anything you pick will be perfect."

Steve blushed just a little at that, and he was even happier than he had been when he'd got home now that Bucky was complimenting him and making him feel loved again. "I pick you," he said with a growing grin, pleased that he'd thought of that reply so quickly. "That makes you perfect."

"Shut up. I love you." He said, poking Steve on the nose. That comment did help. He was feeling a lot warmer, too, with Steve all wrapped around him like that. It was hard to be unhappy. "That was really adorable, though. I might vomit."

"Should I go get the pizza, because I can get you even more cheese," he said, straight teeth glimmering and he shuffled up the bed now as he kept himself propped up on his elbow. "I could do this all day baby, you want a pizza that?" 

"You're disgusting." Bucky said, but he was beaming. "I love you." He pressed a kiss to Steve's lips, lifting his upper body with some effort. "But pizza's a good idea." Bucky said.  
"Pizza is always a great idea especially if you need to eat healthy," Steve joked then, sliding an arm under Bucky's upper body to support and help hold him up. "I love you," he said for what felt like the millionth time, but he didn't mind saying it again.

"Pizza is always a great idea especially if you need to eat healthy," Steve joked then, sliding an arm under Bucky's upper body to support and help hold him up. "I love you," he said for what felt like the millionth time, but he didn't mind saying it again.

"Yeah, Stark is gonna kill me. I've corrupted you, now all you do is cheat your diet." Bucky said, sitting up with Steve's help. "Let's eat, okay? I'm starving." Bucky said.

"I just exercise more," Steve pointed out, and he looked down to Bucky's thighs and chuckled, only just now realizing that he wasn't wearing very much other than his shirt. "Get some pants on you nudist," he drawled, swinging his legs off the bed, stretching upwards and curling his face up just slightly as the release on his chest flaked off even more under his shirt.

"Rude." Bucky said, getting out of bed and putting on his boxers. He'd have worn briefs (they made his butt look a lot better), but his whole crotch area was still sensitive and he didn't want to put anything super restrictive over it. "What's the face for?" He asked when he saw his boyfriend's grimace.

"I'm still covered in your jizz," Steve said casually, standing up and twisting his ankles in such a way that they clicked loudly. "Like this jacket is going to be covered in white little flaky bits of your unborn babies Buck." He grinned hugely, leaving the bedroom looking very amused at his own joke.

"That's disgusting. Please never say that again." Bucky called after him, shaking his head at Steve. He followed Steve out after putting pajama pants on, because he was a little cold from sweating and everything.

Steve was bent over, looking at the pizza in the oven and quickly deciding that it was too cold to actually eat. So he pulled it out and set some slices on a plate so he could microwave them. "It's not disgusting Buck," he said with a cheeky grin. "It's what's happening, why my stomach is actually so /itchy/, but I'm not letting myself scratch it so we don't get jizz dandruff over everything."

"Just go wash up. It'll take two seconds." Bucky said, bumping him. "Go do it in the bathroom, though. I don't want it by the food." Bucky warned him. "What was the point of turning the oven on if you're not gonna use it?"

"I was trying to stop this from happening. I didn't want to cook them more though, just keep them warm." Steve shrugged, putting the plate in and watching it go around and around, making no move to go wash up just yet. "Though microwaved pizza isn't always all bad."  
"It's pretty bad." Bucky disagreed, but he kissed Steve's cheek. "But I guess I'll eat it anyway, baby." Bucky said, sitting up on the counter. "Wash up so I can take your shirt off."

Steve swatted Bucky's leg, but let him take control of the meal. "Counter top is for food, not your ass," he said with a small chuckle. He disappeared into the bathroom, tugging the hoodie off so he could start wiping off what was still around. He looked at himself in the mirror, looking very pleased with himself. He and Bucky had got over that obstacle, and that meant they could go through it again, and deal with it better. 

"I'll do what I want." Bucky said before Steve left, then hopped down from the counter and waited for the microwave to finish heating up the pizza and took it out. He filled some glasses with water, waiting on his return.

Steve put the hoodie in the laundry, and left it off, walking into the lounge with the cloth hanging over his shoulder. He stopped to lean on the doorframe, smiling at the brunet. "Miss me too much sugar?" He asked, putting an arm above his head and sliding down just a little and fluttering his eyelashes.

"Absolutely." Bucky said, chuckling and watching Steve. "Come get some food, handsome." Bucky said, gesturing for him to come over. It was pretty annoying, looking at how incredibly gorgeous Steve was even when he was being an idiot.

Steve twisted the towel into a tight little rope and he whacked Bucky just lightly with it before chucking it into the sink. His pants were hanging low on his hips, and he felt a lot better now that he wasn't all itchy. "Not as handsome as you," he cooed, going to the table and picking up a slice of pizza and taking a big bite.

Bucky got off the counter. "You're so beautiful, you asshole." Bucky said, watching him eat his pizza. He got his own slice of pizza and took a bite still watching Steve. It was unfair how cute he was.

"Why do you abuse me," Steve said with a little pout, stuffing more pizza dramatically until his cheeks were puffing out. "'M jus' doin' my bes'," he said, words all muffled as he covered his mouth now to stop himself from laughing it everywhere.

He chewed and swallowed. "You're gross, oh my god." Bucky said, but he was laughing and grinning. He kissed Steve's puffed-out cheek and then took another bite of his own pizza.

Steve laughed, and he chewed hurriedly so he didn't have to keep trying to keep it in his mouth. When his mouth was clear he leaned in quick to press a greasy cheese kiss to Bucky's cheek, and his eyes were alight with humor. "Why do you date a gross person?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious but the playfulness in his gaze was forefront and sparkling.

"Because you have some okay qualities that KIND OF outweigh your grossness." He teased after he'd swallowed his pizza. "I love you like, a lot. Your grossness complements my non-grossness." He said cheekily.

"/Your/ non-grossness?" Steve asked, actually looking incredulous and incredibly amused. "Bucky Barnes, you are the most gross person I have ever met. Probably... More gross than me. So you can't say shit."

"Rude." Bucky scoffed at him, and took another bite of pizza to punctuate the statement. "I love you." Bucky said through a mouthful of pizza, just to make a joke.

Steve reached out to grab Bucky behind the head, and he kissed him full and entirely, pizza and all, holding his own slice off to the side. "I love you too," he grinned, wiping a crumb or two off his lips now that he'd pulled away. If Bucky thought he could be more gross than Steve he had another thing coming.

"That's really disgusting." Bucky said, once again with his mouth full. "Please, PLEASE don't do that again." Bucky wasn't THAT bothered by it, but it wasn't really a turn-on or anything, either. Pizza kisses were his new least favorite.

Steve ducked in quickly as if he were about to do it again, but pulled back before he connected lips with the brunet and laughed. "You're so cute," he chuckled, leaning right across the table to get a new slice, stretching out his bare torso and making all the muscles flex.

Bucky was staring, but he didn't feel too bad about it. "Oh, for fuck's sake, your body is gorgeous. I need to start working out with you more often." Bucky said, sighing.

"You're just pissy because the last time you worked out with me, for most of the time you were getting your ass handed to you," Steve retorted, though he looked very pleased with the compliment. "Maybe you should start coming for my six am runs. They're good to help get you in shape." To punctuate that sentence he took a big bite of his pizza, trailing an index finger down his sternum and not breaking eye contact with the brunet.

"If I recall correctly, running wasn't really your forte." Bucky said cheekily. "Maybe I could give YOU lessons on that one." Bucky told him. Sure, Steve probably had more stamina than Bucky did, but their run at the gym had been proof enough in Bucky's book that there was at least one thing Bucky could do as well as Steve could.

Steve hurriedly finished his mouthful so he could defend himself. "I was too busy looking at you, and I almost said I love you when I tripped over myself. /You/ distracted me asshole. If we rematched, no communication allowed, a steady increase in pace. I would win. No doubt." Steve was the gym king. He'd always been the gym king. He wouldn't let some rookie dethrone him. Unless of course... It was Bucky. "I'm joking. Please, teach me Bucky. Come with me on runs and teach me."

"I'm not coming on runs with you. 6 in the morning is just too early." Bucky said, shaking his head. "However, I will let you try to teach me how to lift weights and get ripped." Bucky said.  
Steve set down his half slice easily, and he looked very sly in that moment. "Want me to show you?" He asked, sliding off the edge of the table and taking a slow step towards Bucky, looking playfully predatory.

"Show me what?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow at him and putting his half-eaten pizza down on the table.

"How to lift," Steve said slowly, another step towards Bucky closing the space between them a little. "I could show you how to lift right now."

Bucky looked at him suspiciously. "What're you talking about?" Bucky asked him, narrowing his eyes and leaning back from him, watching his expression.

With that Steve lunged forward, the space between them small enough for him to catch Bucky around the waist, and he was laughing and grinning, picking Bucky up an heaving him onto his shoulder, very aware of what was around him so he didn't whack his boyfriends head. Supporting Bucky's legs, and grunting just a little at the hold, and did one squat. "It's all about tension in the abdomen. You don't have that base, that support, it won't help." He turned his head a little to relay this to the man over his shoulder, and Steve was flushing and looked very pleased with his own actions.

"I hate you!" Bucky exclaimed, cackling as Steve lifted him and trying to hold onto Steve somehow. "This is terrible. You're terrible." Bucky said, but he was still laughing.

Steve did another squat, bringing one hand up to squeeze Bucky's ass like that would help him stay in one spot. He'd have to put him down if he didn't want to hurt the brunets belly on his shoulder. "You hear me Buck? I'm trying to teach you! What do you need?" He asked, doing another squat and exaggerating a grunt.

Bucky let out a surprised noise when Steve pinched his butt. "Oh my god, cut it out!" Bucky exclaimed, starting to kick the air. "You're horrible." Bucky said, still laughing between breaths.

Steve pinched Bucky's butt again, laughing at the noise and trying to keep serious. He was still trying to squat, but it was hard to do if he was laughing and carrying a wriggling boyfriend at the same time. "Tension, you need tension.... Where?" He asked, grinning so hard it hurt his cheeks a little.

"Abdomen! Let me down!" Bucky said, squirming in his grip even more. "Please!" Bucky said, laughing louder and harder. 

Steve did, almost as soon as the full answer was uttered, and he kept his arms around Bucky's waist and hugged him close, kissing the brunet's flushed cheeks and laughing too, squeezing him tight and brushing his hair off his face. "Corrrrect!" He said, pulling away and still smiling. "See, that wasn't so hard to learn, was it?"

"You're disgusting and evil." Bucky said, poking his stomach. He still had a dumb grin on his face, and his eyes were bright. "I love you anyway." Bucky said, and pressed a kiss to Steve's mouth instead.

Steve jerked away from the poke at the stomach back leaned back into the kiss as much as his could. His hair was sticking every which way and he was grinning, going back to the table for pizza, and watching Bucky with such a happy look in his eye. "I love you so much," he said very seriously around his smile. God. He'd never loved anyone as much as he loved Bucky. It was almost an unusual feeling.

It felt weirdly natural for Bucky, like this was exactly where he was supposed to be and who he was supposed to be with and how he was supposed to feel. "I love you too, even though your hair looks pretty dumb right now." Bucky said. "In a hot way." Bucky added after a second, in case Steve decided to try and fix it.

"Pretty dumb in a hot way," Steve repeated, biting into he pizza and gesturing to all of Bucky. "If you look up that in a dictionary did you know there's a picture of you underneath it?" He asked, chewing leisurely and still grinning.

"Okay, don't be an ass about it." Bucky said, rolling his eyes. "Isn't that supposed to be cute or something? Me forgetting how to speak English because I'm so damned attracted to you?"

"It's kinda dumb but in a hot way," Steve replied, tilting his head and squinting just a little. He really should've put on a shirt, but he liked the way Bucky's gaze kept dragging over him, he really liked it.. He liked Bucky appreciating him. So he just left it. "Like... It's hot. But dumb."

"I hate you and we're not speaking to each other anymore." Bucky said, taking his pizza back off the table and taking a big bite of it to accentuate that he wasn't talking to Bucky since he technically couldn't.

"I mean, I could talk to you, so..." Steve licked his lower lip and sidled up right next to Bucky's side. "And you were just saying you loved me so what's really the truth," he asked, rolling his body up against the brunet's side and touching his knee just lightly.

Bucky pushed him off without looking at him, keeping himself focused on his pizza. He still hadn't finished his first piece, so there was a lot more to be eaten. He chewed and swallowed, and acted like he couldn't hear Steve. He took a seat at the table.

Steve followed after him like a lovesick puppy. He sat right in front of him, and he pouted. "Bucky, were you lying to me? Do you really love me baby?" He asked, stretching himself across the table, and he arched his back a little. "Do you love this?"

Bucky kept it up, taking a big bite at his pizza crust, which was a little harder than he'd have liked, but he ate it anyway, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling and avoiding looking at him.  
Steve sighed wistfully, and he was tensing his muscles and still sighing and stretching out in front of Bucky like getting his attention. He didn't want to say anything that might make it awkward or tense. "I suppose whenever I jerk off in the shower I'll have to think about you like you still loved me," he said, sniffing dramatically and wiping at his eyes.

Bucky cracked a grin, but still didn't look at him. It was difficult, because he was sure that Steve was making a point to look especially hot to try and get his attention. Bucky wouldn't let him. He'd own it.

Steve finished his pizza quickly, and started dragging his hand down his front, looking very much like a stripper as he traced the inside of his thigh and arching his hips a little. "Bucky, c'mon, loooook," he cooed, fluttering his eyelashes. "I'm all yours baby, look at what's yours."

Bucky shook his head hastily, officially acknowledging him but not looking down. He could manage. He could keep it up. He could do this all day. Okay, maybe not all day.

That's when Steve let out an entirely /sinful/ moan, watching Bucky's face as he grabbed his crotch. "Bucky," he breathed, rolling his hips forward and biting his bottom lip. He was prepared to play dirty to win this game. He bent on knee and propped it, moaning lowly and breathily now.  
"Baby, Buck, look at me sugar, please."

"I'm stronger than that." Bucky told him, chewing the inside of his cheek. "Give it up." Bucky said, though he was definitely breaking down. His goal was now just to get Steve to stop before he did.

Steve laughed, and it was light and almost like crystal, breaking his illusion of intense seduction. "You'll never take me alive," he said, and he was slowly scooting forward to be right on the edge of the table. He had his head propped up on his elbow. "C'mon, just look, then I'll stop. Look at what's all yours."

"No." Bucky closed his eyes, insistent. There was absolutely no way in hell that he was going to snap, especially not this far in. "I'm not gonna break. You can't make me." Bucky put his hands in his lap, wringing his wrists.

Steve grinned, and he gripped his crotch again, looking absolutely wicked. "I'm getting hard for you Buck, and you're just gonna sit there?" He lied. He could, because Bucky was being a shit and shitting his eyes. "I'm right in front of you workin' myself to hardness and you won't even look at me?"

"No, /cut it out/." Bucky said, heart pounding and cock twitching in his pants. "You're an evil bastard." Bucky had lost s lot of willpower, admittedly. He was seconds from cracking.

Steve sighed and flopped onto the table. Rolling away from him and trying to make sure not to roll in anything. "You're an asshole, fuck you," he snapped jokingly, setting his feet to go get a shirt on because Bucky didn't appreciate him enough. "Fuck you Barnes."

Bucky opened his eyes, then and grinned. "I love you. You're beautiful." Bucky said, getting up and grinning at him. He caught Steve's wrist to keep him from leaving.

Steve stopped and rolled his eyes, turning his head and looking away like he was offended. "I was groping myself for you and all I got was you being an ass," he said, pouting out his bottom lip.

Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve's waist. "What can I do to make up for it, beautiful?" Bucky asked him, resting his free hand on Steve's lower abdomen. "You're gorgeous, and I'm obviously lucky to have you, you big dork." Bucky told him.

"You're too stubborn," Steve grumbled, head still turned away, but he was trying not to smile. "I was acting like a wanton whore and you wouldn't even look at me." He made his bottom lip tremble, crossing his arms over his chest.

Bucky ran his hand a little lower, fingers slipping under the waistband of Steve's jeans. "I know. I know, Stevie. I'll make it up to you." Bucky said. He knew that there wasn't actually anything to make up for, really, but he liked the game.

Steve arched an eyebrow, and didn't pull away at all. "You gonna jerk me off? You think that'll be enough?" He asked, looking down his nose to the brunet. "You /really/ think a hand job will be enough?"

Bucky rolled his eyes at him. He barely liked hand jobs himself. He didn't know why Steve thought he was stupid enough to use that as a forgiveness scheme. "No." Bucky told him simply, then unzipped Steve's fly and undid the button. He tugged Steve's boxers down, having to remove his hand from Steve's hip to do so. He lowered himself to his knees.

Steve was grinning, and he expectantly slid his fingers into Bucky's hair, moving backwards to plop his butt on the edge of the table. He was a little bit flushed, he was very ready for this, and tugged just a little, leaning his head back already and relaxing entirely. "Alright... Apology accepted."


	33. Chapter 33

******************

Before Steve, there had been a lot of others. Most of those others had been really horrible experiences, seeing as Bucky was pretty easy to manipulate and got taken advantage of frequently throughout his porn years and even in high school. Because of that, he spent a lot of time with a a lot of shitty guys that weren't exactly worth it. Seeing as that range of these guys was pretty broad and the school wasn't /actually/ big enough to make Bucky completely invisible, Bucky was bound to run into one of them- he just didn't expect it to be so inopportune.

Bucky and Steve had been having coffee and stressing over finals when it happened. Brock Rumlow walked right up to their table and greeted them. "Fancy seeing you here, Bucky. Is this your new fuck buddy?" Brock asked in a falsely positive tone.

Steve was stirring his coffee, running his hand through his hair and trying not to think about the portfolio he had to submit. It was funny, he'd managed to settle on a topic, and it was features of love.... And he'd chosen Bucky. It was lucky he loved to look at Bucky as much as loved to love him. He had memorised his features almost, after having to stare at immortalised versions of them... But it was good. It didn't look bad. He was just taking a sip, when the new guy came up, and Steve raised his eyebrows, flicking his gaze between them, settling on Bucky more often. An douchebag ex? Steve wasn't sure. 

"Hi, Brock. It's terrific to see you." Bucky said stiffly, clearly not all that thrilled to be in Brock's presence. "Actually, this is my boyfriend, Steve. Steve, this is Brock."

Brock offered a hand for Steve to shake. "Hi. I'm sure Bucky's told you all about me." He said, mostly trying to figure out if Steve /did/ know anything than actually assuming he had a clue.

"I haven't, actually." Bucky muttered, rubbing his eyes. This was going to go downhill, Bucky could tell.

Steve lowered his mug carefully, and took Brock's hand, holding it firmly and meeting those dark eyes with an open and pleasant expression. He could feel the tension the guy was trying to build, but Steve didn't want to play into it, smiling pleasantly and dropping the handshake before the guy could break it. He seemed older, and Steve looked at Bucky, still a little confused. "No, it must've just slipped his mind. We haven't been dating long," he lied smoothly, trying to keep the situation calm.

"Huh. Well, Bucky and I didn't last long, either- probably because he was a little bit of a slut and all." Brock said. "How many movies were you in again, sweetheart?" Brock asked.

Bucky sipped his coffee, reduced to silence. He didn't like running into exes.

"That many, huh?" Brock turned his head back to Steve. "But I'm sure you knew about his porn star days. It's really the only reason anybody bothers with him, am I right?"

Bucky wanted to strangle Brock. He bumped Steve's foot with his own, mostly just to remind himself that Steve was still there.

Steve licked his lower lip and narrowed his eyes just slightly, nudging Bucky's foot right back. "I was in them with him, and I don't think it's really something to shame him for because it was the source of a living," Steve said a little tightly, letting himself seem as uninviting as possible without seeming rude. "Are you calling me a slut too?" He asked with a little, tight laugh.

Brock shrugged. "If the shoe fits." Brock was unfazed- Bucky had dated plenty of porn stars, anyway. He looked Bucky over, as if looking for his next insult properly. "Is that how you met? Porn?"

"No. We were neighbors." Bucky said, feeling very stressed about this whole thing.

Brock tsked, looking to Steve again. "What are you waiting around for? What's the point?"

Steve looked up to Brock and smiled more brightly then he had at any point that day. "Turns out I actually love him. So... I just stick around because he's pretty and makes me laugh sometimes. Did you not really have such a good relationship because you're an asshole or more because you just don't respect him?" His tone was still polite and calm, but his eyebrows were raised a little challenging. What right did this guy have to come walking in on a date when he and Bucky obviously wasn't comfortable, and he had no purpose here.

Brock smirked, but he was a little bit at a loss. "Actually, it was because he's a cheap whore that isn't worth the time of day. Maybe you should join a non-profit or something if you're so in love with charity cases."

"Brock, could you just go?" Bucky asked, but it wasn't with a lot of conviction.

Steve was still smiling but now it was slightly venomous. He leaned forward on his hands and fluttered his eyelashes. "Maybe if you treated him like he was worth more you'd see he's actually way out of your league. Obviously not, because you're hanging around like a bad smell and you obviously can't see we don't want you around." He had put his foot on top of Bucky's, to ground him a little, and he actually looked like he was bristling just a bit. Bucky was the best thing to ever happen to him, so Brock was probably just blond.

"That so? Because last time I checked, Bucky's a pretty self-aware kind of guy. I think he knows what he's worth just as well as anyone. Which is to say he knows he's shit." Brock said clearly to Steve.

Steve looked up and his eyes flashed just a little. "Are you still talking? Because really it's just an annoying droning noise that doesn't mean anything to me."

"Maybe we should go outside, where you can hear me better." Brock said, finally starting to look riled up.

"No, I think we're good in here." Bucky said hastily.

Steve raised an eyebrow. "You're really going to make a fuss? You're really that pissed that Bucky has got a boyfriend who is so much better than you? That's a little petty man maybe you should just... Fuck off."

"If you're so tough, why won't you take it outside?" Brock asked him.

"Brock, give it /up/." Bucky said, getting visibly more angry and upset.

"You're a fucking child," Steve said, looking back to his coffee and taking a casual sip of it. He reached across the table to take Bucky's hand, smiling tightly at him. God, he could take this guy... But Bucky didn't want it to happen. So he wouldn't.

"Then you wouldn't have any trouble." Brock said coolly.

Bucky just looked very unhappy and very annoyed, but he squeezed Steve's hand a little, attempting to be reassuring.

Steve looked at Bucky almost pleadingly. To put the guy down a few notches, to just... Make him see that it would probably be a bad idea to mess with Bucky and him again. He was just rubbing him entirely the wrong way. 

Bucky took a breath, then let go of Steve's hand and stood, getting both their drinks. "Alright, tiger." Bucky muttered.

Brock smirked. "Then let's go."

Steve stood slowly, leisurely, and he had more than a few inches on the guy, and he was a lot wider. He tilted his head slightly, and stretched. "Away from the cafe. I don't want anyone getting scared for you." He smiled reassuringly at Bucky. This was animalistic, and nothing like Steve would normally act, but this Brock guy had no right doing this to Bucky. He needed to do this, technically.

Bucky stood on his toes to whisper in Steve's ear, "Don't you dare get hurt." Bucky was getting actually more stressed, even though he knew logically that Steve was pretty much the strongest guy in the world and that the likelihood of Steve getting hurt in a fair fight was slim to none. He was just scared that Brock wouldn't fight fair.

Steve kissed Bucky's temple, and was clenching his fists just a little. Luckily there was an alleyway just around the corner, and that's where Brock lead them. He took a slow breath. It had been a while since he'd had a fight like this, but he was pretty sure he'd still had the technique. He cracked his knuckles and sighed. Get this over and done with.

Brock led them out and into the alley. Bucky stood against the wall, still clutching both their coffees. This was really fucking stupid, Bucky decided, and he wouldn't let it happen again.

Steve looked at the other brunet, and he put his hands up. "C'mon then asshole, let's see what you got," he taunted, bouncing on the balls of his feet. All the punching of the punching bag would hopefully help. His heart was thudding in his chest, and some part of him-- the more base instinct, just wanted to impress his partner. "Swing first asshole give it a go."

Brock swung first, shooting for the jaw and protecting his face with his free hand. Bucky had to look away, in case Brock landed the punch. He shouldn't have let Steve start it. He should've just said that it was stupid and that there was no use in continuing it

The jab was fast, what was for sure, but Steve ducked down easily, and instead of jabbing back to the face, and lunged forward to kick out with his leg, connecting square with the others knee, and he leaped back, flicking his hair out of his face as he darted forward to connect a quick punch to Brock's temple. "Seriously dude, give it up," he said as he stepped back, not even looking very breathless.

Brock's knee bent weird, and his the punch to his head had disoriented him. He didn't seem to really hear Steve. He kicked using his hurt leg, so that his good leg would keep his balance.

Bucky looked, then, because Steve had sounded pretty confident. Brock landed the kick in Steve's calf and Bucky audibly gasped.

The kick to his calf had Steve stumbling forward, but he used that momentum to slam his palm into Brock's stomach, trying to wind him as he grabbed the other brunet behind his neck and throwing him to the side and trying to get some space between them.

While Brock was on the ground, he reached into his jeans and pulled out his pocketknife, flicking it open and getting back to his feet. Bucky almost had a fucking heart attack.

"Put that away! What the fuck?!" Bucky exclaimed, whole body tensing. The stakes had risen. He had to do something.

Steve's eyes went wide when he saw the flash of metal, and he took a few skittering steps backwards. "Holy fuck, you psycho," he said, making sure to be circling now, on the defensive rather than the alternative. "You hate Bucky so much yet you're willing to fight dirty for him? Make up your fucking mind."

"What's the matter, tough guy? Scared?" Brock asked, taking a few steps toward him. "Grow a pair."

"Put the knife down, or I'm calling the cops." Bucky snapped at him.

"They'll think it was self defense. It's two against one." Brock reminded him.

"Does it look like I have a fucking knife on me you crazy?" Steve asked, and compensated for the steps towards him by going backwards more. "Put it down and we can see who's really the better fighter." Steve was still jumping on the balls of his feet, but his eyes were glued to the knife and every little movement it made. He didn't actually want to get stabbed.

Brock swung at Steve with the knife, aiming for his chest but only getting his arm when Steve turned away.

"PLEASE!" Bucky exclaimed, dropping the drinks and moving toward Brock to try and get the knife.

Steve felt the slight gash and swore, and he saw Bucky moving forward and that was desperation he didn't need. With stupidity and not really thinking it through, he could feel the blood dripping down his arm already and it was stinging like a right bitch, he lunged forward and tackled Brock around the middle, not stopping pushing him around the waist until the other brunet slammed against the alleyway wall, and he heard the crack of his head. Bucky couldn't get involved. He pulled back and cracked Brock in the jaw as he was stunned, then got him square in the nose once before hitting the knife out of his hands. That sliced Steve's hand open, across his palm, and then he punched Brock in the ribs. Each hit he landed jarred his bones and the cuts were aching, but Brock now had a split lip and blood nose and Steve was furious. He shoved Brock to the side, and he landed on the ground, and Steve very nearly kicked his ribs in. Instead, he took off his black jacket and wrapped it around his palm, which was worse, and spat a little bit of the guys blood from his mouth as he bent and picked up the knife. "I told you to step the fuck away," he said, stumbling back as the sharp pain was throbbing through his hand. The cut on his palm and his bicep were both right handed and... /Fuck/, that was his painting hand. Steve looked to Bucky, eyes wide. He wouldn't be able to paint properly. He pocketed he knife and his jacket was now slick with blood, it smelled so sharply too, and Steve was walking backwards away from the figure on the ground. "We need to go," Steve said tightly, breathing a lot quicker now and looking a few shades paler. 

Bucky was scared shitless by what Steve had just done. "We gotta call an ambulance or take him to a hospital or something." Bucky said, looking up to Steve. Fuck. "We can't just leave him."

Brock groaned from the ground beside them, and he looked like hell. Bucky didn't think he'd tell or anything, but he didn't like the odds of Brock having a concussion or something.

Steve looked at Bucky with a dumbstruck expression, and now the pain was lancing through and making it to his head. He grit his jaw. "Are you kidding? Please tell me you're kidding..."

"I'm not kidding, Steve. He could have a concussion or something. It's not like I want him to /die/." Bucky said, shaking his head at Steve. "Please. Let's just get him to the hospital." Bucky said.

He felt weirdly scared of Steve, after watching what he did to Brock.

"In what Buck? My /car/? I don't have a fucking car Bucky. He--" Steve stumbled backwards a little bit with a sudden head rush, and he swore under his breath to press his left hand to his forehead, and his left hand was bloody and now his face was. 

"It's not my fault you went too far." Bucky said. "I'll walk with him, support him and all." Bucky said, and crouched down to help Brock stand. He was clearing up some, thank god.

Steve looked at Bucky wide eyed, and he was leaning against the wall. "This isn't happening. He got out a /knife/ and you were going to /grab/ him. He wanted this. He fucking-- my hand is-- you--" he couldn't even think of what to say, too stunned by Bucky's reaction to even think.

"Look, you can stay behind. If he has a concussion or you made his brain bleed or something, he might die. I don't want you to have killed someone. Alright?" Bucky said.

Steve rolled his eyes, and he nearly spat 'it's not like it would be any great loss', but he kept his mouth shut and started trying to get his phone out. "I'll call an ambulance and tell them what happened. They can take care of it and stitch up my sliced open hand, you know, the one that was sliced open by his fucking knife." Steve sounded so bitter, and he couldn't even look at the brunet, neither of them. God, making it seem like it was Steve's fault. This wasn't his fault!

Bucky didn't like Steve snapping at him like this. On any day, it would make him upset, but on that day in particular, it made Bucky afraid. If he stepped out of line, Steve definitely had the capability to hurt Bucky. "I can walk him. It's cool." Bucky said.

"No," Steve said firmly, and he'd already pressed dial and was turning away completely so he didn't have to look at Bucky. Why did this feel so much like betrayal? He was speaking into the receiver and leaning his head against the alleyway wall, giving them the name of the cafe and directions to the alleyway. He neglected to say about his hand, because obviously that wasn't a problem for Bucky so maybe he just shouldn't talk about it... He grit his jaw. "He started the fight but I may have crossed the line. If you want to call the police I won't resist." And then he hung up and put his phone to his forehead and sighed. Fuck this. This was so stupid.


	34. Chapter 34

Bucky let Brock lean on him to stay upright. Bucky was keeping him awake, talking to him and asking him questions. His voice shook, probably because he was just as scared of Brock as he was of Steve.

Steve unwrapped his hand from his jumper to look at it, and he paled just from the sight of it. It was right deep into the muscle, and the blood was so thick and gluggy and Steve hated this right now. It was Brock's fault, not his. "The ambulance is coming," he said dryly, shaking just a little.

"Okay. Thank you." Bucky said, and kept talking to Brock. He'd need time alone after this mess. Claim that he needed to study more. Which he did, he guessed, but this was more about the fact that his boyfriend had beaten the shit out of his ex. He'd thought about the cut in Steve's hand, but it probably wasn't much next to a concussion and fractured ribs.

Steve couldn't wait for the ambulance. He didn't want to be around this anymore. Brock had started it, and now Bucky wouldn't look at him and almost looked scared of him. "I'm going back to the dorm. If police turn up pin it all on me like you want, I'm going to find Sam so he can patch up me hand," he said as he straightened up, still looking a little pale. "Have fun with your abusive boyfriend, Bucky."

Bucky frowned at him. Was Steve really gonna leave him alone with Brock? Bucky chewed the inside of his cheek. He hated how Steve was talking to him. It was biting and mean and nothing like the way Steve usually treated him. "I'll see you." Bucky said, wondering if Steve genuinely thought his motives for staying behind with Brock were romantic.

Steve did hesitate, and he shut his eyes for a second. "Or should I stay?" He asked, voice small, because... Well-- this was ridiculous and he didn't actually want to go. He was just slightly offended. "Because I should really be here to be charged for assault right?" That was a little bitter, but his annoyance was flickering with the throbbing pain through his arm.

"You can go. Brock already has a record, so they probably won't blame you." Bucky said. He didn't think he should be near Steve right then, not with the way he was talking. Steve sounded a lot like he was gonna snap, and Bucky didn't like his odds if that happened. Steve could break bones like toothpicks, and he'd learned from his time with Brock that he wasn't really any good at fighting back.

Steve nodded a little tightly. "I'll see you when you get home though right?" He asked, voice suddenly actually quite small. Bucky still wasn't looking at him, and... There was a thick feeling in his gut and he had no idea what Bucky was thinking. "At mine or yours?"

"Yours." That way he could leave if he needed to. If Steve decided to do something, his only chance would be getting out of there. He paused a second, wetting his lips. "I don't feel- I don't have any feelings for Brock." Bucky told Steve. It was probably too late- Steve already knew he was a slut and it wouldn't have been hard to believe. Fuck. Brock didn't even have to be conscious to get in Steve's head.

Steve nodded in confirmation about his place. That would be fine. He hesitated at the entrance of the alleyway, and frowned just a little. "Yeah, yeah Buck. I know. I've been-- I'm sorry." He said that quickly, and he offered a very frantic and nervous smile. "I'll see you, and I love you, you know that right?" 

Bucky nodded carefully and tried to smile. "I love you." Bucky said. Sometimes Brock did that- before he hurt Bucky or while he hurt Bucky he'd say he loved him. It was a lot easier to take whatever Brock was doing to him if he told himself that it was only because Brock loved him and wanted him to be a little better. He'd just never expected it from Steve. He woke Brock back up, lightly slapping his cheek a couple times.

Steve hesitantly walked away, and he felt crap and he was scrabbling for his phone before he passed someone who would freak out over the blood dropping from the towel. "Sam?" He asked as the line opened, and he quickly asked to be picked up because he would be stupid if he thought he could walk to the others dorm without someone asking him what had happened. He just wanted to be patched up and go home to see if he'd still be able to work on his portfolio with his injury.

Sam drove to the coffee shop and picked Steve up. "I brought my stitching stuff. We just need to pull in somewhere and we'll get you back to the dorm." Sam said. "What happened?" Sam asked, driving toward a place where he could actually park for a while.

Bucky was feeling very nervous about the possibility that Brock might be awake enough to do something to him, but he couldn't just let Brock pass out and go into a coma or something. The ambulance arrived after about twenty minutes, and Bucky had to go with it to the hospital. Not because there was some regulation or rule, it was just because Bucky wanted to make sure Brock didn't die or something.

Steve sighed, and shook his head, and only started talking when they'd pulled up somewhere. He told him all about the whole ordeal, how Brock just turned up, how Steve tightly defended himself, how Bucky was acting weird, and then he fell quiet. This was not the thing he wanted just before finals were due...

Sam listened while he cleaned up the cut and got his supplies ready after wiping his own hands with sterile solution.

At the hospital, Bucky was forced to wait in the lobby while Brock got cleaned up. It turned out that he had three broken ribs, a concussion, a broken nose, and a dislocated jaw. None of his ailments were fatal, but they were bad enough that he'd need help. Bucky went up to see for himself once Brock was allowed visitors.

Steve fixed his gaze on the dashboard, and he actually looked distraught for the first time when Sam said, "Maybe Bucky thinks you're going to hurt him." His eyes flicked up and he shook his head.   
"No, he wouldn't think that. I've never done anything to make it seem like it would. And it was to Brock who I did it to, not Bucky..." Sam clicked his tongue a bit, and pulled out the needle, piercing Steve's skin without preamble, and Steve was too focused on the conversation to even wince.   
"It was Brock who seemed like he abused him anyway... Not me..."

Bucky stood by Brock's bed. "I'm sorry, I didn't think he'd hurt you so much." Bucky said. "I thought he'd just throw a punch or two, I think he just got nervous when you-"

"Cut the shit, Bucky. I know you wanted me dead." Brock said, rolling his eyes. "You just didn't want to leave me halfway, because then I'd have told them what you tried to do." Brock knew that was bullshit. He just liked planting the thought in Bucky's head.   
"Unfortunately, you don't seem to know that I'm not the threat. He is."

"I know you'd never hurt him," Sam said firmly, going through the process quickly, and Steve was hurting enough already, and the thought that Bucky would think that about him. "But he's around a venomous person right now, and if it's bringing up memories how will you know what he's thinking?" Steve grit his jaw, and while he didn't move his right hand with his left he started texting Bucky. 

Brock alive? I'm getting patched up okay :P SR

Bucky got the message from Steve and had to pause before opening it, bracing himself for something awful. When he opened it, it was fine, though.

He's alive. Concussion, broken nose, three broken ribs, dislocated jaw. B  
Who fixed ur hand? B

"He's not a threat. He's only ever hurt me by accident." Bucky said. It was in the bedroom, anyway. That was something that sometimes hurt, even without trying.

"But how can you know it was an accident? How often do you fight?" Brock asked.

"I don't know. Sometimes." Bucky said, frowning. "But it's usually my fault. He doesn't start it."

"Of course it's your fault. That means the idea's already in his head, Bucky." Brock said, smirking.

Steve looked at the text with wide eyes, and he actually paled a few shades. He swallowed, and showed Sam, who whistled lowly. 

I never meant to hurt him that bad. I just didn't want him getting to you. Is he going to be okay? SR

Sam seemed to understand, and he leaned down to tie the stitching off, his hands were a little bloody and he wanted to look at Steve's bicep so he could clean it up. "Pretty nasty crap. Doesn't sound like a nice guy." Sam said casually.   
"Pretty sure he could be one of those guys to beat Bucky around. I'm not sure-- he hasn't really talked to me about past boyfriends."  
Sam was frowning. "He can come talk to me. I've been doing a paper on that kind of crap..."

Yeah. He's gonna be fine. B  
U didn't say who fixed ur hand? B

Bucky wet his lips and looked to Brock again. "He really loves me, Brock. He tells me all the time." Bucky said.

"Just because he's getting a good fuck out of you and you're fun to screw with doesn't mean he loves you." Brock told him.

"Will you please shut the fuck up?" Bucky said, clearly getting more upset, and closer to believing it.

Steve bit his lip. So Bucky could've been hit around by his partners. So... Beating Brock up really bad probably was the worst thing to do. Oh crap. 

Sam. He learned advanced first aid for fun. What a loser right? SR  
Tell Brock half sorry from me. I didn't mean to hurt him that bad and he started it. SR

Sam cleaned up Steve's bicep quickly. "Try and bring it up delicately. He won't want to talk about it, I don't think. And he's not gonna be in a good state."   
Steve looked troubled, and he nodded. "So I gotta... Be real small and quiet too. So he isn't scared..."

Tell Sam hi. B

Brock laughed. "Don't be such a cry baby."

"He really does love me." Bucky insisted, looking incredibly unhappy. He had to convince himself. "Please just shut up about it." Bucky said.

"It's because you know he doesn't. That he shouldn't. Because you're never gonna be good enough for him, are you?"

He says hi back. Did you tell Brock sorry? What did he say? SR

Sam had a lecture to go to after this, and he drove Steve back to the dorm now he was all patched up. Steve actually felt nauseous, he felt like he was worrying himself into sickness, but he promised to pay Sam back, and he also promised to get Bucky to him. He tidied up first, looked at the stitching and the gauze Sam put on for him, and sighed. This was a mess, and he just wanted Bucky back so he could apologize.

We're talking about some other stuff. I'll try to remember. B

"What is it gonna take for you to just fuck off?" Bucky asked.

"Nothing. You don't have to actively try to fuck things up with your boyfriend. That's pretty much the only thing you're great at." Brock said coolly. "If you want it to last, don't fuck up anymore. Every guy has a breaking point. You won't know what it is until you reach it."

"You're a piece of shit." Bucky told him.

"Takes one to know one." Brock scoffed. "At least I tell you the truth. But that's just because I'm the only one that's ever cared about you, even a little."

You should come back. He's gonna be okay, and I wanna seeee youuuu xx SR

Steve was laid on his bed, tempted to actually call Bucky. He had got his sketch book and picked up a pencil, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to try and draw in case he couldn't... He sent another text off, nerves shaking him a little.

Please come home. SR

The texts from Steve only made Bucky more nervous. He tried not to show that to Brock.

"I have to go. Steve says he's half sorry and that he didn't mean to hurt you so badly." Bucky told him.

"You look kinda shaken up." Brock said with false concern. "Good think you know where the hospital is."

Bucky left after that, hurrying back home so Steve wouldn't be angry with him. Fuck it all. He had to walk almost three miles back to the university and then up the stairs to Steve's dorm room. He was in full alert mode, trying to think of things in Steve's apartment he could defend himself with if he needed to.

Steve had the pencil to the paper but he wasn't pressing, eyes wide and breathing quick. If he couldn't finish his portfolio his entire years work would be wasted, and then he would have no way of finishing his degree because he had no way of paying for another year of study. He bit his bottom lip nervously... He wanted Bucky home to support him.. But he didn't want to seem demanding... Steve shut his eyes and swallowed thickly. 

Bucky knocked, even though he had a key. He didn't want to be intrusive or anything, he didn't want to make Steve angry at him. He wrung his wrists, swallowing. He couldn't fuck up. He couldn't. Brock was right, if he messed things up again then Steve could snap.

Steve looked up at the knock, and looked confused. He wasn't expecting guests. He quickly put the sketchbook and pencil down, and went to the door, opening it with a neutral expression that immediately was confused and relieved at the same time. "Buck," he said, relaxing even more being able to see the brunet. "Did you lose your key?" He asked, stepping out of the way and going back to the table, sitting down and immediately putting himself at a lower level.

"No, I just didn't know if I should just, like, walk in." Bucky said, wringing his wrists and staying outside the room for a couple of seconds before crossing the threshold. He closed the door behind him carefully so it wouldn't make much noise. "Is everything okay? You seemed urgent. When you texted me."

Steve looked at his open sketchbook for a moment before looking up to Bucky. God... This was a definite change in the brunet. He seemed so quiet and small. "Here's my wound, the one on my arm wasn’t that bad…" he said with a dry chuckle, as he held up his hand. "I don't know if I'll be able to draw and I was about to try... But I wanted you here in case I can't and I just break down crying." He picked up his pencil again and took a deep breath. He looked up to Bucky. "Should I try, or just wait?"

"You should try. You might get more stressed if you put it off for too long." Bucky wet his lips. "Can I help you at all? Get you something for pain? I can distract you if you need a break." Steve seemed fine, but he'd seemed fine when he was talking to Brock at first, too.

Steve was going to ask Bucky to come sit down, but Sam was talking in the back of his mind and he smiled a little nervously. This was all Bucky trying to placate him, and Steve didn't need placating. "It's okay. Just do whatever. I'll either be happy or cry about this all. My whole years work will be down the drain if I can't submit my final portfolio..." He was looking at the pencil like it was an obstacle he couldn't exactly face, and now he was so nervous he was tapping his leg in a way that normally annoyed him.

Bucky stayed put, then. He didn't know what he was meant to do. Steve didn't seem to need him for anything. "Whatever you turn in will end up perfect. It always does." Bucky said, smiling in a nervous, polite manner. It was hard to believe they'd been having a casual coffee date earlier that day. He felt like everything had changed between them.

Steve frowned. He... He didn't like how stilted Bucky was being, so he set the pencil down again and looked up to the brunet. "I'm sorry I hurt Brock so much," he said very honestly, looking concerned. "I thought he was going to try and hurt you, and I couldn't let him do that..."

"I know. I think he knows, too." Bucky said. "But it isn't such a big deal. He probably wouldn't hurt me 'cause we aren't a couple anymore. There's no reason for him to try and push me around." It was a different story for Steve.

Steve didn't miss that. "But we're a couple so I have reason to try and push you around?" He asked, and just repeating that assumption had his chest tightening up and making him feel a little sick. "You think I'm gonna hurt you?"

Bucky shrugged a little bit. "I wouldn't blame you if you did. Are you hungry? I can make dinner, maybe." Bucky suggested, feeling pretty anxious in that moment. He needed to do something with his hands.

"We just had lunch," Steve reminded, and he actually felt sick. "You think I'm gonna hurt you, is that why you're acting like this? Because some asshole has come back and made you think that every person you date is awful. When have I ever made it seem like I would ever hurt you Bucky. I love you. I love you so much and I would never do that."

"I would like it a lot if we didn't have to talk about this." Bucky said, voice quieting down to almost nothing. He felt terrible, but the odds weren't in Steve's favor.

Steve rubbed his face with his left hand. "Don't make me go through this again Buck," he said, referencing the huge argument they'd had a few months ago. "You actually think I'd hurt you... After what... About seven months and you think I'll hit you around?"

"I really, really don't want to talk about it." Bucky repeated. Steve was probably gonna start getting mad. Steve would have to tone himself down. He tried to stand in a softer position, but it wasn't easy. He was stiff and rigid with fear.

Instead of letting himself get riled up, Steve just covered his face with his hands and let out a shaky breath. He couldn't really do anything about Bucky not trusting him, and while it hurt more than anything, getting upset would just make Bucky more frightened. "Okay. We won't talk about it. I just-- I won't ever hurt you Buck. I love you." And then he was picking his pencil up and clearing the thickness from his throat. He would just have to love Bucky enough that he trusted him again. Or something.

"Yeah, okay. You're right." Bucky said, taking a breath. He didn't see Steve as the type that would want to hurt him, but he also didn't seem like the type to want to be with Steve at all. How could he trust someone too good to be true, anyway?

"If you don't feel safe here you should probably go home," Steve said, and his voice was thick, but he was keeping his eyes hidden with his hand. "I don't want to make you feel unsafe."

Steve didn't want him around? Bucky hesitated a couple of seconds, frowning at him. "I want to be here for you." Bucky told him. He might actually rather get slapped around a little than be completely dismissed by the person he loved.


	35. Chapter 35

Steve looked up, and he suddenly looked tired. "And yet you're standing in the middle of the room, looking at me like I'm about to take a swing. I'm gonna be honest... I'm kinda hurt you think I would. I-- would /never/... And..." He cleared his throat and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know..."

Bucky looked at the floor for a few seconds, trying to think of the right thing to say. "I don't know that I think you would hurt me. I just- I can't rule out the possibility. Even Brock seemed really nice. Really, really nice." Bucky said. He knew he made Steve tired. He knew Steve didn't really want to have to deal with Bucky and how sad he kept getting. Bucky had every reason to try harder, to get better, and Steve didn't seem to notice that he was doing just that. 

Steve raised an eyebrow in a slightly disbelieving way. Brock, seeming nice. That seemed like an impossibility. "Are you ever gonna feel safe with me after today?" He asked, his stomach dropping a little. "Do you still love me?" That hurt even more to ask really, but he had to.

"I still love you." Bucky said, without hesitation. "And I don't know. Safe doesn't really come easy for me." It hadn't in a very long time. He probably shouldn't have stayed. He could easily be pushing Steve again, and Brock had reminded him that everyone had a breaking point.

"So would you feel safer without me around? Because I can... We can have a little time apart. If you want me to leave you alone for a bit you want me to." That was hard to say, something he didn't want to do... "Anything you need me to do I will."

Bucky couldn't miss the hint if he tried. He wanted to die. "Oh." Bucky said. He nodded, but it was unnatural, and looked a little like a spasm. "Right." Bucky said. Yeah. He'd definitely rather get slapped around. "If that- if that's what you think is best." It was incredibly apparent that Bucky was unhappy with that suggestion, but he wasn't done trying. He tried to smile, but it made him feel sick. 

"No, Buck, I don't," Steve said firmly. "I want you to look me in the eye, tell me you think I would ever hurt you like that, so I can drive off a fucking bridge for failing you so badly." He managed to keep his voice calm and careful the whole time, but his eyes were wet now and he felt like he wanted to disappear into the floor. "I would rather you punched me black and blue the other way around, I want to marry you one day... But you're acting blind. And I don't know what to do." Steve lifted a hand in a helpless gesture. "I suggest time apart and you look like I'm trying to break up with you, but as soon as I ask you to come around you're jumping around like if you say the wrong thing I'll knock you out. What do you want me to do? Go lock myself in my bedroom? I won't be able to say a fucking thing, but we'll be in the same dorm right? What? Bucky, please, because I feel like I'm up a creek without a paddle."

Bucky didn't know. Most of the guys he'd been with didn't really give him a choice. They'd choose for him and that'd be that- it was almost better. The only way out was through. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling so stressed he thought he might cry. "I don't know." Stupid Bucky. Stupid, stupid Bucky. Why did he have to upset Steve? Why did he always do that? Steve was better off without him. Steve deserved a thousand times more. "You're really busy. Maybe we shouldn't talk about it now." Bucky said. He kept licking his lips. His whole mouth felt dry.

"You're more important to me than any school shit Bucky, I want this sorted out..." Steve was rubbing his face again, and he shook a little bit where he sat. "We don't have to talk right now, but I won't be able to do any work... I just... What do you want me to do? What can I do that will make you feel like you felt about me yesterday? Do you want to punch me? Want me to punch myself?"

Bucky was such an awful person. It sucked. It really sucked. "Steve, I don't want to punch you and I don't want you to punch yourself." Bucky said. "Please just be happy. I want you to be happy so bad." Bucky said.

"How am I supposed to be happy when the man I love thinks I'm going to hit him around?" Steve asked, voice going up multiple octaves in distress.

Bucky hated himself so much that it overwhelmed him. "What can I do?" Bucky asked. "I'll do anything. What can I do?" The worst part of him was replaying all that Brock had said, reminding him that nothing he did would ever be enough. The worst part of him was letting him know that he could just make everyone happy if he died.

Steve stood slowly, and his eyes looked slightly sunken in. He looked down to the brunet, then glanced to the wall. He opened his arms a little bit, and his eyes were a little wet. "Please hug me. Come hold me, please."  
Bucky had to pause, not really expecting that, but he moved forward, and he pressed himself against Steve's chest, wrapping his arms around Steve's waist. His heart raced, and his fight or flight response was still active, but he was trying really hard to stay with the present.

Steve relaxed a little with Bucky in his arms, and he simply wrapped his arms around Bucky's back, pressing his nose in Bucky's hair and taking a few shaky breaths inwards, not sure what he was going to do. He'd wanted to yell at Bucky, but like usual, he had to remain calm and careful. Whenever he let himself lose control Bucky became frightened or stressed.

"I love you so much that it hurts." Bucky told Steve, voice quiet since they were so close together. He didn't need to project at all for Steve to hear him.

Steve laughed dryly, not outside but inwardly. It sure felt like it sometimes. "I love you too," he whispered into Bucky's hair, because he wasn't sure his voice would work. "Sometimes you make it hard, but I love you so much."

"I'm sorry that I'm not easy to love." Bucky said, taking comfort in Steve's words. He was so good to him. So fucking good that it wasn't fair. "I swear I'm trying." Bucky told Steve. "I am."

Steve pulled back and kissed Bucky's forehead. "I'm trying my best too," he continued to whisper, and he was blinking away wetness. "I hope it's enough."

"It's too much." Bucky said. "You're too good." Bucky told him. "I'm never gonna be enough." Bucky said. "You never do anything wrong and i make you so unhappy."

"Don't be stupid," Steve mumbled, kissing each of Bucky's cheeks now. "You make me happy most of the time. It's just sometimes you need to be shown you're being a little bit-- I don't know how to describe it. Relationships aren't always up high okay? It's a two sides coin and we both gotta work, but we'll be okay." He smiled reassuringly, finally able to do it without it feeling sarcastic. "I love you, Bucky Barnes. With everything I got."

"What's your middle name?" Bucky asked after a couple seconds. He was still nervous and he still wasn't feeling entirely safe, but if they stayed still he wouldn't have to be scared of much. Sure, Steve could squeeze him to death or something, but he seemed okay.

Steve looked a little confused for a moment, but he tinged pink just a little as he said, "Grant. Have you asked me before?" He said, not sure if it had come up in conversation, maybe on their first date? He couldn't remember.

"I don't remember. I think it did because I told you my name was James Buchanan Barnes. And you made fun of me and called me Jimmy." Bucky said.

Steve was smiling fondly as he stroked his thumb over Bucky's cheek. "And I got the dessert pizza, but you thought it was too sweet... And you thought I was flirting with that waitress..."

Bucky took a deep breath, his nerves dying down little by little. "You didn't want to cheat your diet. Look at you now." Bucky said, tucking his hands into Steve's back pockets. "I love you." Bucky said.

"I'll do anything for you," Steve said with earnest. "Even cheat my diet and work out more. For you Buck," he said with just a little snicker. "I love you."

Bucky smiled like a goddamn idiot, keeping his face buried in Steve's shoulder. "Do you mean it, though? Do you think we'll be together forever?"

Steve blushed just a little bit, the question sounded slightly childish, and god was it cute, so Steve started drawing little love hearts onto Bucky's back, nodding even though the brunet couldn't see before saying, "I'm gonna try my goddamn hardest to keep it that way. No matter what Buck. I'm gonna work so hard to keep you and love you forever."

Bucky pinched Steve's butt, laughing a little. "I'm gonna keep trying. I really am. It's just hard for me too. Not because you make it hard, but because I make it hard."

Steve jerked dramatically at the pinch, and he kissed the top of Bucky's head and let it linger. "I trust you. And I'll be patient and loving and I'll try my best not to get mad. But if I ever do... I promise it's just me being stupid. I'll just take a walk to get some fresh and realize I'm being stupid or whatever.

Bucky pulled back a little to look up at Steve. "I'm in love with you. We're perfect together." Bucky said, running his hands up Steve's back. "Even if I'm kind of a wreck, I don't think there's anybody else on this earth that could do what you do for me."

Steve felt himself blush, and he leaned in, pressing his lips to Bucky's fully and soft. "You're worth everything I do for you," he murmured, not pulling away very far and looking at Bucky through his lashes. "Every thing I do is because you deserve it."

"Thanks for thinking so." Bucky said, kissing him back. "You're beautiful." Bucky said. "I'm so lucky to have you. Really." Bucky told him, taking a breath and kissing him again.

Steve held the kiss this time, and he opened his mouth into it, sliding his hand over Bucky's waist and squeezing just lightly as he shut his eyes and savoured the feeling. God, he loved Bucky so much. He pulled Bucky's waist to his own and leaned over a little so the brunet was bent a tad backwards, with Steve supporting his back.

Bucky kissed him back, his hand curling in Steve's shirt. He didn't ever want to feel sad again. Especially not on Steve's behalf. He wanted Steve to feel happy and guiltless and perfect.

Steve turned himself a little now so he could lean more on the table, and he pulled Bucky between his legs, humming into him, and his hand was disappearing up  
Bucky's shirt. It felt like heaven, just being against Bucky like this, and he didn't want it to stop.

Bucky's heart got to beating a little faster, and Bucky wasn't sure whether that was anxiety or anticipation, but he didn't pull away. He slowed down some, though, kissing Steve with a little less need.

Steve pulled back to press his forehead to Bucky's, because he'd suddenly realized that his hand and bicep were aching, and he gasped for a bit. "Buck, what if I can't finish my portfolio?" He asked, sounding worried with his brow pulled together and eyes still shut.

"You should tell your teacher you got cut up, baby." Bucky said, a little breathless. He felt bad for taking up Steve's time like this, when Steve probably should've been using the time to work on his portfolio. "They'll probably let it slide somehow."

Steve, with his left hand, gripped Bucky's shirt more. "But then I won't get the marks and... I…’’ he cut off, leaning in to kiss Bucky again with a little bit of desperation before pulling away again.

Bucky spoke up again when Steve pulled back. "We could dope you up on pain medicine. That could help." Bucky suggested.

"But then my lines won't be as crisp, and i might start painting like Picasso," Steve said, adopting a slightly whiny tone. "Bucky... I want to change courses this is so stupid. Fuck Brock."

"Babe. You have no other option." Bucky told him. "You can ask the instructor for an extension or some kind of slack, or you can take pain killers and hope for the best."

Steve sighed loudly, and sat back to look at the ceiling. "I should try and sketch without any, I don't even know if I can... I'm putting it off... Make me draw Buck, convince me to try and draw..."

"I'll pose for you?" Bucky offered. "Tell me what to do, I'll pose however you need me. What's the topic of your portfolio again?" Bucky asked, moving his arms from around Steve's waist to drag his fingers over Steve's chest instead.

"Features of love," Steve said absently, knowing it off by heart. He huffed a sigh, and looking Bucky over. "I've drawn every part of you Buck, I don't know what part would fit the portfolio and the ones I've already half done..."

"Let me draw YOU. That'd be funny." Bucky said, grinning and pressing a kiss to Steve's chin. "You could use it as inspiration.

Steve raised his eyebrows and ran his hands over Bucky's cheeks, and he couldn't help the smile that came onto his face. "You wanna draw me?" He asked incredulously, and it seemed to amuse him a lot.

"It's gonna be absolute crap. But yeah, I wanna draw you." Bucky said, poking him in the stomach. "Are you okay with it being cartoon?" Bucky would absolutely KILL Steve's pretty face if he did anything more complicated.

Steve grinned. "Sure!" He pulled Bucky close for a quick kiss and then sitting further on the table and laying back. "How do you want me? Naked? Or are you going to draw me from memory in a sexy muscle showing pose?"

"Shut up, jerk. I'm gonna draw you exactly how you look right this second." Bucky said, looking for some paper and a pencil. He didn't have to look far, because it was Steve's dorm room and the stuff was everywhere. "I'm only drawing your face because if I draw your body I won't do it justice."

Steve pulled an awful face with his eyes crossed and his tongue sticking out, looking to the roof. "Righ' vis fecund?" He asked, trying not to laugh as he put his hands behind his head like ears, holding the fade quite well for wanting to grin and laugh.

Bucky grinned. "If this is how you pose, this is how I'm drawing you." Bucky put himself between Steve's legs and put the paper and pencil down on Steve's chest. He started drawing, and it was fucking hysterical. He would never be an artist.

Steve's face was aching only about a minute into the drawing, and he actually felt a little bit of saliva dribble out of the corner of his mouth. He held it though, fighting through the pain to make it easier on his boyfriend.

Bucky finished only after about two and a half minutes, giggling. "You're good. You can stop." Bucky said, cackling. He showed Steve the pathetic drawing, laughing at him.

Steve dropped the expression and grinned, wiping his chin and staring at the picture. Some of the lines didn't even connect, that fact that Bucky had been drawing on uneven muscle instead of a flat circle meaning things were wobbly and everything wasn't proportioned right. And Steve loved it. He plucked it from Bucky's hand and held it to his chest, looking at Bucky adoringly. "I will treasure this forever," he murmured, actually sounding serious around him grinning expression.

"Good. It's perfect, huh?" He asked, poking Steve in the belly. "I was hoping you'd like it." He said, chuckling to himself. Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve's chest then stood up straight.

Steve folded away from Bucky's finger in his stomach, and he was careful not to clench the paper when he tensed, and he looked at the brunet. "If I get my camera can I take a photo of you pulling a face and then draw that?" He asked, not sounding hesitant at all when he did so.

"Yeah, but it's embarrassing. I'm sure I'll look worse than you." Bucky said, and moved from between Steve's legs. "How long do you think it'll take to finish your portfolio?"

Steve didn't let the subject bring him down even though he knew his brain was trying to make him. He slid off the bench and found a magnet to pin the picture up on the fridge. "Don't know, depends how much time I put into it is how quickly I'll be done. If I dedicate three more full days maybe?" He asked, and he made a beeline for his work cupboard to get his camera.

Bucky sighed. "When is it due? You're gonna be so exhausted. We should make plans for when it's done." Bucky suggested. "We could get dinner and everything."

Steve nodded, smiling brightly. "What about you though? You have all your tests right? How do you think they're going to go?" He asked, going back to table and sliding in front of his sketch pad and opening it, though he didn't touch the pencil /just/ yet.

He laughed aloud. "Fuck if I know. I'm sure they'll be fine." Bucky said, waving it away. "I only need an eighty to keep my A in each class."

Steve pouted a little up to the brunet. "That's not fair. Why are your classes so much easier than mine?" He knew that that wasn't true, Bucky had to work just as hard, but Steve was in a whiny mood and this wasn't fair. Only an eighty? Steve wasn't even sure how his pieces were marked...

Bucky sighed. "They're not so easy. I mean, I could say the same thing for you. Like, just drawing? That sounds like nothing." Bucky told him.

Steve genuinely laughed, and he nodded towards the fridge. "Yeah, Buck, because you're so good at 'just drawing'." He snickered a little, but he nodded. "No. I know. Your classes are just as hard if not harder than mine. I'm just being a dick."

"Yeah, but you're like a /really/ good artist. And you can be an artist with your life. I can't be a politician." Bucky said. "I'm gonna end up analyzing graphs and extrapolating data for the rest of my life."

"Hey, extrapolating data and analyzing graphs sounds very smart and cool," Steve said, reaching an arm out for his boyfriend and grabbing at the air. "'Sides, I'll be right there with you teasing you about being a giant nerd, so why are you even worrying?" He grinned just a little, still reaching out for him.

Bucky took a few steps forward to put his hand in Steve's. "Because I /want/ to be a politician. If I hadn't done porn and stuff maybe I could be one." Bucky told him, frowning.

Steve looked up and squeezed Bucky's hand, smiling softly and reassuringly. "You'd be too good a politician Buck," he said softly. "America wouldn't able to handle your loveliness."

"But I want to." Bucky said, letting go of Steve's hand to hug him again. It was just too comfortable and warm and safe to not take up the opportunity again.

Steve let out a small breath and he hugged Bucky back, pulling him onto his lap and propping his chin up on his shoulder. "Maybe I could ask Stark to trawl the internet for all your videos and get rid of them," he suggested, a very far reaching thing that was probably impossible, but it was something Steve offered because he couldn't just say nothing.

"No, it's not a big deal. People have probably bought them and saved them and everything." Bucky said, running his hand down Steve's arm. "I can't deprive the masses of their masturbation material."

"You could start leading them," Steve suggested lightly. "Maybe you could try and get into it and not be ashamed about it. Show the world that sex work isn't as degrading-- change society's view on the whole business," he said, with a type of hope in his voice.

Bucky sighed. "They'd think I was a shameless whore." Bucky told Steve, taking a breath. "It'd suck." Bucky added. He hated the idea of being involved in some kind of scandal for it.

"Then I'd bring up mine an become an even bigger porn star than you, and I'd take all the fame and ridicule, the politicians husband, and it would bring publicity to my art, and people would look at it with a different perspective." Steve suggested, not giving up on it just yet as an idea.

"You're a big nerd. I'm really glad you're so positive, you asshole." Bucky said, cracking a smile and squeezing him.

Steve chuckled softly. "I don't know if that's you accepting of my idea or you shutting it down," he said, reaching around the brunet to pick up his pencil and flick it around his fingers in his left hand, not moving his aching right hand very much.

Bucky kissed Steve's jaw. "I love you. I love you, I love you. I'll think about your dumb idea. Because it's not entirely dumb, and it could totally work." Bucky said, "I love you." He repeated.

Steve felt his chest bubble up with happiness and he switched hands to his right to quickly draw a heart. He made sure the end of the pencil was pressed into the lower heel of his palm, and it didn't hurt too much, and Steve grinned. "You just have to sit next to me and tell me you love me for three whole days for me to draw," he said with a soft voice. Thank god-- every single god from above. 

"Oh, no. I have to tell you I love you?" Bucky said, kissing his lips. "Well, good thing I do." Bucky said, resting his head on Steve's shoulder. "Have you drawn my back? I could do one of those weird back poses." Bucky suggested.

Steve kept drawing little hearts, wincing just a little as it made it ache just a little bit more. "I haven't drawn your back, no... I just--" he turned his head to lean on Bucky more. "I don't know how long my hand will hurt, and maybe I should wait a week before doing anything too strenuous?"

"Maybe. You could just take pictures, beautiful." Bucky suggested. "Then you could draw the ones you like." Bucky said, pressing a kiss to Steve's ear. "I'm sorry I made you hurt your hand."

Steve frowned a little. "It wasn't your fault baby," he cooed, squeezing Bucky's waist with the arm with wasn't currently holding a pencil. "Brock was being an asshole. I couldn't just let him talk to you like that. You looked like you were quite upset..."


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE'RE DONE WITH THIS ONE  
> Thank you all for reading until the end, and putting up with my bs  
> I know that i am terrible  
> but i hope you enjoyed! Take care!!!!

"I can live with being kinda upset." Bucky said, sighing heavily. "What I can't live with is you getting killed or something." Bucky told him, closing his eyes and resting against him. "I love you."

"Is that your favorite thing to say or something?" Steve asked, though he was drawing an anatomical heart now, with the veins and atriums and what it-- he'd learned how to do it in a science section just for fun. He was flattered with the compliment Bucky had inadvertently given. "I love you too..."

"I just keep thinking about it. I don't know. I want to make sure I say it enough to make up for all the time I haven't known you and everything." Bucky told him, grinning a little bit. "Can't help it."

Steve pressed a little bit harder to do some shading and he hissed a little through his teeth, but he smiled. "That's really romantic Buck, I didn't know you had it in you..." He teased, squeezing Bucky's waist tight. 

"Pfft. Because I'm a gross, unromantic jerk? Thanks, Steve." Bucky said, but he was still smiling. "Are we lucky or what? I mean, you definitely got the short end of the stick, but come on. We're beautiful." Bucky said.

"Are you kidding?" Steve asked, chucking softly. "You're the prettiest guy that I ever did meet, how is that the short end of the stick?" He shook his head. "I hope when you look at my finished portfolio you'll see how beautiful you are through my eyes," he murmured then, leaning against Bucky more and letting out a breath.

"Be real. We've gone over this. You're PERFECT." Bucky said, kissing Steve's neck. "You're funny, you're caring, you're smart, you're an artist, you're strong, you're tall, you're obviously gorgeous. You make an effort to be literally the best boyfriend in the planet."

"You're doing your best too," Steve murmured, tilting his head to the side but keeping his gaze on the paper as he started on some blood. "You're funny, you're caring, you're smart, you're going to be a politician, you're kind of tall, and you could be strong if you tried," he chuckled, grinning. "You're the best boyfriend anyone could ask for."

Bucky chuckled. "And you're crazy fuckin' positive and supportive. Like, what a fucking perfect human being." Bucky said, a big goofy smile on his face. "I'm lucky nobody snatched you up before I did." Bucky told him.

"In case you didn't notice," Steve said slowly, shifting his hips just a little, "I don't get out very much." He flipped his pencil around expertly to use the eraser briefly. "I'm lucky you snatched me up. You keep me grounded."

"Oh, /do/ I?" Bucky laughed. "You do the opposite. You make me feel a little high. Like I'm on top of the world and stuff." Bucky told Steve.

"You're so cheesy," Steve laughed, and added a few more veins and setting the pencil down to wrap both his arms around Bucky's waist. He squeezed hard, and nuzzled into her. "We balance each other out."

"Thank god /someone/ can take the edge off of me." He chuckled. "I'm lucky as fuck." They were so corny it hurt. But it made Bucky incredibly happy, so he couldn't complain.

Steve was trying to twist Bucky around so they could face each other. Steve could draw,   
Bucky was safe from his asshole ex, and everything was going to be okay. "Turn around," he whined jokingly, scrabbling at the brunet's hips and laughing. "Turn around Buck."

Bucky rolled his eyes and did as Steve suggested. "Why do you have to make me /move/?" Bucky asked him, making a face. "And what are you drawing?"

"I was just drawing a heart..." Steve said, pressing a kiss to Bucky's jaw, and nibbling at the skin. "Look, I can kiss you easier," he cooed, settling his hands on Bucky's hips. He hummed and tilted Bucky's jaw up with his nose, and kissed him there softly.

Bucky grinned while Steve kissed him, closing his eyes. "You're the best. You're also really gross and horrible but the best." Bucky told him. "We should definitely get married." Bucky added.

Steve pulled back with wide eyes. "You're still okay with that?" He asked, flushing pink. "You still wanna marry me?"

"Duh, stupid." Bucky laughed, amused. "Did you think that'd change?" Bucky asked. "It won't. Ever. Like I said, baby, we fit together."

"I'm holding that to you, I hope you know," Steve said almost sternly. "I'm gonna make you my husband one day, and nothing you ever say or do will make me change my mind." He grinned then, looking very happy. "Rogers-Barnes, I think. Put the coolest name first."

"You ass." Bucky said, rolling his eyes. "Barnes-Rogers is better." Bucky said. "I'm kidding. I don't give a rat's ass what my last name is." Bucky said, kissing Steve's cheek.

"Bucky Roger-Barnes. Bucky Barnes-Rogers. Bucky Rogers. Steve Rogers-Barnes. Steve Barnes-Rogers. Steve Barnes..." Steve listed off, as if saying them out loud would help. "They all sound really good. Maybe we should get our wedding guests to vote or something. Make it a game..."

"That'd be fucking hilarious. And perfect." Bucky said, smiling. "Let's do that." Bucky chuckled. "Whatever it is, it's gonna be perfect." Bucky told Steve.

Steve smiled and leaned up to press a lingering kiss to Bucky's lips and he hummed softly. God, he didn't know how it was possible to love someone as much as he loved this silly brunet, and he never wanted to love anyone else. "I love you so much," he said, still pressed up against the other.

"We're like broken records." He laughed. "It's like all we can say is that we love each other. Not that I'm complaining. I'm pretty sure that if anyone was in the room, they'd be throwing up in their mouth.

"I am throwing up in my mouth," Steve chuckled, and pressed his lips harder against the brunet's as if to emphasize it. "You're disgusting and I love you more than anything..."

Bucky kissed him back, his heart light. "I love you so fucking much I can't stand it." Bucky told Steve against his lips. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you." Bucky wondered if they could possibly get any grosser.

Steve made a gagging noise into the kiss, but he was grinning and he was flushed and he felt so happy. "Right back at you," he murmured, and he pulled back to admire his boyfriend. He wouldn't ever be able to get over how lucky he was. Bucky was just a gift to the world.  
"Good. Then you'd be cool getting to work on your portfolio so we can make out a little?" Bucky asked, grinning and batting his eyelashes at Steve jokingly.

"Sounds like a plan," Steve said, and he actually stood, wrapping Bucky's legs around his waist and supporting his ass by cupping both cheeks with his hands. "You want me to make out with you right now or...?" 

Bucky let out a giddy laugh. "Right now? That sounds good to me." Bucky said, wrapping his arms around Steve's neck. "Like, really good to me." Bucky said, kissing Steve's lips lightly.

Steve chuckled, and pulled Bucky closer, and rolling his hips upwards and he opened his mouth for Bucky, grinning like the cat who got the cream, because that's how he felt, with the man he loved. 

**************

The stadium was clearing out, and Bucky was already hunting Steve down. He'd seen Steve on the way in and everything, but it wasn't like they'd sat together. When he did find Steve, he pulled Steve into a huge hug. "Hey, you!" Bucky said, beaming.

Steve had found himself a seat where he could see Bucky the entire ceremony, and with his own heart light because he'd only graduated a few days before, he'd been so happy watching Bucky's eyes light up as he turned the tassle, as they stood up and hugged their class mates. Silently Steve was more eager just to finish the moving process with Bucky into their new apartment in Brooklyn, a little place that was just perfect, but they had to get through this first. He was pushing through the crowd to get to him after, picking him up in that stupid gown and spinning him around. "Hey you, graduate you," he said, setting Bucky down and kissing him on the corner of his lips. "Feel pretty good?"

Bucky kissed him again first, grinning against Steve's lips. "I feel fucking incredible, Stevie." Bucky told him, wrapping his arms around Steve's neck. "Look at us, baby, we're /grown ups/." Bucky kissed him again. Bucky felt so good, so happy and successful and everything. "My parents made me promise to introduce you." Bucky said, looking up at him.

Steve was chuckling, his arms around Bucky's waist, and he couldn't help but be so glad about everything. They were grown up. Steve had been reaching out to gallery's to see if his portfolios interested them, they had a house and it was very exciting. But then Steve froze. Parents. Bucky's parents. He hadn't even really thought about that, seeing as it was just normal for him just to have Bucky at his own. Sam had graduated last week and had had to move out of state really quick to look for jobs, so it was just Bucky... "Your parents?" He asked, looking quite doe eyed as he pulled away.

Bucky lowered his arms, raising his eyebrows at Steve. "Something wrong with them, sugar?" Bucky asked, looking up at him. "They're gonna love you." Bucky assured him. "They're gonna wish you WERE their son, let me tell you."

The fact that Bucky felt the need to immediately start reassuring him about his parents loving him just had Steve a lot more nervous. He dropped his arms too, and looked over his shoulder to:.. Somewhere else. "I don't wanna intrude," he said, cheeks tinging pink. He'd never been introduced to anyone's parents before, and it was graduation, time for them to fawn over their son over how well he was doing... Or something. "You go hang out with your family, I'll just... Go keep unpacking the apartment or something. Do something useful."

"No. I promised." Bucky said, adopting a slightly whiny tone. "Please, baby? They're really laid back." Bucky told Steve, running his hands down his chest. "They're gonna find me any second, anyway." Bucky added, kissing his chin and resting his hands on Steve's chest. "Pleeeease." he repeated.

That made Steve look even more startled. "They're here now?" He asked, and he actually looked panicked. "Bucky, I've never been with anyone long enough before to meet someone's parents... I don't know what to /do/..."

"I'll do the work. It's like meeting anybody, Stevie. You just greet them and shake hands and pretend it's great to meat them." Bucky said, kissing Steve again. "Please don't be nervous about it." Bucky told Steve.

"If your parents don't like me then I'm doomed," Steve said, and it was quite a joking statement but he said it so solemnly he was actually worried about it. He kept looking around, and he did look really nervous... "Bucky..." He whined, meeting his eyes and hunching over to make himself smaller. "I don't even know if I know how to talk to parents. I'm out of practice."

"First of all, stand up straight and look confident. They'll probably be blinded by your beauty anyway, and won't even know what to say." Bucky said, looking up to him. just then, Bucky's family found him, and Bucky had to pull away from Steve and hug everyone individually. Quickly, Bucky introduced Steve. "Stevie, this is my mom and dad, and my sister Rebecca. Mom, Dad, Rebecca- this is my boyfriend, Steve."

Bucky's mom offered her hand first, grinning politely. "Hi, Steve. Bucky's told us a lot about you."

Rebecca seemed entirely too distracted by Steve's arm muscles to tease Bucky about anything.

Steve changed his demeanor immediately, straightening up and flashing a huge, brilliant grin. "Hello Mrs. Barnes. It's lovely to meet you," he said, and then he was turning to Bucky's father to take his hand too, he was tinged pink and kept flicking his eyes to Bucky nervously. "Mr. Barnes, it's a pleasure..."

"The pleasure is all mine. Becca, quit staring." Bucky's dad cut in, frowning, then returning his gaze to Steve. "And please, call me George."

"And call me Winifred." Bucky's mom cut in. "Will you be eating dinner with us tonight?" Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve's middle.

Steve leaned a lot of weight into Bucky as soon as he was provided that, and he looked a little startled, looking at Bucky's little sister-- Becca, and smiling sheepishly. "Are you sure you... Is there enough space at the table?" He asked, still looking nervous and smiling though, still standing up tall though.

Bucky rubbed Steve's back reassuringly while they waited for his mom to answer. He was kind of leaning over a little, with all Steve's weight on him, but he didn't care so much.

"Of course, Steve. You're absolutely welcome." Winifred said. "But, of course, if you have different plans with your own family or friends, we won't be hurt." she said quickly, as if the possibility had just occurred to her.

Bucky looked up at him, giving him unbelievably desperate puppy dog eyes. They'd been together for more than two years, for fuck's sake. It was about time they had dinner with his parents.

Steve barked a little bit of a laugh and shook his head. "I was planning on going and unpacking the rest of the apartment," he said and tried to take more of his own weight. Had Bucky not told them about everything? That always put such a damper on the mood. "As long as I'm not intruding."

Becca was kicking at Bucky's feet, she still seemed in awe at how gorgeous her brothers boyfriend actually was. It wasn't fair. She gave him a, 'What the hell you never told me he would be this attractive', look when she finally got his attention, Steve still focused on Bucky's parents.

"Of course not!" George exclaimed. "We've been dying to meet you, after all. And don't worry, we'll leave the two of you alone until dinner time. We can just meet at the restaurant, if you like."

Bucky just winked at her and leaned up on Steve's shoulder, giving her a cheeky smile. They'd be talking about it later, for sure.

Steve reached up and caught the back of his neck, rubbing it and looking self conscious. "Whatever you'd like," he agreed, and didn't miss that Becca looked very happy at the fact. He didn't know what to say then, so he looked down to Bucky and nudged him slightly, raising his eyebrows slightly.

"Right, so, we're gonna go back to the apartment and I'm gonna change and unload some boxes. We'll meet you at seven." Bucky said, just remembering that he was in the conversation. He'd been busy gloating to Becca.

"Alright. Congratulations, both of you." Winifred said, and Bucky ducked out from under Steve's arm to kiss her cheek goodbye.

Steve nodded and smiled, murmuring, "Thank you," and looking away, wanting to reach out to Bucky and pull him back. He felt like he was almost on display, he hoped he was doing okay. "We'll see you at seven." He looked down to Becca and smiled too, unsure why she blushed and turned away, so she was facing her parents.

Bucky gave hugs really quick and waved goodbye before taking Steve's hand and heading out. "See? Was that so bad?" Bucky asked him, bumping his arm.

Steve seemed to relax entirely once out of seeing or hearing range of Bucky's parents, and finally the blush spread all over his cheeks and he had to step away from Bucky and shake out his arms. He ran his hands through his hair. "They're wanting me to have dinner with you at a restaurant," he stated, turning back to Bucky and reaching out for him. "That's everything they ask of me being judged to see if I'm good enough for you..."

Bucky laughed aloud. "They already approve. Becca does, at least." Bucky said, looking up at his boyfriend. "Really. My mom is sold, too. She's weird like that. She gets /vibes/ about the people I date. With Brock? Fuck. She looked at him like he was a /snake/." Bucky told him, taking his hand.

Steve pulled Bucky close and cuddled him, still feeling unsure about everything. "Have you told them about my own... Lack of a family?" He asked, trying to be reassured by Bucky's words. Winifred didn't look at him like he was a snake...

Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve's waist. "You dork. They like you. I already know they do." Bucky told him. "The only person you /really/ have to impress is my dad. And you can do that if you bring up the gym and how you can bench press me." Bucky paused. "That sounds dirty. Please don't make it sound dirty." Bucky told him. He paused, wetting his lips. "I haven't, actually. I can text them and let them know, though, so they don't ask any awkward questions."

Steve buried his nose in Bucky's hair, letting his familiar scent calm him down from whatever state he'd worked himself into. "Alright," he said, quietly, and then he straightened, rubbing his face. "I'm sorry I'm being so weird about this," he said, starting to walk in the direction of the bathrooms so Bucky could get changed into better motorcycle riding gear.

Bucky took off his cap and gown and folded them up. He'd just hold them in his lap while they drove. "It's okay, sugar. You're nervous. I would be, too. I've never met my boyfriend's parents, either."

Steve had a black humor joke to say but he kept it to himself. "Your dad is pretty intimidating," he said, with a little chuckle, and he offered his hand to take the gown and hat, so he could put them under the seat. "And your sister was staring."

"Because my sister has never seen someone so sexy in her life." Bucky told him seriously. "Be careful. I don't want her snagging you." Bucky told him, and handed the cap and gown to Steve even though he could carry it himself.

Steve tucked them under his arm and laughed, sliding his free arm around Bucky now and tugging him towards the car park. "She's a bit out of my age range, and besides, I've already got the best Barnes," he said, leaning into the other as he walked just briefly.

"She's not that young. She's 17. Not that I'd let her date you, anyway." Bucky said, tucking his hand into Steve's back pocket. "Guys that date younger girls only want one thing." Bucky teased him

"Their older brothers," Steve said quickly, crossing the car park, to his bike. He opened up the seat and placed Bucky's gear in, climbing on and waiting for his boyfriend to climb on too. He was quite eager to get back to their new home.

Bucky laughed at that. "Okay, good point." Bucky followed him and got on. They put on their helmets and Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve. "You think we have time to get anything done?" Bucky asked.

"Not if I do to you what I want," Steve said casually, pressing back into Bucky a little but and getting the engine on. It rumbled to life in it's way, and Steve grinned. "Didn't the bed just get delivered? We can set that up." He winked and revved the engine. "Ready to go?"

"Shut up, shh." Bucky said, resting his head on Steve's shoulder, even though the helmet was in the way. "I love you." Bucky said. "I'm ready to go. Let's hit it."

Steve reached up and hit Bucky on the front of the helmet, before starting off, driving expertly with Bucky behind him. He'd driven with Bucky on his bike so many times, and he paused in front of campus, smiling. "Say goodbye to college!" He said loudly, grinning.

"Bye, college!" he yelled, squeezing Steve around the middle. He was really lucky to have found all that he needed in college. He had his degree, he had his best friends, he had his boyfriend and future husband, and he had goals. There was absolutely nothing else he could want and need- he'd already had family and a home. Now he was making it for himself, and with Steve by his side.

Steve grinned, and called out too, but he was quick to rev the engine and speed off, excited to start the new chapter of his life. Bucky assured him that his parents would adore him, he had a new home, and everything was perfect. And to think, his entire life had been founded on the threat of a formal complaint.


End file.
